I wish you could just open up your ******* gorgeous eyes, and see what's right in front of you.
I wish you could give me your beautiful heart, like I've given you mine, and let me nurture and care for it.
I wish you could close your eyes, letting your long eyelashes flutter against your cheek, and see an image of us, happily holding hands as we walk through a park.
I wish you could let me take your tan face in my hands, and let me kiss you.
I wish you could open up your fragile heart, to someone who will love it, as it needs.
I wish you could open up your genius of a mind, to the thought of loving a girl who won't deliberately hurt you.
I wish you could hold me, and just love me the way I love you.

I haven't spoken to you in 53 hours and 22 minutes.
And that hurts.
I don't want to speak to you first, because you're making no effort to talk to me,
So why should I make an effort to talk to you?
Why should I make an effort to nurture you and care for you when you have full days of nothing to do, but you don't even say hello.
5 little letters that mean nothing to you, but mean so much to me.
When you say hello, it means I've crossed your mind.
It means you want to speak to me.
It means you want my effort, because you're willing to give yours.
But I guess I haven't crossed your mind in 53 hours and 24 minutes, because there's still not
A single **hello.

Last night,
I thought of you.
Touching me, kissing me.
Making me yours.
Last night,
I thought of you.
Your body moving with mine
Like a machine.
Last night,
I thought of you.
Your lips touching skin,
And your hands revealing me.
Our hands discovering each other's bodies.
Is it bad,
That last night,
At midnight,
All I wanted was you.

I wonder if you ever think of me.
If when you're sitting alone, my face pops into your head.
I wonder if when you're watching TV,
Do you ever zone out and think of me?
Do you ever wonder what it'd be like to kiss me?
Or touch me?
Or want me to be yours?
Do you ever just look at a picture of me, and think, "Wow," like I do you?
Do you ever read our past conversations, just so you can feel like you're with me?
Are you ever afraid to send me a text, or ask me to hang out?
Do you ever have thoughts of holding me close, and whispering into my ear?
Do you ever do any of that?
Or is it just me?
That's what I fear.

You say you don't want to hurt me.
But then, why do you do it?
You say you don't want to hurt me,
But you never spend time with me.
You say you don't want to hurt me,
But you stop replying out of nowhere.
You say you don't want to hurt me,
But you still don't consider anything that I've told you hurts me.
You don't consider the fact that I hate being ignored.
You don't consider the fact that I can't be spoken to in an angry tone.
You don't consider the fact that I'm sensitive.
You don't consider the fact that I'm not a toy.
If you don't want to hurt me,
Then why do you do it?

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have bad gas,
So I'll **** on you.

She runs her hands through your hair from underneath you as your hands caress her waist.
Her tongue draws back as just your lips collide once more.
Your hands press into her hips, holding her in place as you trail slow, gentle kisses along her neck.
Her breath hitches as you kiss her, stopping on particular places to leave a mark.
Your lips attach to hers quickly, flipping yourselves over so that she's on top of you.
You caress her gently, like she's the only person you need.
But why can't she be me?

Why can't you ******* leave me alone?!
Why can't you stop bothering me?!
Why do you have to be such an *******?!
We are not alike.
Nothing we do is alike.
YOU ******* SCARE ME.
JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN MY MISERY.

It's been five days.
And you're still on my mind.
I know I should just get over it and move past it,
But I can't.
I can't get you out of my head.
I can't get the image of you holding me, out of my head.
I can't forget the feelings I have.
I can't forget about how much I love you.
I can't forget about how much you mean to me.
I can't help thinking about her.
The next girl you'll kiss.
And how she won't be me.
I just can't forget.

Mascara stained tears running down my cheeks as I cry.
My leg becoming numb from the constant shaking of my sobbing body.
My lungs, feeling empty, even when I take the biggest of gasps.
My body begging for air.
Begging for love.
Begging for a hug from someone, and encouraging words to fall from their lips, though it's covered up.
Begging for someone to tell me that I'll be alright.
Staring at my ceiling during the sleepless nights I encounter, though nobody knows.
My aching body, exhausted when I need to get ready to go out everyday, though it's covered up.
My pounding headache, and loss of concentration, covered up.
Nobody knows how I feel, because it's covered up.
My vulnerability hiding behind a sheer cover foundation layer of happiness.
Some see right through it, but you don't.
You force yourself to think I'm okay, when I'm not.
And then you try to force me too.

I never even got a chance to show you a third of what I feel.
And I know I'll never get to.

You're all that's on my mind.
For the past 19 hours and 4 minutes, but who's counting?
All I can think of is how much I want to touch you,
And kiss you,
And feel you,
And love you,
But I'll never get the chance to.
All I can think about is the next girl you're with.
And how she won't be me.
I'm dreading that day.
I'll be happy that you're happy with her, but I'll come home and cry,
Knowing me.
I'll tell you she's sweet, but in the back of my mind I'll be thinking that I'm better for you.
My jealousy will hurt me.
She'll be the one who gets to kiss you,
And touch you,
And feel you,
And love you.
The way that I want to.

You say that we're fine..
But..
Will you still love me the same?
Will you still wrap your arms around me and hold me close?
Will you still help me when I'm a mess?
Will you still make me feel like I'm the only person you need?
Will you love me as much as I love you?
Because I would love it if you did.
Even if there was nothing more behind the action than a friendly gesture,
I would love it if you graced your lips upon my cheek again.
I would love it if you cuddled me in the public mall, where anyone could see, once more.
I would love it if we stayed the same, even though we're different.

Just let me ******* kiss you.
Please.
Just once.
Just so I can savour the taste of your lips, for one moment.
Just so I can feel what I've longed to feel from you.
For one moment.
So I can wrap my arms around your neck and run my fingers through your hair.
For maybe more than a moment.
But let me show you the way I want to love you.
Just for one moment.

I sit in my room,
Remembering all the good times.
The times when you held my hand.
The times when you hugged me out of nowhere.
The times when we listened to music together,
Or when we had deep talks at night.
The moments when you'd secure your arms around me and hold me tight.
Like I was the only thing you needed in that moment.
When you played with my fingers, gawking at how small they were, compared to yours.
When you would rub my thigh while we sat in comfortable silence.
When you would make me feel like I was the only thing that mattered.
When you would tell me to sing for you, because you liked the sound of my voice.
When you would calm me down while I was nervous.
When you kissed the top of my head to say goodbye.
When you told me I smelled good, and it made me feel so great, even though it was a mere compliment on my scent.
I think of all those times, and then I think of what you've said tonight.
I'm like a sister.
I'm a best friend.
I'm cute, and I'm sweet but you just don't feel the same way.
"Please don't be hurt"
How could I not be?
How could I be okay?
After all that I've felt, in such a short time.
It's just.. Done..
It's just over.
I'm happy to have you as a friend, rather than nothing at all.
But I want to kiss you.
So badly, that you don't even know.

I'm just writing to write.
In the mood to write.
Words keep coming into my head but I make no sense of them.
Sentences pop into my mind but they mean nothing.
They're just words.
Why does it matter how many I say?
Why does it matter how many I don't say?
I don't want to be loud anymore.
I don't want to be giggle-y.
I don't want to always have a smile on my face.
I don't want to pretend that everything is okay.
I don't want to put on a fake happy persona.
I want people to see me as a real person.
Not a person with a childlike laugh.
Not an insanely happy or peppy person.
I just want to be seen as me.
A girl who has real emotions.
A girl who CAN handle it when you tell her things.
I'm not immature.
I'm not under-developed.
I'm not a genius.
I'm not simpleminded.
I'm just in-the-middle.
I'm in between, like every one of you.
I know, I'm rambling.
But is that okay?
There are so many words bottled up in me and some of them are so irrelevant.
But I want to say them.
I want to express myself but I can't.
I want to be me but if I am me, no one will understand.
"Why aren't you happy like your usual self?"
"Why aren't you giggling when I light-heartedly mock your laugh?"
"Why aren't you smiling?"
But then.. Maybe there will be that one person who realizes that..
I'm not always how I portray myself to be.
I'm just a confused little girl.

Why can't anything work out?
How come, feelings can't ever be reciprocated?
Why did I even try?
I knew someone like you wouldn't ever want someone like me.
I knew you would end up saying no.
Because who does?
Who wants the girl who sits alone at night writing stories and poetry and songs?
Who wants the girl that just wants to make someone happy?
Who wants the girl who wants to love them, and nurture them, and make them feel on top of the world?
Who wants the girl who has trust issues?
Who wants the girl with the problems?
Who wants the girl who's sensitive and dramatic?
Who wants the girl who cries at comedy movies and eats spoonfuls of nutella?
Who wants the girl that plays with make up when she's bored?
Oh right. No one.
Who wants me?
No one.
Why can't everyone have happiness?
Why did the happiness I had have to be limited?
Why did you have to say no?
Why does everyone hurt me?
Even if its unintentional.
Who wants that girl who's hurt?
Right. Not you.

You never really know how being completely unloved feels,
Until you go to someone crying,
And they don't even reply.

I come to you crying, but you don't respond.
You look at me strangely, like I've gone mad.
You ask me what's wrong, and I tell you, "He's gone."
But your answer is always, "It isn't that bad."
"He's just a boy" you say, "A waste of your time."
But then why is he always clouding up my mind?!
Why can't I spend an hour without thinking,
of the way it feels when he holds my hand?
Why can't I spend an hour without thinking,
about us leaving to Neverland?
A place where there are no distractions,
Nothing pulling him away.
Nothing making him busy or unable,
to share with me, a wonderful day.
A wonderful day filled with hugging and laughter.
With jokes, and some kisses, and more kisses after.
A day filled with love, and nothing but fun,
Though that doesn't really happen, in the real world of glum.
The real world of school, and homework, and time.
Where there's no moments spent on just loving your life.
Your life filled with people, and nature and love,
Though all we think of is money, and work, and up above.
Making sure we've got good jobs, so our little ones can live.
But where is our life? The ones that we give.

The mascara runs down my cheeks as I cry.
All that I want, is you by my side.
The one that I love, and the one that I need.
But you're also the one, who doesn't need me.
You care for me, and treat me like gold.
But I'm not enough, and suddenly, I'm old.
I'm not a new girl you can love and adore,
Just that old chick, who's feelings are torn.
I sit in my room, upon my bed,
wondering how to rid you from my head.
Though I beg of myself, to let go and move on
My heart chooses otherwise, and my sane thoughts are gone.

That moment where the past four months just feel a waste.
When you look inside yourself and think,
Am I not good enough?
What's wrong with me?
Why can't I be happy?
Then you look back at him and think,
I love you.
Why can't you love me?
The tears flow freely, but to no relief.
The only assistance could be him.
Holding you, shushing you, and telling you you'll be alright.
But instead you have the cold sheets you sleep on at night,
And the cat laying at your feet.
But that's not what you want.
Even though it could be what you need.