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Feb 2022 · 889
Father
Abby Feb 2022
Father
Where to begin?
All beginnings must meet their end.  
I’m falling in.
Too late to stop this momentum.

Fleeing the ghosts of history.
Silhouettes cloaked in black.
Can’t shake the words that raised me
from life to death and back.

Why speak at all?
Things unspoken can’t be undone.
I’m chasing this.
Who honest claims they never run?

A chance to fight the finish.
This dance may be your last.
No future can convey that
shaped only by the past.

What’s hope but fraud?
Faith in willingness to be won.
I’m looking up.
Praying for breath that’s never drawn.

I came here seeking answers,
But what I sought was gone.
No meaning found in victories,
but in the moving on.

What does it mean?
Nature, nurture, or divine force.
I’m bowing out.  
Seeking an end to this discourse.  

The loudest form of quiet,
that e’er resounds in me
is in the sound of nothing
where something used to be.
A musing and my interpretation on the self-same titled song by Grieve the Astronaut.
#family #identity #loss #emptiness
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Nov 2021 · 229
Ebb and Flow
Abby Nov 2021
Ebb and Flow
I swallowed the sea
And it was as salty as your lips
And just like the endless forever that falls from them
I was drowning in it

You called my number
And I took it as a sign
Living life free on the wind
And though paths were walked not a footprint remains

All is lost in time and time always wins
Moments make minutes mask months into seasons of lives everlasting
I cherish the wind for the calm only it can bring
And the shoreline renewed by the waves that crash into it

This moment may not last forever
But who can say when moments start or end?
A moment is forever for as long as it’s remembered
Live inside it and you’ll always be in a place you left behind

Genuine abandon
First comes and then is lost
Broken, bound, and wounded
Heal stronger but never without the scars

Pure dreams forever shaken
A chance shot but not worth taking
Secured oneself at the cost of whats been taken
A life that closes opens another in the making
A little free form piece I wrote while staring out at the sea about the opposing feelings and lessons I’ve learned in life and the way they all balance out dynamically over time.
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Nov 2021 · 337
Love is not a Cure-All
Abby Nov 2021
Love is not a Cure-All
The thing they won’t say
Is that nothing’s secure
And that no one is sure
What path they should take

That living is hard
When you lead with your heart
Trying to relight the spark
Living life day to day
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Nov 2021 · 172
No Surprise
Abby Nov 2021
No Surprise
The road it stretches, endless
Eyes to horizon, left right left

The faces of the many
Still blinded gaze is cast, bereft

So keen and clever-minded
I too, alone, count myself deft

Affixed on greener pastures
Move steadfast on, grieve not what’s left

The voices they cry out
The love they’ll share, devout
Their hearts will they pour out
To lands parched e’er in drought

The sky it rises upward
Nose to the grindstone, *** for tat

Words fall from lips affirming
This fractured vessel crumbling fast

Old bones a wake comprising
Who knows their names, or cares at that

Enthralled they line up, willing
They know they’re here, but not to last

The lessons they prefer
The habits they can’t cure
Their airs it will obscure
In molds built to endure

If only ears could take in  
The utterings of pain and bliss

If only eyes envisioned
A soul beneath this frail surface  

If only time was for us
And every day was meant for this

If only change came willing
To we who thwart true happiness  

The brave might lead the blind
The strong might hear their cries
Their truth might reconcile  
We all might heal in time
This was written as a musing (my interpretation) on the song No Surprise for Grieve the Astronaut.
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Aug 2021 · 757
To the Edge and Back
Abby Aug 2021
To the Edge and Back
You have done as you had promised
No two days have looked the same
I’ve never known the peace of sanity
Since the day I took your name

I can feel my nerves are fraying
And my patience wearing thin
I can feel my hair is graying
From the torment I am in

You never told me what you’d offer
Is the home I never knew
Is the deepness of a heartache
And the wholeness I’d feel too

Many lessons I’ve uncovered
Since the day we said “I do”
And I never will recover
From what binds me here to you

Neither one of us deserves it
Lord knows that we have tried
Both a burden and a blessing
But this fire I cannot hide

You will ever burn within me
When we’re lost there we are found
I will follow this horizon
I will chase you round and round

Feel the earth give way beneath me
Let the waves crash overhead
Breathe the air of sweet surrender
Hear the words we’ve left unsaid

I am yours now and forever
Please be mine hereafter true
Take this hand and run beside me
All that matters is it’s you

Don’t believe coincidences
Only broken are we free
In this life there are no constants
Will you please be that for me?

All the phrases in the world
Can’t recount just what you mean
When in the air that e’er surrounds
Resonate the silly things

When your eye catches mine
Home within your arms, I dream
That you’re mine and I am yours
And that is all that we’ll ever need

It’s beyond all the lies
When we were told that we were sinning
There is truth that I found
And it’s been there from the beginning

We could chase anything
But we know it cannot mean
More than these words cannot describe
Forevermore my everything
Recounting what it’s like to be married to the love of your life, best friend, and greatest challenger.
#marriage #relationships #love #heartache #destined
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Jul 2021 · 506
Chasm
Abby Jul 2021
Chasm
Am I sick?
Am I broken?
There are things I can’t describe
I’m too tired
I’m too open
Feel it churning up inside

Many times
In my mind
I can feel my soul depart
There are times
I can’t find
If there truly beats a heart

Disappear
Hide away
I will never be let down
In the end
All I need
Is a way to still the sound

Stay awake
This is real
We will never be apart
Keep the faith
Standing strong
Fooled by love right from the start

When I break you will feel your world shake
Gravity surround your bones
Hide from falling skies for telling all those lies
In the wake that you call home
Facing heartbreak and the reality you don’t want to admit is there.
#love #heartbreak #emptiness #broken
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Jul 2021 · 596
Darkness
Abby Jul 2021
Darkness
Pervasive night fills these dreams,
Floods these eyes,
Unsaid and unseen.

No day escapes this lurking shadow.
No phrase can change its somber tune.
Though bright the morning sun she rises,
Night follows far too soon.

Record playing on repeat.
In my mind,
Begin the downbeat.

Beyond the depths there wait tomorrows.
Behind deception bides the truth.  
Among the stars we hang our wishes,
The crossroads they’ll illume.

Thorny pathways find my feet,
Heartbeat rise,
Excite my defeat

Abandoned and alone I wander
Can’t face to be irresolute.
The bitter boils up inside me
To squelch the hopeful few.

Trusting, fall into myself.
Hold this time.
Can’t say all I’ve felt.

Can longing raise a soul lain fallow?
A life that suddenly rings true.
Are dusks not meant to paint horizons,
And souls to sing the blues?

“Enough” could finish or begin
To my core
Let all of it in

Long shadows fill the paths behind me
The light ahead prepares their doom
I rise to meet my own reflection
And face the world, full bloom
This is a musing I’ve written in response to the song “Darkness” from Seattle rock band Grieve the Astronaut’s latest Album, “Signs”
#darkness #awakening #deepthoughts
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Apr 2021 · 594
Signs
Abby Apr 2021
Signs
Deja vu dreams glimpse what’s to come
Veiling reality from perception
Obscuring past and future selves
What’s once hidden, again found in another
Worthiness forfeit to the gravity of expectation

Fail, or follow

Trust is built on words of wisdom
Drink it in or drown it out
Connect to the sonorous vibrations
Or feign ignorance while praying for more
The evidence is prevalent to those whose hearts are open

Belittle, or believe

Fan the flame that ruins or refines you
The choice is yours to build or burn it to the ground
To find meaning in the minutiae
A manifestation of subconscious cues
Confirmation that the path before you is the one you’re meant to be on

Falter, or forward
This is a musing I wrote for Grieve the Astronaut’s “Signs” album, and this one in particular is about the titular song. I was asked to pen my response to each song and their lyrics and express what it meant to me in my own words. This one deals with thoughts of fate or divine paths, belief in ones purpose and meaning, and the choice to accept or dismiss the signs.
#signs #fate #dejavu #dreams #purpose #choice
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Apr 2021 · 455
Madness
Abby Apr 2021
Madness
Truth imprisoned in things left unsaid
And fear to keep it mute
Expectations not based in reality
Biased beings claiming impartiality

Cloaked insecurities laying low our happiness
Indifference masking dire emptiness
Unable to unite love with prejudice
Unable to see that in the mirror is the madness

Speak vitality into existence
Change the story with a phrase
Find words that breathe life into others
Free yourself; never settle for the same

Witness the world with eyes unclouded
See your true self as you are without it
Rouse the virtuous cycle, now the hesitance gone
Let your heart love, unencumbered, into the dawn
This is another piece I wrote to pair with Grieve the Astronaut’s “Signs” album.   To me the original song explores seeking what’s inside and the battle within ourselves to understand, accept, and react to what we  find.  This musing is my take on the song and what it meant to me to experience it.
#madness #insights #acceptance #internal #selfbattle
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Apr 2021 · 362
Run- Into the Light
Abby Apr 2021
Run- Into the Light
Sparked thoughts ignite purpose buried inside
Silenced whispers from bloodlines who have come behind
Breathe it in, let it out, recognize what is left  
Rouse burning embers quelled in the depths

Round and round reels the eternal impetus
Impelling souls, shaping paths laid before us
A choice, providential, divining our fate
Revealing who’ll rise and who’ll be left prostrate

Imminent future designed in the past
Arise from the ashes, alive at long last
The truth set before you kept from bleary eyes
Shed the scales of our blindness, the labyrinth aligns

Trust fate knows the outcome wherever it leads
Trust within us is all that we ever will need
Strength transforming weakness; a brand new beginning
Escape, or deny, or embrace our true meaning
This piece is part 2 of 2 exploring the power of perspective.  We can choose to see light or dark in any situation. This piece represents the light side.  This dichotomy is meant to represent the perspective with which we choose to view our lives and the notion that however you choose to see things, that’s how it’s going to be for you. Only in acknowledging and accepting both sides can we learn to leverage each for their strengths and find peace in the balance.
#yin #yang #light #dark #run #life #lessons
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Apr 2021 · 400
Run- Into the Dark
Abby Apr 2021
Run- Into the Dark
Sparked thoughts invoke fear, forming beads of sweat
Spurred on by these scars that we’ll not soon forget
This vertiginous vortex whips us along
Unwilling and restless, we’re compelled to go on

Heed peace in panic states
Lord knows the hour’s late
We choose to hide, don’t trust our fate
It’s flee or fight—it cannot wait

Spinning, swerving, bridges burning
Scenes shift and change but we’re still hurting
A carousel of doors revolving
Eyes shut and open, each blink absolving

Take off and leave it all behind
We’ll ne’er escape our judging minds
Change what you will, can’t be denied
Embrace darkness within the light
This piece is part 1 of 2 exploring the power of perspective.  We can choose to see light or dark in any situation. This piece represents the dark side.  This dichotomy is meant to represent the perspective with which we choose to view our lives and the notion that however you choose to see things, that’s how it’s going to be for you. Only in acknowledging and accepting both sides can we learn to leverage each for their strengths and find peace in the balance.
#yin #yang #light #dark #run #perspective #life #lessons
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Apr 2021 · 262
Hope
Abby Apr 2021
Hope
Hope is to ignite a spark within, remind us of things forgotten;
of lessons yet to be learned;
of love lost and found in places unforeseen;
of the wonder within each of us;
of who we were, are, and will become;
of the universal rhythm of life that beats within all of us
and of possibilities that reside in an endless tomorrow.
This was written in January 2021 and inspired by a new connection with an old friend and witnessing their journey of self-discovery.
#hope #discovery #wonder #life #change #possibilities
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Apr 2021 · 160
Hollow
Abby Apr 2021
Hollow
How do you measure the gravity of a life?
A voice that’s faded into eternity
Stitches torn at the seams
Hearts beating synchronously across dimensions

Broken souls denied breath
Whole humans living half lives

What chance is there in meeting again?
All we are is a note in history
Worrying about the wrong things
Meaning derived from bloodlines tainted by good intentions

Loose morals crucify faith
Half truths leading whole nations

Onward
Dealing with death, internal conflict, and accepting the state of things.
#death #anger #frustration
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Feb 2021 · 751
Look To The Sky
Abby Feb 2021
Look To The Sky
I have questions I’ll never get to ask
Answers I desperately need to hear
Thoughts seeping then escaping
So rarely any resonating

I drink more than I should,
Believe more if I could,
Die in your arms, wish I would
Guess I’m just misunderstood

Laughter turns to anger in my throat.
Senses scrambled when I need them the most.
Don’t you know we’ll all die alone?
Recognize emptiness in your bones

I swear more than I should,
Trust you more if I could,
Transcend doubt, wish I would
Purposely misunderstood

Chances left on the table like scraps
Another time we’ll never know
Things like this change everything
Sacrifice one for another again

I lie more than I should,
Love in full if I could,
Be young and free, wish I would
Always just misunderstood
Always looking for the right words, answers, and infinite lives to explore.
#misunderstood #opportunities #timing #answers #meaning
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Feb 2021 · 454
Farewell to Innocence
Abby Feb 2021
Farewell to Innocence
What am I so afraid of?
That I may change my fate?
Or maybe it’s already happened,
And maybe I’m too late.

Can I be forgiven?
Will I ever understand
Why all of this has happened?
Am I really here by chance?

Chasing phantom shadows in and out of dreams
Counting constellations and holding on to childish things
Afraid to take a chance, for fear that I may fall
Afraid that there’s no going back
That I’ll never know myself at all

The truth too overwhelming
The fear I hide behind
Fear that I hold onto
Fear behind these eyes

To chance is only to forget
The pain that binds me now defines me
Give in for good you’ve placed your bet
“Survive!” the voice inside me
A piece I wrote back in March 2007 as I was going through a divorce with so many questions and faced with the opportunity to reducing myself and my path.
#fear #seeking #innocence #questions
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Feb 2021 · 839
Grit
Abby Feb 2021
Grit
A place that I don’t know
A path that I cant take
A language I dont speak
I will not hesitate

I am never coming home

The penance I have paid
The life I’ve been denied
The secrets that nearly broke me
It’s a wonder I’m alive

I am never looking back

It is fate that brought me here
My heart I’ll follow through
Til death or destiny one way on
To myself I will be true

I am never giving up
Sometimes life takes you places you didn’t expect, you lose pieces of yourself, and then find some again along the way.
#life #lessons #growingup #grit
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