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(read forward, then backward, line by line)

I ran.
Not knowing what else to do
There was so much blood on my hands
It was mine
The kitchen knife
Caught in my chest
Guilt
Consumed by
Fear
I was heightened by
Adrenaline
But running on
Wasn’t enough
While trying to stay calm,
Losing control
It was me that would end up
Dead. Because
He was
In front of me
The whole time
It was too late
Trapped
I found myself
Locked in chains
My fate was
Death.
Forward: from the victims perspective.
Backward: from the murderers perspective.

This TOOK ME FOREVER TO WRITE
I was twelve years old when I got arrested, they brought me to the cells and took my mugshot… reminding me that I will never be free.
I learned when to speak.
Only when you're asked,
never put your head up,
don't you dare share an opinion, even if it's in class.
I learned that my life…
Was never truly mine to begin with. Just something another person can use at their whim, then dispose of.
I was twelve years old the first time I got arrested. They put me in cold metal cuffs and threw the key into rivers of tears I have yet to shed, but will come.
I was twelve years old the first time that I was arrested. My life looked bleak and I could no longer speak because my mind was not my own.
The took a permanent felt tip marker and wrote their names on me.
I was twelve years old the first time I was forced to be something I'm not. I was tortured until they found what they wanted. They proceed to shackle me with trends to follow, cover me in my prison uniform of tight skirts and crop tops, and read me my rights. Though it's clear to me now that i have none
I was twelve years old the first time I got arrested.
Change the laws and let us free. Let me once again know what sunlight feels like upon my shoulders without the restraints of people trying to diminish difference in the world, when all I wish to do is preserve it.
I was twelve the first time I was arrested….
I was charged with the act of being myself, and sentenced to life without parole.
 Feb 2018 Orion Rosemary
YH
beauty
 Feb 2018 Orion Rosemary
YH
"You have such a beautiful way
with your words;
It's almost as if they are laced
with melancholy."

You see, the word beautiful
has been told to me by a lot of people.

Appearance-wise,
how I speak,
how I form my intricate thoughts;
the list goes on.

Their words would elevate me,
and then pull me down like a sinking weight.

It grows like cancer.

Am I enough today?
Must I go on with 'this'?
Why was it given to me when I hadn't asked for it?

And this burden attacks me so viciously
it rips me of my courage,
my interest,
myself,
and who I am.

I feel like an empty shell.

Is this what it means to be beautiful?

If so,
don't let me be.

— Y.H.

beauty,
gentle fervor.
"Beauty fades over time," a man had once said.
"They wilt like flowers;
never stay, never eternal."

And in a way, those words put me to rest.

I was grateful.

(c) Y.H.
 Feb 2018 Orion Rosemary
sage
time
 Feb 2018 Orion Rosemary
sage
Whoever said,
"Time heals all wounds,"
has never been in love.

Or watched as someone you held so dear
walked away from you in fear.
Not in fear of you,
but in fear of being loved by you.

They've never felt someone's hand in theirs,
and realized they'd do anything to protect that person.
And true heartbreak is knowing they don't feel the same.
 Feb 2018 Orion Rosemary
mikhaila
do you still love me
do you still love m
do you still love
do you still lov
do you still lo
do you still l
do you still
do you stil
do you sti
do you st
do you s
do you
do yo
do y
do
d
di
did
did y
did yo
did you
did you e
did you ev
did you eve
did you ever
did you ever l
did you ever lo
did you ever lov
did you ever love
did you ever love m
did you ever love me
an all consuming love*
took hold of the narcissist
his great admiration for self
was the everlasting gist

in front of the mirror he stood
kissing his own reflection
whilst at it saying I'm so deserving
of my steadfast affection

yes he was absorbed
in a love profound of pond
this being the love he'd
keep fervently fond

no one else could love him
with such a richness of care
cause he was unable to
empathetically share

the love he did bear inside
his indulgent infantile heart
would never be completely
*cleaved apart
I sit here in the dark,
     the emptiness that
     envelopes me.
                         There is but one question,
                                  one meaning and purpose,
                                  one that I can't fathom.
          Through my life, this simple,
                   inadequate life
                   there are things I've done.
                                                 I've hurt people, torment,
                                                           through my explosion of
                                                            expr­ession, Anger... Silence
               I know I've hurt you,
                         as painful as that is
                         to reflect.
  Yet, through it all,
          you're still here,
          withstand, ever present.
      No matter what explosion,
               what outburst I apply,
                here you are... Why.
                                                            ­        You say it's out of love,
                                                           ­                    you say that no matter,
                                                         ­                      no matter what... Love
                                          I've pushed, I've prodded,
                                                     pushing buttons, breaking barriers,
                                                     when I shouldn't...
                                               I don't mean to hurt you,
                                                      I never do, I never did,
                                                      But still you comfort... calm.
                        No matter the pain,
                                 the pain that I've caused,
                                 here you are, caring, loving.
                                                         ­     I know that you could do better,
                                                         ­         better than what I offer
                                                           ­       a seemingly endless barrage..
   Why? Why do you stay,
               stay in the place of endless,
               endless pain... Why?
                                               Is this the love everyone speaks of,
                                                       if so, why am I,
                                                       why am I so ashamed, undeserving.
                          I try to push you away,
                                  because I know I...
                                  I hurt you, yet you stay.
                                      I love you, but I don't,
                                             I don't want you to hurt,
                                             not anymore, let me leave... Please
But no, you won't let me,
         you continue to love,
         a love that is so... undeserving.
   You've done so much,
               so much love, but why...
               why do you put yourself... in pain?
                                                 I don't think that I can,
                                                            ­I don't think that I can
                                                            e­ver make you happy, ever again
                                      Yet you smile, a smile so
                                                    full of love, patience
                                                    an understanding that I can't accept.
         I ponder and I question,
                   no matter how I drag it out...
                   Why are you still here?... here with me...
-Navahopi119
Never fall in love with a poet
for their words are sometimes lies
on occasions they're a shield
on occasions a disguise

They will take you on a journey
upon which they bare their soul
in a bid to ease your burdens
in a bid to make you whole

But in every word they choose
for the stories that they tell
lies a little piece of heaven
and a little piece of hell

Tormented souls we poets are
sometimes quite broken and despaired
in search of lost expressions
missed by others who once cared

Never fall in love with a poet
unless you're prepared to share their pain
to hold them close on the darkest nights
over and again
Follow me on Twitter @athomashawkins
http://twitter.com/athomashawkins
 Jan 2018 Orion Rosemary
nobyelse
and then I asked you,
"What's your biggest fear?"

you gave me a quivering sigh,
looked at me straight in the eyes
and said,

"It's that eventually, you will see me
the way I see myself."
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