i don’t say anything
when my mother presents
the off-brand mouth wash.
after all, dad’s payday did just get changed to Monday.
i didn’t say anything
when my clothes came from Walmart
this Christmas.
after all, we did just move
and there’s bills to pay.
i won’t say anything
when eventually my mother asks for money from my first paycheck
for the groceries.
after all, I am a vegetarian
and my food costs more.

my heart and my head debate:
my heart,
to love well and enveloping
to write poetry about her eyes
to love every inch of her face
to memorize the curve of her lips
to know her as well
as i know myself

my head,
to hide her in the depths of my soul
to yearn for her silently
to only think when she can be mine alone
to envelop myself within the thought of her
and not her arms

for if i dare to love freely,
i will never be free again.

a love this intense
one of the most sought after things
it’s in the way you look at me
the way i say your name

to love is to fear
everything you may lose
but if you don’t try
you’ll never know
what you might gain

my heart aches when you touch me
and aches when you don't.