Deepest blue
Those eyes on you.
They blaze and burn
Making my stomach turn.
I'm lost in the moment
so lost in this moment
I can't believe that I'm so lost in this moment.

Your eyes are on me, so very kind
they gaze into the secrets I hoped no one would find.
They pierce my skin and search within
they find what's wrong and they reveal my sin.
They see me for who I am and not for what I've done
They bring the darkest parts of me into the sun.

Not a whisper of judgment
No murmur of condemnation
Your eyes are love, pure, wild, blue as the sky.
They look at my shame filled heart
and they say to me"For this I will die".

I get lost in your eyes,
in your beautiful clear eyes.
They smile at me and I know I am not alone
In your eyes I am accepted, valued, worthy, priceless, loveable, pure.
Jesus, in your eyes my purpose is revealed
In your eyes my heart can finally be healed.

Your eyes, like nothing I've ever seen before,
So genuine, so full of honesty, an open door.
When I look into them I instantly know that I can trust them.
Those eyes of yours Jesus, that see the beauty in the broken
That see the best in everyone, that never judges or condemns.

In your eyes there is a love vast as the ocean
An empathy that knows my circumstance and understands my journey.

Your eyes ablaze, will satisfy my soul
for all my days.
Your eyes like a burning flame
Leaves me changed and never the same.

I'm found in your eyes
That see me for my potential
I'm found in you amazing eyes
That will never stop hoping or believing the very best for me.

June,
You came to soon.
I was not ready for you to bloom

10 months of happiness
Then you let us go
Following your convictions
You abandoned your heart
And left me on my own.

June,
You came too soon,
Like shadows that cover the moon
Or the cry of the loon
You came unexpectedly.

I'll never forget you
You're love,
Youre sweetness,

Those happy memories
Lakeside dances
Fire light romances
Taking our chances

June, you're gone now
And I fear I am too
June, you took your bow
But I'll never forget you

June, you were lovely
But that's all over now.
I'm glad you came to me
I'm glad you shared your love with me

I'll forever treasure it
And never forget it or disdain it.

You're love for me
Was an alabaster jar
Broken at my feet
And I'll never forget the way you taught me to offer that love in return.

June, you came too soon
I was not ready for you to bloom
I was not ready for you to say goodbye.
But I'm ready now, ready to say goodbye,
So here I'll try.

Goodbye June.
May I never forget the love we shared.

This is my hope
this is my dream.
A world of bliss
and an undying sea.

A kindled flame
burning within.
A fierce light
no Darkness can touch.

I look into
the eye of my mind.
Searching for what
wonders I find.

And this is what I see
this is the dream,
the dream for me.

Far across the distant seas
across deep waters and gray horizons.
Farther still then the great unknown
to the secret realm
the heavens have never shown.

A land of peace,
a home to all.
Cool waters flowing through silver forests,
green grasses sway in the warm breath
of the summer breeze.


The stars dance as one,
in this realm of mine.
The lights glow warm
and trees sway and swing.

They dance like the lilies
and shout like the lion.
They thunder and roar
they yearn for more and more.

In this dreamy land of mine,
where the sun never ceases to shine.
Where the grass grows tallest,
and waters fall in cascading torrents.

Where the winds softly blow,
rustle the tree tops
and make the fires glow.

In this world of mine
I see a house of blue and of white.
A beacon for the lost
a guide for the endangered.

It stands upon a grassy knoll
flowers and pines embrace its neck.
Jagged rocks and steeple towers
keeping it ever in check.

In this dearest dream of mine,
I see children laughing and a mother smiling.
I see warmth and love
I am surrounded in a perfect happiness.

The kind of happiness
that could only come from such things.
The kind of happiness
that such a life only could bring.

In this world of mine
the bright sun never ceases to shine.
The grass grows tallest
and the stars dance as one.

And in the midst of all the beauty
in the center of everything I love,
of everything I care for
of everything I have ever dreamed for.

In the midst
standing like the golden sight
that covers me
in the early morning light

A clear morning star.
Draped in the wondrous array
of the heavens.

You appear brightest of all.

In this world of mine
You are the star.
You are my home.

Your eyes shine
like the beacons of Amiridan.
They touch the far reaches.
of my human heart.
Your love
fairest of all treasures beheld.
I can close my eyes
and I am whisked away into a starry gray haven.

I can look into your eyes
and I am at a loss.

For your depths are fathomless
your deepness an abyss.
I could swing
and I could sing
and I could dream
and I could float,
upon rivers of joy.

I could dance with you
hand in hand,
just like the stars in my silly little dream,
and dance as one for now and forever.

In this dream of mine
this vision this blurry far off realm,
there is you and there is me,
there is hope for us both.

There is a life
that cannot be shaken
There is a light
untouchable,
unmovable.



The stars
like glowing embers.
The oceans
raging remembers.

The heavens and the far reaches of the galaxy's
they are one
under my dazzling dream.
They are beautiful,
bright and surreal.

They are amazing.

They dominate all other life forms
they cover the darkness and hide the fear.
They blot out the misery
they guard.
protect.

They protect us from all hurt
they keep us safe and warm.
They alight the room
they sing melodically
enveloping us as we shift and sway.

And as I take your hand in mine
the stars brightly begin to shine.
And under the shining of the stars
I whisper softly in your ear.

“Darling look, this wondrous world,
this world of beauty of life and love,
this perfect paradise,
this magical land under the shining stars
is ours,
and ours alone.

Whispers
surround my head,

Whispers
infiltrate my bed,

Whispers
long,
wickedly wishing
me dead,

Whispers
are everywhere,
but only in
my head.

Here I am
living an unreal dream.

The stars collide together
the forest breathes it in.
the waters speak softly
and here I am,
dreaming.

All around me there is life.
The air never sweeter
the grass never greener
the song of the birds never so melodious.

How I bask in this moment
how I smother myself in its embrace.

I rest easy
and let nature take its course.
Over valley, over meadow,
over stream, over glen,
over the bluest skies
and the tallest trees
over the birds that fly
and over the raging sea,
that is where you will find me.

Wrapped in my thoughts
surrounded by the things I love
with peace in my heart
and joy in my spirit.

That is where you will find me
Living in a perfect dream.

More and more
I feel the pull of the unknown.

A relentless urge
to press on into the void

Going where none have gone,
Where none have dared.

I hurl myself into the mist
unsure of what is to follow.

I hold faith in my steady feet to guide me through,
my eyes to see beyond,
my heart never to falter,
my will unbreakable.

Shrouded in fog
Clouded in fear
The future awaits my coming.

Onwards and upwards
into the chasm of death.

Onwards and upwards my destiny awaits.

Burning like fire
raging inside.
Storming the breach,
torching it all.

Forget the love
forget your face.
Forsake your heart
leave it behind
and tear it apart.

The crossroads of mortality
the fork in the road.

The reason of life
the cause of death.
The fang of the snake
the jaw of the beast.
The grip of hatred
the sting of desire.

Higher it goes
up, up, up.
Higher and higher
up, up, up.

Stinking, rotting filthy decay
Filthy piles stacked,
up ,up, up,

The heights of sin
the glory of the well done deeds.

The ruin
the fall.
The rise
the run.

Up, up, up.

Farther then before.
More and more.
Farther still
to break, your will.


Farther then life,
quicker then the last breath.
Faster than your end,
horrid as your final hour.

Your heart beating faster
then twin turbine engines.
You explode in a million and one pieces.

You fall face down
amidst the broken shattered life,
that once belonged to you.

Goodbye, goodbye
the angels cry.
As you ascend into eternity
up, up, up.

Up, up, up
as you fly into eternity,
as you fall into the endless.

Her beauty endless,
her warmth a deepening sea,
she wakes me with her light,
she caresses me with her warmth.

She is the calm to every storm,
the hope of all travelers.

Her light envelops all,
keeping throughout the day,
the dreaded darkness at bay.
She rides a white stallion,
she gallops amongst the clouds,
she is a mighty warrior,
a beacon of light a glorious spectacle.

A tower of glory,
a fortress of impregnable strength and endurance.
All hail the victor of the day,
the morning jewel
the golden crown of light.

I'm lost in the light.
Spinning in the light.

I'm dancin' in the night
With you I'm dancin' in the perfect, lovely night.

Life is beautiful,
I couldn't be happier.

So here I am,
This moment couldn't be better.


I'm lost in the light
I'm dancin' and I'm smiling at you.

The drinker pays his dues
The Singer sings his blues

And in the midst

I'm lost in the night,
I'm dancin' with you.

His heart pure,
eyes soft and welcoming.
His greatness a reflection of the love,
shone from her the sun,
who covers all in glorious light
amidst the day,
and throughout the night,
her love shines through him
the moon,
to me and to you.

He casts all shadow and gloom away,
he reminds us of the hope
that is the day.
He is a diamond,
a jewel of immeasurable worth,
none but the sun compare to him.
He is the light in the darkness,
the friend to all,
the guide to the lost.
the compass in the sky,
the center piece of the heavens.

Tremendous and extravagant,
marvelous and breathtaking.

He withholds the keys to the kingdom of Elysium,
guards with his light the garden of Eden.
He casts the world in darkness,
he casts it into light.


With but a shake of his hand
or a wink of his eye,
and the world as we know it
would never be the same.
Oh the beauty,
the marvel,
the splendor of the moon.

The love I had
never again to be found.
The heart in my chest
forever bound.
Broken am I,
a wretched soul
drifting upon an endless sea.
I break upon the shore line
shattering into thousands of particles,
spreading across the earth.
My heart is cold
my lungs wont hold,
my tears freeze
floating on the slightest breeze.
And yet all I can think of
is the smile
that had won my heart
pipped me asunder,
right from the start.
Made me whole,
taught me to love,
gave this life a reason.

But never more,
never more.
My destiny
is to forever be
cast apart from your love,
floating eternally
on the waves
of the endless sea.

See the world
Feel the rhythm of its heart
See the people
Capture the vision here at the start

Open your eyes
Begin anew
Open your mind to the world
Created for you.

Explore the wide open beauty
Understand the intricate design
Breathe in the wide open air
Soak in the glory, sublime.

It's all around
The magnificence,
A whole world to be found
Creator's benevolence abound

Draw away from a society that held you down
Take stock of the aesthetic
Creations crown.

What the mountains could never compare
Let the heavens declare
For Him to whom all things are for
Let the oceans roar

From heaven's glorious heart
Comes fourth abounding creation
From nothing
Life, bursting into existence

Like never before
See a world as it was created to be
Every created creature and being,
Drawing breath from He:

Who cares for the little ones,
Who calls us daughters and sons
Who knows the intricate parts of all things,
And holds no reserve for the Joy He brings

Who controls and protects,
Who governs the systems of the galaxies
Who cares for each and for all,
Never once letting one fall.

He is Jehovah
He is Yaweh
The Creator God
The Maker, the Potter,
the great Designer

This is the world we know
He is the God who made us
This is the world He created
For us to enjoy
For glory to be His

Praise His name you peoples
Praise His name
For His Creation is truly wonderous
His works indeed are good
His abounding love patchworked,
Into the very frame of His creation.

He is a God who creates
Who expands imagination and design
What eye has seen
What witness has beheld
The glorious wonders,
The magnitude of His full creation.

This is the world we know
And all of creation will show
His greatness intertwined
In every thing He designed  

Glory in the Highest,
The Creator and maker of all things.
Yes and Amen,
The Angels roar
Yes and Amen,
His mountains proclaim.
Yes and Amen to Christ the Lord
To Him through which all things are sustained.
Yes and Amen.

Falling leaves
And rolled out sleeves
I wipe my brow and I keep marching on

When October is over
Awaken my heart

When October is over
Allow me once more to start

The warmth starting to fade and a  
new chill transforming the world we know Into a dark and barren place.
Yet deep down hope is rekindled and light begins to shine.

When October is over
Let me know

When October is over
I'll let her go

But just for a little while longer
I'll hold on to her,
I'll embrace her memory,
I'll seek out her friendship
I'll dream of the day when I win her back,
I'll write love songs to her and not share with anyone
I'll paint for her with all the skill my shaking hands can muster
I'll practice my dancing to impress her
I'll pray to God to hold her once more
I'll wash my face and comb my hair
I'll dress myself in all of her favorite clothes I own
I'll imagine an impossible life with her, seeing the world and living out our dreams.

Wake me up when October is over
But for now let me sleep and enjoy this dream, this wondrous dream I've been stuck in.
Let me lie to myself that perhaps she yet loves me,
Let me lie to myself as I imagine her saying she wants me back
Let me lie to myself and say there's hope for the love we once had
Let me lie to myself sweet mysteries
Let me Reforge the passion, reignite the romance arouse my inmost desire:
To hold her as I did that first night we met. That first embrace, that wonderful surprise,
Realizing that she was so much better than I could have ever imagined.

When October is over
Please don't let my dreams continue,
But humor me just for awhile as this month passes by, to imagine a life by her side.

Return to me my beloved
fall back into my caring arms.
You have run long and have fled far,
but here I am still,
waiting for your long expected return.

Your heart is pure
yet your motives darkened.
Your will is strong
yet your actions lack guidance.

Come away with me
and experience the joys of being
truly wondrously free.

Forget the life you used to walk
forsake your days of transgressions.
Care not right now
for the ones you have wronged,
nor consider the task
of confessions.

Yet instead focus upon yourself
search deep into the one you have become.
Gaze into the mirror of your soul
where I know there is treasure hidden and deep.

Find the girl I long ago once knew,
find her for me and find her for you.
Find that run away child
return her back into my arms,
and back to my love again.
Return her safe
return her sound.
And to me
down on this peaceful ground.


Return her to me
that precious run away child.
And return her back home
faraway from the fright of the wylde.

January,
Are you the only,
one left?

Oh I heard a song,
sung by angels and the stars,
They sang of what could be
the days ahead in January

The love that we shared
Those times when I knew
that you cared.

But January's gone,
and the rain begins to pour,
and those stars sing their songs
no more.

January,
it's been months since I saw you
So long since last I felt the way I did when I was with you.

January,
I think it's time
that we rewrite the past
that we pick up the mast
and speak at last.

January,
let the music begin once more,
once the rain stops pouring
let the stars sing,
let the love back in.

Let the snow melt as time passes on.
Let the cold thaw,
let the warmth return.

Oh January, how I've missed you.

To be surrounded
yet still alone.
To have it all
Yet still lacking some

To be loved
But not feel loved
To be found
But still feel lost
To be physically at home
But mentally still out on the open road.

Wandering without meaning
Roaming without a purpose.

Yes, dear reader
These are my greatest fears.

I want to be surrounded by love
And know that I am loved
Know that I am fully and securely loved
Whole, accepted, valued, significant.
And I want to share that love and that acceptance
With everyone else that I meet.

But I want it to start with me.
Inside my heart and deep within my bones.
So deep and so raw that it becomes apart of me
Apart of my dna
Apart of my chemical and biological makeup.
That people can't see me, think of me, or talk about me
Without bringing up "love" and "generosity"
Without bringing up the beautiful and wonderful name of
Jesus.

Let this be the goal of my life:
To love and be loved and feel loved and to know that I am loved and that I can be love for those who have no love, for those who have never known love. That I can be the hands and feet of love itself, a son of love, marked by it, molded by it, baptized in it.
Till all I am is love, till I am refined and cut, and sliced, and molded, and shaped, and scorched, and disciplined. Till I become love.Till I can love as I have been loved. To feel the extent of the love that is extended to me. This my dear reader, is my aim.

When the band stops to  play
and the music is all done,
When the story's nearly over
and we watch the setting sun.

When the heroes return home
and peace restored,
When all the birds have flown
and their cries are no more.

That's when you'll know,
you're in the epilogue.

When her love goes cold
and the days grow short.
When your hope is no more
and your dreams hit the floor.

When the adventure is over
and the beauty is faded
When she only speaks to you
in dreams that are jaded.

When the pain in your heart
Finally stops to smart

That's when you know
you're in the epilogue.

6 months since we parted
26 weeks

So much has past, and so much has happened.
So many days missing you, trying to fill the void with whatever I could.
Though Business mostly.

I gave you my word I would wait 6 months before opening my heart again, 6 months for myself to heal
For you to heal
And to honor you and respect you.

But now that commitment has ended and yet I feel as I did when I first began it.
My heart is full, my wounds have healed, yet as the dust settles, emotions

Last December I was madly in love with you,
And this December finds me in a strangely similar place,
Strange what can happen in merely a year.
Strange how things can change so quickly and everything can be so different in just one year.

I'm happy on my own, while reminiscent of the days gone by
You reinvented love for me, you showed me depth and grace and truth. And I'll hold on to those lessons for ever.
How can one let such wonderful memories go?

I may never see you again, and that thought haunts me everyday but I'm dearly glad we met, I'm dearly glad you loved me, I'm dearly glad for everything. No regrets, no remorse. No take backs. I keep it all, I wont forget for a thousand years how good and kind and loving you were to me.

You're love is so real, your heart is so beautiful. And you will always find a brother in me.

6 months
26 weeks
Here we are
And here I am.

My commitment to you complete
I get back up upon my feet
I take in the new day
And I open my heart in a brand new way.

December, Help me never to forget her.
December help me to never say goodbye.

I love you Lauren, I love our story, I love the memories and the magic and the divine sovereignty that God played in our relationship. I love the lessons learned, and the stories of you that I still tell, of your passion, your generosity, your love. You're magic.
I love our story. The story of a guy at a summer camp in New York who fell in love with a girl from Missouri and how God used each of them to reveal to each other His wonderful love.

Over in a flash
Yet seeming to last a life time.

I woke up in November from my summer nap.

I breathed in deep air that for the first time in months was not hindered with the chill of pain and loss.
The burden of losing someone so precious and lovely.

Time is a slow yet effective healer, and can treat any type of hurt or wound, or so they say.
In reflection as I look back on my time with dearest Lauren, I'm so utterly grateful,
if I could do it all over again knowing full well that our love would end, I would gladly and speedily choose to take myself through all of it once more. The distance, the missing eachother, the long drives, the time spent apart.

For me it was always worth it.
Even with the thought that we could potentially break apart.
The love she gave me and showed me and taught me, I'll never forget it. Not even when I'm a hundred years old.

I'll probably end up writing a book about that love she had, I'll teach my daughters one day to love like her, to care like her, to be like her.

My time with sweet Lauren was one of the greatest Investments I have ever made

Some have tried to offer apologies for all the money and time I spent with her, yet I quickly turn them down and tell them I gained more out of my time with her than I could have in a lifetime with anyone else

Yet November is here
November has come

Though the feelings fade, and my heart begins to heal, I won't let myself forget her face, her smile,
Her magic that mesmerized me.

I'm sorry we're here
And I do dearly wish we were elsewhere, preferably together. And I'd be lying if I said that I don't sometimes miss you, or love you, or want you, or think of you, your lips, your hands, your feet swift as a doe, made to dance. Your embrace, the way you would run out of your front door and meet me half way in the freezing cold, bare footed and wearing shorts with the brightest and most beautiful eyes I truly have ever seen. The way you'd let me sweep you off your feet. Magic.

But its November now, and here we are near strangers once again. I fear a piece of me will always love you, Lauren.

The rains of August
Those darkest days

Denial setting in
Masking the hurt beneath thick skin

Reality hurts
Waking up still nowhere near over her.

Another day
Another week
Another month

And still my heart is resolute on loving her

Another day
Another week
Another month

Still she visits in my dreams
Soaring on wispy moon beams
Whispering in my ears
Casting away all my fears
Wiping away all those tears

There one lovely moment,
Gone the next

To think of another
Causes me to shudder
We speak occasionally
Cruel brief moments with a girl I cannot seem to forget.

August, you were mostly bleak
Mostly filled with business and reflection on better days.
Yet near your end light appeared at the end of the tunnel.

Not much. Just a glimmer, just a glimpse of a future that in which I could one day find myself living in.

A future of happiness once more, a love like the one I shared with her,
A love that I could write a thousand poems about and never run out of words.

August you were my darkest,
Yet you showed me that even in the darkest of nights
There's always shining lights, illuminating some bright future, pointing beyond my momentary troubles.

August you were my darkest,
But you showed me the depths
So that one day I could climb the heights.

Thank you, dear friend.

To remember you
My dear September
To remember your smile
To remember your touch
To remember the way you showered your love in the little things
To remember your intentionality
To remember your grace
To remember you dancing,
Like a dream you were when I held you in my arms,
Like a dream you were when I kissed you with my mouth.
Like fresh honey, or new oil,  I knew your value fully well, I knew how precious you were, dear September

I knew not to take you for granted,
I knew to hold you tight and treat you right.
I knew to sing you love songs and tell you "in my arms was where you belonged"
I knew to be tender with you, gentle and sweet, I knew your value fully well and I strove to help you see it.

You were my dear and my darling,
You were my love, my Victor's crown.
When our hands met I knew heaven came down,
You were my shining Oasis in a sea of sand, you were my world, my marching band.

September I remember you,
You're golden hair, your golden heart.
September I remember and I'll never forget though I may now be gone.

September though I must move on,
I'll always remember.

May:

May I dream like I once dreamed

May:

May I sing like I once sang

May:

May I dance like I once danced
alive and full of youth.

May:

The fire alight once more
like on that rocky shore
those pounding waves,
those mighty mountains,
that lonely river
that old man with his old stories and his old staff.

May:

May I breathe like I once breathed.

May:

May I love like I once loved.

May:

May I feel the same way I felt when I was with you once more.
May that feeling not be lost, may it return to me, like flowers in spring, like waves on that rocky shore, like stars at dusk, like the sun at dawn, like the echo in the mountains, like a train on its track.

May:

May I see like I once saw

May:

May we be as we once were
In love, and full of love, filled with love, intoxicated by love.

May:

May you return to me
May you return once more.
Like those waves on that rocky shore,
like the rain as it starts to pour,
like the stars in the sky.
Return to me and May we be once more.

Wake up
Fall in love again.

Let the pulse return,
as the trains of wandering thoughts
begin to collide.

Beat, beat, beat,
February is on back on the tracks
Churning, spurting, awaking anew.
February, these good ole days
their back for good.

Oh February, help me to see once more
Just what it is I'm working for.
February, you know me so well,
you hear my heart, and feel my pulse,
you understand my battle
You emphasize with my struggle.

Oh February, don't ever leave me,
These wondrous times,
these melodious signs,
You're good for me,
and we both know that.

Sing me to sleep and nurse me back to health
Show me the immense depths,
the kindness you claim as your wealth.

Let's talk long after the fading light
and sing our songs of love tonight.
Let's dance in this romance,
this wondrous, and magical lovely night.

Hope anew,
theres hope for you.

Hope alive
There's hope to survive.

April my love,
my sweetest joy
my fervent prayer,
my mystery angel.

The falling petals from the dogwoods
fill the air with a pungent and wanderous odor,
the stars are particularly bright,
the lovely breeze
hints of a lovely spring.

And all I can think about
Is you wearing that green dress
your evening best,
you're enchanting, darling.

Mesmerizing in the April breeze.
You're enchanting, and I'm wonderfully lost
Perfectly lost in this April spring
This wondrous thing, this April spring.

April, my dear
My sweetest gift
let no sorrow,
no stormy rift
ever come between us.

April, my love
midnight enchantment
early morning magic
Sing me to sleep and lull me with your songs.