This one's for lost loves and cherished words.
For the one's I've hurt and the one's I've left.
This one's for best friends who weren't meant to be forever.
For darling pets that left too soon.
This is one's for the ache in your belly that never goes away.
For the thoughts that bring tears quickly blinked away .
This one's for old dreams and new,
That will probably never come true.
For promised road trips, quickly forgotten.
This one's for the I love you's  that almost left my lips, but I pushed them down,
Coz ignorance is bliss.
This one is for all the pain.
Thank you,
you make me feel alive.

She was summer
Warm and kind
And you loved her
Like you loved no other.

You couldn't remember
The first time you saw her
I doubt anyone could

But she appeared
As if out of your shadows
And suddenly
She was everything.

The queen of rage
Her breath is fire
And her gaze is ice

Her mouth is twisted
Into a cruel smile
And the words she spits out
She aims at your heart

He fury is chaos
It scathes and burns
Pray you never face it

She doesn't ask
She demands
She doesn't forgive
She never forgets

She is  powerful
Like wildfire
A tiny flame
Burning up a forest

Their writers were at work,
Two people destined to meet,
Their paths so twisted,
That once they met,
They would appear merged.

She was running late today.
Some would say she was always running late.
But it wasn't her fault.
Things seemed to delay her,
Slow her down.
As if trying to save her from an inpending fate.

He was the first in the room
The one who turned up
And sat in the silence
Just breathing in the cool air
Calm as a slowly ticking bomb
Waiting to implode.

Something was in the air,
The room felt warmer,
Windows rattled with the wind,
Or possibly the building tension.
She walked in,
He looked up.
Time stopped .
Time started again.
The writers had done their job.
Now things would enfold
As they were meant to.

She stood by her,
Shoulder to shoulder,
And pinched at her belly,
And poked at her cheeks,
She told her she was ugly,
That he would never love her,
That she was undeserving of love
She told her it didn't matter
If she was smart
Or funny
Coz In the end she was just a chubby little girl,
no one would notice.
She told her you can't sing,
Or dance,
coz no one would accept you.
And that every step you took,
they were judging you,
And laughing at you.
She told you you were not worth
the patience or the kindness.
In the end she was you.
But I'm here to tell you she's wrong.
You're wrong.
You're beautiful.
You're kind.
You're everything you want to be and more.
Coz in the end,
Would you love anyone that treated you,
the way you do?
Then how could I love you?

Real love
Will not hurt you
And won't make you cry.
It won't make you doubt yourself
And hide your pain.

Real love
Will not put you first.
But will walk alongside you.
Shoulder to shoulder.
To steady you if you may fall.

Real love
Will hold your hand.
And look you in the eye.
And tell you the truth even if it's the last thing you want to hear.

Real love
Will stay.
When everyone goes.
When the curtains close.
And tears fall down your cheeks.

Real love
Is not going to save you.
Coz real love knows
You are capable of saving yourself.

Real love
Is your first love.
Is your last love.
Is the love you give everyone else.

Everything was bright
She felt lighter
It seemed like the light
Was coming through her
Flowing off her in waves

She was flying now
Hurtling away from death
And his stench of pain

She could feel her Love.
He was near.
She could hear him.
He was sad,
he was broken,
He was on his knees.
He looked like he hadn't slept for weeks.

She ran to him
And wrapped her arms around him
She held him close
And told him , "I'm here,
I'm never going away."

But he didn't hear her,
He would never hear her again.
No matter how much she tried,
He would never feel her again.

Dying didn't hurt too bad.
But leaving him ,
Hurt the most
She didn't want to go .
So she begged death for more time
But her clock had stopped.
And her soul was fading.
But she wouldn't leave,
She couldn't leave.
So death offered her a deal,
A deal that let her,
Live, a dead life .
A deal she accepted too fast.
And deals made with death
Are binding forever,
If only she knew.

There she was.
A vision of beauty
She walked with confidence
Like she owned the floor she stood upon
And she probably did
Charisma oozed out of her every pore
She was loved
Or at least she had their attention
She could look you in the eye
And leave you speechless
She was everything I was not
And everything I wanted to be.
I looked up to her.
For she was perfection.
She was grace
And she was elegance.
But every now and then
Cracks would appear in her mask
And reveal a scared little girl
Peering out  through hooded eyes.

Hey girl
Don't give up on me.
I know I'm difficult,
I know I'm challenging,
Please don't give up on me.
I know I have issues.
But you've been there for me.
You held me up,
And let me cry,
Told me to let it out,
Coz it's better then holding it in.
You calm me down ,
When it gets too much.
You know exactly what to say.
You understand when no one else does.
You got my back ,
And I got yours .
I know I let you down sometimes,
But please don't give up on me
You're not just my best friend,
You're my sister.
I love you so much ,
Thanks for being there.

She felt something
She didn't really know what
It was building inside her.
And winding itself up
Like the ticking clock inside
A bomb about to go off
It pushes itself out
And takes over her body
Spewing hateful things
And hurting herself
It makes her angry and anxious
And tenses her up
Like a snake springing up
It twists down her throat choking her
And into her stomach
Pushes acid into her mouth
It whispers to her
when she stares into mirrors
Curdling her blood
And twisting her mind
It takes over her happy moments
Breaks them down detail
By agonizing detail
And pinpoints her faults
And plays them over and over again like a broken record.

All she ever wanted was control.
She stood at the bathroom mirror
And as she stared at her reflection
She saw her fingers pick up the scissors
And chop her hair
They fell in little Tufts around her.
She kept cutting
She told herself it was better than cutting her skin
She decided it wasn't enough
She wanted more
So she picked up a razor and buzzed of any hair that was still part of her head
She couldn't clearly see the back of her head
And as she moved stretching she nicked herself
Blood trickled down her neck and she wondered how did she get here.
It's not that she didn't try
She had tried
But they wouldn't believe her
They wouldn't believe her when she said
She woke up sad
That she felt different
Empty, detatched
That her insides ached ached in a way that no injury could.
Somehow now her head felt lighter without all that hair.
Somehow she felt better
Even if for just a while.

Sigh
I'm tired
I'm tired of feeling so much
I'm tired of feeling so deeply
My body aches
Aches in my chest
Aches in my belly
Aches in my mind
I'm sick of thinking
I'm sick of the constant feelings of doubt
Of fear
Of pain
I just want to feel nothing
Just let me feel nothing

I'm angry
With myself,
With the people around me,
I'm frustrated about my situation.
My mind turmoils over problems I can't fix,
And tires over thinking about them a thousand times.
Each angle seems futile ,
Coz my brain draws a blank.
My fingers itch to rip written paper to shreds.
They fumble over texts,
Misspelled, misunderstood, misused.
I want to break things.
Hear the crashing of glass on marble floors,
I want to fling things across the room like they're weightless.
My destructive side comes out,
Pushing people away.
Building walls and breaking bridges.
My shoulders tense,
I can hear my heart beat pounding in my head.
I need help.
But I've pushed everyone away,
And I'm too proud to ask for it.