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Makenzie Marie Nov 2014
I feel like a fool
You know how I feel about you
But it's not enough to whisper almost words
So smile, play it cool.
I'm sorry if I'm hurting you.
Makenzie Marie Nov 2014
All I want
today
is to give up.

I want to stop eating.
I want to stop thinking.
I want to stand in the snow
and let my body freeze
until I've burned off every last calorie
I want to run until I puke.
Then run more.
Until the moment comes that I black out
Until that empty moment
of empty relief
comes to me
even if it's only a moment.
I just want to be free.

Because I'm living in a personal hell
most days lately I don't even know myself
I can't look in the mirror without disgust
I freaking hate my stinking guts.

I've never hated it so much
that I'd rather stay inside.
I've never been so ashamed
that all I wanted to do is hide.

But today that's where I am.
Makenzie Marie Nov 2014
“it’s going to be okay”*
they always say
that it’s going to be *okay.

You always say,
“you’re going to be okay.”
So sure, of course,
it will be O.K.
My best friend has died,
they weep.
But you say,
it will all be okay.
“you’re going to be sick for the rest of your life.”
(you have seven new diagnosis)
they say.
but.
“it’s going to be okay”
you say.
You whisper
"I don't feel okay."
But of course,
it will be okay.
I lost my will to live
you say
But, really, trust them.
everything is okay.
Okay.
I'm fine.
You'll say again.
Because you know it's best to just give in
to the fake positivity
Or delusional sincerity.
that it's going to be okay.
A broken heart is nothing new
You're going to be okay.
And
"Tomorrow will be better"
they say.
You will find new love one day
they say.
One day one that will stay.
Because hey,
in every heartbreak
there is a new day
it’s going to be okay.
we can cry for the past,
we could mourn today.
You can hate tomorrow
and you can loathe today.
but not for long
it will be okay.
look towards the future,
because there is one, okay?
There is light in the darkness
and there is hope in today.
*It will be okay.
Makenzie Marie Nov 2014
Right
left
up
down
everything
that’s all around
is spinning fast
and getting jumbled
help me fast before it crumbles

I am lost
I am confused
I do not know which way to choose

I am sinking
drowning perhaps
I’ve lost my ship
so I guess that’s that
“man overboard” (yelled loud and clear)
but I lost my breath
just in time to not hear

Someone save me
Someone help
I don't want to be
All by myself

But,
In the dark and twisting waves
Someone reaches out.
There is someone who saves
Me from all the lost
inside myself
Somehow
someone helps.

everything will be alright
at the end of the tunnel there is light
There is hope right around
that corner you cannot yet see.
But trust me.
nothing is lost
that cannot be found
A tangible example of my personal process and attempt to talk myself out of the dark hole of depression that seems to regularly engulf me. Though I can find that light, somehow I always find myself jumping overboard right back into that dark hole. So here I am returning, adding to, and revising this poem. yet. again.
Makenzie Marie Nov 2014
I cannot think.
I cannot move.
The ice has frozen me
through and through.
And you're not here
And I'm not there...
And how did I think
this would be something I could bear?
Should I just wait?
Hoping that there will come a day
when this all thaws out?
A day that i can feel my toes again,
a day that I can know your soul again?
Everything is cold
So just come home
to me
and bring your summer heat.
Because I'm freezing.
I'm frozen.
And I don't think I can move
without you.
snow frozen cold winter miss you
Makenzie Marie Oct 2014
I am a garden
oh, I feel sunlight
warmth in your smile
flowers are blooming.
what I cannot quite figure out,
sometimes,
am I the gardener
do I tend to myself?
or do I allow others
to plant seeds in me,
nourish me,
help me grow?
am I a community garden
to share with this world?
to trust my rosebushes
my sunflowers
and daffodils
to a world of genocide?
how can I?
I guess I’ll just choose
A white picket fence
open to only those
whose eyes crinkle
when they smile
sunshine
slipping through the cracks
open to those
whose words
so delicately plant
seeds of hope.
I’ll nourish them,
and tend to
this community garden.
  Oct 2014 Makenzie Marie
Layla Thurman
Drowning in your eyes
Wild and blue like the ocean
Tossing about in their storm
Is the most poetic way
That I've ever died.
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