I like the pain.
I tattoo myself,
Just to let myself feel,
The needle dig,
Over and over,
Into my flesh,
Driving the ink in,
To slowly create,
Beauty from pain.
Like life.

I like the pain.
I remove my tattoo,
I rip it open,
And let it bleed.
I rub salt in it,
Burning myself,
To finally remove,
This faded picture,
So worn down,
From my life.

I enjoy the pain,
The new colors,
As blood and ink,
Mix together,
In a dance,
Intertwined,
Running from,
The lines that I,
So very carefully,
Carved into my flesh.
And it is gone.

Teach me to waltz,
Dance with me,
Take me to the ends of the earth,
Teach me to love.

Teach me the ballet,
Dance with me,
Show me the world,
Teach me to care.

Teach me to salsa,
Dance with me,
Set my passion alight,
Teach me to stay.

The gorgeous Fox mesmerizes me,
I watch him perform for me,
Sing for me,
Play for me,
Call me out by name.

"Little Bird" He cries,
"Don't leave me,
Let the sun hit your feathers,
So you may light up,
In brilliant hues,
Of gorgeous greens,
And blues."

"Little Bird" He croons,
"Be mine, be my dark,
Beautiful raven,
And never let me go.
Be my songbird,
And sing only for me,
Because I care about you."

And I bathe in the attention of my Fox,
I let myself fall for him,
I listen to him,
I care for him,
And as I open my beak to sing,
I drop the bread from within my mouth,
Which he catches in his teeth,
And flees,
Leaving his Little Bird,
To cry in shame for what she's done.

Don't ask me for favors,
I am not free.
I just wanted you to love me,
Can't you see?
I gave you what you wanted,
(Thinking maybe you'd want me)
But you thought I was,
Just doing this for me.

I wasn't trying to use you,
I felt used by you.
But you were never sure,
What I wanted you for,
So used was all we were.

You tell me how you love her,
And you'll slip that ring upon her,
But you don't tell her,
(Of what I'm sure)
Deserves your biggest apology.

So don't ask me for favors,
I am not free.
All I wanted,
Was for you,
To realize you loved me.

So I'm a succubus, am I?
I doubt that.
You tell me that you can't resist.
I doubt that.
You tell me you love me.
I doubt that.
If I were a succubus, where's my tail?
Exactly.
If you couldn't resist, why did you leave?
Exactly.
If you loved me, why are you with her?
Exactly.
I'm smarter than you think.
You left.
I know what love is.
You left.
I know what it is to lose control.
You left.
I know how it is to be human.
And You left.

Death and blinding pain,
I have nothing left to gain.
I don't know how I feel so sane,
when all that comes is death again.

Love and love is lost,
My heart feels like it's filled with frost,
how could I not see how much it cost,
and  now I am filled with exhaust.

To love you was the price,
I suppose it was my vice.
I tried to believe you could be nice,
but now your heart is hard as ice.

Hope for death to come for me,
I do not want you all to see,
the pain I'm in is the fee,
because no love can come for free.

"Oh the humanity"
The words of tragedy,
Repeated throughout,
American history.

"Oh the humanity"
The terror among us,
The flames that rise,
A burning mess.

"Oh the humanity"
When humanity is,
The biggest problem,
and the deepest pain.

"Oh the humanity"
Don't you know,
That we the people,
Will rise again.

I fell once again today,
I watched as my hands bled,
I stared and watched,
As the red lines ran free.

I fell.
With ribs so bruised,
That every breath was pain,
My heart irregular,
And tears on my face.

I fell.
My feelings are hurt,
By the words you said to me,
I craved your heart,
And you just broke mine.

I fell.
I did what I shouldn't,
And now we both feel bad,
I loved you much,
And you loved her more.

I fell.
What can we expect,
From the ever-dizzy girl?
I fell for you,
And you let me fall.

You tell me the truth,
That what made you fall for me,
Was me.
Was that I listen,
To you,
Not that I'm willing to shed,
My clothes,
And every shred of self respect,
With them.

You tell me the truth,
That all you needed was my ear,
And my voice,
Not my naked form, my chest,
Against yours,
Not my lips on your lips or my tongue,
In your mouth.

But even now you call,
And I listen,
So won't you tell me the truth?
Do you,
Want me to stop or not?
Are you,
Over me, or aren't you?
Will you,
Keep me in limbo forever?
Because now,
My back will surely break.

My heart
Pounds faster and faster,
My mind is convinced,
That my body's disaster,
But you told me it's not,
That you think it is hot,
And you would love,
To have me in your bed.

My body
Shakes harder and harder,
Your hands they wander,
As they gently discover,
Every inch of the surface,
As if it has but one purpose,
And that is to be yours,
But only when wanted.

My gasps
Come quicker and quicker,
And your tongue is slick,
In its oh-so frenzied lick,
As if my body was sweet,
Sweet as the richest candy,
****** till sweet no more.

Mmm,
That word feels so good in my mouth.
You know the one,
Starts with an F,
and ends with You.

I just let it roll off my tongue,
I have let it do so,
Since before the pain,
And since last June.

The meaning changes with every thought,
I went from I'll F You,
To just F You,
Whenever I was caught.

It's just so satisfying on my tongue,
Do you even know,
What I went through,
All because of you?

Who knew these words would help so much?
More than the lock-down,
The intervention,
Or the therapy, I might add.

I went through just oh so much,
With threats of lockups,
On top of lock-downs,
And the reality of solitude.

The madness and pain will never end.
With hot breath,
Still on my neck,
And glares still shot my way.

The jokes that started then, still go on,
About little ****** Tor,
Stealing the hearts of older men,
Hoping she can score.

The feelings for me are always mixed,
Between good or bad,
I'm sure that youth leader loved,
Having a fall-back plan.

You see, my life's a living hell, maybe even for good,
So here I am,
****** Tor,
The **** of everyone's joke.

For your Birthday I'd give you me,
but then I'm afraid I'll see,
my affections thrown to the side again.
For Christmas I'd give you me,
but by then I'm a memory,
a mistake made by a stupid selfish teen.
For New Years I'd give you me,
but I don't want to see,
the place your new affections lie.
For Valentines I'd give you me,
but my heart will not cease to bleed,
and I do not want the tears to start again.
For Easter I'd give you me,
but I'm afraid to be,
putting my heart out for you to see.
For my Birthday I'd give you me,
but now I'm afraid I believe,
that all you want is to hurt me dreadfully.
For Halloween I'd give you me,
but it is, I believe,
a day I can be someone other than me.
For Thanksgiving I'd give you me,
but I don't want to see,
you being thankful for someone other than me.
For your birthday I'd give you me,
but by then, hopefully,
you won't be someone worthy of my heart.
For Christmas I'd give you me,
but by then, hopefully,
my heart will be mine once again.
But sadly I don't believe,
it will be that easy for me.

You are something newly discovered,
rare and beautiful to me.
You are my waking and sleeping thought,
and most of the ones in between.
You are a puzzle,
a question with answers undiscovered.
You are a song,
constantly rising on my lips,
You are a melody,
my heart aligns its rhythm to.
You are you,
and you are perfect for me.