she gave me her nudes
she was bare
and naked
and so out
and open
and i willingly
accepted it
because it wasnt the nudes
that showed her body
the physical aspects
that made her beautiful
it was the words
she didnt choose
and the spontaneity
that left her
either from her lips
or her fingers
or ink

she was as bare
as her nudes
and i accepted
her for her.

I’ve never received a flower
Or even a rose
But I’m a guy
So it’s acceptable I suppose
No kisses
Or sweets
No treats
That signifies ones feelings for me
No token of ones love
But I have gotten
Disappointment
Watered with hate
Planted in betrayal
Fertilized with lies
And maintained by fakes
Roses are Red
But my roses are dead
And crumble beneath my feet

The mind of a poet is such a curse
Its search for words an endless thirst

Poets cannot sit and simply be
Soak in the splendor of all they see

Confronted with beauty which defies description
A quest for lyrics is the poet's prescription

Thinking wordy expression will enhance the sublime
Poets lose the chance to be lost in time

Though graced with wonder again and again
The poet can't find that elusive zen

When I’m sober I’m
so good,
so high on myself.
I talk to my friends and
I love that they love me
just the way I am.
But right now I’m drunk
and I’m falling in love
with all my exes,
all the people who are
poisonous.
I need validation
so I text boys who
I know will get off
on my words, on the
pictures I send them.
I have a whole list of their numbers
for nights like these.
I don’t even know
if they’d recognize me
in the morning.
I don’t even recognize myself
as I delete messages,
words, feelings.
No one will ever know
all the things I crave
if they don’t know me
sober.

The one thing that I can never have
Is the only thing I seem to want
Never can I eradicate it from my mind
The thought that will punish me

Do I try too hard to make them smile?
Do I try too hard to seem like I belong?
Is that all there is,
Am I too far gone?

The thought that punishes me
Is that I will never be good enough
I can’t change the judgmental ways of the world

The thought that punishes me
Is that I will never be what you need
I can’t change all of the imperfections in my life

Despite everything I am the owner of my mind
I control these thoughts of mine
I have such power over myself

I let that power slip through my fingers
I let it become tainted
Consumed by my self loathing
My thoughts are furious and vast

Yet no matter what my desires may be they disobey
Tenebrous corners of which I cannot escape surround me
Suffocate me
As I am caged in the cursed darkness of my brain

I reach out as far as I can manage
I reach out knowing that no one will see me drowning here
In the ocean of my mind
No one will grab onto me and save me
From these thoughts of mine which punish me

Im spinning out of control
Twirling and leaping further and further away
From everything that seems to say
“Let me save you”

I run as far as I can whilst screaming
“Please someone save me”
But such a selfish thought will only lead me further astray
These are the thoughts that punish me

A feeling
A sinking feeling
Hits me out of nowhere
Its painful, I can’t deny
Why do my thoughts invade
Corner me in my own mind?

I can’t escape this pain
Where can I run when the perpetrator
Is my own conscience?
Where can I hide when i’m my own worst enemy?
How can I find a moment alone from my fear
When I am constantly there to remind myself
How terrified I am?

This fear is a prison in my mind
The insecurities toss me into a cell
They call it a moment of self doubt
A wave of depression
I am trapped here
They tell me that it’s my own fault
My own doing, a hazard to myself
I cry out over and over again
This is not me

Yet they don’t hear me from within
The confounds of my cell
Within the prison of my mind

Like sudden rainfall on a sunny day
The happiness fades away
Like water inside a drain

These thoughts are torture
These thoughts are pain
These thoughts punish me
Day after day
These thoughts destroy me
These thoughts control me
These are the thoughts that punish me

Words cannot just escape
Out of her thoroughly sealed mouth
Everything in time changes shape
So she finds a way to let it out

The gate is almost shut
With only two keys left
The other’s lost suddenly
Swallowed accidentally
while hiding from a hostile

The only thing left to do
Is to give a parchment
There lies a cue
Its goal is to leave someone
Whose mood is in need of enhancement


The keeper of the key sprints to the gate
Before everything is too late

Every day, in front of it, lies a letter
Often to make him feel better

I did not hear your cries as I wrenched a thousand words from my breast,
nor your protestations as my eyes recalled yet another deep magenta sky.

I did not see your tears of frustration as I marvelled at the world,
singing at snow angels and harbouring the winter chill.

I did not feel your heartbeat leave mine as the russets fell
nor did I  hear you call my name over my frustrated sighs and readily tempered ego.

I did not notice your silence
until I saw you drowning as I described the water.