I don't know how to say no
I never have
no to me is unacceptable
so even at the price of my wellbeing
I'll push myself
striving to be strong
when all I want is to bury my head
in my pillow
I don't know how to admit
that I'm not invincible
so I keep going
unable to stop at the red lights
even as my limbs tremble
turn to lead
and quake
Because in the end
I'll put others needs before mine
in the end, I convince myself
I'm not worth it
that I never was
and never will be.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

We are all dreamers
in a world of slumber.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

What is this heaviness that lingers
in my bones
take it away, God,
if you're even there
grant me reprieve
or at least
a chance to breathe again
I called out to you
in the depths of my despair
but was sequestered
in the blues and grays
For just as the trees respond
to an exhale of wind
I expected a answer
from you
forgetting for an instant
to don my leather regalia
and so I payed
the price in full.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

It is not weak to yield
nor is it courageous
to rely on subterfuge
Speaking your inner truth
comes from daring to brave
eye rolls
shaking of heads
and mouths that smile yet
form cruel sentences all the same
You'll bleed
dripping perspiration
oozing all the love
you cannot find
Just when it seems as if
the sun is obscured by clouds
you get to your feet
tense muscles unclenching
utterly at the mercy
of all the light
you are just now starting to see.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

Brick by brick
stone by stone
I have built myself up
denying the inevitable
that all things
great
and small
fall
when it is their time
that mortality is the flutter
of a moth
so brief and sudden
fleeting even
an elusive thief we avoid
until it robs our home
and there are no riches that can
buy the hand of death
it strikes as it pleases
reaps those who sow
and sows those who reap.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

There are times
when I wish
I was blind
so I would not have to watch
loved ones
fall
and
break
and
stumble
so I would not have to watch
the world crumble
around us
like the howling before the storm.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-