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 Jun 2015 Maddie
Ashley
Hypocrite
 Jun 2015 Maddie
Ashley
I am one of the biggest hypocrites I know
I'm one of those, "Do as I say, not as I do" kind of person
I will feed people my advice
And do the exact opposite
“Love yourself”
“Be your first priority”
“Never settle”
All of these things I say should be done
Yet I can’t do it myself
Here I am, trying to fix people
When I am broken as well
I try to show people the beauty of the world, when a majority of the time
I see it as a dark place.
I focus on trying to make people happy, hoping it will bring me peace
Here I am, trying to help others when I can’t help myself
Trying to pick others up when my world crumbling
Right in front of my eyes
 Jun 2015 Maddie
Perri
too much
 Jun 2015 Maddie
Perri
I refuse to make any eye contact with strangers
Because for that split second,
We are connected.
I penetrate into their soul
And sense everything that has ever,
And will ever,
happen to them;
I feel far too much
And it is beyond overwhelming.
 Jun 2015 Maddie
Perri
Nothing makes me happier
than being a set of nonjudgemental ears
for those who have never had
someone to listen.
But sometimes,
the mouth attached to the head of the ears,
also needs someone,
to non-judgementally
listen.

A therapist also needs a therapist.
 Jun 2015 Maddie
Perri
candy
 Jun 2015 Maddie
Perri
I am as bitter as pure cocoa
As sour as a warhead
More layered than a jawbreaker,
To protect myself from someones
sweet tooth.
But I hope one day,
Someone sees that I am actually
Sweeter than taffy,
More vulnerable than cotton candy,
And more delightful than Turkish delights.
I hope to fulfill someone's cravings.
 Jun 2015 Maddie
Perri
mannerisms
 Jun 2015 Maddie
Perri
I love observing a stranger's mannerisms,
they tell a story of their own.
I watch them wherever I go, I find it cute noticing their little habits. I love seeing character in people I will never talk to or even see again.
 Jun 2015 Maddie
Perri
close enough
 Jun 2015 Maddie
Perri
It has been so long since I have had any sort of physical contact with someone,
that,
when the little, fragile woman
hemming my pants,
accidentally grazed my ankle,
while placing the pins,
I had almost mistaken it for some sort of affection.
 Jun 2015 Maddie
Perri
mail
 Jun 2015 Maddie
Perri
Everyday,
I check the mail,
hoping to see a letter from you.

Everyday,
I see that empty box;
Although, I am aware,
it would be too good to be true.
I have worked in a post office for four years, and have taught the special people in my life how beautiful writing letters are. I send them, but never seem to receive any in return.
 Jun 2015 Maddie
Perri
sorry mom
 Jun 2015 Maddie
Perri
I told my mom about events from my past,
events that shaped my bitter bones,
memories that will forever last.

I regret telling her
I had no friends until age 9
and that people would tell me
that they wish I would die.
I should have never informed her
that when I was young,
the pain people would bring to me,
tell me that I would never feel love.
I wish I didn't let her know
of the words people would constantly throw
my way.
How I would beg the teachers daily,
to not force me to go out to "play".

I was so ashamed
of the 12 grades of toucher,
until the day I was finally free.
But unfortunately,
all this damage,
it has taken far too much
away from me.

Now I am uncomfortable,
knowing that she now knows
everything I have kept covered.
I don't like people's concerns,
it makes me uneasy when they care;
I become smothered.
 Jun 2015 Maddie
Perri
I hate
that I live
vicariously through
characters
who fall in love
for the first time
in movies.

So innocent, so naive, so pure.
Utter curiosity.
I remember it all too well,
never to experience such a sensation again.

So I am going to continue
to live
vicariously through
characters first love
in movies
so I can
bring that feeling back,
for a split second,
even if it is faulty.
 Jun 2015 Maddie
Perri
always alone
 Jun 2015 Maddie
Perri
I go to a job where I am alone all day.
Then, I go home to where I am alone all night.

I can't tell if I enjoy being alone,
or if I am so used to it,
And I have no option but to enjoy it.
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