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Cameron Jul 4
Lost in the dark, I used to be happy.
My friends have moved on, I have been abandoned.
I'm lost, and I have been forgotten.

I ache for my friends, but to them, I meant little.
I feel too much, I'm too emotional.
I get filled with rage, but I'm not an angry person.

Only when I realized this, I realized that I'm better off forgotten.
I'm too unstable. I'm too dangerous. I can't help it. I hate myself because of it.
Cameron Jun 30
It always seems so close.
Close enough where you can feel the warmth of love.
Close enough where you can hear the sounds of peace.
Close enough where you can smell the scent of serenity
Close enough where you can see those you love smiling at your face.
Close enough where you can taste your best memories as if for the first time.
Close enough…


But then you’re dragged back down that dark tunnel.


Love turns to enmity.
Peace turns into chaos.
Serenity turns into turmoil.
Smiles turn to sneers.
Memories become bittersweet.
The spoken words are nearly always the cause…


The warmth is lost.
The words replaced them with daggers in my stomach.
The peace is lost,
The words replaced them with sorrow in my soul.
The serenity is lost.
The words replaced them with a ***** under each of my fingernails.
The smiles are lost.
The words replaced them with with dark, malignant, expressions
The memories still hang on.
They are the salt in my wounds.


Power is what’s needed to get what you want, to argue, to fight.
Power is something I lack.
Everytime I fight, I lose.
Fear is allowed to take root.
Fear that I am tearing my family in half.
Fear that I am favoring either she or him.
I don’t know…


I don’t know…


“I don’t know…” is a weight I carry around daily.
It’s a steel ball-and-chain around my ankle.
I don’t know how to fight for what I want.
I don’t know how to be neutral.
I don’t know how to make things right.
I try as hard as I can, but I just simply can’t succeed.
I need both she and him to understand that I tear myself in two for both of them.
Everyday it hurts, but I do it anyway.


I do it to feel the warmth of love.
I do it to hear the sounds of peace.
I do it to smell the scent of serenity
I do it to see those I love smiling at my face.
I do it to ******* best memories as if for the first time.


I’m almost at the end of the tunnel.
For a moment, I am hopeful.
Then, right on the brink, the edge of permanent happiness and peace.
I get dragged right back to the start.
Dragged back in tears.


“It isn’t fair,” I thought.
I’ve been dragged back so many times.
I’ve hoped for the moon, and was given a rock.
All of these years of anxiety and hoping for peace between her, him, and I...
Well I’ve finally given up, and accepted it.


I’ll never pass through the light at the end of the tunnel.
But I used to hope...
Cameron Jun 30
The mask is here to stay.
I wear it day by day.
Behind it stare sad eyes.
Empty and broken inside.

Instead all that you see
Is what you expect to see
A guy who's always smiling
Versus a guy who's always crying.

The mask prevents intrusion.
That's only part of the illusion.
In the end the mask will dissolve
In the end, so will my resolve

Why do I wear this mask?
I only want those I love to see past.
I do not know when I'll show my true face.
I'm looking at the world through a glass vase.

If only somebody could see past the lies.
Somebody who can see that I'm not alright.
If only somebody could undertake this task.
Only they would be able to remove my mask.
Cameron Jun 30
Things are getting bad again.
Not to worry, I’m close to the end.
I’m falling down, I’m off the track.
One more step, I’m never going back.

If I fell, would they see,
That I’m not the one I used to be?
That when they talk and scream and shout,
They twist and mar and shut me out?

Embossing feelings of sorrow and anguish
Caused by yelling, leaving him to languish
How can I find hope when I can’t see the wonder?
There’s no way back, I’m going under.

I wish there was a way to see.
I know there’s good out there, waiting for me.
But lack of sight is building pain.
Pain so great It has sealed my fate.

Things are getting bad again.
I won’t worry, it is the end.
I just fell down, right off the track.
I took that step, I can’t go back.

— The End —