|Written 2011|

I thought of myself as a "good" Christian boy. I'd loved God my whole life. Never let a cuss word come to my lips, opposed every kind of evil, and loved for good to triumph in all things. I wanted God's way--his Will to be done.
It all came down with one click of the mouse. MY sense of innocence--along with my misplaced pride--was broken. Instantly I was ensnared by a new beast I never knew or could have imagined lived within me. I became addicted to *******, a slave to all available forms of lust. I was a sinner, fully realized. I tasted death and slept with it. And some point after that breaking point, I finally truly understood the Love of the God who yet pursued me, and offered me freedom, grace, and forgiveness. It was then I learned his love. Then I began to be truly humbled. Then I learned to love others. And then that I realized just what Christ has truly done for me--for you...for us all.
He taught me how to take hold of the freedom from sin, the freedom that He purchased for us by taking our place on the cross. The cross, where horizontal met vertical, heaven met earth, righteousness and sin, God and man collided.

Though scars remain, as do struggles, and temptations, and weakness, healing and growth, maturity and refining do come through Him.

I was freed from a daily, 2+ year addiction, about 3 years ago. Do I still slip up? Yes. Am I perfect? Not even close. But God reminds me of my dependence on Him, shows me his faithfulness through me, grants me more strength as I grow into it and learn, and I become better, slowly, all the time. There are slips and backslides, but where I lose footing once, God brings me a greater number steps forward.
Maturity is a slow thing. Faithfulness is formed through years of fire. But it all works for the better in the end.

And through my experiences, addiction, depression, brokenness, shame, and hopelessness, this heart in me has formed in new ways; I can relate to you, know your struggle, walk you with me back through the processes that bettered me, and healed me, and allowed me to know freedom. I can show you why I have hope, and that God has always been faithful, and how He has. I have love for my enemies, and have compassion for the worst, the most lost, of sinners.  I am a sinner.  But a righteous God knows me. He loves us. All of us. And He grace for every one. We're his children. Nothing can ever change that. Literally, nothing can. He will always forgive the repentance in the heart of one of his broken children, and He understands our weakness better than we even do. And He even felt it as a man, and knows it as God. Trust Him. And He will give you a better life. The one He made you for.

God bless.

- ADSciple // A.D. Sifford,  [May 22, 2014; 18:24]

I've done some songwork with One Click. All that's finished at this time is the vocal melody.

© 2017 A.D. Sifford.
I'm okay with you sharing my poems, but I ask that you show courtesy. Please be honest about the authorship by attributing it to my name. Thank you,
- Sifford

Internet addiction got me so bad.