After the longest two months
My mind still races without reprieve
They all say it will be better;
“You were so right to leave”

There were far too many challenges
I was opposed at every moment
My autonomy had vanished
This became my daily torment
We came and went, then came again
Rebuilt to be reburnt
Cut to Ultimatum February
Nearly everyone was hurt

I thought things would be easier
Since we’ve sung this song before
But all I do is toss and turn
I can’t sleep without you anymore
Call me stupid, there’s a weakness in me
I love the love that makes me numb
My “better” life just isn’t home
You may still be the one

Although you are gone
Your collar still smells like you
After all this time

All these #friends
And I've never
Felt more
Alone

When they ask me
"How's it going?"
It's all I can muster
Without falling apart

On the outside, I am strong
I can smile at strangers
I can laugh with my friends
I can enjoy the breeze on a summer day
Everything is okay
But sometimes
There are cracks in my foundation
I can cry in the blink of an eye
I doubt those who I used to trust
I don't want to live anymore
On the inside, I am broken

Well well
It's been a full year
And I've finally gotten
"over you"
I still get flashbacks
From when we were close
But they've been
Far less frequent
I'm just glad I finally realized
I'm complete without you
Or any other boy
I'm a person too
And I finally know that
After one year
Without you

Every time I look at you
You're looking at her
Whenever you glance my way
Its like the sun shining on my face
Sometimes you tell me things
I already know
Like how beautiful she is
How smart
How funny
How she's breaking your heart

I just wish you would see
That I'd love you better
In fact, I already do

Different
That's what you are
So much that
I feel alienated
Like I shouldn't be here
I'm in the way
Nothing but a burden
To a whole new woman
You have your friends
And their friends
And I'm just wondering
Why I'm still around
Never being understood
Always being yelled at
Forever the brunt of every joke
You talk of "positivity"
But all I get is the negative part of you
That you don't want to show anyone
You are a stranger
That's what you are
"Mom"

On the one hand
I want to be there
The friend you'll always need
On the other
I want to be there
With you holding me
I want the world to take a pause
To stop and give us time
A chance for both our hearts to beat
Together, rhythm and rhyme
I want us to conquer
The fears and doubts we hold
I want us to love like champions
Instead of doing what we're told
Lets forget the ones who think
We'll never make it through
Lets try to throw the past away
So it's only me and you

Ever since October the third
I've had no one to call mine
My relationship failed
And I was single once again
Then, in November
    I liked a beautiful boy
Who I thought liked me back
But I was mistaken
And for awhile, that destroyed me
I needed someone to love
But I just kept spiraling downward
Into that void we call
"The single life"
I've dealt with it as best I can
Winter is hard, right?
But now it's Spring
I see couples all around me
My old boyfriend is a distant memory
He's dating a girl who's great for him
Happy
The boy from November is a stranger
He's dating a girl who deserves only the best
Happy
Where am I ?
I'm at the bottom of the heap
Hoping that maybe one day
I can be complete.

You are a strong, beautiful girl
You have grit, patience, and great empathy
Friends will come and go
They're flighty that way
But you will always have those traits
That make you the person I want to be
You will always be an angel
Admired by all who truly matter
But most importantly
You must never forget
You will always be
My Moonchild

Just because I'm past the shock
Just because I'm past the heartache
Just because I wish only for your happiness
Doesn't mean I don't have scars
That I don't hear every word you say in stereo
That you don't still mean a lot to me
But just because I'm saying this now
Doesn't mean I want you to change a thing
Because your happiness is all that matters to me

Things are different on the open road
There's so much to watch out for
So much to worry about
But
If I'm supposed to be concentrating
Why can't I get my mind off of you?
You're all I think about
You occupy my head
I'm trying to learn
The rules of the road
And I can't even stay in my lane
Because your eyes
And your smile
Are enough to drive me crazy

How much longer
Do I have to pretend
That I'm stronger
Than the words you say
Or the things you do
I'm screaming from the rooftops
Of my mind
That's the way it goes
Because If I actually screamed
Everyone would know
Everyone would see
It would automatically show
What you mean to me
A definite release
From the form of the past
Abandoning the thought
That maybe we could last and
I'm screaming from the rooftops
Because there's nothing I can do
Except hope that maybe one day
You can be there too

I am a vagabond
Always moving on
Yet I seemingly get too attached
How can I ever
Get it together
It seems like maybe
I've met my match
Its always poetic
Or increasingly sad
As I wither away inside
You may see beyond
But not this vagabond
No, now I'm taking it
One day at a time

You have to know
How much I need you
How much I want you
How much I want to kiss you
You, funny redheaded boy
Are my valentine
Even if you don't want to be
I know that you don't care
But I wont stop wishing
You'd make me yours

I hadn't truly looked at you
For a long time
I'd glanced
And yearned for you
But you didn't notice
Then, yesterday
I looked right at you
I noticed the beard you've been growing
And it seems like you've been working out
And my heart stopped
Because you're so beautiful
But no matter how much I talk to you
You'll never see my appreciation
But it'll still be there
Always

For the longest time
I couldn't find the words
To explain exactly how I felt
But then I heard that song
And it all clicked
Now I'm sifting
Through the heartache
And I'm suddenly realizing
I'm gonna be okay.

Could it be
I'm finally moving on?
I don't know
He's nice and all
And really cute
Who am I to be picky?
But I can't stop thinking
About what could have been
I still love you
But I'm trying so hard not to

Yesterday
We talked and laughed
The way we used to
In November
It wasn't the same
But it was familiar
And I loved it

I think its funny
That I'm hanging out with your sister
That we're going to make pottery, of all things
I think its hilarious
That all I can think about is your smile
My sides are splitting
At the fact that I'll never do anything like this
With you
I'm slapping my knee
Because you will never be mine
I'm done laughing
And all that's left
Is a smile
Plastered where
My heart used to be

Everybody has a "type"
Mine was always
Dark hair and blue eyes
But then you came along
With your red hair
And your beautiful brown eyes
At first I was stunned
I didn't know  
That such a deep, rich color existed
And when those brown eyes looked at me
I thought I could see my future
I was wrong.
Those amazing, gorgeous eyes
Will never look at me
The way my hazel
Look at you
I thought I knew my "type"
But I didn't realize
That my only type was YOU.

Every day
Is the same
Wake up
Get dressed
Go to school
Miss you
Learn science
Laugh in English
Miss you
Hate Geometry
Miss you
Make videos
Eat lunch
See you
Miss you
Wish I could talk to you
Write for an hour
Learn about some dead guys
Get on the bus
Miss you
Go home
Die inside
Miss you.

That endless ticking
Gets on my nerves so badly
Take it off the wall

If I had a dime
For every single time
I heard the words
"I like you as a friend"
I would have a lot of dimes
Enough dimes
To buy a candy bar
Which would taste bittersweet
With a hint of salt
As I cry and think
About your friendship
If I had a dime
For every single time
I did this
I would have a lot of dimes

You're beautiful.
There are others who feel the same
But none of them
Feel it like I do
When I text you
And I can hear every word you type
In your perfect voice
Or when we talk
And I feel your gaze
Resting on me
I know your jokes
And your references
And your obsessions
Because they're the same as mine
And I love that
You're beautiful.

You were not
here today
I didn't see
your adorable face
or your fiery hair
or your cute smile
as I stumbled through my day
a little bit lost
and kind of confused
you keep me going
even though
you don't
know it.

You give me Vertigo.
You know, the fear of heights?
I had it already
But you make it
Magnified
I'm so scared
That if I love you
You'll drop me
Its not the fear of being high
But the fear of falling
And if I do fall
Would you catch me?
I may never know
Because the only thing
Scarier than flying
Is never making
The climb.

When you're mean to me
Who cares?
When your other friends are more important
Who cares?
When you hate me for no reason
Who really cares?
Or
When I just want to be your friend
Who cares?
When I feel left out
Who cares?
When I have an ache in my heart the size of China
Who really cares?
Certainly not me.

On the mountain
of my feelings
I fly onward to toward the sky
If you only
Look closer
You would see me flying high

When its over
Then its over
Nothing left to do or say
If you are strong
you can push on
Before life gets in the way

Never give up
Climb that mountain
you will reach the top in time
you will never
have to worry
in the sky, lord
in the sky

without a purpose
I am nothing.
You kept me alive and in the world
You made me breathe the air
smell the roses
love the people around Us
Us...
funny how the word
no longer applies
its a has-been
a used-to-be  
just like You
and just like Me

Tick Tock
One minute passes
Tick Tock
Then another
Tick Tock
Where are you?
I'm anxious
I'm scared
I'm hopeful
I'm new to loving you
I want to hear back
I wait
Tick Tock