I put my quill to parchment
And like a gaping wound
My heart spills my pain upon it

Like crimson tears
The words Drip onto the pale yellow page
Soaking it with emotions so profound
My hand struggles to write

A release of my soul
Now permanently stained
In bold italics across the tattered sheet

A bitter sweet ode to my demons
Another metaphysical analogy of life
No longer wanted

Another useless attempt at salvation
A long overdue goodbye
That no one will ever read

Until they finally find me
Hanging in the closet
Amongst the other skeletons
I have unwittingly collected

And can no longer tolerate
Nor live with
Or most important of all
Hide from myself

The Angel of Darkness
Hovers close overhead
I can feel his evil stare
Like an impending dread

Dark and foreboding
With fiery eyes
That can pierce a weaker man's heart
And fill it with lies

I feel the heat of his gaze
And smell the stench of his breath
Full of hatred and malevolence
And the promise of death

He patiently waits
To claim my soul as his own
And force me to pay homage
And bow to his throne

An eternity of suffering
Is promised to me
If I weaken my defenses
And allow this to be

But my heart is made pure
Because I pray to the light
And live a clean life
And try to do right

To this wondrous light,
I give devotion and love
And in return I am protected
From the darkness above

But sometimes the light can get hot
And burn like the sun
And trying to be perfect
Is sometimes not very fun

So on those bright days
I let my veneration fade
And seek out the darkness’ shadow
For just a little bit of shade

I really thought I knew
But I was sadly mistaken
The advantage over me
You had easily taken

The wool had completely
Covered my eyes
As I fell for all your excuses
Promises and lies

You were so dame convincing
Played the part so well
All the while pretending
And I could never even tell

Until the day you faltered
And let your true self out
I finally got a glimpse
Of what you were truly about

I couldn't really believe it
I didn't want it to be so
But now that you're exposed
I have no choice but to go

I will no longer be made
To look like a fool
And never forgive myself
For breaking my own rule

The rule most important
That was number one on my chart
To never completely give
Someone my fragile heart

Thy elegance of form
Hast weakened my body and soul
As the weight of thy splendor and beauty
Hast become my payload

To carry thy love
Within my pitiful heart
Hast become my penance
For wanting more than I deserve

Pardon me for my weakness
But worry not for my struggles
For I have harvested thy bounty
And now must boldly ferry thy lading

I beg thee do not smile in my presence
For the weight of joy
It will add to my corpulent heart
Will surely be my undoing

Let me trudge along my road to happiness
And like an oxen who carries goods
Without complaint of discourse
I shall always be your love’s beast of burden

Mine hands
Sinful tools possessed
Dance along the periphery
Of thy intimate domain
Touching and probing
With subtle  
Perverse persuasions

Caressing thy sweet softness
With course and brutal desires
Has thou the courage
Within thy soul
For acceptance of such
And grant admittance
Into thy Forbidden garden

Or shall these hands
Be bound and left idle
Their tools left to rust
From the tears
Of mine intimate frustrations

The morning light breaks  and my eyes open wide;
I feel the warmth from your body as you lay by my side
I watch as you sleep so peaceful and serene
Resembling an angel or similar being

Suddenly I am aware of a feeling deep within
As a powerful desire starts to begin
Hit with these feeling so quick that in fact
I barely had time to even react

These feelings were strong so true and spontaneous
And the love that I felt was almost instantaneous
A need for your presence comes from deep in my core
Uncontrollable emotions unlike never before

A wanting for your touch burns inside me like fire
And a taste for your kiss full of love and desire
But as I reach out to you for an intimate embrace
You’re gone in an instant without even a trace


The morning light breaks and my eyes are filled with tears;
No longer feeling your body’s warmth after all of these years
I wake from my dream empty to the core,
As my longing for you is now stronger than before

I know I am unable to believe the real truth
How you were taken from me in the prime of loves youth
My discovery of these emotions, and its powerful force
Were never given the chance to run its full course

Today I will watch you sleeping, not by my side but in this place
Where a granite marker now sits with your name etched on its face
You become now that angel you resembled while you slept
And that vision of you my minds always kept

The loneliness I feel is immeasurable and deep
As I stand next to your plot and silently weep
But I am thankful to have had you for the time you were here
And the time we were together I will always hold dear

Our moments will be treasured for the rest of my days
As I try to exist without you in this painful lonely haze
So sleep well my little angel until it’s time for me too
And they will lay me to rest right here next to you

The flames still strong
And the light is burning bright
As it did when you ignited it
On our very first night

This unbridled passion
Still lives in my soul
and the physical attraction
I’m still unable to control.

Mind-boggling emotions
Still envelope my being
As it’s your enticing form
In my dreams I am seeing

Our years have not diminished
And our love is still there
The way we stay true
To the honesty we share

Bestowed this wondrous gift
From the universal unknown
we are rewarded with happiness
in our devotion that’s shown

So I look at you now
with a little more age in your face
but as beautiful as ever
as you've aged with such grace

I am blessed to have had you
For so many wonderful years
So full of joy and happiness
It brings me to tears

I love you even more
Than that very first day
And grateful that through the years
You've decided to stay

Every day with you is a pleasure
And not one of them is the same
But one thing has been constant
It’s my loves eternal flame

Playfully dancing
Around this strange light
Like a beacon it shines
On this warm and dark night

Calling us close
From our summer night flight
As its beautiful radiance
We are unable to fight

Mindlessly circling
And not understanding of why
But endlessly around
The strange light we all fly

Transfixed by its wonder
And a need to get near
But not daring to do so
Because it’s our death we all fear

But its pull is too strong
On the weak minds and their will
This beautiful strange light
That’s only purpose is to ****

So after many of tries
by the weak and unwise
With a zap and a spark
it takes their short lives

A Moth and a Beetle
Even a few fireflies
It saddens us all to hear
Their last painful cries

So cautiously we circle
The light on the wall
Until the dawn finally comes
And releases us all…

You envy me so
With all of your might
You want to steal all my warmth
And extinguish my light

You covet my power
And my celestial role
You want to replace me
With all your heart and soul

You yearn for the control
Over the mornings and day
Your greed for more time
Has lead you astray

You try to block me out
Every couple of years
Unable to completely do so
It brings you to tears

You obsess over my fame
You detest all my praise
You despise my allure
And my warm loving rays

Void of any beauty
You feel dead and cold
Stories of your greatness
Will never be told

Forever chasing the day
You’re bound to the night
You will never be happy
Till you’re the only one on sight

Your quest to seize the day
Is useless and in vain
You’re stuck in your own orbit
That feeds your jealousy and pain

Your chance of replacing me as a star
Won’t be coming soon
For I’m the life giving sun
Silly little moon....

With your eyes full of hate
As venom drips from your fangs,
Your pores oozing contempt
While anger courses through your veins.

A putrid cloud of malevolence
Surrounds your black heart,
While animosity and revenge
Rips your sanity apart.

Your mind has been poisoned
And your spirit subverted,  
By the slow death of your soul
Which you could have averted.

You chose to consume
The evil and hate,
Eating every rancid morsel
Served to you on that plate.

You wash it all down
With that liquid you hold dear,
As you continue to drown
In your own misery and fear.

This sickness has destroyed
Everything you held true,
You’ve traded your life
For that foul witches brew.

Unable to see
Past the darkness and lies,
Even deaf now to hear
Your soul’s pleadings and cries.

Unsuccessfully you try
To wash it away,
As you drink from that bottle
Day after day.  

I pray for your soul
And the torment you face,
But the truth about yourself
Alcohol can never erase.

Deep pools of heartache and sadness
spill from eyes like drops of liquid pain.

Contorted images of punishment and suffering
Twist and writhe just beneath the surface
Of a bruised and tattered form

Torturous memories
Devour and feast upon the dead carcasses
Of dreams and desires that once ran free
Within a realm of innocents

A heart held captive,
Bound by chains of broken promises and lies,
Held fast by the weight of fear and self pity,
Complacent to the illusion of change

The soul wanders lost within the mists of insecurity
As it searches frantically for that once loving hand
To lead it back into the light,
But only finding an angry fist
That forces it back into the darkness

How long must a nightmare continue
Before one can awake from its horror,
Or has this become the waking life
Of a content submissive
Trapped within one’s own brutal reality

Fading the blackness
With explosion of light
Eating away chaos
As sanity regains it sight

Righteousness erodes deep trenches
Through evils thick crust
As promise wields hopes hammer
And pounds it to dust

My fight has been long
A grueling battle it has been
For my quest to be wholesome
And free of all sin

But my resolve grows weary
And my will is getting weak
Just a balance between the two
Is all I now seek

How can there be a victor
In this ongoing fight
When it takes darkness
For there to even be light.

In the stealth of night
You may find me creeping
Pursuing my prey
On a midnight reaping

I slither and slink
Without the slightest of sound
As I silently make my way
Through the unsuspecting town

My killing blade
Tucked neatly away
As I cautiously stalk
My next deserving prey

Visions of my last
Fill my filthy little head
As I relish in the fact
That another sinner is dead

**** all these people
Who pretend to be just and clean
While behind closed doors
They‘re all bigger hypocrites and fiends

As they all pray by day
And fornicate in the same breath
I am the night’s judge and jury
And I sentence them to death

It gives me great pleasure
To be Satan’s next of kin
To punish all these ******* pretenders
Who are comfortably living in sin

As I sit alone in my cell
My mind starts to dwell
On the fact that I’m still here
Trapped in my own hell

Alone and imprisoned
By my own fear
As I continue my sentence
Year after year

My own prison I’ve built
Out of my own depression and shame
Unwilling to forgive
I have only myself now to blame

The foundation was laid
From my mistakes and bad choices
Bonded and strengthened
By all the angry condemning voices

The walls are built high
Solid and stout
To insure that I never
Climb or break out

Though my crimes were not evil
To be punishable by death
Sometimes I imagine them to be
So I can breathe my last breath.

Loneliness and heartache
Are two things I know well
Along with sorrow and pain
That keep me confined to my cell

One day I may be pardoned
And finally set free
From the emotional chains
That are now binding me

When that day comes
Will I be reformed and made whole?
Or in this cell will I stay
Another condemned and lost soul?

Those silly little things
that run through your head
all of the things
you wish you had said

the words rest upon your lips
but are never set free
as they shrivel and die
like a leaf on a tree

to have just the nerve
and or even the tact
the knowledge as to know
the right moment to react

But the timing is never right
and the courage is never found
by fear and self doubt
your hearts forever bound

So let your heart be your voice
Let it speak loud and clear
Through your manner and actions
For everyone to hear

Because sometimes actions
are far more meaningful than words
sometimes they get twisted
And sometimes not even heard

So don’t let it worry you
Or mess with your head
sometimes things are heard better
when they are left unsaid

What is it with you?
Tiny little pill
That makes me crave you
Even though I’m not even ill

You have clouded my judgment
And infected my brain
The way I let you control me
I must be totally insane

I know I should leave you
Discard you for sure
But I can’t seem to shake
Your illicit allure

You always seem to know
How to make me forget
All the things in my life
That fills me with regret

You numb all my pain
And chase away my fear
You take me from my reality
And make everything disappear

How ironic it is
Although my mind is sedated
I feel we are as one
Both poison and encapsulated

I guess I must accept
You’re my companion for life
My life’s guilty pleasure
My 80 milligram wife

So forever we are bound
You have had me from the start
Just one dose of your pleasure
So now it’s till death do us part

Sleepless nights full of regret
For holding it all in
Waiting for the erosion
Of my mind to begin

My soul wanders aimless
Blind, lost and weak
A beautiful future
Now dark, lonely and bleak

Where do I look for courage
To find my voice
Is it too late?
Do I still have a choice?

Am I destined to be silent?
Nothing more than a mute
Unable to express
And emotionally irresolute

So now I just sit
In a dark corner and sigh
Looking for answers
To the how, when and whys

I hope the answers come soon
On why I don’t speak
Why I can’t express what I feel
And why I feel lonely and weak

Until I find the answers
I’ll just continue to cut
But I will hide my arms well
So nobody sees and thinks I’m a nut.

Devoid of all substance and matter
I am empty to the core
Cold and vacant are my eyes
My soul resides in me no more

Love and desire have vacated my heart
And my will and hope have fled
Any thoughts of joy or happiness
No longer fill my head

Drained of all feeling and emotion
All that’s left is an empty shell
My tears have dried, my voice has gone
I’m now unable to cry or yell

My spiritual existence has ended
And left me completely hollow
If my courage hadn’t left me long ago
I would let my mortal life follow

Indistinguishable from the nothingness
I am the darkness’s biggest fan
As I am now resigned to be
Just another invisible man

Forlorn in demeanor,
Thyself with heart in tatters

Solemn and beseeched,
I'm near the edge
Of loves rapturous foreboding precipice

Shall my torturous soul
Commit it’s self to the abyssal unknowns
Of sacrificial acquiescence to thee?

A force neither trustworthy nor forgiving
As it warms chilled hearts
And sooths with passionate death

Unwitting those of lesser toils within,
True to their salvation,
But blind to its deceit
And yet give reverence to thee

Alas shall I not gaze into eyes of splendor
Nor taste passion upon sweet lips?

Forsake the essence of purity sought,
And forgo righteous happenings within thy being?

To this unknown I ponder
And thus negates my apotheosis of thee

Enlighten my sorrowful remnants of gayety
And subservient obedience to thee
As was once remembered

At this I shall take that leap of faith
And boldly plunge thyself into the depths
Of your infinite sanctity

Red ripe is my fruit
Plump and bursting with resentment
Oozing remorse and regret
My pain Ready for you to harvest

I have waited patiently
For your uncontrollable urge
To feast upon my agony
And devour my shame

Your greedy appetite
For my suffering is insatiable
Feed your glutinous desires
As you sink your teeth deep
Into my cold flesh

******* bittersweet discontent
As you ingest my poisoned hatred
And choke upon the shards
Of my broken heart and shattered dreams

Now that you have consumed
The essence of my pain
I’m nothing but a hollow core
Return my ravaged remains
Back into the soil of Eden's garden

So that I may be absorbed
Back into the earth
And the seed of mans sins
Can now take root

Look at you now
All bloated and stinking
Feeding the maggots
What were you thinking?

Did you think it would last?
Your rein of malicious intent
All the days of physical abuse
And nights of hellish torment

Your belittling ways, gave you such a thrill
How you chipped away at my sanity
Breaking not only my bones
But my dignity and will

You tried to control my thoughts
Your power over me you had to prove
By binding my heart and soul
So tight I could barely move

I had become just a toy
To amuse your twisted mind
To my misery and unhappiness
You were unaware and completely blind

But your cruel games are now over
Your time of tyranny is through
It was my life I had to defend
And that’s why I had to **** you

I wish they had not found you
Revenge or satisfaction I never really got
I wanted to feel your soul suffer
And watch your body rot!

Moist lips
Swollen with passion
Sent from thy red throbbing heart
Once resembling obsidian

Nerves once numb
Tingle and burn anew
As rivers of red
Course through
Thy once arid veins

A cacophony
Of maddening inner voices
Echo within the hollows
Of a once silenced consciousness

Newly awakened emotions
Now ready to unfurl and blossom
Within thy once dormant being

Flushed skin warm and red
With newfound emotions
Brighten the lingering gloom
Surrounding thy darkened dreams

As tears of new found reverence
Spill from once blind eyes
That once again behold
The beauty and desire
Buried deep within thyself.

Alas life flourishes
Abundantly growing
With each new word of adoration
Whispered into thy long deaf ear

As love buries it’s self
Deeper and deeper
Under thy now soft
And no longer pale skin…

I’m waiting on you
And I'm being very patient
To show you my love
Is my only intent

The hours and minutes
Tick by unmercifully slow
And my anticipation for your touch
Just seems to grow and grow

Unable to focus
My thoughts are only of you
As the hours pass into days
My red heart fades to blue

I yearn for you intensely
As those days turn into weeks
My life seems meaningless without you
Your presence my soul now seeks

Weeks have evolved into months
And my sadness I can hardly bare
I feel as though I’m fading
Into the nothingness I now stare

Desperation and heart ache
Months now have become a year
Losing you forever
Was my deepest dark fear

You left without reason
With out even a warning
Now in the stillness of this place
I find myself mourning

But today I stand at your grave
And realize now it must be
That you’re the one who now
Is patiently waiting for me….

Stuck in this place
Full of empty space
Where the deafening silence
Awaits a verbal embrace

Just one utterance of hope
To be given the strength to cope
And I will unwind the noose
From the end of my rope

Just one ray of light
To regain my sight
To be able to be set free
From all of the anger and fright

Unable to bear
This mask of shame I now wear
To keep living this lie
That anyone will even care

But now it’s too late
My feet now fully off the crate
And my body is now free
From my minds loathing and self hate