Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
 Oct 2018 Chloe
Chloe
Like an old friend inviting you to come inside.
Familiar. Comforting.
It will grasp you in its arms and hold you close;
And when you're ready to leave, it wont let you go.
You will beg and plead to be happy,
and it will put up a fight.
It will make you think that the only way to escape it is to take your own life.
If you are lucky, you can break free;
and it will sit and watch you from afar.
Calling your name.
Welcoming you back into it's arms.
It will intrude your thoughts.
Make you think you are worthless.
That you're better off dead.
Just keep telling yourself that it's all in your head.
Keep moving. You will get far.
Depression is not who you are.
DISCLAIMER: This is only from my personal point of view and how my battle with depression has been. Even though I am trying to recover, the battle gets very difficult for me sometimes and I have to remind myself that I am not my mental illness. My mental illness does not define me.
 Aug 2018 Chloe
egghead
Bleed Out
 Aug 2018 Chloe
egghead
I begged you to come in
to read me like a book
to feel the touch of my skin
to taste the promises on my lips
and whisper them back to me.

You did.
and more.

You cut me open.
Did everything I asked of you.
Read the pumping blood in heart
like the code of my DNA.
Looked to the blue and red twisting of my veins
traveled those lines to find me
like following a road map to the place
Where you could burrow deep down into my mind. My heart.

And keep that space.

I branded your name there.
The image of you.
Your back.
The outline of your shoulder blades through your t-shirt.
The way you look with your eyes closed.
Like you're trying to shut out the world.

and me.

Wishing I could be a part of it.

Wishing I could take up the space in you that you took in me.

Wishing you counted on me
like I counted your heartbeats as you slept.

That our hearts molded together like I so dearly believe they should.
That those words I wrote on that empty
Lined page

That they were wrong.

He doesn't love me.

I don't know what I did.

I asked you to cut me open.

Now I'm trying not to bleed out.
 Aug 2018 Chloe
egghead
We cannot write silence.
The beats.
The pause.
The breath.
The way it aches
and persists

and begs that,

if only for a moment,

our consciousness is only a whisper.
our bodies,
our lips,
the air that passes through falling chests
and stillness.

A melody of emotion.
Sleeping in the quiet of a heartbeat skipped
a word lost to the wind.

The wickedness of reticence
Encapsulated in air and time.

The moment stretched too long.
Hesitation perpetuated in the grip of fingernails
pressed into palms.

We cannot write silence,
but we can try.

to find a way to immortalize emotion
to create space
in the ceaseless drone of words that speak and spin.

I cannot write silence. But I can write
tears and years
and the burn of long-stretched lies.

I can write goodbyes and hellos
And dozen ways to say
I love to hate you
Or
I hate to love you
and sometimes
I cannot tell the difference.
Silence.
The space I have upheld for myself.

I love to hate you
Heart.

I hate to love you too.

I cannot write silence.
But I know it.
and I have held it in my hand.
Inspired by the Vanity Fair article of André Aciman's reaction to his book *Call Me By Your Name* being made into a movie. Specifically the quote, "I couldn't write silence."
 Aug 2018 Chloe
Xander King
Dear Suicide,
*******. I will not forgive you for the havoc you have wrecked on my life, I will no longer hold you like a parent, or lover. You are no longer my Friend, you are not the comforting bed I can sink into when the world is too heavy for my concave chest.

You have always been there, ever since I was born. You were there when I was a few months old and my mother tried to end our lives together so she wouldn't leave me alone. You were there six months later in the ***** hotel room holding my mother's drug filled arms to lift the bottle of pills to the trembling lips calling out for her children, her husband, someone so she wouldn't be alone. You fed her the pills and promised she wasn't alone, she had you after all. Sometimes I wonder if you'd always been there for her too.

I remember you creeping around corners my whole life, I wonder if you cursed my name the nights I'd insist on sleeping in my dad's bed because before I even knew what suicide was I knew your vice like hands held his heart after you crushed my mother's.

After you saw my father wouldn't be the next victim, you wouldn't rip this family apart that way you settled for me. I was 10 when you crept back into our home, you came to me as a fleeting shadow in the corner of my eye when the classmates teased me. Slowly you crept into my tears and the more I cried the more you possessed my mind. In middle school you taught me that you'd give me peace if I let the blood seep, that the deeper the blade dragged into my skin the closer to you I'd be.

Slowly I began to worship you, made alters in my closest out of rope I'd pray to be strong enough to fall into. I wanted to be a sacrifice to you. All my waking thoughts were of you, you were a comfort nothing else could offer me, an off button. If I wanted I could turn it all off, I could finally meet the woman I had no memory of.

As time went on I tried to forget you, I'd plunge myself into life and into creating a better end for myself. You wouldn't let me go though, Everytime I missed a question on my test or burnt a meal I'd hear your voice offering me an out. Over time you got obsessive and violent screaming that'd I'd end up like my mother anyway so why fight the inevitable, it's better to leave on a high note than after everyone left me.

I never let you win though. I fought to eradicate you from my life, I refused to let you win. I still won't let you control my thought anymore. When I get knocked down by life, when all the odds are against me I no longer wish I was dead, I thank the universe for the opportunity to get up again, to change things and be a stronger person than I was yesterday.

Sincerely,
The person you tried to destroy.
 Aug 2018 Chloe
Poetoftheway
,how do you know when
(a human is too broken?)




<•>

human too broken?

like the light bulb, removal from its fixture, a simple shaking revelation of the tinkling filament spent, something that cannot be repaired, the only option is replacement and that makes
you cry

the empty box of oatmeal raisin cookies, you find secret’d,
hid by you, not to be found by you
at the bottom of the kitchen garbage,
but box betrayal, by the chartreuse tipped box lid sided
peeking upwards, asking, silencing screaming,
what did I do to deserve
this degrading

like the blouse now too tight that it brings stares as the buttons strain, unwelcome attention unintended,
you know it but still pretend not to see,
for you both once loved that silky guise that so
heightened the high tender, the match of your pink rose skin letting, no! making
your eyes glisten, like broken filament glass, on the sidewalk,
recalling the pleasured admiration,
rain remembered from the
prior priority of a life consisting of only
perfect gifts

so mean revert to the poseur question; this is how...

remove the human from a fixed place, whimpering-threatened,
you may hear clear the crackle cackling  of the innard shards against the misperception of a body intact,
even if you do,
no repair service you want,  can be found, see it nowhere,
is it even
anywhere advertised?

the body presumed intact is secret’d under a tactile coverlet,
holey scupperrd holy cuttered
so that the cells and bicuspids, the threads
no longer function in a tandem,
you keep it in the closet closed,
in the back, deep hid, where,
when it screams why,
it can be safe ignored,
because  ‘betrayed’ is no longer a word,
in your globe's dictionary,
the parental controls activated by you to
save your own inner child’s unconstrained confusion,
it has been removed


so the broken glass, the clothes you dressed each other,
if not weep-well,
well enough hid,
the fit is off,
the fit is off,
the coverlet ripped so bad and neither cares
an unexpected poem, unplanned, needing work
aug 4-5
 Aug 2018 Chloe
Edmund black
I abide
Sunny
Inspite
Of agony
I caress
The Aurora
Inspite of cloudburst
I show the globe
Stupendous adoration
Inspite Of distress
My heart
Abide
Unclouded
Inspite
Malicious
I have this fire
Burning in my soul
I
wasn’t born
For the cold
Who am I as a man  Still yet to  unearth..... I found love where it doesn’t belong!
 Aug 2018 Chloe
Silverflame
I cut the pain away, I cut you off as well
how can I survive, when all I know is hell

I've seen the world burn down, I've seen my self decay
but what should I do, when my reality fades away?

Tell me it'll be alright, tell me the morning is on its way
hold my hand forevermore, and keep the loneliness at bay

The pain rushes in with the tide,
and I feel so alone now, without you by my side
the darkness is whispering sweet dreams of mine,
but what am I supposed to do
when the darkness comes inside?
 Aug 2018 Chloe
Lyn-Purcell
Sometimes the worst of our enemies
is our own reflection
We can be our greatest ally and enemy.
 May 2018 Chloe
rxsemary
Just because someone looks happy doesn't mean they are because even a white rose has a black shadow.
Next page