"I love you,"

I said.

He replied,

"Good night."

That night

I knew

what love was for me

was a dream to him

You asked me to give you space,
   I told you yes, I'm sorry, I love you.
You asked me to stop reminding you,
   I told you yes, I'm sorry, I love you.
You asked me to give you privacy,
   I told you yes, I'm sorry, I love you.
You asked me to always be positive,
   I told you yes, I'm sorry, I love you.
I asked you to show me affection,
   You told me you're not that kind of man.

I told you I did it for us,
I told you I have anxiety,
I told you I have depression,
I told you I love you more than anything.

You told me I did it to myself.
You told me I make things up,
You told me to stop bringing you down,
You told me I make you hate your life.

I told you yes, I'm sorry, I love you.
   Please don't leave me.

You stayed.

I'm scared to ask why?

Depression is not when I attend a funeral,
And the dead have been prettied,
and the coffins have been chosen.
It is not the sorrow I feel..

Depression is not when I fail a test,
Nor is it when I dishonor my family,
Or when I make a fool out of myself that day.

Depression is when I laugh heartily with family,
And chatter fills the air, it's a grand time!
But hell.. Is it hard to breath.

Depression is when I am alone and at peace,
And the clock ticks and the ink drips,
And suddenly I am suffocating in my thoughts.
Like a deep sea of worry, stress and negativity.

Depression is when my body is stone,
And every move feels like I'm dragging tons.
And so, I shed black tears.

It is when my thoughts are in blots.
It is when I am inky.

~ M.M

There's a silence between us
unspoken of
a void,
if I dare say.

There are times
we may be close
but we are more unknown
to each other
than we really think.

Friend,
why are you so distant?
I understand
that you understand
that people come and go

But
why push me away?
I want to say
that it's okay
for longer
I want to stay.

I understand
that you're use to losing people
and you're no longer afraid
should I leave you.

True,
I do not know what goes on
in the depths of your mind
in the abyss of this great sea.

I do not know
the battles you've faced
the demons you have fought
the nightmares that choke
the reality out of you.

I may not know
what it feels like
to have severe anxiety,
to have panic attacks every once in a while,
to have social problems,
the list will go on...

I may not know everything about you
But I know this:
you are the most honest person
I have ever met.
And this honesty,
honestly, I must say,
It is bittersweet.

Truth be told,
I may not like everything you say
But I accept it.

Because,
What is truth if it doesn't hurt?

I don't know
why you are silent.
Maybe you figured,
without me
or anybody for that matter
that you'll be strong.

Don't get me wrong,
I know you are strong.
But you are also wrong
about one thing.

You may think I will leave you
Maybe, but still
not immediately
not yet.

I will keep waiting
right here, if you need a friend.
If time should separate us,
or you push me away and grow cold,
I'll still be here.

I'll still be
your friend.

There is this split moment
When you realize
Something that
Everyone else has known
For the first time

A crack in reality
White noise in the dark truth

Its like your eyes are suddenly opened
And the lights are stinging bright
Everything you thought was true
Was
Not

You hear the walls all come crumbling down

Am I losing you?
Did I ever have you in the first place?

But I still love the way
her freckles are only on her nose
How she can't dance but she
tiptoes across her kitchen
in her socks
There is beauty in the
dirt under her nails
As she grows her mind
This is not an ode
to how she drools in her sleep
Dreaming in puddles
then jumping in them afterwards
She's always liked the rain
She won't beg you to love her
She won't command your trust
She doesn't believe in warfare
But she doesn't mind a fight
She's been fighting herself, leaving her covered in scars
She sleeps alone in the comfort of her own skin
Always alone..but she doesn't mind
This is a poem dedicated to the love she gives to herself
The love that he couldn't give her
The love she can only give to herself