Joellei 1h
I'd run away
From all of you
To find myself
And live my truth

There wouldn't be
A problem left if only
She understood he
Wasn't the secret kept.

I left your anger
Tears and pettiness
Under my pillows to be
Collected by whatever God

Is there waiting for them.  
I will not be the one
Your insecurities and fears
Haunt. I cannot let You

Determine my future
When what was good for you
Cannot be my medicine. I smile
With all the brightness of

A million suns and I can't
Take your constant clouding
Of my judgement. If you don't
Know I love so differently then

You do then you haven't been listening to me.  I have been screaming so loudly for so long
My throat is raw with emotion.

I want to bathe until all of the things we have been through are boiled off. I want a skin only the sun and breeze have touched.
Joellei Aug 7
He just makes
Me wonder how anyone,
Including me, could have
Ever been afraid to love
  Aug 6 Joellei
In flirtatious quiet
we dodge eye contact
and escape studious looks
in hope that one might fall in love
with the other without even a single word.
  Aug 2 Joellei
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you,
About this
I can already tell you aren’t listening.

“Some days my depression is small, like a firefly in the mouth of a lion.
Other days, it’s the lion.”

You don’t acknowledge me.

“Firefly days aren’t so bad.
Lion days, however, I call dark days.
It’s not like i fear the dark, and maybe that’s my problem, but I’ve gotten so used to it, it’s like a friend almost.
A toxic friend, slowly consuming me to the point where some days i am held captive in my own bed.
Some days i cannot eat.”

“I thought your problem was laziness.” You say going back to ignoring me.

“If that was the problem I wouldn’t have marks on my wrist that you know don’t come from a cat.
We don’t even have a cat and you know there is something wrong and you refuse to acknowledge it and for what?

Your dignity?

The same dignity that prohibits me from loving who I want because the rest of the world may not agree with it?

The very same dignity that killed your own daughter because you were too proud to get her the help she needed?

Oh, right.

That was my fault.

The same way it is my fault you’re stuck with two kids you didn’t want.

The same way it’s not your fault i tried to take my own life.

Because I was selfish.

Selfish for trying to rid you of burdens that you don't even carry.

I'm sorry I'm not enough for you.
  Aug 2 Joellei
Stu Harley
All of heaven
Holy spirit
Full of grace
Joellei Aug 1
How dare
You lay there and be
So peaceful
  Aug 1 Joellei
Infamous one
Wanted to sleep in but work called me in
Thought about quitting so I can do some living
Soul searching doing what I really want
Haven't felt like me for a while just in this routine
My job doesn't define my full potential
Let the words flow through my heart
Clear my mind pursing what I truly love
Pen or keyboard the feelings and thoughts are pure
Writing has been the cure to help grow and mature
It's been deep since I've had anyone close in life
Someone who I can trust that understands
Always alone a rebel not like the rest clan
Trying to fit in but walked away not settling for less
Forgiving others is the hardest part since you think they'd change too bad things remain the same
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