There's a city where people are asleep on the streets,
with nothing to eat,
some of them even lack shoes on their feet.
A city where overdose deaths are the "norm"
People are fighting for the doorways at night to keep warm.
Fentynal is everywhere and the addicts need help.
But with all of the stigma,
they're to ashamed of themselves.
In this city where people smoke drugs on the street,
and burn hand sanitizer at night for the heat.
Where the rents are to high and income assistance to low.
If you can manage the rent here,
there'll be no food in your home.
Moneys not spent on saving their lives,
no its spent on public art and yet another high-rise.
Tourist attractions and random art pieces,
are great when the overdose deaths AREN'T  INCREASING.
We need social programing and addiction resources,  
some good low cost housing or more food supports.
In a city like this what are the addicts to do,
just stay out of your sight,
as to not offend you?
Cops do Illegal searches and seizes,
and your friends tell you about,
the POLICE LEAD Stanley Park BEATINGS.
In the mornings on Hastings Street the city workers come through,
now destruction of peoples belongings ensues.
They can't even protest this or put up a fight,
because the City Workers come armed with VPD by their side.
This city treats homelessness as if it was a crime,
they are treated like **** that is not worth your time.
If you're homeless here dont  expect any respect,
in fact your human rights don't even have an effect.
This city is sick and its priorities need help.
Vancouver B.C you should be ashamed of yourself.

Shall I count the days now,
It's 4 thousand 17.
Time is not doing its job,
It's not reduced the pain in me.
Shall I count my tears now,
it's far over 4 thousand 17.
Every day, your memory,
comes back to sit with me.
96 thousand,
four hundred twenty six.
That's the number of hours now,
that you have missed.
Oh, so much has happened,
in the hours you've been gone.
My little girls are growing fast,
they'll be all grow before too long.
Mike and his girlfriend Kendra,
have the cutest ever son.
So I'm auntie Ray-Ray now,
being an aunt is so much fun.
You would have loved baby Jeremy,
he really is quite smart.
And the giggle that kid has,
would have easily stole your heart.
But again, I count the days you're gone,
4 thousand 17.
And I think of all I would have said and done,
if your death had been foreseen.
I could count the minutes,
I could even count the seconds, too.
But all this pointless counting,
doesn't get me closer to you.
As I sit all by myself and talk to an empty room,
I wonder if you're listening and talking to me too.
I wish that I could hear you,
and ask for some advice.
I know you'd know just how I feel,
and how to make things right.
Gut-wrenching soul destroying,
even after eleven ******* years.
I've given up on wondering,
if I'll ever be free from tears.
I miss you uncle I hope you know it,
And I'll forget you NEVER.
Once again, your Tweedy Bird,
Will love you always,
and
forever.

I told him,
"I love the stars,
because they are so far away, and it takes their light millions of years to reach our eyes."
Its impossible to know if the star we are seeing this very moment, is even still a star.  
I told him,
"We are looking into the past in real time when we stargaze."
I told him
I loved the uncertainty.
Because it made me feel things I once hid from.  

I didn't tell him,
That if I can still marvel at a long dead stars light.
Then maybe after I'm long gone,
after the very last photon of my being has gone dark,
maybe theres a chance,
no matter how small,
oneday my light might still be seen.
I told him,
"I love the stars and because of them,
Death doesn't seem so scary"

Appreciate lifes little things,
while you've got the time.
Enjoy your days with those you love,
you never know when they may die.
Smile every single chance you get,
So the world remembers you.
And live the biggest adventure you can,
so your regrets dont die with you.
Teach the ones you love the most,
everything you know.
And take any chance you get to learn,
always let your knowledge grow.
Don't be so over proud,
tame your ego a bit.
But do not have such low self respect,
that you let others treat you like ****.
Love with every bit of your soul,
even though someone will break your heart.
Speak with only honesty,
till your end right from the start.
Laugh at every joke you hear,
and every joke you say.
And if you are laughing alone,
keep laughing anyway.
Cry when you are sad,
if you need to shed a tear.
Never hold back your true self,
Just because you have some fear.
Dance when you hear music,
or sing along if you can.
Who cares if you can dance or sing,
you be your own biggest fan.
Take many many pictures on which later to reminisce.
But dont live life through a camera lens,
or you won't notice what you missed.
This is my advice to you,
dear reader and dear friend.
And I hope these words will stay with you,
Long after my life....
ends.

I never could have guessed it,
that addiction would swollow me.
This rabbit hole I've fallen down,
is so **** dark now I can't see.
I want help.
I know that I do,
I make myself sick because,
addiction made them take my kids.


Yet still I sit alone,
getting high
all by myself.
Looking at my future,
now placed high upon a shelf.  
I can no longer reach it,
it's getting higher up the wall.
Or maybe it isn't the shelf that moved,
perhaps its
I
that
began
to
fall?

This addiction keeps pulling me down,
I sink deeper every minute.
I wish I knew how to climb back out,

I wish I wasn't lost in it.

I wish I'd never started down,
the path that lead me here.
But who is it I would be now,
without the past 6 years?
Id be a different person.
Clean?
maybe or maybe not.
But the past 7 years have changed me,



I for sure have learned alot.

I just wanted to thank you
for just being you
when we are together
I feel something new.
Something I'd been missing
for a number of years now
the light in my smile
you brought back somehow.
So thank you for being there
when I need to talk
for making me laugh
and smiling alot.
Thank you for never judging me
for the things that I share
when I speak openly
thank you for being there.
Thank you for being here
and emotionally supportive
when my personality disorder
has got me distorted.
For understanding when I don't want to talk
and for listening truly
when my thoughts just can't stop.
Thank you for showing me your soft side to
I feel honored to know it
I know not many do.
Thank you for trying to bring my self-worth back
it's been so long without it
I've long felt the lack.
But with you I feel lighter
I can breath and it's calm
this is the feeling I've craved for so long.
So thank you again from the bottom of my heart
Just just being you
right from the start.

I remember being 10 days clean
FINALLY off of Methamphetamine.
My daughter, she was 9 days new
we were living in my hospital room.
Then someone told me my kids dad
had smoked just one last time; I was mad.
See his teeth were killing him that day
and **** is best at taking pain away.
Then the addict inside me saw its chance to use.
It said "I want one last time too!"


They took her from me three months after that,
I swore up and down though, that I'd get her back.
Weeks and months came then passed,
they turned into years now.
Gone by too fast.
If I could go back I would make the right choice,
I'd silence that evil addicts voice.
But instead what I said on that day was
"I deserve one last time without any fuss."
I really thought it would be fine,
I thought I'd get right back in line.
Now 6 years later as I write,
It's 4:33 am I've been awake all night.
Because "one last time" never stays that way.
And I regret that "one last time"
EVERY
single
day.

I missed you then
I miss you still.
There isn't much else that I can say.
Do you know the amount of time
my heart has been in pain?

One hundred thirteen thousand eight hundred eighty, give or take.
That's 13 years of hours.
And I finally feel ok.

This poem I've rewritten now
about 20 thousand times.
Struggling with all my might
to figure out the lines.

It seems that I've said everything
that I had to say.
Like how I'm sorry for not giving you,
your hug or kiss that day.
Or how I will forever regret
the one "I love you" I DIDN'T say.

If I could turn back the clock
to the last day I ever saw you,
knowing what I know now
I know just what I would do.

I would give you the biggest hug
I'd ever given to anyone.
And I'd say I love you so many times
like maybe infinite times, plus one.

But I can't go back despite my guilt
and you'll never hug me again.
I'll never get to hear your voice
or introduce another boyfriend.

You wont get to be here
to watch my girls become who they will be.
You also won't be around
for any future milestones for me.
Like if I get clean or get my kids
or if I ever really mature.

I won't get to see you smile
or hear how you knew it all along.
That I would get my girls back.
That I was a good mom

I think I finally have come to terms
with the fact you had to go on.
And I've truely said all I can
so I think this is the last poem.

Please don't think you've left my thoughts,
that's not at all the case.
I just think I've said enough times now
I love you and you're missed.

So I'll leave you with just one more thing,
before I truly let you sleep.
I always have and always will love you.
And in my heart you'll keep

I hope to oneday see you again
And I'll miss you till I die.
So please Rest well uncle Chris,


This is the final Goodbye.

You know I think the reason we lasted so long,
was because with heartbreak after heartbreak......  

I never ran out of things,
to write
about.

I wait for you at sunrise, while the world is still asleep.
I wonder where you are right now, did you forget we were to meet?
You've been quite forgetful lately, is everything alright?
It seems these days you can not manage, to keep me on your mind.
Meet-ups that just never happen, because something else came up.
Texts and messages left unread, and phone calls not picked up.
Something's changed inside of you, I can see it in your eyes.
Day by day my love has grown,
While your love  slowly died.