While I sat beside my bedroom window
rested my shaking hands on the walking stick which has become the only companion I have left

I looked out to have a clearer view of what the world has become,
the remains of my childhood days and a mixture of civilization

I closed my eyes shut and took a long deep breath
memories from the past rushing in, each trying to outrace the other in my head
Then the voices in my head resurface, growing louder with each passing minutes

Memories and voices I have repressed for so long,
pushing them deep down each time they try to surface
but today I let them have their way,
I opened the lid I placed on them
I guess it's time to pay a visit to the past
No more hide and seek game for today.

Let the memories guide me as I do
Let the voices accompany me, haunt me and make a mockery of me
Let them walk me through yesteryear, take me through each phase of life
From birth, childhood, teenage, youth and adulthood
Let them remind me

Of the pains I endured
Of the costly mistakes, I made
Of the consequences and prices, I paid
Of the helping hands, I turned down
Of the loving heart, I misjudged and hurt
Of the betrayals I experienced
Of the opportunities, I missed and grabbed
Of the lives, I injured and inspired
Of the reckless life, I lived

And bring me back to where I am now
As I wait for death and count the days left
when I'll be reunited with those who have gone ahead of me.

How do I explain this feeling of emptiness
Which is as thick as a blanket around me
How do I explain this strong urge to cry
To weep and wail like the world has ended
And curl up like a ball behind my sofa
And silently wish for death to come claim me

I taught him that life was a battlefield,

I gave him all he will ever need to fight those wars and win them all

But I failed to tell and teach him how to stay alive.

I told him that his society will protect him

I advised him to trust in his leaders for help

that his country will fight and stand by him

But I failed to tell him that his society will bring his fall.

I lost my son in the battlefield

I could have given my life in exchange

but I got carried away fighing my wars

And now his lifeless body lies in my arms

A generation of greatness lost!

A nation of selfless leader wiped out!

A great warrior is lost to war!

All in the name of raging wars

I regret not teaching him to stay alive.

While lying on her bed and wringing in pain
she held my hands with her soft, frail hand and said to me

"what really is life"?
I looked tearfully into her eyes and answered
"It's a place where our stories begin."

She signed deeply and released my hands
pain and agony were written all over her
she exhaled deeply and said to me

"what exactly is death"?
I wiped the tears that rolled down my face and said
"it's a place where our stories end"

She closed her eyes and said
this is where my own story ends
and with that, she remained still.
I looked at her and shook my head
Another unfinished story, another untold tale.

Let's meet again in that land where only love exists.

On  a   White  Plain  Spreadsheets

Lies  the  Dark  Hidden   Secrets

                Of    My     Life.

Between life and death, there is only a tiny thread.

Between sorrow and happiness, there is only a door.

In between love and hatred, there is only a gap.

Will there ever be a sound of laughter in my mouth again?

Will I ever have a reason to smile?

Will this pain vanished one day?

And will my story change from bitterness to sweetness?

Can you relate with that feeling

When you are dying underneath that burden

When you call for help but none is forthcoming

When the friends you trusted turned their back at you

When your heart is in so much pain and ache

When you find it hard to even cry or wail

Because everyone has deserted you, including your tears.

She named me "Joy" so I can bring happiness to her

But I turned out to be the black sheep of the family.

I never wanted to be the reason for her sorrows and cries

But I couldn't even make her smile for once.

I'm scared to love again

cos I have been broken before.

I am in need of a therapist
The voices in my head are driving me insane.

I am in need of a brave warrior and hunter
The beast in me is fighting hard for freedom.

I am in need of a doctor
My health is relapsing again.

I am in need of music to calm me
The storm in my head is raging.

I am in need of love
It is the only cure to my diseases.

She was there when "her" fiancé left her in the middle of the night a week to their wedding.

She was there when "he" came knocking on her door in the dread of the night seeking solace and a place to lay his burden.

She was there when "she" came seeking for help and a shoulder to lean on.

She was there when he needed someone to listen to his bitter tales and offer comfort.

She was there when their world came crashing down, she built a better place for them.

But when she needed them to do the same for her, they weren't there.

You gave me the wings to fly
But only to clip it off while I was flying far above.

You gave me fins to swim
Only to cut it off while I was in the midst of the ocean.

You told me to fall in love but you never caught me
And now I am covered in bruises and wounds.

Time might heal the pain you left behind
The rain might wash away the tears I shed for you
Your colourful image might even fade to black and white
Circumstances might erase the memories and moments we shared and
Life might go on as if nothing as happened
But the space you left behind will remain unfilled and
I will never forget that night, how scary and lost you look

Outside I am smiling but inside I am dying
To the world I am a girl with no flaws
But my soul is covered with scars from claws
The mask on my face is a perfect disguise
I have been telling the world nothing but lies

Don't give me all of you
Just give me half of you

Don't build me an empire
Just let me stay by your side

Don't promise me forever
Just promise me this moment.

I am a beautiful imperfection
I am an unfinished work of art
I am flawed and bruised beyond recognition
So many ugly scars covers my heart.

When the world finally goes silent
When the birds are off to sleep
I curled up on the floor behind my sofa
And cry myself to sleep.

My mother once told me that
Some people will never be yours
no matter how hard you try

I finally understood what she meant
When you told me to get lost
After confessing my love for you.

Days and months have passed already,
Yet you never made plans to check on me.
I know I was wrong, but I had my reasons,
You said I left when you needed me the most,
But I was young, uncivilized, scared and so naïve,
I wasn't even old enough to bear the responsibilities of love.

When I finally understand what love and affection is
When I feel qualified and ready to be yours again
You were already lost in the crowd, never to be found.
You have already moved miles from where you used to be

Every day I sit by my window side, staring blankly at the sky,
Hoping and praying that our path will cross once again,
Wishing that the wind will blow you my way.

Every night I lay awake on my bed,
Thinking about the past that we once shared.
Hoping that you are still keeping the memories alive

Whenever my phone rings with an unknown number
I pray silently before picking the call that it would be you.
But the voices that always speak was nothing like yours,
And at the end of each call, I'm always disappointed.

I miss the few moments we shared
I long for your hot kisses in the cold nights
I miss your strong protective arms around my waist
I hope for the day I'll be held in your embrace

I will keep expecting you to come back.
I will keep waiting for a call or text from you
I will keep hoping that someday our path will cross

Even if I have to wait for forever
Even if you decide not to show up again
Until when you decide to come back for me
The space in my heart will always be empty for you.

I Just want to be


When it comes to you, I can't really dream big.
When the matter involves you, I can't even stand out
Whenever you are involved, I am not allowed to aim high

I'm not begging to be part of the names in your "acknowledgement"
I'm not on my knees so you can dedicate your book to me
All I am asking for is just to be;

A chapter in your book,
A page in your prose work,
A line in your verse,
A scene in your act,
A rhyme scheme to your poem,
A cast with a modest character in your drama.

I don't care whether you include my name in the prologue or epilogue,
I don't give a **** whether it is comedy or tragedy
I just want to be a page in your book.

Agony!!

My sunken and swollen eyes tell the tale of pain and hurt
The wrinkles and lines that designed my face, are the marks left behind by unspoken hardship I have been through.

how can I explain to the world the shame and hardship I have experienced?
how can I tell you the agony I have undergone?

everyone has a story to tell but mine is characterized by agony, pain and suffering
a life filled with regrets and failure.
A life where agony dictate my path.