Happy birthday

To the girl with the strongest heart
The girl who won't cry
To the girl who has been put down
The girl who has learned to fly

To the girl who has faught her wars
the girl who do not wile
To the girl who has learned to face her scars
the girl who has learned to smile

To the girl who has the prettiest smile
The girl who is meant to be inviolable
To the girl who laughs her heart out
The girl who is so able.

To the girl with the brightest soul
The girl strong enough to walk alone
To the girl with the sweetest heart
The princess to a throne

To the girl with the deepest eyes
The girl who can make the flowers sing
To the girl who sometimes cries
The girl whose tears fall like a diamond on a ring

To the girl sweeter than the sugar
The girl you look at her for a while
To the girl who can turn sorrow to joy
The girl who can make you smile

Why shall I be a poet of the fall ?
For long I had been a thrall.
Bound to your love have I ever lived,
Neither does it let me love not let me fall.

Maybe to someone else it belonged,
My love I spilled for you.
What did I had wronged ?
I wish I never could knew.

Your veil could've stayed,
Longer you could've played.
For you were faultless, far from foul,
It's now that I see a treacherous ghoul.

There was once a time,
I rove merrily jiggling.
Chanting a lovely rhyme,
Leaving my heart giggling.

A princess of a merryland,
A sailor of my will.
Not a word so planned,
Not a thing to frill.

There we met at school,
Spending our time together.
Young and beautiful were we,
Holding tight each other.

In all of our days,
I didn't stopped even for a while.
Trying to consume your blaze,
Trying to find what makes you smile.

Before we crossed our paths,
Life wasn't so compelling.
But for all one knows,
Neither was I flying nor falling.

I've been sad before too,
Yes it is true.
Many a times have I cried,
Yet my deepest grieve were you.

Maybe I never trusted you enough,
For all one knows.
Left you with my cravings,
Bounded with vows.

Surrounded with fear,
That one day you might leave.
Dubious by the fact,
That even lovers decive.

Perhaps I loved you too much,
More than you deserved.
Spending all of my love,
The love I preserved.

Maybe I was afraid to fall,
To love, to be loved.
As when I drowned,
It was you I searched.

Never meant to fly together,
We were ought to part,
and one day you flee,
When will you flee my heart.

"I hate him, I always will."
Though I loved who he was.
As enchanting as a squill,
Yet filled with flaws.

The days of love are past,
Have you any left to spill.
Let alone it may last,
Let alone it may ****.

I loved none but you,
Yet you left a maul.
Bereft of love,
A foresaken poet of the fall.

As I walk down the memory lane,
In search of the voices in my head.
All I perceive is an endless pain,
The verses you have bled.

The verses of a broken dove,
The verses of true love,
The verses of some shrine,
The verses of decline.

The desolation of your bliss,
The laughter that you miss.
The grief in your eyes,
The promises and the lies.

Of all the gracious deeds,
Is it here a tender heart leads ?
If this is what you deserved,
No justice will ever be served.

No drops will ever descend.
No hearts will ever mend.
No bird could ever trill,
Not even at her will.

You deserve to be loved,
You're meant to be adored.
The most exquisite of all,
A noblemen's brawl.

At times I crave,
Amidst my mind's conclave.
To hold you in my arms,
Keep you from the harms.

Far away we shall afloat,
Far from the letters they wrote.
Bereft of these endless nights,
Far from this certain blight.

Yet we cannot flow much further,
For I see the tides have changed.
A lady as broken as you were,
Grew stronger when estranged.

I witnessed what it took you,
To be yourself devoid of his gloss.
To forsake the ashes of a foul love,
To adore yourself you now emboss.

How shall I escape this plight,
How shall I soke you in my rain ?
Do I have a right,
To leave you vulnerable again ?

Shall I be joyous,
For you found your long lost shine.
Or shall I be in despair,
For you'll never be mine.

If only I'd have met you before,
If nothing more than this I could've swore,
You would've loved me too,
If only I could love you.

Are you okay?
Are you alright, are you fine, are you good?
Are you adequate, are you decent?
Are you emotionally stable, sleeping without crying, smiling because you want to?
Are you breathing without questioning, are you waking up without trying, are you eating without throwing up?
Are you reading this poem right now and thinking no?
Are you thinking for the first time, will I ever be okay?

You will be okay.
You will be alright, you will be fine, you will be good.
You will be adequate, you will be decent.
You will be emotionally stable, you will sleep without crying, and smile for the happiness blooming inside of you.
You will breathe without questioning, you will wake up to a new day, you will eat easily
You
are going to be okay.
So please smile sunshine
It’s a fine new day
To be okay :)

- a.g.

Hey mom-dad, listen.
Hit me, hate me, throw me out,
But don't shut me up.

Watch me as I fall
without you.
I've spent years
perfecting this dark energy;
you are not the first
to leave me longing.
Watch closely.
I can build a statue
from ashes,
inhabit order
surrounded
by chaos.
Watch as I consume,
without myself,
myself.
I can fall,
but I cannot fail.
Watch.
You only scratched
the surface
of who I was
and am,
but you let loose this
agony -
my flood,
my fuel.

.
Snow drifts down
     laying a lawn cold sheet
across the frozen ground,
          creating art reliefs
like acid etching glass,
open space rolling and undulating,
in small hills and depressions,
     bedecked in a veil of white.
The silence is deafening,
quiet having been enjoyed
     and surpassed,
briefly punctuated by the call of a bird,
     A sharp whistle that shrieks
and attacks the silence.
The fresh smell of snowfall wafts up
     as it settles and glistens
in the light of silver moonbeams,
randomly peeping through clouds.
The taste of peace,
                     tranquility,
in the frigid air,
sends imagination soaring
from the desolation of isolation
to another time and place.
          The snow falls,
     falls,
in a relentless race for the ground,
               all is still,
               nothing stirs,
as the moor welcomes its quilt
and sleeps with a cold heart,
     dreaming,
                       of being kissed by the Sun.



© Pagan Paul (28/05/18)

Nirbhaya

I might cry, I might weep, I might grieve,
But today you have to perceive,
A truth for my relieve.
I know you know, I won't deceive.

She called me Nirbhaya, my mother,
Fearless and brave I ought to be.
Something she knew about this world,
So harsh it is meant to be.

It was a usual night,
all strangers but no fright.
I took the same road to home,
the road which guarded for years in lone.

I walked the lonely road,
I do not fear, my name held my hope.
All I fear is that it do not end,
as hope is no less than a rope.

It varies in length,
It varies in strength,
It's nothing to cloy,
But it's not a forever joy.

The roads were getting longer,
My heart wore a dismal veil.
It all seemed so tedious to reach,
with fright it started a peculiar gale.

I must not stop, I must go on,
I held my hope and I went on.
Why do I fear if nothing good appear,
In the name of my god I can cheer.

Far at the horizon some shapes appeared,
I held my breath, the breeze were wierd.
I held my faith and like a knight I went,
No horse, no shield, what on earth did I meant.

In my bravery I was lost,
Thence the men appeared.
What a fool I was for what will it cost,
The dreary eyes with a dreary beard.

Side by side they shoved,
The men not more than two.
All my breaths were choked,
What did they meant to do.

I scrambled at once,
Nor besides nor abaft I looked.
The footsteps broke the silence,
The silent night was spooked.

Out of the blue my hand was seized,
All at once I turned.
The dreadful two met my eyes,
Out my heart it burned.

“Unhand me! let me go!”,
To break loose I tried.
Tears did rolled down my cheeks,
I screamed and yelled and cried.

No good men did heard me,
No one did follow.
What pleasures would they earn,
hearing me weep and wallow.

All my yells were ceased,
tried to flee through my eyes.
Top to bottom I was teased,
till every yell turned to sighs.

Eftsoon my eyes wore a veil,
fear spread its wings.
None to follow the trail,
A dark melody it sings.

I resisted their temptation,
Down the road I was shuffled.
I totterd while learning to walk,
But no one ever hustled.

In a while the groping concluded,
And out my heart I sobbed.
Henceforth a while I stood untouched,
But still the painful heartbeats throbbed.

I faltered, and horrified I stood,
Darkness  engulped my eyes.
Every hope did swept,
Soaked into the veil that ties.

But not for too long I enjoyed,
this harrowing freedom of mine.
A palm explored the wonders,
that groping reckless swine.

He mauled as the time passed by,
He laughed as I cried.
I was and feeble,
the more I weeped the more he tried.

One by one they parted,
Piece by piece he ripped my skin.
Victim of the vigorous haste,
slivered top and slivered jeans off the shin.

Soon he swayed all my flesh,
With all his fingers he plied.
Groped my skin with all his filth,
I weeped and sobbed and cried.

Trying to hide the genitals,
There I stood naked.
What else  men can do,
It was anticipated.

Disobliging did annoy ,
Forthwith the veil was swept.
I was a plaything for their joy,
All my grieve I wept.

From one to another I was tossed ,
each leaving a scar.
Feasting their wildest lust,
all the planets and I their star.

A few more added,
added to the raging set.
Brawling for my flesh,
Like their dreams they met.

Off they took their covers ,
Little by little they shed.
A few times they snick,
All my faith I bled.

All my hopes I lost,
Their scrubbing skin did scraped.
It’s facile to die a thousand times,
Then for once being *****.

So inhumanly it pierced,
Out my heart it ripped.
Tears did impelled down my cheeks ,
The cheeks made to be felt or kissed.

Draining smoke and widdle and ***,
Turn by turn they shagged.
Offering an eternal torment,
All my grace they blagged.

Seconds felt like hours,
hours like days .
No wonder mere humans were they,
The devil hath their ways.

Like a setting sun they frazzled,
a sun of endless grieve.
I the wonky that they dazzled,
Or what did they perceive.

I should not walk the roads,
Nor I should talk to thee.
For I will turn to a harlot,
Who knows what else you might see.

Soon I was abandoned ,
withered by some ghoul.
I wasn’t the pioneer,
The devil needed a new soul.

The dark night overwhelmed,
Leaving me unconsumed, uneaten,untouched.
My snivel sealed through the silence,
Bethinking how they groped or clutched.

Like every other night this one too,
Passed in grieves that can’t be undone.
Day and night, night and day,
Who can seize the cycles of the sun.

Countless nights have passed ,
My heart still miss some beats .
Beseech the will to pretermit ,
The memory has it on its sheets.

I saw no good men that day,
No god did appear.
I could never raise my head and stay,
This memory will never disappear.

What a fool I was ,
I should have run.
But had I any choice,
to flee or to shun.

If not here then there,
Round in the world somewhere,
They will come for it, the bust,
to feed the endless lust.

I saw no good men that day,
No god did appear .
Just a few men to say,
I bought a disgrace, I should disappear.

Why was i a shame ?,
All my esteem they drown.
Those lecherous souls do gladly glide,
bearing a princely crown.

I was the culprit,
They were young and proud.
I was looted of my treasure,
Not all they took but left a shroud.

The beasts in there were grim,
The nobles out here no less.
To them my yells were hymm,
To them I lost my nobelesse.