Eric W 15m
This has been an interesting year for me.
I left 2017 in a depression,
it followed on into 2018.

I completed a year's worth of coursework
for my Master’s degree.
“Master’s of Science in Software Engineering
with a concentration in Cybersecurity
and Project Management."
What a ****** mouthful.

I started a new job -
one I enjoy coming to every day,
one where I'm never the smartest person
in the room.
I get to learn so much every day.
One where I can grow and
take on responsibility.

I took a leap of faith -
made my first investment
and bought a house.

Shortly after, I took some responsibility
for something other than myself
and got a dog.

I stopped underestimating how important
people are in my life.
I repaired some broken relationships
and nurtured some existing ones.

I went through a severe bout of depression.
I found myself drinking daily,
found myself on my knees in my driveway
pleading to ***,
asking why and how.
Sometimes all you have to do is ask the question.

I found myself in a state of uncaring -
completely apathetic as to whether I should live or die,
suicidal,
with my gun calling my name, whispering,
growing louder with each drink.
In a drunken daze, completely broken
and defeated,
I admitted to one of my best friends how
close I'd come,
how tempted I'd been.
She took my gun off my hands,
in keeping with a promise we'd made to each other long ago.

I have not drank since,
nor will I ever drink again.

In these darkening hours is when
I found my faith in ***,
something that seemed to be there
all along,
yet was something I couldn't admit
to myself.

I met the love of my life -
something I've never been so certain of -
and it's opened up possibilities
I had only dreamed of.
Someone that there's a future with,
that chooses to grow, to flourish,
and to love.

Certainly life has more challenges in store,
the struggle, the suffering, is never-ending,
and sometimes it's all we can do to
stay above water.

This year has been one of absolute transformation,
and this December looks entirely different
than the last.
Not really a poem, just a reflection to a question that was asked.
  3d Eric W
arizona
These

loyal waves love always;
push gently, hugs plenty.

We are

floating zen, lazing often;
rising above, soaring vibe

This water:

melted prayer, merely parted;
calms the soul, small touches
each line is an anagram. this took forever
Eric W 3d
Through what fire and revelation,
what loves have scorched us so,
what vines have wrapped themselves
so sure around our feet,
what webs have we untangled,
left hanging in dusty cellars,
been left hanging on
bare walls.

What love have we longed for,
with what truth we have sought,
and seeds we have sown within
for the times which passed by
without a glimpse in our direction,
unrequited and bereft
of the dust which so dutifully
held us in place for too long.

For what is the matter
of such strife and martyrdom
in comparison to the love in which you have given,
and to what end have these things manifested
to become such stepping stones as
the things that
led me to
you.
Apologies for my absence, dear friends. School has been kicking my ***.
  Nov 30 Eric W
arizona
Saltwater rivulets
trickle down
this rigid spine
back to the oceans;
an offering to
the moon and stars -
our elders in the sky
who feed these waves
eternally back to the shore.
I know I don’t deserve
the patience of this earth
or to swim in it’s ever-giving waters
but it chooses to
love me just the same.
  Nov 23 Eric W
arizona
I elbowed the universe
when I saw it flirting
with you as if I wasn’t
also capable of
sunrises and waterfalls.
These shifting continents
tried to pull you away
so with these hands of purpose
I began shifting the stars
to draft love letters
left above for all to see that
I can outworld this earth,
our sun and
the relentless seas
all asking to touch your skin
just as much as
I.
  Nov 12 Eric W
arizona
There are days where I
don’t know if I’m coming or going
and I’ve been told this body is
merely a vessel.
Take me back to when
my body worked in my favor,
climbing to furl and unfurl sails
of this life without guile;
something I could serve
and serve well.
The fumes of darkness rise
from these deceptive waves;
to the universe, involuntary fatigue
and to me, talismans that once protected.
Eric W Nov 10
Fallen leaves and Fall's color
brush against the longing in me,
tugging at dripping petals within,
seeing this season's change
with the absence of your presence,
without the branches of thoughts
I could plant and bear witness
come Spring.

Seasons bereft of you,
destitute in me,
and the unassuming way the barren limbs
pray to the skies above,
ask for when the grounds should again
be wet with life
and too when you should
step forth and give vitality
to this trammeled soil.

New blooms rise again,
the natural counterpart to the
decayed and rotted compost
of seasons since,
and so the sun shines longer,
brighter, and gives new hours
to your bright eyes
and seems to remind me of
the things we grow
together and the things
with which we begin this
love.
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