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stillhuman Mar 2021
There is something in the air
no more ice nor vampire lairs
The sun rules over night
and brings forth all things bright
And the flowers greet him with glee
all shining and rising among the ****
As the maiden smiles to her tummy
her child smiles back in the shape of a bunny
It's the breath of spring,
balance and growth with it brings
So let us blossom my dear
make our intention and power clear
Merry Ostara to all who celebrate. To those who don't, I wish you to blossom this spring
stillhuman Dec 2020
With ease
my skin feels yours
and scars meet soft kisses
of red lips bruised
by whispered words
of love so strong
it bruised our hearts too.

Even time stills
to allow our hands to connect
and lock a promise
I'd repeat forever again.

The moon watches over us
in this fragile moment
filled with nothing but
our vulnerability.

A present
An offering
To you, my love

As we melt
in this everlasting fraction
of Time that's only ours.

Your eyes shining with
more than my troubled
awkard simple words
could ever dare to explain.

Ineffable is your elegance when
your velvet touch
makes me shiver.
Gives me peace.

A warmth you gift to me
with such strenght from
snapping all the ties
keeping you in a dark dungeon
full of voices, neither yours nor mine.

But it's fine my love,
We can bring down
all your walls
with nothing more
than our passion.
For you i would have changed my walls into stepping stones.
stillhuman Apr 2021
I see her quite often, you know

She hangs around a small apartment
decorated with little potted plants
and empty coffee mugs
she smiles while taking inside
the clothes left outside to dry
she wears a comfortable jumper
the air around her is warm
and she smells so sweet
her soul is bright but scarred
she's been broken before
but her heart is still capable
of so much loveĀ 
So much more human
So much more real
and truer
than this
mess of thoughts
and blood gone bad
in a bunch of rotting meat
with shame stuck to skin
like dirt
Just spitting words that i found looking into space
stillhuman May 2021
I find that I can't
just erase nor scratch off
all my feelings
for You
You're engraved in my head
stillhuman Feb 2021
Love hurts
And that's an understatement
Cause it hurts when i worry
It hurts when i care
When i can't see you smile

I can't see you smile

I haven't in a while
It hurts to not see you smile
stillhuman Dec 2020
Our knees were touching
And my hand was shaking
Eager to hold yours

Your voice was too
Reading that piece of poetry
Making me chuckle

I can't wait to miss these days.
So warm, the feeling of you
stillhuman May 2021
Thirty days and thirty nights
i spent in agony
panicking
suffocating
this pain isn't unfamiliar
with its sharpness
and nauseating consistency
i pray in fear to my higher self
to be stronger this time
but my hands are shaking
and i receive no answers
No one else gives you courage
gives you strength
like you can do
No one else can give you change
to make it easier for you
Only you
Only me
Take a step forward
stillhuman Dec 2020
There won't be another day
When I lie and say
That it don't matter to me
That you won't let it be

Crossing your heart
You did your own part
Promising devotion
A new, familiar start

It wasn't the first
Nor the second or third
But it counted as such
In my eyes, to my touch

It felt real, your affection
Your regrets and confession
My bleeding self took blame
Didn't give in to the flame

Guess it wasn't enough
Loving her and having me
Tempetation sure is rough
To tied hands who can't flee

Just meant to be myself
And mean something to you
But guess my body itself
Was more distracting than good

Figured my heart didn't deserve much
But icy nights in desertland
And for my soul to hush
Its complaints to strand

You promised
Tied the knot to my finger and yours
But if we're being honest
Your promises kinda blurred

Guess you weren't the promise-keeper
That you promised you would be
Guess you are a kind cheater
That just won't set me free
stillhuman Sep 2023
There's a tightness
in my throat
when I look to you.

I wanted to keep you special,
tied  you up in that tiny space,
all your memories kept like treasure,
but you became mundane,
engraved with gold in my days and life,
a part of the morning sky.

You painted my days in a lilac shade,
throwing red and blue my way
so that I could feel close to you
and find distance all the same.

There are storm clouds in this purple sky
ready to fall heavy with rain
as it drips from my eyes
that feel this indifference in disguise,
tries to hide this part of me
that cries from the inside
to be seen and be freed from these lies.

There's no peace in this demise
'cause the clock is ticking with time
moving quickly to divide
what is ours into what is mine.

You're a purple lover
always been on my mind
and still only a stranger
that I felt was too kind
but your presence is like wine,
gets me drunk, makes it sublime.
You'll still be my purple lover, even when it's no longer our time
stillhuman Aug 2021
Not unlike lights turning off abruptly
the rumble of the earth underneath
the waves of the sea rushing
unfamiliar faces passing
dark grey clouds gathering
blood tinting the river
and a lifeless corpse falling

Dread clutches my throat
and drags me into the abyss
It shouts in the emptiness of a lonely broken-down greek theatre
stillhuman Mar 2021
Through yellowing pages
I've travelled many places
And tasted pastries from that baker
And held a man when he was crying
And seen the sun when it was raining
And fell in love when I was hurting

To trees now gone to create
a contrast strong in black and white
I feel thankful for creating life
Who knew paper could be so magical?
stillhuman May 2021
It usually starts like this
My heart beats loud and angry
cracking my bones crushing my chest
My breath escapes me
empties my lungs as if i have run
My mind creates a thought
a terrible thought
then exchanges it for another
and another and another
moving too fast making it hard
to follow the line of thought
that causes my lips to bleed
from where my teeth bite them
and to others i look calm
barely pensive
maybe stressing
but my body is still like rock
and hot like fever
it can't catch up with my thoughts
and the voices in my head
i didn't do enough i didn't stop it
i didn't care enough why didn't i drop it
it should be me suffering not you
suffocating in cluttering feelings
and conversation smothering
everything you are

And then
I hear you
and You are fineĀ 
just too busy
to answer my calls
So it falls
My chest from where it was tensing
And I
breath
I could never let you know this feeling, the guilt would eat your heart out
stillhuman Jan 2022
Remember that summer
when it was dry and heavy
but in the evening
the breeze would gently
sway the smoke
of your cigarette in my hand
when you were trying
to teach me how not to choke

And I remember coughing
and laughing it off with you,
how smoke had always
been around me
but my lungs were funny
'bout this direct approach

And we talked 'bout everything
from heartbreak, to lovers, to family
And I truly felt wonder
at the simplicity of those moments
and how much they meant to me

So much I look back to them now
when it's winter and I'm alone
missing your warmth, your voice
and itching for a smoke
everything matters
stillhuman Apr 2021
I miss you
looking so soft
with your oversized jacket
and your glasses
almost falling off your nose
your hair covering half your face
and your hands hidden in big pockets
and you smiling
because of something funny I did
while your eyes keep that sleepy look
and this memory of you
feels just as soft
Does anyone know how to hug a memory?
stillhuman Feb 2021
Spring opens up
something more
than the sunlight
through my heavy curtains
It creates new life
where there used to be ash

And that's what we do
getting rid of the old
to welcome the new

And we make do,
with every intake of breath
just for our lungs to have felt
more than rusty and dusty
old anxieties and panic and hurt
and to feel the new air
we grant ourselves

Because life doesn't end in winter
'cause humans persist
against the cold sharp glass of pain
just to see with their eyes
all the goodness and the warmth
and the happiness and the people
that we love and embrace with our souls
reconnecting and recognizing
ourselves in them
stillhuman Dec 2021
My brain is soaked
in lukewarm squalor
stagnant it stays
the same darkened
soiled rotten pictures
and I wade
through murky water
of memories
and I
feel at home
Yet I survive in this state of mind
stillhuman Sep 2021
I lay
dormient
as the colours of the world
spin around
me
This state of mind is poison that you ingest on your own
stillhuman Aug 2021
You tell me
you're strong
And I can see it
in your eyes
The way your stories lay
right behind
It's much easier
to trust a stranger
than your own kind
and tell them everything
that's been on your mind
Status : strangers
Relationship : high
Relationship: high
Humans truly are a wonder, this is inspired by a real conversation I had with a stranger today. I loved listening to them, they had so much to say, it got emotional
And we parted with smiles on our faces and felt connected
Beautiful, isn't it?
stillhuman May 2021
Stranger in the night
come on, i will bite
now, what is on your mind
as our destinies intertwined
caused us both
to need someone to confide
the worst thought on our minds
tonight

At almost 2 a.m time
we both need to remind
ourselves of the imperfection
of humankind
and I really wouldn't mind
a hand to be kind
and a shared glass of wine
to blurt out
all those slimy thoughts
that won't leave

And for less than that
I would listen and chat
acceting your words spat
out to relieve the constant combat
going on in your head

So, drink up with
you stranger in the night
and if the wine doesn't help
I think talking just might
I feel some sort of companionship when I find someone awake at 2 am
stillhuman Dec 2021
Stumble after stumble after stumble
I have stumbled
through the roots of this forest
there's no light
passing through branches
just the sound of life
right outside it
And I try to reach
outstretch my hands
but my fingers get scalded
as I point them in the wrong direction
But all paths look the same
in the forest
as frantic I try to find
my way out
When they said "it's time to experiment", I should have assumed that meant "trial and error"
stillhuman Apr 2021
Of all the anger
and hurt and pain
I am left with
Nothing but a mere memory
Nothing but two bare bodies
lost deep in understanding
each other's pieces
and muffled laughter and
glee kept hidden
as to not overthink
each carress
and fond eyes looking back
and trembling hands
touching so soft
barely there
All I remember is your tenderness
stillhuman Dec 2020
An empty crown
Stands on my head

And a young girl
With big dreams
And cocky smile
Looks up at me

yet my crown is cracking
hollow as my mind
as i whisper

"Im sorry I couldn't make it"
The use, or lack thereof, of capital letters is an artistic choice. After all poetry is as sensible and malleable as clay.
stillhuman Dec 2020
As traveller I find
the ******* called time
only provides a blurry mime
of moments rich as wine.

I visited the dark corners
and opened ****** doors
where only lost ones you could find
bleeding out on broken floors.

But then again I've seen the warmth
on my skin like a healing balm
made of kisses by the sun,
closing wounds and glowing hearts.

There ain't no road with just one end
for where you came from
from exit to entrance it can bend.
stillhuman Oct 2021
Carpe diem my ***
you don't catch the moment
you don't capture life
you just take what you please
and then leave me with ease
you just do as you say
nothing really matters
not tomorrow and not today
you wash your hands
***** them up
and dry 'em on my spine
then you raise your belt
your stomach full
your brain dead
all around people are stopping glass from breaking
but your gaze is lost into the future
a future where I don't exist
and my figure is but a vague image
lost in the mass grave of shadows
you've met and forgotten
while I took on more
And more
And more scars on my back
from carrying all of your weight
but you don't see
You are at peace
no better place for you
than someone else taking the fall
I have never been capable of being angry at you and I never thought I would. But you've taught me to expect the unexpected.
stillhuman Jul 2021
I see my feet tracing back
my previous steps
And I can hear my throat
choking on itself
My insides are in shamble
and I feel them all, my organs
as they tremble
and I don't understand this feeling
Just that I miss you
and that might be the meaning
I've never felt more uncomfortable with the idea of bothering you
stillhuman Jan 2021
Today I hate you.
My blood boils thinking
of all the times you burnt me
with your words
your indifference
your disrespect
My hands get cold
with nervousness waiting
for a fight to break out
My eyes water
with shame
Because I remember
how you don't take responsability
how you put the blame on me
how we have always argued
how you demean my worth and feelings
how you shaped my reactions
my instincts
my image
to something I never wanted to be.
So, today I hate you.
Today I can't bring myself to forget.
We have nothing left to do
but wait for tomorrow.
I guess love is more complicated than just "yes" or "no".

— The End —