i hate the way your lips curl upward as you listen to my bitter words
you laugh at me as if i were a child
you chide me, then abide by me only to turn on me
you make my heart twist, wringing out all  its stubborn, wistful blood
wandering mind oh leave my soul alone, don't evoke my listlessness
you leave me hanging, waiting, eagerly, then  anxiously
my mouth dripping with words, pouring wild expectations
you arrive, just too late, its no surprise, you watch my dying eyes
i glare as they stare
young love and its prey
an innocent again has been ensnared

your words
once again
have made so cold my skin
i pray for someone
to turn my mind, revoke my sin
take your wounds
and cover them up
with a bandage of denial
a seed of doubt
planted in our minds
your heart shut down
closed for now
you say it numbs the pain
prevention of undeniable grief
you stole your own happiness
a selfless thief
perhaps the wind
will blow again
away your troubles
forget your sins
if only
if only
the rain would return to wash me
wayward and beyond thought
to the wistful wonders
of a world without
you

and
it happened again tonight
the drifting
that lack of resolve  
my heart only knows how
to dissolve
every morsel of love
every line of your ill reprise  
each inch of this spaceless , weightless soul
growing heavier
and my mind breaks its bonds again
i allow a tear to fall
only one
for i did work so tirelessly to build those walls
to  smelt  the metal on my iron clasps
these locks for which only i possess
the key
your voice
your voice
and its never -failing-to-calm-me personality
my head
my head
and its inability to stay level
to keep my thoughts brief
would be to ask the moon
if it could be the sun
relatives to death and life
we are beautiful creatures
we are tangled lovers
awaiting our demise
if only one sorrowful sparrow
could fly overhead so i could realize
that the air is not solid
yet still i cannot breathe
but all the birds
have gone southward
they have followed the breeze
oh how i wish i could float on the seas
till my purpose is useful and my loneliness at ease  
till my woe-is-me' s
have all been spoken
and my pity wallowed out
till my friends are no longer awaiting
the shadows to bleed themselves out
till my selfish wailing is screamed out
till the days and the nights have lost significance
when time is negligent  
seconds or hours
its all in our skulls
which filled they are now
with words that i've said
have you noticed yet, wise ones
that i speak only of myself
even when im speaking
of someone else
this is the life we have not chosen
to lead
but its ours
and we are its
and there is so very much to see
so shake off your burdens
or sink in the sea
you will rise up or drown
do not follow me
let the spirits run free
of the past and ourselves
speak to the trees ask them where they wish they could be
they are grounded
we are free

and they dont listen
all they do is hear
here
you are
there
they stay
in and out
back and forth
you will sink and rise and each time crouched a little lower
till you crawl upon the floor
not unlike in your dreams
they are not nightmares
no
that word you save for your gruesome battles
with yourself

a mess
that i am
and i like to pretend this is real
but i know its fleeting
its fading
its fake
this love is a fluke
i love you
you are nothing like the others i love
you are nothing like myself
and still i feel you are a part of me
and i am afraid to let this fear win
but i am more afraid to give in
to love
to hope
to you

my condition:
the doctors say
i am alive
but doesnt a heart need to survive?
isn't my soul
searching
when will it arrive
at places where my thoughts
can no longer reside
this life
is it worthless
dont we all feel
the suffering
the pain
the nothing
it is real
they all say its worth it
they all say its life
they say its beautiful
step into the light
we cant ignore the darkness
they are both friends
but every great friendship
has a great end
i know life is wonderful
i know we must begin
to work to better it
ourselves and start again
the hope
it is broken
our minds
they are too
our words
are not spoken
they'll be taking me soon
with this i will leave you
my cure:  let life live

and you will think of me
i swear it
for there is no way
that your  existence could take up so much of my own
yet you could not feel my essence surrounding the air around you
as you beat down the door to oblivion

where are you
friend?
are you up in the air once again
flying higher where you feel your troubles can't reach
the clouds, are they blocking your view of reality?
can you no longer see the tears?
my eyes
yet again they are hidden
or are you running again
away from the demons
yours or ours?
do they not belong to all of us?
separately?
has your train reached its station
has it missed its stop
or was it you?
who missed it
were you too occupied with your heart being unoccupied
is your soul vacant?
i know its not
i know
the scars
inside
and out
its alright
its okay that you
are far from
fine