There are two calories in the glue of a U.S. postage stamp
Breathing burns thirty-eight an hour
And a 100 calorie snack pack hold enough pieces to honestly say I ate every two hours
I tell you my circulation is bad, worsened by dehydration
But all I consume is water and to me my blue fingers are beautiful
I laugh and move as much as I can to mask my shivering
In the sunlight
In August
You say you love the light in my eyes
I don't mentions the death behind them
You tell me I'm sexy
I count my ribs to see if it's true
The first time I scared you was the hundredth time I fainted
After a six day binge on diet soda and vodka my body decided it didn't need to breathe
I looked dead anyway
I woke
Asked you what was wrong
You were paler than me, out of breath, tears staining your cheeks
You watched my skeleton corpse rise
I force fed you promises of recovery while you force fed me meals
Little did you know they both went down the toilet half an hour after dinner
In the morning I google how many calories are in Adderal
It's Zero so I pop my fourth one today
Tie up my sneakers
I haven't slept in a week
Who needs sleep when a runners high, any high, is so fulfilling
You caught on
Took my shoes, my little blue pills
You cooked me healthy food, guarded the bathroom after meals
Eventually I gained weight
Learned to love my curves
You didn't
Yo bought me new shoes, paid for a gym
One day I found my addiction sitting next to my toothbrush
I realized it wasn't my frailness that concerned you but the fact that a fat partner looked worse than a defective one
You didn't care if I was ill
You cared if I was pretty

Dec 24, 2016

I know you're lonely and tired of being by yourself. You just want someone to give you attention and at this point you are taking whatever you can get. But damn I hope you wait for him. Wait for the boy that doesn't thing he deserves a girl as good as you. Wait for the boy who remembers little things you told him during late night conversations. Wait for the boy who knows that you prefer juice boxes to bags and chicken strips to burgers. Wait for the guy who will drive you around with one hand on the steering wheel and the other in your hand. Wait for the guy who will listen to a song on the radio he doesn't even know just so he can listen to you sing along to it. Wait for the guy who's going to treat you like his princess. Don't give pieces of your heart away to everyone who comes walking your way, you deserve so much more.

- a lesson I wish I learned sooner
Sarah Kersey
Sarah Kersey
Oct 5, 2016

I'm pretty sure these curtains are made of old denim that once gripped onto another human being's veins
But when I see these scratchy teal curtains with a meticulously hidden yellow stain, I no longer see the days that I occupied in which the carefully constructed tears in the fabric of my jeans matched the unnatural ripping sound of my shirt on the night that I thought the world would end
Instead I see the possibility of new stains that don't feel like ghost stories, but instead tales of unfortunate mishaps to find laughter and lessons in

The first time I ever remember genuinely feeling overwhelmed with heart wrenching sadness with no lesson attached, I was seven years old and laying in a bunk bed
Here I am eleven years later, in a new home away from home and we're back to twin beds and chutes and ladders
But when I see these bunk beds now I don't think of the days where fear weighed down my brain with such a dread that I could barely lift my head to peer over the edge, paralyzed with terror and thoughts about how much it would hurt to fall
Instead I think of the risk I took by jumping into the unknown, daring pain to catch me but trusting that it wouldn't, and in return finding someone to catch me down below with hands like pillows and eyes like oak trees

That boy with the oak tree eyes has a heart full of sunshine that never burns
He gave me a plant the other week and it took my breath away
It's a simple succulent with stripes like a tiger and stems like garden snakes emerging from the ground
A brief thought flashed through my mind that I am not often trusted with living things
It was so hard for me to believe for such a long time that a person who could not take care of herself could manage to care for another
But when I looked up at the miraculous enigma of a person standing in front of me, handing me a living thing to love along side his own self, I was overwhelmed with the understanding that I have always been able to care and to love and to prosper, even though I had so often doubted my own competence
That plant sits on the desk in my dorm room now, living quietly next to my first aid kit and box of food

Time is agonizing and it makes fools of us all more often than not
I have felt stuck in a never ending carousel of pain more than I'd like to admit
But here I am, with my feet firmly on the ground
And the words "it gets better" window stained on my forehead,
reminding all of you that there is hope everywhere
Sometimes we just have to shine light on it

Aug 22, 2016

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore, trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility." - Khalil Gibran

That quote inspired what I wrote because pain is a constant in this cruel world
And in all reality our pain is inspired by the struggles we've gone through, so it may not be easy but to medicate and starting the process of healing is on you.  Others may have caused what you're going through but it's up to you to make it better, because even if it's raining now there's always a chance for better weather

I'd recommend looking up khalil gibran
Julia Mae
Julia Mae
Jun 24, 2016

some of us wait forever for 'better'
it has been promised to us so many times like a sweet, sweet lie
just hold on longer,
a little bit longer
(you can't get better if you don't want to)
do you know how badly i want to?
but i can't sit here and wait forever for 'better'
i don't have forever
i'm racing the clock for the day when i will no longer be afraid
when i give up on 'better'

then i will truly be better

Jan 23, 2016

so much drama
so much negativity
sadness everywhere
and I stand optimistic

My life isn't the best right now. I haven't been feeling great lately which explains my lack of posts here. Optimism is key.
#sad   #life   #hope   #happy   #drama   #help   #positive   #optimism   #present   #itgetsbetter  
Avery Langcaster
Avery Langcaster
Dec 30, 2015

I remember that feeling
that heavy weight I held
just wanting to die already
but being terrified of hell

I was suicidal
but only in my mind
I could never make my body commit that selfish, wanted crime

my breathing had no point
and my life felt like death
I couldn't see past the pain that I wanted to forget

"you'll always be alone" kept ringing through my head
telling me that all would be fine when I was finally dead

I just wish I could travel back
and tell me where I am
out of that black hole
and into life again

they say it gets better
which is hard to believe
but I now can testify
that it rang true for me

Colleen Mary
Colleen Mary
Dec 1, 2015

"look at the lid of your cup, there's SO much lipstick on there." You pointed this out a few times to me. What did I do? Sat there embarrassed each time and tried to sheepishly rub the red substance off. It was small things like this, feeling like I somehow let you down-that scared me the most. Little did I know, I had way more to fear. Man, were you good at wiping things off as if they never existed. I should have just handed you my coffee cups and let you wipe off the stains because you are great at hiding the evidence of anything existing at all. My heart aches at the thought of you detoxing your body from my kisses. You wiped away the feeling of my head on your chest, my lips on yours, & the happiness you felt when I called you my babe. And now November has came and gone and I'm still stuck in October with you before you destructed us. "This doesn't have to be for good and I don't even want it to be for good." It's as though everything, your words, your promises, your dignity, have been stolen from you. You gave me the chance to run yet tried holding on to me to ultimately decide you wanted her, not me. WHAT DID I DO WRONG? I'm so tired of thinking it's me but the irritation and bitterness I feel is sickening. Now December has arrived and you're so far gone it frightens me.
You were supposed to stick around.

Layla Dark
Oct 8, 2015

1, 2, 3...
7, 8, 9...
11, 12, 13...
17, 18, 19...

Still no one stops,
Tears flows forever it seems.
As the time stops,
So does my heart.

I send my angels to protect you,
I send them to save you.
I want you to be forever mine,
I want your love to be mine.

Two woman stop in there day,
To make sure that I'm okay.
I cry as I tell them no,
I told them how you tried to go.

They wait and watch,
To make sure I don't end the same.
I never knew I could feel so much pain.

I love you with all my heart.
Stay forever beside me, my Wolfie.

1, 2, 3...
17, 18, 19...

One more I'll be on the floor,
More pain, soon peace.
Soon I'll be closing the door,
I want you back to me.

Pill by pill,
I end my will.
Pill by pill,
I soon will kill.

I close my eyes and wait for death,
Soon he lingers over me.
"Why my child you wish for me?"
I reach for his hand,
But he pulls it away.

"Child of mine, why do you cry?
'Child of mine, don't you love?
'Child of mine, won't you be missed?
'Child of mine, why do you cry?"

"Death take me now,
'Free my soul
'Death take me now
'Finish my goal"

"It's not your time,
Just wait and see,
Someday you will be
Exactly who you wish to be."

One of the first poems finished.
Aug 20, 2015

I followed the light
At the end of the tunnel.
He led me here,
To this place.

I followed the light
At the end of the tunnel.
He promised to show me
God's grace.

I followed the light
At the end of the tunnel
Not knowing just what
I would find.

I followed the light
At the end of the tunnel
To leave all the
Dark days behind.

I followed the light
At the end of the tunnel
And now I'm here
With you.

I followed the light
At the end of the tunnel
But I'm not sure
What to do.

You followed the light
At the end of the tunnel.
He led you here,
To this place.

You followed the light
At the end of the tunnel.
Did you ever receive
God's grace?

We followed the light
At the end of the tunnel
But he didn't lead
Us astray.

We followed the light
At the end of the tunnel.
So at the end of the tunnel
We'll stay.

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