hi i just want to remind you to keep going
you'll get out of your winter soon
spring will come

i hope you'll find strength and warmth within these words
if not, i hope you'll find it elsewhere

just strive and thrive for a little bit longer
it'll get warmer eventually

and once again, i'm stuck
trapped in this loophole
of disappoinment and
unhappiness

it's like an endless routine
where i'm standing still
watching everyone go
and grow

while i'm just here,
stuck inside the void
inside of me

and once again, i'm stuck
trapped in this loophole

stuck at the lowest point
again (repeat x times)

a bittersweet scent fills the air

some are blissfully unaware
trap on their own world for two

some are filled with despair
trap on their hearts reserved for /you/

some are questioning what they have
some are still holding on the past
some are just barely holding on the pieces
some are clawing their way out

some are confused, some are clueless

some are waiting for a surprise
some are wishing for anything at all

some are hurting, some are hurting

letters, flowers, chocolates, surprises
let me show you my love

oh no we're just friends
this doesn't mean anything

you know that you didn't have to
I wanted to

thanks but...
I understand

**When will my time come?

Let her go
because all that hurt isn't worth it

and we both know that
you're only holding on a ghost
admit it,
she already left months ago

How can you call it love when
you've been hurt over and over again

Aren't you tired
of the same act that she plays
she's not even a good actress

Aren't you tired?

You deserve happiness
and admit it you won't ever find it with her

I hope that you realize your worth
don't waste your love on her

"she's not like other girls"

she'll probably give you **** when you say that to her
she's not an exception
she believes in every girl's beauty

she believes in the splendor of the world
her eyes sparkle with wonder
her feet itch to wander
her heart soars for all that is beautiful

but she also believes in all the ugliness of the world
her eyes shut with horror
her feet refuse to stand up
her heart breaks for the sake of humanity

she will not comply to your standards
because she'll sometimes be inadequate
or because defiance will appeal to her more

she does things in her own quirk and pace

she'll heat water and make coffee
then put in the fridge to let it cool
she'll wait for the weekend just to
waste her time in bed
she'll throw a party when she reach
a certain age just because
she thinks it's a good number
she'll be distant for a couple of days
she'll come back eventually
she'll just wander through her solitude

she's pretty
but not that pretty

or so she thinks

she wears a crop top but then gets
bothered whenever a bit of skin is exposed
she swears to only wear neutral clothes
but lets her mother buy her some color
she admires other people's body but
is still in the process of loving her own

she pours water to make the glass full
she sips just enough to make it half empty
maybe that's why her lips are chapped

she's different just like everyone else
she's no chosen one
she is not destined to save the world or anyone
except maybe herself
she's not a special snowflake
though sometimes
she think she is

she is not an exception
she is not an
she is not
she is

she

i'm forcing words out
just to fight the /lonely/

but it doesn't work
nothing ever does

not even twelve hours of sleep
not even chocolates or sweets
not even countless cat videos

nothing ever does

not even when i'm surrounded with people
the /lonely/ doesn't leave
company makes me more solitary

lying in bed alone at ten in the morning

feels
the
same
as

being with people but just faking happy

heck
the
former
is
more
comforting

so tell me
how do you heal this /lonely/

how do you break free from its chains
i've been a captive for so long
i don't even remember how to not be

who even am i without the /lonely/

but these days i can't even function properly
i'm sinking deeper
deeper
deeper

words used to make me stay afloat
but now they're just w o r d s

and i can't find salvation anywhere

so tell me
how do you fight this /lonely/

tell me
before it completely drowns me

thank you for coming into my life
for knocking on my closed doors

i'm sorry for the days when it seem like there's no one on the other side,
for the days when i forget that i'm not alone

i know that you also get those kind of days,
when ghosts come uninvited
and i'm sorry for not being there

but i also know that you're strong
and capable of chasing them away
you're one of the strongest persons i've met
(but you're also one of the most fragile)

i'm thankful that the universe conspired for us to not only meet,
or cross paths
or be acquainted
or settle for what we already had
but also to be more than that

more than i ever thought would be possible
maybe it's just you and your persistence
that tied our constellations together

but it's bigger than that, it's bigger than us

he's bigger than the universe and its conspiracies
and i thank Him everyday for the gift of your existence

i often wonder if my impact on your life is as big as your impact on mine
i know that it's not

you're surrounded by all these wonderful people
and i'm happy that you are

just remember that i may not be the first person you will run to
but i'll always be here for you

and i will always support you
in whatever you do
in wherever you go
in whoever you choose to be
or to be with

i will always support you
or not if it'll probably
be something you'll regret after

i have a bad history with friendship
i am filled with distant memories from strangers
with moments from the time of what once was

it's sad
and i don't want that to happen to us

i hope not

because i want to be there in your future
i want to be part of your future

you're one of the brightest constellations i've seen
(even on your bad days)
and i want to witness your good days
your best days

the days we've always dreamed of,
the unforgettable ones
the ones that doesn't involve school and tiring routines

i know that we'll make it

i wish you all the happiness
and fewer sad days

i also wish you love
may you find it at the right place
at the right time
from the right people

and from yourself

because you are not as terrible as you think you are

you are loved, you are wanted
and believe me—
we are thankful for your existence,
i am thankful for your existence

*(and i hope that this day will be one of the unforgettable ones)

I want to find a place where–
darkness can’t find me.

A place where judging eyes
are blind.

Somewhere safe,
but never dull.

Where happiness don’t last
and sadness is okay.

I want to be free from
everything that suffocates me.

A place where insecurities and flaws–
are harmless as bubbles.

Where the emptiness in
my chest, is filled.

Somewhere unknown,
but trickles familiarity.

I wish to find this place–
and escape.

I wonder,
when
why
how
did
I lost her

I wonder
if
turning
back
would
be
worth it

I wonder
if—

I feel lost.*

I don’t belong anywhere.

And I have no where to go. Nobody to go to.

I’m often alone. I like being alone, enjoying my own space. I shut down the noise and drown myself in the ocean of silence. I like being alone. I’m used to it.

Until loneliness came.

It didn’t crush my bones with one titanic wave. Instead, it came slowly, with small and subtle waves against my feet.

It was somehow comforting, the cold water touching my feet.

But the subtle waves did not last long. The strong waves of loneliness came crashing in. Like a tsunami destroying my insides.

And now *I’m lost.

Paano kung sabihin ko sa’yong patapos na,
Na ang dulo’y abot na ng aking mga mata?
Ngunit sa bawat hakbang kong papalayo sa’yo,
Tila ba ang loob ko’y napupuno ng bato.

Paano kung sabihin ko sa’yong ayoko na,
Na hindi ko na kaya kung patatagalin pa?
Sapagkat ga’no man kalalim akong nahulog,
Natatapos din ang himig ng awit at tugtog.

Paano kung sabihin ko sa’yong panahon na,
Para sa pagpalaya natin sa isa’t isa?
Dahil kahit gusto ko mang kumapit pa sa’yo,
Pareho tayong mapapako kung ‘di lalayo.

Paano kung sabihin ko sa’yong paalam na?
Salamat sa mga ala-ala nating dal’wa,
At patawad sapagkat hindi napanindigan,
Ang unang pagsuyong ating inaalagaan.

Mahal, pa’no kung sabihin ko ang lahat ng ‘to,
Nadarama mo rin ba ang sakit na taglay ko?
Kung ang puso kong nasa iyo ay sugatan na,
Pa’no ko pang masasabing— mahal pa rin kita.

Sunlight glistens through her window,
Radiates beginnings and a bright tomorrow.
But like a vampire, she instinctively recoiled—
Afraid to be scorched, inside she’s still unspoiled.

She is shielded by a stellar black hole,
Floating around like a misguided soul.
Nothing can get out, she’s trapped inside
A star that shines but have already died.

Perhaps, she’s too fragile for the cruel world
Her petals’ too young, she haven’t unfurled.
Withdrawn to anything that inflicts hope,
Like looking through a covered telescope.

She is a book which remains untold
Wait for the right time, she shall unfold.

you make me
smile
laugh
...shy

you make me
feel
noticed
flustered

you tug at my
heartstrings
and give
fireflies

but you are
not mine
to keep

you were
never
mine

so
please
just
*go

I.
This is just another bad poem
Just vomited-thoughts-left-on-paper poem
This is a collection of grammatical errors
This would surely make my English teacher cringe
But no worries, I didn’t write this for her

II.
This bad poem is for you

May my subject and verb disagreement
remind you of all those misunderstandings that lead to raised voices
and nights where I cried myself to sleep

Sentence construction was never my strength, it still isn’t, maybe that’s why you never truly understood me—
called me difficult and bipolar
You said that I was too much

Did it ever occur to you that you might just misread me, like homonyms,
same words but with different meanings
misread my jealousy with accusations,
my concern for excessive affection

You said that I loved you too much
but darling, did you even love me at all?

Did I put too much meaning on your words,
turned them into similes and metaphors?
Turned your literal statements into figures of speech
You told me that you liked me,
so I blissfully interpreted it as a hyperbolic expression— called it love when obviously it wasn’t

III.
I was never good at using punctuations
I put too much commas,
unnecessary, misused, I kept trying to hold on
Afraid of the inevitable end,

Switched to semi-colons in an attempt to make it a few words longer

Because despite all our grammatical errors
no matter how shameful our piece of literature was to the English language

It was beautiful to the untrained eye,
To those who read poetry as it is
To those who don’t dig deep in search of true meaning behind the metaphors
It was beautiful to me

But I eventually learned that infinitives and infinities are different,
in spite of sharing infinite as the root word
Like our love,

started with something so promising
but unlike most novels,
there’s no happy ending

So I accepted defeat,
accepted the inevitable and bitter end
No more committing the same mistakes over and over again,
the same words over and over again,

Accepted the fact that synonyms existed,
words with the same meaning but also entirely different
new and unfamiliar, foreign and peculiar

IV.
I accepted defeat
No more commas or semi-colons
We have reached the couplet of our free formed sonnet—

I was never good with endings, I don’t think I’ll ever be,
So darling I hand you the pen, set us both free.

my mouth
is a box in the attic hidden away
it is the box in the attic with the fragile symbol on it
a warning that it should be handled with care

my mouth
came with a filter
it filtrate the words that I wanted to say the most
but there are days when the filter seems to have a glitch
allowing my thoughts to leave my mouth with full conviction

my mouth
was programmed to have respect
encoded on my tongue are two powerful words
two words that I often use with strangers
but I think my tongue was burned by too much coffee
because every time I needed to use those two words
I always end up two words short

my mouth
skipped its classes
or maybe it didn’t learn anything
especially with the major subjects like How-To-Have-A-Normal-Conversation or What-Is-The-Right-Thing-To-Say or Small-Talk-101
because I always end up with awkward silences and a tongue-tied mouth

my mouth
is a home to a set of perfectly aligned teeth
but maybe my parents shouldn’t have invested their money on my teeth
instead they should have asked the doctor to fix my tongue
so that it would construct the right words they want to hear at the right time
a perfectly fixed tongue that would not answer them back with a mouthful of teen angst

my mouth
is not a home to a powerful voice
it is not soothing or moving
it is a home of mispronounced words from a lost voice
a voice with not enough strength

my mouth
is a place that is not yet explored
an uncharted territory
with a do not enter sign on its chapped lips

my mouth
is unfamiliar with smiles
its corners pulled down by gravity
it does not trust happy
it is home to sighs and strangled cries

my mouth
is the box in the attic filled with hope and a promise
a promise to the body it resides to
that someday its voice will no longer be lost
that someday it will be a mouth that is a home to a smile
the day will come that I would still stumble with my words
but it will carry the message that I want

someday

but today

my mouth
still needs to fix its stutter

it is a mouth full of words not said
it is still hidden in the attic
and is better left sealed and shut