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Ross Jun 2019
Bake a 'tater, 'tater baker
Bake a 'tate or two
I'd like to bake a 'tater
Sing the 'tater song with you

If the 'tater maker takes 'is 'taters
To the tiny town
He'd surely sell his truly tasty
'taters by the pound

Now truly tasty 'taters take some time to fully bake
Baked 'taters taken soon does not a happy 'tater make
'Taters taken late too are considered much too tough
Taste these 'taters you'll agree their taste ain't up to *****

Tate the 'tater baker bakes his 'taters to perfection
'is tasty 'taters taken to the town for your selection
So if you need a tasty 'tater you'd best talk to Tate
Cos 'taters baked by 'im are well and truly 'ruddy great!
Bill MacEachern Sep 2016
I like taters
Yes indeed
I like taters
With my meat

I like taters
Don't you too
I like taters
In my stew

You like taters
Tell me please
You like taters
With
Cream cheese

Who likes taters
All mashed up
Who likes taters
With Ketchup

I have taters
Everyday
Mashed
Baked
Boiled
With
Gravy
this is my disease
here i am age 6 stealing candy from a shop on Broadway
here i am age 7 pulling a girl’s ******* down around her knees while she’s swinging upside down from jungle gym bars
here i am age 8 Jackie K shows me how to ******* to this day i’ve never looked back
that’s me age 9 creeping into my sister’s bedroom into her sleeping girlfriend’s adjoining bed concerning my sister she’s a great gal but i’ve never been physically attracted to her
this is my disease
here i am age 10 with 4 grammar school buddies shoplifting at Marshal Fields department store we got caught sent home and severely punished
here’s me age 11 erasing and altering test scores in my 6th grade teacher’s grade’s book while class is out to recess
here i am age 12 repressing my true voice and lying to my parents about everything
this is my disease
this is me age 13 being shipped off to boarding school
that’s me age 14 getting kicked out of boarding school then shipped off to another boarding school
there’s me age 15 with Kent stealing girl’s purses from Pink Panther lounge in Rogers Park
here i am age 16 stealing Mom’s sleeping pills trading to score my first heroine fix sick as a dog vomiting by the side of the road
this is my disease
this is me age 17 running away from home to Haight Ashbury CA waking up with ants crawling in my hair strung out on methadrine and acid in Berkley crash house
and there i am age 18 running from tear gas and police Billy clubs in Lincoln Park and rioting in Grant Park at the 1968 Democratic Convention
that’s me age 21 getting tricked by my parents into 3 month lockup at Institute Of Living Hartford CT
this is my disease
there i am age 23 practicing Transcendental Meditation and yoga with Cathleen at Hartford Art School
there’s me age 24 kissing with Cathleen in photo booth at the Century Theater in Chicago
there’s me age 25 working for my Dad while Cathleen is away with her family in Indonesia
there i am age 27 holding a teacher’s certificate from SAIC Mom’s idea i never wanted to discipline kids
that’s me age 30 wearing necktie working at CME and selling coke on the side
that’s me age 32 drunk slurring words telling Elizabeth and her Mom at expensive seafood restaurant i wasn’t fit to marry anyone
this is my disease
here i am age 32 stealing money drugs to support my urges
that’s me age 34 with my first puppy Taters
there’s me age 37 awarded Illinois Arts Council Grant spitting peeing splashing blood on charcoal drawings reading Marquis de Sade dismissing many girls
here i am age 41 exhibiting my first one-man show at Deson Sainders Gallery Chicago Dad dies 6 paintings sold
that’s me age 44 leaving Chicago after too many dropped ***** opportunities chances at love success no destination other than hope prayer of becoming a better person
there i am age 48 burying Taters deep in dirt in Wilmington NC
this is me age 49 working at a record store in Tucson AZ running in the mornings feeling so alone crying
this is me age 50 ******* about **** *** peeing hairy females questioning to myself do any of those fixations actually matter in a real relationship
this is my disease
there i am age 55 living without drugs for more than 10 years swimming every day awarded yoga certification
this is me age 61 without  the affections of a woman for 15 or more years wondering if i’ll ever find love
here i am age 62 returning to Chicago worried about Mom’s illness hoping praying begging for just one more possibility to prove myself
this is my disease
this accounting does not include surviving throat cancer Hepatitis C severe compound fractured wrist and 2 suicide attempts
this is my disease
CK Baker Dec 2017
trip up the island to see all the folk
monopoly, pong => pig 'n a poke
crystalline glass with dark bitter ale
Santa is looking a little bit pale

cherry red cheeks from a chilled chardonnay
one sailing wait for the talk of the day
drum sticks and dressing are the pick of the bird
chestnuts and brandy for gravy being stirred

brussels and taters are pulled from the bake
pears in the salad bring memories of Jake
sparks from the fire with rich amber glow
grey hair and wrinkles will come...don't you know?

gingerbread man with a white icing smile
candy cane schnapps (with its seasonal style!)
pine cones and tinsel that cover the tree
carols are humming from churches and streets

cold winter nights are the best of the year
chocolate and eggnog await with good cheer
a heavy thick fog approaches the sound
the comforts of Christmas, with joy all around!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Jack L Martin Aug 2018
I say unto you with a sniveling snarl,

Will you go on and be friends with an owl?

Why, YES! I said boldly with a pompety grin

My new owl friend will be lucky and win!

He will hoot and toot a most beautiful song

He will win a singing contest and sing all day long

We will take all his winnings and spend it on mead

We'll sing, drink and be merry, indeed!

we'll capture a horse and dress it in tweed

then ride to the sunset on our horse named, "Sardine!"

Sardine might get hungry so we'll feed him some hemp

We'll lay down to rest on a bed that's unkempt

We'll wake in the morning to see Sardine's fate

Sardine has died from starvation this date

The sorrow we feel is so hard to beat

So opon his flesh we started to eat

w'ell pair it with taters all mashed in a pan

we'll eat up our dinner as fast as we can

but hold on a second, how silly are we!

We tripped on some mushrooms we found on a tree!

our minds started swirling and twirling; so dizzy!

my owl friend shrieked and then started to tizzy

he gouged out my eyes and laughed at my pain

I fell to the ground and made peace with my name

for I never did say from whence I came

cause stories like this are not easy to tame

I lay here in misery, my friend's not to blame

It's all in my head, this silly word game
Kurt Carman Jun 2016
Memaw & Pepaw ..Mason Dixon Saturday night,
Just sippin' muscadine wine by the Tennessee moonlight
Rockin' chairs...Zenith Black and White
Roy, Buck, Minnie Pearl a Hee Haw delight.

Crickets a chirpin' and a Frogs a croakin'
Toe tapin' rhythm's got em all in motion.
Corn fields swaying like a metronome
Watching those two dance to cotton eye Joe!

Sunday mornings best at the Church of Christ,
Me, I'm Thinkin' bout Memaws country gravy, my fav-o-rite!
Fried Chicken, taters, eggs sunny side right,
These are the memories I like to recite.
I sure do miss you both. Hoeing okra and and mustered greens on Sunday afternoon. That **** rooster Ichabod having his way with those Rhode Island Red hens as Cecil and I laughed our ***** off. Making a sign for your hen house that read "Martins Chicken Hilton" and the day you died doing what you loved. I know your out there Cecil and Drewetta. I'll see you someday soon!
Perig3e Aug 2010
Married at fourteen,
A whisper in a ram's horn,
From ****** bliss
To spit up and ****
In less than a year.
Add ten more years,
Seven babies,
And fifty tons of laundry.
"Ma,
"Da says the taters gone bad."
Could death be more happy?
All right reserved by the author
Mike Hauser Aug 2013
clap for mashed potatoes
gravy on the side

ketchup smothered
is how i like my fries

love a baked potato
stuffed with everything

even like them broiled
butter and sour cream

hash browns grilled with onions
get my taste buds jumping

sometimes like them fancied
dressed up in au gratin

slurping of the soup
sprinkled down with parsley

even eat them raw sometimes
though the taste is gnarly

smoked me a tater once
living on the farm

followed around the little animals
till the cows came home
Harold r Hunt Sr Aug 2014
Slang Or common talk
Yay all knows that peoples talk funny
If yous are from the south.
They cut off the lights and jaw jack alls night long.
If youns need to find something.
We cans find it down the road a piece or maybe over yawner.
So if you think I talk funny or in slang.
You alls need to catch the seconds of taters and grits and pig fat.
You alls come back now you hear.
And yes bring granny and the boys well have a shing dig.
A 1st PLACE AWARD WINNER
AprilDawn May 2014
boiled
naked

South American tuber

whipped into a frenzy

dairy alterations

makes
a creamy smothered

tongue

dressed in a
silken coat of
carbohydrate glory.
Ah the making of   that  glorious comfort  and Sunday  or holiday  staple food  ...
Petal pie Mar 2014
There was never before heard
Such a cacophony
As the day I witnessed
The vegetable medley

'Since you've bean gone'
They blasted out
The runners and broads joined in song
They could have rocked it all night long

But it was Taters turn
They  rocked  the stage
The veggies went wild
The 'monster mash' was all the rage

Then was petit pois chance to shine
He wowed them with a dance
Then made the broccoli sway and weep
With 'Give peas a chance'
Gidgette Jul 2017
Please, read this with the thickest southern accent you've ever heard. It's my language. It's my home...


Hee Haws on the TV
Chicken's fryin' in cast iron skillets
Taters and maters scent mama's clothes
no AC
Papaws in the bacca field
Granny's sippin' on sweet tea
The law stopped comin' here they say,
Back in '23
The fruit's ripe for pickin
daddy did that last week
He said the Apple brandy
Tasted perfect,
bitter sweet
The moonshine makers meet
When the crickets sing at night
they pass around mason jars
'neath the moon
and southern stars
The wine stays burried till fall
muskadine,
other than strawberry
the very best kind
The yanks
buy it up
Its funny to watch 'em
they can't handle their stuff
The Demory Mart stays busy
oh Lord it's so much fun!
When the moonshiners play pool,
till the rising of the sun
Momma don't like it,
Lord she gets so mad!
But she puts my church shoes on me
and I know she still loves dad
But now the still's turned green
as copper always does
There are no moonshiners left
Time has passed, just 'cause
Papaw's gone
the fields have grown up
there are no moonshiners left
it's all store bought, mason jars
have turned to cups
Demory Mart is Yankee owned
the church has indoor plumbing
But late at night, I hear the banjo's
and the stills, copper humming....
On Christmas Day we wake up
We've no stocking on our bed
We've got a plastic kit box
taking up space there instead
You see, we aren't at home with you
Even though you wish we are
We're celebrating Christmas
Over here in Khandahar

A big Merry Christmas to friends and family
of Cpl. Mike Cannandale of St. Louis, Missouri, USA

We have our turkey dinner too
Stuffing, taters, pumpkin pie
We all sit here telling stories
And it's hard just not to cry
so, we do, because we're not back home
Having Christmas like you all
But, we're over here in Khandahar
Because we all answered the call

Merry Christmas to all friends and family of Liuetenant James Mc Caskill
of Great Grimsby, Lincolnshire, England

We have a snowman by our tent
He's made of plywood, painted white
Thank god, we made no snowballs up
We'd get splinters  in a fight
We go to church and pray for peace
And wish we could go home
But, over here at Christmas time
There's just no where to roam

Merry Christmas to friends and family of
Captiain John Watson, PPCLI, in Greenwood, Nova Scotia, Canada

We made our videos last week
To send you our best wishes
We'd all love to be back with you
Washing up those Christmas dishes
For now, we are one family
Joined in heart, and soul and mind
Having a Christmas meal in Khandahar
The best meal of it's kind

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to friends
and family, of Marine Master Sgt. Tim Wilcox, Plano, Texas, USA

Next year we will be home with you
Having Christmas as we should
Praying for peace, hope and prosperity
And all things that are good
for now though, we are over here
missing you this Christmas Day
We just hope you're thinking of us
As we keep the foe at bay

Merry Christmas to all the friends, family, co-workers and supporters
of all the soldiers in War Zones everywhere, who can't be at home this Christmas
May they all get home safe.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
Kendra Wheeler Oct 2010
JBC
Jolly good friends are we
Only because of “Raf-Rod” pain
Happiness when the assignments were complete.
Not far off is
Sonic,
Our favorite activity, but,
Not with out Dan

Best friends forever
I** repeat,
Best friends forever
Leave it or take it
Everyone’s a hater

Crammed in the truck
Only Dan, Stan and Kendra
Leaving behind the haters
Loving our route 44’s and
Eating out taters
Getting all dressed up
Everyone in this city be jealous of us.
This is an acrostic poem, spells Johnson Bible College (my school), written for a class, thought I'd share :)
Pauline Morris Apr 2016
Welcome to her house of many bones
Step into one of life's great unknowns
With broken dreams and shattered heart
In this carnival of freaks she is apart
For the price of a ticket you can see
All the horror, and agony there could ever be

All we ask is to put down your stones
On the left is a kingless throne
No love was ever ment to stay
I don't know why, it's just that way
On your right is the dreams that's died
Where want and reality did collide

In the next room you will find
All the demons that are in her mind
Young man, please step back
These demons will, and do attack
On her arm's you'll see the scars
Made with their talon like sharpened claws

Please don't dottle, let's hurry along
This sad little journey we don't want to prolong
Up next you'll find
Human monsters of every kind
They all wear a clever disguise
You won't even see them unless your wise

Of the shadow men take no heed
Off the sorrow they just feed
The closets doors all are open wide
Not one skeleton does she hide
Please don't be scared, please don't shout
The are free to dance about

Last but not lest I want to show
What happens when the anguish grows
Tormented by years of unbridled strife
In the coffin lies her pitiful life
It's not her body, for she is the walking dead
Heart in taters, screams echoing in her head
Eyes opened wide with years of dread

The light and happiness are always there mocking
You'll find her over there in the corner rocking
Yes she had to be restrained
In the straitjacket she will remain
It's for your safety, not hers
For the pain she endures
Is not for weak amateurs

Exit on the right
Single file, please don't fight
Enjoy the rest of the attractions
We guarantee a hundred percent satisfaction
Unless in this carnival of woeful souls you are captured
Then your only hope will be the rapture
I wonder if ketchup does the same thing to Caviar that it
does to Catfish and home fries* ?
Copyright September 6 , 2016 by Randolph L Wilson * All Rights Reserved
I was doing a little jig down the sidewalk
When all of a sudden
This red, bulbous, obstruction pounced into my field of view
I said, "Whoa, hotshot, cool down"

He/she/it did not reply
"I'm talking to you kiddo
Can you please communicate with me?"
It just sat there staring at me. Why?

You see, hydrants can be little stinkers sometimes
They'll talk your earlobe off one time
Other times they act like a sack of taters
They're just little drama queens

"Meow meow" said the hydrant
I take a look over yonder, than ask the **** target,
"Are you talking to me sir?"
"Meow," it said "I'm not sure I like your tone"

"You must be some sort of mind type hacker dealio
Cracking into my cerebellum, what are you doing in there?
Seriously man! Come on!
You must be going through emotional trauma. PTSD I don't know."

"Calm down buco, let's talk about this
Over a bucket of churned goat milk, I love that stuff.
How's Shirley? I hear she took up crocheting
I respect that"

"Grr, graa, paa?
Me oh my, this reminds me of pick up sticks all over again
Hey look at this man,
If you walk without rhythm, than you won't attract the worm."
I wrote this in a home for the elderly
David Nelson Oct 2011
Grocery Store Blues

gotta get on down get me some milk and bread
maybe some relief for this pain in my head
getting banged in the cart by this old blind broad
and those winey little kids shows my patience is flawed

slipped on a banana in the produce isle
twisted my ankle and fell into a pile
of baking taters we're all rolling on the floor
this goofy assed clerk saying what you do that for

got them grocery store blues
got them grocery store blues
I hate going but Im out of meat
my pantry is empty and I gotta eat

need some pickles and mustard and toilet paper too
crap I broke my glasses so also need some glue
knocked over a bottle of Gin now there's broken glass
everyone looking at me thinking look at that ***

now where are the toothpicks they're not on the chart
geez what's that smell did somebody ****
they're out of my smokes my favorite brand
like to give the check out dude the back of my hand

got them grocery store blues
got them grocery store blues
it's such a big hassle but what can I say
can't live on Big Macs every single day

Gomer LePoet ....
Pauline Morris Apr 2016
Welcome to her house of many bones
Step into one of life's great unknowns
With broken dreams and shattered heart
In this carnival of freaks she is apart
For the price of a ticket you can see
All the horror, and agony there could ever be

All we ask is to put down your stones
On the left is a kingless throne
No love was ever ment to stay
I don't know why, it's just that way
On your left is the dreams that's died
Where want and reality did collide

In the next room you will find
All the demons that are in her mind
Young man, please step back
These demons will, and do attack
On her arm's you'll see the scars
Made with their talon like sharpened claws

Please don't dottle, let's hurry along
This sad little journey we don't want to prolong
Up next you'll find
Human monsters of every kind
They all wear a clever disguise
You won't even see them unless your wise

Of the shadow men take no heed
Off the sorrow they just feed
The closets doors all are open wide
Not one skeleton does she hide
Please don't be scared, please don't shout
The are free to dance about

Last but not lest I want to show
What happens when the anguish grows
Tormented by years of unbridled strife
In the coffin lies her pitiful life
It's not her body, for she is the walking dead
Heart in taters, screams echoing in her head
Eyes opened wide with years of dread

The light and happiness are always there mocking
You'll find her over there in the corner rocking
Yes she had to be restrained
In the straitjacket she will remain
It's for your safety, not hers
For the pain she endures
Is not for weak amateurs

Exit on the right
Single file, please don't fight
Enjoy the rest of the attractions
We guarantee a hundred percent satisfaction
Unless in this carnival of woeful souls you are captured
Then your only hope will be the rapture
Jeff Gaines Mar 2018
I like ANYTHING flavored with Onion ...
I like Onion rings ...
I like Onion straws ...
I don't, however, care for them raw.
In powder they're handy ...
On 'taters they're prized ...
And oh that smell ...
As they become caramelized!
I like French Onion Soup ...
I like Onion crisps ...
I like them in doses ...
I like them in wisps ...
On a side note ...
I must be fair ...
I prefer my friends with ...
As many layers ...
For seasoning meat ...
As many have known ...
That flavor infuses ...
Right to the bone ...
I like any type ...
From any ground ...
I've tried so many ...
The world around ...
I like them pureed ...
In macaroni salad ...
Minced in my meatloaf ...
They're definitely valid ...
I like how they smell ...
Even like how they look ...
But for some strange reason ...
They MUST be cooked!
Ok, to put this in context, Cné and I were chatting in messages about cooking. She answered me about something in a rhyme ... not to be outdone, I returned the act.
AND THIS IS WHAT SPILLED OUT!
I DON"T CARE if it sounds like a Dr. Seuss bit ...
I like it!
David Nelson Sep 2011
They Call Me Jelly

well the feast hasn't even started yet
and already my gut hurts bad
should have never taken that bet
50 hot dogs is a lot for a lad

I stuff my face on a regular basis
a dozen eggs and a slab of bacon
people stare can't believe their faces
how many donuts have I now taken

got me one of those empty legs
I can stuff a lot inside my belly
guess I might be just a little fat
I suppose that's why folks call me Jelly

but tomorrow's the day when I'll put it away
taters and pies and turkey and peas
I'll stuff my face all **** day
hey that's my roll excuse me please

yes I bounce when I jog to the next turkey leg
get out of my way or I'll run you over
save me some dessert I plea and I beg
after this pie a whole box of Russel Stover

yeah I'm fat but I really don't care
kind of sleepy now guess I'll sit and watch some telly
an apple pie or maybe even a pair
guess that's why they call me Jelly

Gomer LePoet...
brandon nagley Jul 2015
Anyways more about me lol.. So yes believe 9 is big number to me and 23!!!! Not crazy just pure facts!! More about me. Well me mum BTW always see's the number 3:33 on clock ironically Christ's death age giving me and her a sign.. See I'm not like humans I tell you all for reason .. I see dreams visions so on. I'm not a psychic but I see people inside their souls. I see ones hurt fears pain depression and beauty... I have had dreams of an asteroid / asteroids coming down in a mall I was in destroying so much.. Also a dream I had of me in me apartment building parents weren't in dream but all was scorched around me.. All apartments were on fire while I was on porch trying to get help but I wasn't burnt as if God protected me... See I'm a believer in bible prophecy believe it or not thy own choice and everything is adding up to more to come. And me dreams add up with what's to come and happen to!   It's been confirmed what the gvt is hiding is what goes been showing me since a young boy... More of me I love Mexican food. Italian food . Asian and middle Eastern food. I'm Irish Scottish native American from mums side and french on her side. Though grew up on mashed taters gravy and fried chicken lol mm.. Her dad and mum came from Ireland and Scotland.. Dad came from Greece as his grandpa. And his sides all Greek lots of English to and french all way back to 1604 in our ancestry book from ancestry. Com also swiss in me to... His English side came on ship on the Mayflower to USA!!! I love native american culture / American and south american. I'm into lots of their customs... Their beliefs . they knew stuff long ago our gvt tries hiding like for instance!!! U think all their pics of quote ( star people and ant people) drawn in every native culture around the world and men in space suits and flying craft is some native myth? Wake up world and America..... So its same thing in all cultures and religions around world... I believe in angels good and bad .. Those factual as so many have seen them.....  And died came back to tell of them God heaven and hell... Though I'm fifty fifty on aliens... Yes I believe God made many kindoms dimensions principalities so on.. I just know facts their is Satan and his fallen angels who were sent to earth because they betrayed God.. So u wonder why all evil in world that's why..... God gave his angels freee will like he does us to serve him. If he didint give us free will to love him and eachother wouldn't be love would it?? Would be forced like ****... Anyway that's more of me... I hate racism not racists... I love all peoples cultures nations so on.. I don't hate gays or transgender people or diff colered peeps... I believe in forgiveness and love no matter if one wants to **** me or hate me I will always  forgive and love... Number one if even God didint want me to do that!! I still would *** that's just the spirit I am.. I'm not better than noone else at all... I'm a sinner . I've lied in past ive stolen.. Robbed from past drug addiction.. I've hurt alot due to me selfishness and due to demons messing with me with that addiction... So I feel guilt daily trying to move on from what I did to others though I can say its humbling even telling u all this.. But this is me... Not done more biography in minute .. ();
Pauline Morris May 2016
Welcome to her house of many bones
Step into one of life's great unknowns
With broken dreams and shattered heart
In this carnival of freaks she is apart
For the price of a ticket you can see
All the horror, and agony there could ever be

All we ask is to put down your stones
On the left is a kingless throne
No love was ever ment to stay
I don't know why, it's just that way
On your right is the dreams that's died
Where want and reality did collide

In the next room you will find
All the demons that are in her mind
Young man, please step back
These demons will, and do attack
On her arm's you'll see the scars
Made with their talon like sharpened claws

Please don't dottle, let's hurry along
This sad little journey we don't want to prolong
Up next you'll find
Human monsters of every kind
They all wear a clever disguise
You won't even see them unless your wise

Of the shadow men take no heed
Off the sorrow they just feed
The closets doors all are open wide
Not one skeleton does she hide
Please don't be scared, please don't shout
The are free to dance about

Last but not lest I want to show
What happens when the anguish grows
Tormented by years of unbridled strife
In the coffin lies her pitiful life
It's not her body, for she is the walking dead
Heart in taters, screams echoing in her head
Eyes opened wide with years of dread

The light and happiness are always there mocking
You'll find her over there in the corner rocking
Yes she had to be retrained
In the straight-jacket she will remain
It's for your safety, not hers
For the pain she endures
Is not for weak amateurs

Exit on the right
Single file, please don't fight
Enjoy the rest of the attractions
We guarantee a hundred percent satisfaction
Unless in this carnival of woeful souls you are captured
Then your only hope will be the rapture
Harold r Hunt Sr Jul 2014
North  vs South
The war between the states didn't end.
In the north, we say Hello, in the south it's howdy.
In the north, we say you can go down the road a little way.
In the south, it's down a road a piece.
In the north, it's potatoes. In the south, it's taters.
In the north, it's turn off the lights. In the south cut the lights off.
And the best one yet is.
In the north, It's goodbye see you later.
In the south it's see you all later and you all come back now you hear.
Julie Grenness Oct 2019
It was a dark and stormy day,
Cooking tea in the usual way,
This was my mother long ago,
"Don't touch the pressure cooker, no!"
Subtly, she left the scene,
Forgot the cooker, its head of steam,
Bang! Did that curry explode,
Mum's response, implode!
"Why didn't you check that stove?"
"You told me not to touch it, no!"
All I can say on this, fifty years later,
Don't use pressure to cook my curry or taters!
Feedback welcome.
John F McCullagh Jan 2019
Dearest creature in creation
Studying English pronunciation,
   I will teach you in my verse
   Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.

I will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy;
   Tear in eye, your dress you'll tear;
   Queer, fair seer, hear my prayer.

Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!
   Just compare heart, hear and heard,
   Dies and diet, lord and word.

Sword and sward, retain and Britain
(Mind the latter how it's written).
   Made has not the sound of bade,
   Say-said, pay-paid, laid but plaid.

Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague,
   But be careful how you speak,
   Say: gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak ,

Previous, precious, fuchsia, via
Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir;
   Woven, oven, how and low,
   Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe.

Say, expecting fraud and trickery:
Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore,
   Branch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles,
   Missiles, similes, reviles.

Wholly, holly, signal, signing,
Same, examining, but mining,
   Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
   Solar, mica, war and far.

From "desire": desirable-admirable from "admire",
Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier,
   Topsham, brougham, renown, but known,
   Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone,

One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel.
   Gertrude, German, wind and wind,
   Beau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind,

Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,
Reading, Reading, heathen, heather.
   This phonetic labyrinth
   Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.

Have you ever yet endeavoured
To pronounce revered and severed,
   Demon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul,
   Peter, petrol and patrol?

Billet does not end like ballet;
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
   Blood and flood are not like food,
   Nor is mould like should and would.

Banquet is not nearly parquet,
Which exactly rhymes with khaki.
   Discount, viscount, load and broad,
   Toward, to forward, to reward,

Ricocheted and crocheting, croquet?
Right! Your pronunciation's OK.
   Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
   Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Is your r correct in higher?
Keats asserts it rhymes Thalia.
   Hugh, but hug, and hood, but hoot,
   Buoyant, minute, but minute.

Say abscission with precision,
Now: position and transition;
   Would it tally with my rhyme
   If I mentioned paradigm?

Twopence, threepence, tease are easy,
But cease, crease, grease and greasy?
   Cornice, nice, valise, revise,
   Rabies, but lullabies.

Of such puzzling words as nauseous,
Rhyming well with cautious, tortious,
   You'll envelop lists, I hope,
   In a linen envelope.

Would you like some more? You'll have it!
Affidavit, David, davit.
   To abjure, to perjure. Sheik
   Does not sound like Czech but ache.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven.
   We say hallowed, but allowed,
   People, leopard, towed but vowed.

Mark the difference, moreover,
Between mover, plover, Dover.
   Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
   Chalice, but police and lice,

Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
   Petal, penal, and canal,
   Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal,

Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit
Rhyme with "shirk it" and "beyond it",
   But it is not hard to tell
   Why it's pall, mall, but Pall Mall.

Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,
Timber, climber, bullion, lion,
   Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
   Senator, spectator, mayor,

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
Has the a of drachm and hammer.
   *****, ***** and possess,
   Desert, but desert, address.

Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants
Hoist in lieu of flags left pennants.
   Courier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb,
   Cow, but Cowper, some and home.

"Solder, soldier! Blood is thicker",
Quoth he, "than liqueur or liquor",
   Making, it is sad but true,
   In bravado, much ado.

Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
   Pilot, pivot, gaunt, but aunt,
   Font, front, wont, want, grand and grant.

Arsenic, specific, scenic,
Relic, rhetoric, hygienic.
   Gooseberry, goose, and close, but close,
   Paradise, rise, rose, and dose.

Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle,
Make the latter rhyme with eagle.
   Mind! Meandering but mean,
   Valentine and magazine.

And I bet you, dear, a penny,
You say mani-(fold) like many,
   Which is wrong. Say rapier, pier,
   Tier (one who ties), but tier.

Arch, archangel; pray, does erring
Rhyme with herring or with stirring?
   Prison, bison, treasure trove,
   Treason, hover, cover, cove,

Perseverance, severance. Ribald
Rhymes (but piebald doesn't) with nibbled.
   Phaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw,
   Lien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw.

Don't be down, my own, but rough it,
And distinguish buffet, buffet;
   Brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon,
   Worcester, Boleyn, to impugn.

Say in sounds correct and sterling
Hearse, hear, hearken, year and yearling.
   Evil, devil, mezzotint,
   Mind the z! (A gentle hint.)

Now you need not pay attention
To such sounds as I don't mention,
   Sounds like pores, pause, pours and paws,
   Rhyming with the pronoun yours;

Nor are proper names included,
Though I often heard, as you did,
   Funny rhymes to unicorn,
   Yes, you know them, Vaughan and Strachan.

No, my maiden, coy and comely,
I don't want to speak of Cholmondeley.
   No. Yet Froude compared with proud
   Is no better than McLeod.

But mind trivial and vial,
Tripod, menial, denial,
   Troll and trolley, realm and ream,
   Schedule, mischief, schism, and scheme.

Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely
May be made to rhyme with Raleigh,
   But you're not supposed to say
   Piquet rhymes with sobriquet.

Had this invalid invalid
Worthless documents? How pallid,
   How uncouth he, couchant, looked,
   When for Portsmouth I had booked!

Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite,
Paramour, enamoured, flighty,
   Episodes, antipodes,
   Acquiesce, and obsequies.

Please don't monkey with the geyser,
Don't peel 'taters with my razor,
   Rather say in accents pure:
   Nature, stature and mature.

Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly,
Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly,
   Conquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan,
   Wan, sedan and artisan.

The th will surely trouble you
More than r, ch or w.
   Say then these phonetic gems:
   Thomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames.

Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham,
There are more but I forget 'em-
   Wait! I've got it: Anthony,
   Lighten your anxiety.

The archaic word albeit
Does not rhyme with eight-you see it;
   With and forthwith, one has voice,
   One has not, you make your choice.

Shoes, goes, does *. Now first say: finger;
Then say: singer, ginger, linger.
   Real, zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge,
   Marriage, foliage, mirage, age,

Hero, heron, query, very,
Parry, tarry fury, bury,
   Dost, lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth,
   Job, Job, blossom, *****, oath.

Faugh, oppugnant, keen oppugners,
Bowing, bowing, banjo-tuners
   Holm you know, but noes, canoes,
   Puisne, truism, use, to use?

Though the difference seems little,
We say actual, but victual,
   Seat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height,
   Put, nut, granite, and unite.

****** does not rhyme with deafer,
Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
   Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late,
   Hint, pint, senate, but sedate.

Gaelic, Arabic, pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific;
   Tour, but our, dour, succour, four,
   Gas, alas, and Arkansas.

Say manoeuvre, yacht and *****,
Next omit, which differs from it
   Bona fide, alibi
   Gyrate, dowry and awry.

Sea, idea, guinea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
   Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,
   Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion with battalion,
   Rally with ally; yea, ye,
   Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay!

Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.
   Never guess-it is not safe,
   We say calves, valves, half, but Ralf.

Starry, granary, canary,
Crevice, but device, and eyrie,
   Face, but preface, then grimace,
   Phlegm, phlegmatic, ***, glass, bass.

Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, oust, joust, and scour, but scourging;
   Ear, but earn; and ere and tear
   Do not rhyme with here but heir.

Mind the o of off and often
Which may be pronounced as orphan,
   With the sound of saw and sauce;
   Also soft, lost, cloth and cross.

Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting?
Yes: at golf it rhymes with shutting.
   Respite, spite, consent, resent.
   Liable, but Parliament.

Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,
   Monkey, donkey, clerk and ****,
   Asp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work.

A of valour, vapid vapour,
S of news (compare newspaper),
   G of gibbet, gibbon, gist,
   I of antichrist and grist,

Differ like diverse and divers,
Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers.
   Once, but *****, toll, doll, but roll,
   Polish, Polish, poll and poll.

Pronunciation-think of Psyche!-
Is a paling, stout and spiky.
   Won't it make you lose your wits
   Writing groats and saying "grits"?

It's a dark abyss or tunnel
Strewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale,
   Islington, and Isle of Wight,
   Housewife, verdict and indict.

Don't you think so, reader, rather,
Saying lather, bather, father?
   Finally, which rhymes with enough,
   Though, through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough??

Hiccough has the sound of sup...
My advice is: GIVE IT UP!
Not one of mine but I thought it a fun look at our funny language
Infamous one Apr 2013
I think I'm not going to participate in family gatherings I always feel left out or excluded. My aunts take cheap shots you think they'd know better. My cousins bad attitude but they always play the victim. I'm done feeling bad for them especially since they show me no sympathy or remorse. I don't need to feel bad or act like everything is fine but the reality is they **** me off and I want to cuss them off half the time. They aren't any good to me if I can't be myself or enjoy the occasion.
I'm ready to just say forget everyone move on to what's taters and will take me places. My future will be better if I stop fixing the broken because they end up breaking me.
Pauline Morris Jul 2016
Welcome to her house of many bones
Step into one of life's great unknowns
With broken dreams and shattered heart
In this carnival of freaks she is apart
For the price of a ticket you can see
All the horror, and agony there could ever be

All we ask is to put down your stones
On the left is a kingless throne
No love was ever ment to stay
I don't know why, it's just that way
On your left is the dreams that's died
Where want and reality did collide

In the next room you will find
All the demons that are in her mind
Young man, please step back
These demons will, and do attack
On her arm's you'll see the scars
Made with their talon like sharpened claws

Please don't dottle, let's hurry along
This sad little journey we don't want to prolong
Up next you'll find
Human monsters of every kind
They all wear a clever disguise
You won't even see them unless your wise

Of the shadow men take no heed
Off the sorrow they just feed
The closets doors all are open wide
Not one skeleton does she hide
Please don't be scared, please don't shout
The are free to dance about

Last but not lest I want to show
What happens when the anguish grows
Tormented by years of unbridled strife
In the coffin lies her pitiful life
It's not her body, for she is the walking dead
Heart in taters, screams echoing in her head
Eyes opened wide with years of dread

The light and happiness are always there mocking
You'll find her over there in the corner rocking
Yes she had to be restrained
In the straitjacket she will remain
It's for your safety, not hers
For the pain she endures
Is not for weak amateurs

Exit on the right
Single file, please don't fight
Enjoy the rest of the attractions
We guarantee a hundred percent satisfaction
Unless in this carnival of woeful souls you are captured
Then your only hope will be the rapture
This is one of my favorite writes I think it turned out well.  There are not many of my own poems I like.  Lol
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2016
ok smart-***... you go in there alone, let's see you drinking a few beers in there, looking forward, walking, as if your eyes were closed.

gone the woodwinds of old, the old orchestra
in taters...  come this anarchistic tribalism
the spawn of capitalism,
without elders or any hierarchic
sensibility of respect, come... come!
it must come... terror on one side
via the enemy's wishes...
corruption on the side of our brethren,
the two culture clash...
yet still i remember the younger me
eager to collect the oeuvre of
iron maiden, prompted by
fear of the dark, later to discover
https://goo.gl/Z5xfLT (afraid to shoot
strangers), later to walk into the forests
alone in the dark, sitting on a fallen tree,
******* myself to bare skin
of the upper body and hearing a branch-snap
saying out-loud: 'no wild animal would come
this close'... in full-glitter moonlight,
then that dog... that dog chasing rabbits...
well, if the dog ain't real, neither are the rabbits...
you tested your Celtic Cerberus on me,
one headed, larger than an irish hound...
the dog... the dog... i just sat there
in the dark, drinking awaiting a hell-swarm...
but indeed a love for a single artist like that...
later came tool and slayer oeuvres...
but iron maiden stole me first...
if it were fear of darkness, why would i double
it by wearing sunglasses?
fear of the dark* got me started...
i encapsulated all the productivity from the debut
album through to brave new world...
yes... all of the albums -
but i **** you not, that dog in Bower Wood at night...
Hades was nearby.
I’m not the kind of nasty guy
Who’d leave a nice girl high and dry.
When you need me most, I’ll be there,
With handy handkerchief in hand.

That’s right, I’m really pretty cool.
I always enunciate and rarely drool.
Though I guess my pillow’d beg to differ.
Unless you drool a lot, or suffer from liver quivers.
I’m certainly not the kind of who’d judge someone’s oral secretions.

All I know is that I like you lots,
Even more than tater-tots,
And that really does say a lot.
Trust me, I really like tots.
Would you like some tater-tots?
I do happen to have quite a lot.

Silly me, all this talk of tot and tater
Makes me realize the night is growing later.
Mother Moon really is a big hater.
Was that just a lazy rhyme for later?
It’s hard to say, but hey, did you like the cater-
Ing? I know it was mostly taters, but you know…
Potatoes are known for their versa-tater-ility.

Ah! What I meant to say is you look quite pretty.
From your eyes to your toes, I’d say… hit me!
Not that I’m into that sort of thing, no, not me.
Only you’re cool with it? Then sure… slap me
Around a little! Here’s my head on a tee.
I should apologize, my self-deprecating tendencies seem to be kicking in roughly again tonight.
And golly! That last line was long.
I seem to be getting this all wrong.

All I mean to say is that I’d like to kiss your face
But only if you’re cool with it. I’m not one
To take advantage of a girl, or tell her her place.
Trust me, I had a sister who put me in my place
Like A-LOT! Ha! No… no sisters actually. I still know my place.
Just please don’t hit me in the face.
Unless you’d really like to, I guess. Wait, no, that’s weird to say.
Just give me a moment to compose my thoughts and say
What I really want to say to you today, or er, tonight, really.

…I love you. There I said it!
No need to regret it!
Wait, please don’t walk away!
I really do mean what I say!
Chris Nov 2021
Los Angeles, 2016.

My roommate Jaime thinks it's strange that Americans take months on months to say "I love you" in relationships. He asks why.

The Spanish say it in the first few weeks.

I haven't felt love and meant it since at least then, so maybe the Spanish are onto something. Maybe I've had the wrong definition. Maybe it's time to re-examine crushing.

So what if I said that I'm Spanish-in-love with you? A little less than puppy love but a little more exciting. And not quite the honeymoon phase but a little more worth writing.

A little bit of a crush but maybe unrequited. Maybe not.

Maybe I'm just trying to prove the country wrong. Maybe I'm trying to take the L-word off a pedestal. Or maybe I'm just Spanish in love with you.

It's something to do with being punch-drunk, feeling shake-heavy, and catching your right hook like it was made for my face.  And face it, probably. Maybe this is just business casual. You can say goodbye like it's an email.

Something like a fling, but a little less irreparable. This isn't like the L-word because it isn't something inevitable. Play it cool, you're just Spanish in love with him. Maybe you'll meet someone new soon. Or maybe you'll both move to Oregon.

I think you're afraid to debate this with me, but I guess you're safer in the center. Next question please, like a career politician dodging bullets, full of it. Or maybe you're more like Honest Abe in the middle of it, perfect hands with signs that say "Do Not Touch." Back against the wall with the world wide open.

I might have to burn this House down just to get something done. Otherwise I'm only good for sitting across from you.

Don't worry, it's all just wild west make believe. Falling in love is the best high, but that's the kind that ends up more wanted Dead than Alive. So stick 'em up partner, you're just Spanish in love with them. They only call it a crush when the results ain't pretty, a little gushy, American, and ******.

Maybe I'm just putting myself through unnecessary roughness. Probably best for us all to stay romantically cautionary. Everyone plays a beautiful game but yours is better than theirs. Crackin' taters past my outfield like Don Julio. That's just baseball, baby.

So maybe love in Europe is more our frequency. More nonchalant love with a tad bit of leniency. Less expectation in all these fledgling relationships. I think that's something we could all get behind, right?

Let's just say I understand the zeitgeist.

Because love isn't something you give out little by little. It's not a hurdle to complete and it's not a marathon to struggle. It's not a circle on a calendar or a deadline to pass under. I've been thinking lately about how we're all a little daunted by the thought of saying it out right. Maybe we're too afraid of getting it right to even say it at all.

So maybe I'll never have a definition to describe it. Maybe the feeling is too fleeting to ever tie the phrase down to it. Best to stick with the same old same old, and snub the face of wishful thinking.

How did we get here anyway? Oh, that's right. It all started with Jaime's question.

Nobody ever expects the Spanish inquisition.
Alexandria Hope Oct 2017
I miss Texas - My family fighting,
The smell of the hot concrete,
That full-bladed grass and the fire ants
The southern drawl and the heavy air-
Sticky and slow like molasses
Down where you nap through the heat of the day
And eat fried chicken, corn and mashed taters for dinner
Playing in sprinklers and
Patios made of tiny rocks,
Acorns and sunflowers and furniture
That weathered the great depression and WWII
The little creek, the metal slide in the middle of July,
Those mcDonalds toys one grandma collected
One grandpa bouncing me on his knee
The other taking me to the zoo
And great grandma playing scrabble,
Those baby pictures of my dad,
Back in a place where I would've culturally said "pa"
Sometimes I miss it all back in Texas,
Sometimes I say I'll never miss it,
Now that I see how grandma's a racist, family don't believe in LGBT,
In liberals, in me
But then I think I've lied
I just miss Texas from back when I was too young to notice,
And before everyone died.
So here's to you Grandpa Booker, My dad - John M Hall, Grandpa Milton, Grandma Irene, and Great Grandma Mary.

— The End —