You're tweeting
Texting
Face Timing
Whatsapping
SMSing
Facebooking
Skyping
Yet you seem to disconnect yourself from the authenticity of the present
She, he, them, us- are all gone
Congratulations on your 'social media'
Because now the only thing you can really socialise with, is nothing
So think about the next time you decide to choose social media
Are you willing to risk it all in return for a like, comment or message on a screen?

I'm the next act on stage.
Good.
It's about ******* time all that needed to be said
Finds a way to get out.

So here's the thing:
I've made mistakes
I've ****** up a lot, and I'm willing to admit that
Because every ******, I learn from it
Unfortunately sometimes it takes more than once.

So my first big ******:
I made love.
18 years old, questioning everything
ANGRY for the first time in my life
Really truly ANGRY
and REBELLIOUS
Like I've never been before.
So angry at a God that presumed
To ask everything of me and give nothing back
Who took and took and took and took
And let others take from me, from others
Especially women, a long long time ago
And maybe they were stupid
And maybe they were awful people
And maybe they deserved it but they were STILL PEOPLE
Still women
Still girls like me
Scared and lonely
Hungry for an outlet for all of the ****** passion
And anger DEAR GOD SUCH ANGER
That had built up inside.

So I was mad
And I felt alone
Except for one thing
Him
He who I now look back on and wonder what
My rational brain could have seen
In a hundred thousand eons of pain and suffering and loneliness
What it could have seen in a rat
In a **** like him
But he wasn't that bad
I'm just angry

We made love
We loved each other
And I had anger
So we made love.
As if loving each other made it alright
Because what they never tell you in Sunday school
What they never really get across with all the
"Shou shalt not's" and "Don't touch that's"
About chastity
What they do tell you is don't do it
But they never ******* tell you why
Because it isn't going to last.
It really just isn't
Even though you think it will
Put that stupidity aside and see for JUST A SECOND
It won't.
Just assume it wont.
And you'll be with someone else
And they'll be hurt
They will actually be ******* SHATTERED
That you didn't save anything special for them
That you have nothing to give them that you didn't first give to someone else.

So yeah, I left.
I'm usually the one that leaves.
Out of 10's or 20's of loves
I'm the one that usually loses it first
Except for twice...
Nah... Nah now it's thrice.
And I loved again
And left
And I loved again
And left.
And at one point I felt sorry for what I did
But nah, that was an illusion
Brought on by the tears he wept when I told him
I had nothing left to give only to him.

Then I met another Him
And I told him early because
I was SO SICK AND ******* TIRED
Of having to hide what I had done
Pretending to feel guilty about making love
To a little **** who I loved once
But no, he wasn't that bad
He didn't know any better
I'm the ****. I am.

So I told him
And he got scared
But then he came back...
Oh my god he came back, I thought he would leave.
And he held me tighter
And he loved me more
And he forgave me
He moved on
He trusted me
But back up a little.

And breathe.

His name was Hunter.
And when I met him, I was dating the guy I thought I would change for
And a week later I left.
And I immediately got googly-eyed over Hunter
But also someone else.
His name was Collin.
Collin got to me first, because,
Crazy thing
He seemed more mature
And like he could handle it better if I didn't want to be attached yet
So I told him I didn't want anything serious
And we made out.

And then I started falling more for Hunter
Because Collin was a one-upper.
And Hunter was sweet and interesting
Intelligent in speech
On our first date
We discussed Neitzche in a ****** local burger joint
And he was beautiful
In my life I don't think I will ever find Adonis in the flesh again
And eventually, after trying very hard
I got him to kiss me
God how he kisses is like tasting wine
And has the same affect on my mind
And excites my body beyond what I've felt before
And that lasted the whole time I was with him
It still hasn't gone away
To this day if he kissed me
I think my cells would fly apart with joy

Now here's where my shittiness comes back in
And makes everything confusing
So I was making out with Collin one night
And Hunter the next
And I told them both
I ******* TOLD HIM
"We are not dating."
I said that.
Exactly that.
Meaning there is NO commitment
NO expectations
YOU can do whatever you want with whoever
AND SO CAN I

Eventually Hunter persuaded me to be his girl.
So I basically just started ignoring Collin
Stopped making out
Stopped hanging out
Stopped talking pretty much
So I could be with just the one I had COMMITTED myself to.
And we were happy.
Until I told him.

Then he was hurt.
He felt betrayed
Even though I ******* TOLD HIM
WE ARE NOT DATING
During that time
He felt he had claim on me during that time
Just because he had kissed me
He said "I wish you had told me how little a kiss means to you
I would never have ******* kissed you."
And I got ANGRY
And then you know what?

I said I'm sorry
I said you're right
I said "I put his feelings before yours, that was wrong, and it will never happen again."
I should've never done that.
I didn't do anything wrong.
And I gave him power over me
That no one should ever have.

We spent the last month or two
In despairing bliss
Knowing that at the end of the college semester
Which had been so short
He would go home to Georgia
And I would return to the mountains
And I had played the long-distance game before
And would not do it again

I should have just taken what I could get

So the last day, we helped each other pack
We cried
So much
Into each other's shirts and shoulders
Hearts breaking but hopeful
For a promise
I promised him
AND THIS IS THE ONLY THING I PROMISED
That at the end of the summer
We would both be available
So that we could try again
THAT'S IT

So I cried my way home
And he took his plane
And we Skyped until 2 his time every night
After about another month
The usual sadness and loneliness hit
Being home is bad for me
I lose sense of up and down
As I feel my wheels spinning on the ice
In the freezing summer between springs
I missed him
So much that I felt empty
I ached and hungered and died every day
Though it was nice to see my old friends again
But the worst thing happened
I remembered that I like flirting
And I had already ****** up once

Why not do it again?
Three more times?

For two months I didn't make love
I ******
Mindlessly
Cuddled for a bit with a friend
Then he'd admit he liked me
I'd tell him I wasn't going to date this summer
And he'd get hard
And he'd get insistent
"We can just be friends with benefits"
He'd say
He genuinely liked me
They always did
One even said he loved me
I had no such emotion for them
I just wanted to not feel so alone

So we'd cuddle, talk, kiss, ****,
And I'd go home every time still empty
Still cold
Still alone
And sad
And guilty
And for two months I wandered around in that hell
Wondering why it wasn't getting any warmer
Wondering how the **** I was still alone
With all these men that wanted me so bad
And every night as I fell asleep I thought about Hunter
Oh God... I could never tell him
No, he would never understand

And he didn't.
When I finally told him
Not because it was any of his ******* business
BECAUSE IT WASN'T
We were not dating
There was no commitment
No promises except that I'd be there in the end
We kept admitting love for one another
Which was a mistake in retrospect
But he had no right to feel such claim on me

The worst part was that he had asked me over the summer
And I had lied and justified
And gotten angry
SO ******* ANGRY at him
Every time he got suspicious
HE HAD NO ******* RIGHT
And I got angry
Because I was guilty
Especially because it wasn't helping
And all I wanted was him

So I told him
Not because he had a right to know
But because I finally trusted him enough
And wanted no secrets between us
Wanted one SINGLE ******* PERSON
Who I could show my whole self to
Tell everything to
Just one
And I wanted it to be him
And he was angry

And oh god for days he was angry
And every night he made me cry
Because I told him to let it out
That it might help
So he called me *****
He called me ****
He called me cheater
He told me that nothing meant anything to me
That nothing was special to me
Nothing physical would ever be special or worth anything from me
But... But I still don't understand
Honesty
That was important to me
That was everything to me
And I had given it to him
I don't understand
Why he walked all over it
Why

That
That's enough
I can't talk about this anymore right now
Ask me again another day
Just not right now

Alright I guess I should anyway

So the last month of summer
I was with no one
I spent every night Skyping him
Every night either crying in the hurt of his angry words
Or singing my love and praises for him
And when he went on a trip and couldn't call me
I took pictures and screenshots every night
To show him I wasn't out again
I was at home
Safe
Alone
Waiting for him

A month it went on like that
Until it was finally one week before school
I drove down to the college, picked him up
He greeted me at the door and I lept into his arms
And he held me and we cried
And there was love
And I felt complete
And I could finally breathe again
And the gasps wracked my body with pleasure and pain

I took him and we spent a week of heaven
In my home in the mountain
He met my family
And they all loved him
And we talked
Once in a while there would be a sad moment
But he said he'd try
He said he loved me
And I had hope...

Why didn't he try?
He left me when we got back to school
Why didn't he stay
I don't understand
I've tried so hard
I've mended fences with God
Hoping he can help me
But it's taking time
And it doesn't mean anything to Hunter
Why?
I told him all of the truth
All of it
And laid myself at his feet
Just asking that when he was done abusing me
Done being angry
Done with his vengeance
That he would love me
And keep me
And stay
But he left
I don't understand
I tried. So hard.

And I can't let go of him
How can I?
I invested my whole self in the warm and golden dream
Of lying in his arms at night
I changed myself to be what he wanted
I changed my mind to match his
What more could I do?

Don't I deserve forgiveness?
Haven't I earned just one last chance?

"I'll always be here if you need me."
The last words you said to me.
But I need you now, so what am I to do?
I just sit here, wondering, what would happen if I messaged you again.
You said you didn't have time for friends, but you've graduated now, maybe that's all changed.
You made me so many promises,  so many promises that are no longer promises.
Does that make you a liar?
I guess it does, and that's the last thing I'd ever want to call you.
You were always there when I needed you, that was never a lie.
But ever since December 28, 2012, I felt like I've needed you more and more.
So how can you make up those promises?
How can I know if anything has changed?
I'm too scared to reach out to you because I know I can't deal with being shut down again.
I miss you.
I miss our friendship, whatever it may have been.
I miss texting you in class when I was anxious.
I miss the feeling of skyping with you the night before we first met.
I miss you running through my door on my sixteenth birthday to give me the biggest hug I've ever gotten.
I miss having you at my side 24/7.
I miss surprising you at school when I was still home in high school.
I wish you never left my life.
So, I'll always be here if you need me.
That's not a lie.

It's not the same.  Skyping and calling and texting will never be the same.  Actually being able to see her, is 10x better.  Because then we can go to the mall together.  Then I can hug her.  Then we get to celebrate holidays together.  Being together and being apart are completely different.   And if I could, I would have her here with me or I would be there.  I would choose to be with her in a heartbeat.  Because I love her.  Thats my best friend.  I don't want to lose her. If I did I don't know what I would do.  And when she's her or I'm there, everything is perfect.  It's just another summer and us spending every day together.  It's just another sleepover.  It's a normal weekend.  Then she's gone and I can't just text her and ask her to come over.  Because it's not the same.  Distance doesn't destroy friendships.  But it does hurt.  I can't hang out with her at lunch eating the ****** cafeteria food.  I can't just walk over to her house.  Because its never the same. I can't see her without weeks of planning in advance.  I can't go trick or treating with her, cause we're hundreds of miles apart.  I can't gossip about the people at school with her, because I don't know the people at her school.  I can't just hang out with her anymore.  Because it's not the same, and theres so many poems out there that will tell you everything will be the same you'll just find other ways of doing stuff like that.  It's completely different.  And skyping and texting are never the same as watching a movie together and talking by the pool.  Yes, that really helps.  But its not the same

Life is a series of demands. Hurry up, perform.
Do your homework, write a paper, oh and read 300 pages,
get in those volunteer hours, grab those lab credentials.
I get busy, caught up in projects and I forget stuff
like dinnertime, peeing before it’s an emergency,
or like calling you - last night.
On vacation I’m unplugged, I’m avoiding focus,
I’m not paying attention, my mind’s wandering.
I’d want you less if it were required by law.
I imagine your huge, brown saucer eyes
exhibiting a wounded, blaming expression and I can’t.
Maybe there’s a biological explanation, yes, that’s it,
I’m missing an enzyme, I have a glandular disorder
that prevents long distance relationships from working.
No, not work - It can’t be work - it should be exciting.
Is it a crime to want some time off from pressure?
I’m not asking for a pony.
Just a sabbatical couple of weeks away from obligations.
I felt so guilty that I went to Karen (Lisa’s mom) about it.
We talked for over an hour, she’s so smart, I love her.
She reminded me about the recent lockdowns
and how years of skyping and remote learning
might affect (dull-down) a long distance romance.  
I told her what you said, about my sinatra psyche
and she said although I seem absurdly secure,
I’m probably still figuring things out - and that’s ok.
There’s really no substitute for talking to a mom.
I called you - and left a message - I hope you understand.
I turned my phone off - for now.

Out across the Northern sea
she sits serenely watching me as I sit watching her
two chairs,one space
and Skype lets me
look on her face.
So beautiful,
I'm full of glee
but she sits quietly watching me and sees in telescopic sight a man that might appeal and could he feel her heart beat tenderly?
somewhere across the Northern sea.

I felt the winds ride in her hair as the ocean carries me off,where we'll meet,and yes, her heart beats tenderly.
I'll be her picture on the wall,with colours bright so when she calls to me across the Northern sea,
I'll be in frame
Just wait and she will call my name.
This type of Skyping is no game for children or for lesser men.
When oceans rise and flow quite freely from her eyes
I shall sail across the sea to be wallpapered on her screen,compute the distance,data insistence regulates
and eventually terminates the nightly talk.
tonight I walk
tomorrow free
for we will skype again,
I see the Northern lights
she sees in telescopic sight this man
who waits upon the Southern shore
wanting more.

Oh internet
you'll not regret this meeting of the continents and quite content I sit and wait
until the data gate is opened up for me.
she sits and waits somewhere across
the Northern sea.

We loved like we invented loving
Like I was the first girl to ever want to fall asleep
Smelling your shirt on my pillow
Like you were the first boy to ever
Want to hold my hand
We were insatiable and unstoppable
But then again, I guess we weren't
If we stopped eventually

I see my little brother experience middle school
And I can't help but think of you and me
How much I loved you then

He talks about clubs
And I see myself drawing in my club
Looking out the doorway to see you
Standing there, taking pictures of me for photography club

Oh how I loved you then
That sweet boy of --twelve, was it?--
It felt like we were so grown up and knew everything about life
We were ready for everything, it seemed

I remember praying every night in seventh grade
That you would like me
Because your love was something I had always wanted
More than anyone else's

I remember being in girl scouts
And not being able to talk to you because I was selling cookies
Only to look up, and there you were!
You made your dad drive all the way over to the far mall
To buy cookies from me, but told him you wanted to go to Chick Fil-A
I could hardly make change for two boxes, I was so enamored

I remember Skyping for six whole hours
While shaking secretly from my side of the camera
Wondering if you felt the same way about me
As I always had about you
Until you finally asked if I still felt the same
Of course I did, I always have

I remember being in the planetarium in eighth grade
Secretly holding your hand in the darkness
Feeling little shivers run up my arms
Every time you squeezed my fingers

I remember our first kiss
Stopping after at Lito's pizza
Those special memories
That belong only to us

To put it in perspective,
That is why it has been so hard
To let you go
Because I remember these things
And I flash back to us when he tells me about middle school,
It's hard to not fall in love with the idea of us all over again

So as I look at you now
Six years later, these memories come back
And that's why it's hard
To look at you
Because I could barely believe
The single thing I wanted to continue on forever
Ended

So how do you truly forget your first love?
If your love was true?

I'm sick of feeling stuck
To holding on
And to isolating myself
And to feeling numb, not because of all the pains
But just because it's sitting there.

I want to move on, start over
Breathe a new cloud
But I don't have the energy,
But I lay in bed all day on my laptop
Under the covers, skyping the girl who gives me all her love unconditionally.
I don't want to feel so stuck
And I feel stuck.

The things  i should thought of before I started singing.

I know I should start apologying  because I've did all the craziest  things .

Even though   you still took me out for ice cream.
Because you got tired of me skyping.

so then  in the morning we both went biking.  

Then you  started going skydiving.

Then I cried a million times don't you  show  that time to  me .

Because I'm just another dream that you'll  ever see.

i almost  cried when i wrote this song for my fiance Jonathan .

i love u alot i really  really  do . and i wish i can explain  it to u by saying sorry for texting so many  times . please forgive me johnthan.

What kind of joke am I?...

You just told me,
"I wanna be friends...
But that isn't good enough for you."

Do you not realize
What you've done?

You didn't "lead me on". You made me believe in you. Convinced me we had a future together.

You promised me we'd be okay.

You told me I meant the world to you.

You told me there was no place like my arms. That they were the most calming thing in the world.

You told me your mom wouldn't be angry.

You called it a speed bump... , yeah, that too.

You told me it would be over soon... how early was soon?

You told me your parents wouldn't come after me. That turned to ******* pretty quickly.

Your last interactions with me were a kiss...

You told me you'd always love me.

You told me you'd always want me.

That changed a lot.
You changed your stories...

Something like, "I thought he would get over me on his own. I fell out of love with him. It was obvious."

"How dare you. You treated me like ****. We're not okay."

"If I even love you, then..." ... which became "I care about you...", you avoid the L word now.

"Skyping with * is the best way to bring in the new year!" ...I feel so worthless now.

Your mom lied to my pastor, and his wife, and you, and my grandmother about me.

Is your relationship with her, a speed bump too? You lied. I actually believed you. Why don't you understand?

I've been waiting for 5 months. I'll end up waiting 50 years for you, because I'm really that stupid.

Your parents threatened me legally. They lied to people I love to ruin my life. You thanked them for it!

How do her lips taste? You tricked me. Thanks a lot.

You lied to me. You don't even use that word anymore. "care"...

You lied. You don't want me anymore. Why did you lie to so much? I'm all broken now.

I'm happy for you, okay?
But don't expect me to keep acting like my old self when you haven't been acting like your old self
You keep talking to me because you know I won't ever stop supporting you
Friends are friends and I'll be there til the end
But my patience is wearing thin and one day I won't be here anymore
You keep talking to me as if you didn't freeze me out for the last 8 months
When someone hurts me, I don't talk to them
That girl you "dated"?
She hurt me
Betrayed me and stabbed me in the back with that fake smile of hers and know-it-all aura.
You let her manipulate your mind and honestly, I thought you were better than that
I must've been pretty foolish to think a thought that was so far from the truth
You're still just a boy and I could tell
You had some figuring out to do
Our conversations became short and curt
I used to be able to tell you anything
Now you're back but you're definitely not the same Max I knew
I know, I know it's so cliche to say
I notice things
I don't let people mess with my mind and get away with it
So for you to waltz back in with your dyed hair and nose turned up in the air
Is not fair
I see past your "oh so f-ing tough" exterior
You tell me how bad it is like I don't already know
You "live life on the edge" and I'll give you that
But you do NOT tell me I don't know how hard it is
You're the little brother I never had and I hate watching what's become of you
I'm watching a train wreck
And the Train is our friendship
I wonder if you remember how close we used to be
The pictures you sent me of your little sister
The poems I sent you that you pretended to read
I wonder if you remember Skyping with me just so you could show me the snow in New York when it was 80 degrees in AZ
I wonder if you remember...
We all grow up at some point in our lives
Some, sooner than others
You can't hold a conversation for longer than five minutes
So why should I?
Because friends are friends until the end of time
And I used to think that was true
But the clock stopped ticking and
Our time is up
And even though I'd love so much just to be able to scrape the imprint you left on my heart right off
I know
You were more than a few sentences in my book that I won't ever be able to erase
Even though I was just a word in yours

I hate that we ever met.
That I love you silently still.
I hate that your voice still haunts
My afternoons and my silence.
Anime & DS games remind me of you. Intimate kisses as affection grew. Watching sailor moon and skyping for weeks at a time. Until the weekend when I drove all night- to hold you.
I hate that you were mine. I'd never felt so completely loved and loved so deeply,  and I hate that I know your kiss.
I hate that we shared moments of bliss.
I hate this. I wish I could pay to forget your eyes,  
The curve of your smile and the feel of my hand on your thighs as we danced barefoot and walked along the ocean shore.  I hate that you abandoned me when I needed you most.
I hate that you haunt me like a ghost.
I hate that I need you still.
And I hate most of all that perhaps-
I always will.
-Dm 2016

You make me feel like it's magic
Caught in the tricks oh the tricks of you.
You make me feel like this is tragic
The wounds on my body my body cause of you.

Tell me when I'm trying, I'm trying to get over to you.

I just don't get it don't get why I'm up all on you.

Texting and calling
Oovoo and skyping
Well friend I'm trying to I'm trying to get threw...

***** to know you look at me snapchating,
But there is nobody nobody and you..

Look over me and think I'm not gunna be wound..

You only text me just to be tragic
You only Skype me when you wanna be magic
**** pics and body shots that keeps thinking you don't..
Love me like I think
Like I think you do.

Well I'm escaping escaping what you do why you do that you know.

Watch how I don't reply to bodies and bodies of **** Gold...

When I say you I mean me and when I say I , I mean I'm escaping your Body Control.

A Note From Exile

I cannot go home.
Rather I cannot go where my family lives - that place ceased to be home some time ago.

I was a soldier during the Cold War and my neighbors there have become more like East German loyalists than American citizens.

They surrender their rights without question
They are eager to call out community members on social media for ‘social distancing violations’.
They use shame and ridicule to control others
They applaud the police for keeping children from playing in gigantic public parks
They trust politicians who ignore public defecation and drug use to look out for ’the public good'
They allow themselves to be labeled ‘essential’ and ’non-essential’
They carry ’traveling papers’ in the event that they are stopped by the police
They propagate the most inflammatory statistics without ever validating their veracity.
Because…
They heard it on CNN.

So I will remain 1098 miles away
Zooming
Skyping
Facetiming
Until the contagion subsides

And then I’ll return
To a completely different world.

We met and connected, then she went away
I didn't like texting or skyping, she felt the same way
Romantic letters didn't do it either
I thought the most romantic message would be myself
So there I was, what a surprise for her
All the way there for her
Oh, she was amazed and what a thrill
When she walked up a kissed me, then said
"I'm still your girl."

I said I had something to tell her
She said, "What?," and I said "I love you."
She made it clear she felt the same,
Now we are two

I'm lucky because she loves me more than most people ever get loved
As for that trip I did take
It paid off, does so every day
That was no mistake

Lying In Bed In Truth

I lie in bed.
I look down at this body.
Mine.
Not very interesting.
I wish to feel the single this.
Aloneness.
Thingness.
Separated and detached,
No past which wants to show itself;
Just now.
Alone but not a lonely I,
For as a Buber labeled it,
An I and Thou,
All others also I and Thou
Surrounding and surrounded by…
Monads all.
Single souls.
Working on and out the hole
And whole of this existence.
Fingers typing,
Eyes a-skyping
Mind hard to describe
Where is it?
What’s it doing?
All and nothing.  
What’s it want?
A knowing all integrally,
Organically,
Unseparate yet separated.
This is mysticism underrated
In a nutshell.

Lying In Bed In Truth 3.12.2018 Nature of & In Reality; Circling Round Reality; To The Child Mystic II; Arlene Corwin

I cannot go home.
Rather I cannot go where my family lives - that place ceased to be home some time ago.
I was a soldier during the Cold War and my neighbors there have become more like East German loyalists than American citizens.
They surrender their rights without question
They are eager to call out community members on social media for ‘social distancing violations’.
They use shame and ridicule to control others
They applaud the police for keeping children from playing in gigantic public parks
They trust politicians who ignore public defecation and drug use to look out for ’the public good'
They allow themselves to be labeled ‘essential’ and ’non-essential’
They carry ’traveling papers’ in the event that they are stopped by the police
They propagate the most inflammatory statistics without ever validating their veracity.
Because…
They heard it on CNN.

So I will remain 1098 miles away
Zooming
Skyping
Facetiming
Until the contagion subsides

And then I’ll return
To a completely different world.

Cuz buzzards circle o'er me
eyeing these lovely bones prithee
id est Roy L. T. Canard, Si
hence impossible mission
to be lovey dove vee.

Vague remembrances of dream  
which recurred with frequency
transfixed by Sir Real majesty
shows me and the misssus evicted.

Hum habitually hiccuping
in tandem feeling woozy
virtually celebrating monarchism
with British Royal Family,
and about eager and ready
to take a snoozy
so please pardon this poet
exhibiting being a lil oozy,
nevertheless yours truly
birthed the following verse
a reasonable rhyme and doozy
considering yours truly tipsy and *****.

Now this raggedy man
whilst deep in sleep
this past night
what felt like galactic body
fell upon ma slumbering heap
affecting immediate fear
lest worst nightmare
viz management boot us
into emotional inferno

felt steel tipped kickstarter,
would crush with might
but lo… heavy weighted body
just zee spouse
plunked herself into zzz land
immediately within unconsciousness deep
that's the husband unable
to recaptcha pleasant dreams
well nigh past midnight.

Unable to shake away drunken stupor
nor defeat insomnia
reliving sinister tête-à-tête
so...rather than emit shrieks
like some angry bird
idea arose to resume completing poem
expressing discombobulated state,
whereby sixty shades
of grey matter feels
similar to thick whey curds
palliative sans restorative power
per rest hopefully clear muddled pate

plagued with grogginess
and marauding herds
of mailer daemons worse
than unsuitable mate
or a world wide web filled with nerds,
thus lethargy purged
via catharsis forming swords
follow rhyming pattern
to convey drowsy tipsy mood,
a synonym for my words.

Noah respite despite eliminating kinks
courtesy arched back from cat nap
as ginned tonic, nor lion here
feline groovy getting high temporarily
spells relief and serve as balm
with pillowed temptress ever near
beckons softly inviting calm
before this human
goes awry and berserk on manic tear
being revisited from haunts
inside head of this wordsmith
caught by men in white coats
coming to take me away
**-**, hee-hee, ha-ha,

to the funny farm
straitjacketing this maniac
wrought with weariness
dark ringed circles around eyes  
showing Adonis long since didst veer
Judas Priest or  
if you prefer heavens to murgatroyd
can't stomach bulge
spills o'er tattered underwear,
whose ***** by the way
once upon a time
about the size of average palm pilot,
yet taut for witnessing
three score plus three mortal year.

This ole goat intoxicated,
plus forcibly locked within
fas paux blinding darkness,
the pitch black common
all purpose room
in disarray after Skyping English fete
at fictional Knock Less Apartments aye
daily encounter, one bewitchingly

hair raising dreaded locked
rooted tension doth amplify
fiendishly horrible, jeeringly loopy,
nippy nap noopy,
pugnaciously ravenous, talon
viciously wizened, xenophobic yeti, zapping
zeroing zillion zippers,
zoned alley bye

barred doors fate helplessly jury-rigged
sealed with plaintive cry;
no escape known to this man caught
in a deadly voodoo clutch,
thus doomed to die
ugly cannibalistic, frightful,
heathen rumors myopic eyes espy
alarmed at feeling trapped

akin to a wingless fly
tapping reserves of scapegoat
coping techniques ingenuity,
which earned me moniker "fall guy,"
where accursed cruel fate destined exit
from getting husked, issued
jagged lance like mandibles "hi
there unknown weekly reader,” I

pray for super leftist
write hand man/woman to extricate
(via whipping up literary poetic fabrication),
then joining me to sing jai
(let victory prevail against killer odds)
perhaps summoning division
of British shiver rights phalanx,
hood reply with Hackneyed "oh kai"

springing surprise rescue,
sans swooping inside
mine hermetically faux invisible prison,
where this troubadour doth reside,
yet realistic to accept my
demise without putting up
a good fight well nigh
against inevitable mortality

(out maws of death)
gleefully depriving grim reaper
death his domain and
eventual unavoidable claim,
but if such kind unaccustomed soul
can cushion the blow of penury...
vis a vis philanthropic treatment
manifested as deliverance  

courtesy anonymous altruistic benefactor
plucking one bard
off downward slippery
precipice of homelessness,
ye will be rewarded with apple pie
ala mode enjoying a Quai,
yet moment with
Holden Caulfield doppelganger
made famous qua Catcher in the Rye.