Behind bars invisible
In for crimes of love
Betrayal and duplicity
Convicted in the court of karma
After a warp-speed trial
By a jury of ex-lovers
None of whom who smiled
Sentenced without compassion
Notwithstanding my denial

What about rehabilitation?
A second chance?
No appeal?

My past caught up with me
I’d been on the lam a good while
Evading the wake I’d left behind
But you can only do that for so long

Contrition is my mission
Supposedly it does me good
So the chaplain says
He’s from my hood
An erstwhile Lothario
Now sentenced along with me
Our prayers unanswered
Lost ships at sea

There’s a man in the other room dead
My girlfriend called me here
What am I supposed to do?
I’m a private eye
And her private guy
Now I’m just a schmuck at a crime scene
Oh honey, what did you do?
I can only help so much
And this, it ain’t cool

Lieutenant Sanchez has just arrived
“Yeah, I know Tony, this is a weird one”
As Sally just cries
She says Magruder was an intruder
With a knife and fiery eyes
A jilted ex bf
Wearing a disguise

Sanchez just snorts
Then makes this aside
“Jake, this ain’t Chinatown,
You must realize.”
He claps me the back
Me, I just sigh

It’s another day in the life
Of this private eye

Every time I hear that song
I want to leave the room
It brings back memories
Of sadness, such gloom
There I was trying to accept
To understand why she didn’t believe
In me, in us, in what could be
That song told the truth
About a girl confused
It hit me hard
I tried to hang on
No can do
I was stuck in a foreign land
Dumped, distressed
Dejected and mad
At her, at life, at myself
Stuck, out of luck
A man overboard

With a dismissive missive
She ends it then and there
No appeal permitted
Over, beyond repair
A perfectly good romance
So I thought
Now I’m left in a ditch
Look what she wrought
One bruised, broken heart
Including a crushed dream
She got me good, all right
Diabolical, her scheme
Leaving me quizzical
For she ran the gamut
Clingy then cold
Then no if and or but
Just sayonara
Straight to my gut
I’ll get over it
But maybe not until I die
You see, I really loved her
She didn’t even say goodbye

Some things last forever
Like us
We just hoot and holler
On this wild ride
Through the landscape of love
Where we decide
To shoot the rapids
Where next shall we go?
What next shall we do?
We just want to be with each other
Each day we start anew
Cracking up each other
We enjoy a good tease
Tumbling downhill
One long pretty please
A never ending treasure
This long and luscious squeeze

The Count of Monte Cristo ain’t got nothing on me
I been in prison longer than he, albeit romantically
He got to take revenge, but not me
I’m sentenced for life, I can’t leave
Anyway, the person on whom I wish to take revenge
Is none other than me
I’m the warden
There is no reprieve
I tried to escape
But was captured by me

Let me tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth
These times are the best
Because of you
All because of you
Good kisses
Real kisses
All because of you

It’s such comfort being with you
Life is just a breeze
Instead of lost and lonely
I’m with my one and only
My main squeeze
That’s the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth