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Lawrence Hall Jun 2019
With its four-beat
Putt-putt, putt-putt
Continental rhythm
Putt-putt, putt-putt
It plows and putts
Putt-putt, putt-putt
It pulls and putts
Putt-putt, putt-putt
It plants and putts
Putt-putt, putt-putt
It digs and putts
Putt-putt, putt-putt
It mows and putts
Putt-putt, putt-putt
It rakes and putts
Putt-putt, putt-putt
It bales and putts
Putt-putt, putt-putt
A little oil, a little gas
Putt-putt, putt-putt
A sweet machine
Putt-putt, putt-putt
Upon the grass
Putt-putt, putt-putt
When all is done
Putt-putt, putt-putt
And all is said
Putt-putt, putt-putt
There’s nothing like
Putt-putt, putt-putt
Massey-Ferguson red
Putt-putt, putt-putt!
Your ‘umble scrivener’s site is:
Reactionarydrivel.blogspot.com.
It’s not at all reactionary, tho’ it might be drivel.
Lawrence Hall’s vanity publications are available on amazon.com as Kindle and on bits of dead tree:  The Road to Magdalena, Paleo-Hippies at Work and Play, Lady with a Dead Turtle, Don’t Forget Your Shoes and Grapes, Coffee and a Dead Alligator to Go, and Dispatches from the Colonial Office.
Brent Kincaid Aug 2015
I was her mean motor scooter
Until a big hunky Harley came along.
I took her out putt-putting
There didn’t seem to be anything wrong
But for a just a little bit more torque
I was left behind ******* in smoke.
When she saw his big old motor
My Cushman eagle looked like a joke.

Putt, putt, putt…
But, but, but…
I really thought I had it made
And now I’m sitting in the shade
On the side of a lonely street.
The race was run and I got beat.

I asked her to a picture show
She smiled and said that would be fine.
Come the day we meant to go
She made and excuse that felt like a line.
She said she had an ailing aunt
But later I saw her get off of his hog.
Now, I feel just like scooter trash,
An unsightly little bump on a log.

Putt, putt, putt…
But, but, but…
I really thought I had it made
And now I’m sitting in the shade
On the side of a lonely street.
The race was run and I got beat.

Don’t get me wrong about her
I don’t really mean to put her down,
She just wanted a bigger deal
With which to tool around the town.
When she sat rode behind me
I really should have guessed you see
She made a kind of vrooming sound
Like I was going ninety three.

Putt, putt, putt…
But, but, but…
I really thought I had it made
And now I’m sitting in the shade
On the side of a lonely street.
The race was run and I got beat.
Madisen Kuhn Aug 2014
i thought it’d be poetic
to leave you the same way i found you,
with a contentless text—
a simple entered space
(i knew you wouldn’t catch it)
although you seem to be someone
who thinks very deeply about all someones,
your thoughts about me are puddles
disguised as over-complimenting oceans

and i really do not know
what i am or what i’ve been to you,
or if i’ll be able to keep myself away
from you, or why you’d drive hours
to see me in the middle of the night
when you “plan on kissing at least one
girl in the next three months,”
(could care less if it’s me)

"what would i be waiting for," you asked.

i’m barefoot, chasing a train i know
is on tracks that lead away from where
i want and need to be (but i liked the way
it felt when your hand touched mine)

glad i never gave you any piece of my heart,
because you’re the type of boy who’d
rip it to shreds, hide your claws
behind your back, and tell me that
i should’ve seen it coming
(though you would’ve been right)

maybe you’re just bored,
and that’s why you decorate
your skin with ink and don’t care
about whose lips you’ve touched,
and i wish i could figure you out,
wish i could draw a perfect portrait
with my words (or even just
my thoughts) of who you are,
but i won’t pretend i know you

i hate you and your ***** tattoo
(but i don’t really hate you,
i hate the way i let you make me feel.)
Allen Smuckler Jan 2011
Make that putt
he yelled
from the
jalousie window
above.
Make that putt .
I may have
given it
to you
but your
opponents
obviously
know you well.
You missed
a foot
going
what makes
you think
you’ll make it
coming back.
Make that putt.
Don’t pick it up.
I haven’t
given it
to you.
Make that putt.
Earn the right
to pick
the ball up
on a gimme.
Does the rest
of your game
****, too?
Make that
****
putt, will ya!!
January 25, 2011
(Deerfield Beach, Fla.)
Allen Smuckler Feb 2011
Make that putt
he yelled
from the
jalousie window
above.
Make that putt .
I may have
given it
to you
but your
opponents
obviously
know you well.
You missed
a foot
going
what makes
you think
you’ll make it
coming back.
Make that putt.
Don’t pick it up.
I haven’t
given it
to you.
Make that putt.
Earn the right
to pick
the ball up
on a gimme.
Does the rest
of your game
****, too?
Make that
****
putt, will ya!!
January 25, 2011
Deerfield Beach, Fla.
Bad Jokes Inc Jun 2014
I was walking down the street
Had an urge to *****
Saw a ***** dumpster
this looks nicer than the girl I dumped'r

I unzipped my pants
shat on the plants
got nice and hard
and shot off harder than a pornstar.
(**** THAT DIDN'T RHYME)

I have too much time
because all I do is shoot slime
all over the back
of a president who is black.

I like *****
I bang *****
I make them ***
faster than a game of putt putt.
(****** I CANT ******* RHYME)

All of you poetry snobs
are more stupid than calvin and hobbes
You will never be as successful as
Steve Jobs.

End of story. Because I am about to write another ****** poem.
I hate poetry.
Terry Collett Apr 2013
Saturday afternoon
cycling up a 1in 6 hill
then along the road
toward the farmhouse

you dismounted
and laid your bike
against the fence
and waited

to get your breath back
the farmhouse door opened
and Mrs Putt came out
and said

Jim and Pete are out I’m afraid
her daughter Monica
appeared by her side
they’ve gone out

with their older brother
Monica said
ok
you said

tell them I called
sure I will
Mrs Putt said
I can go on a bike ride

with you if you like
Monica said
Benedict won’t want to have you
to drag along with him

Mrs Putt said
Monica pulled a face
and pouted her lips
I don’t mind

you said
better than riding alone
well if you don’t mind
Mrs Putt said

mind you behave
yourself young lady
she said
and went indoors

and closed the door
just get my bike
Monica said
and went back behind

the farmhouse
you looked around
the farmhouse
and the surrounding fields

and trees and waited
after a few moments
she was back
riding her bike toward you

where we going?
she asked
lets go see the peacocks
along Sedge lane

you said
and so you got on your bike
and off you both rode
she beside you

in her summery dress
and sandals with her
brown hair tied
in bunches

you in jeans
and open neck
white shirt
the sun bright

and hot above you
the birds flying
and calling
the clouds puffy

and white
I’ve always wanted to go
bike riding with you
Monica said

but the boys don’t let me
but I am now
you nodded and smiled
wondering Jim and Pete

would say if they knew
she’d got to go
bike riding with you
she chatted on about Elvis

and the film in town
and how she’d like to go
but no one would take her
and how her brothers

teased her
and her mother
nagged her
after a while

you came to the peacocks
in a wire cage
by a large house
just off the lane

aren’t they beautiful?
she said
peering through the wire
her fingers holding on to

the cage
standing beside you
yes they are
you said

but of course
the **** bird
has the beauty
the hen

is just dull
and ordinary
odd that
she said

wonder why?
don’t know
you said
I’m not dull

and ordinary am I?
she asked
looking at you
sideways on

no
you said
you have
your own beauty

do I?
yes you do
and she blushed
and looked away

and the peacock
called out
and moved off
opening its colourfulness

and Monica did a twirl
making the patterns
move
on her twirling dress.
John F McCullagh Jun 2013
The President assessed the scene
and gave a terse command.
His caddy grabbed his putter
and put it in Obama’s hand.
The breeze as not a factor
The air was hot and still.
The hole, a dozen feet away,
blocked by a small windmill.
Barrack needed this putt for par.
to help him tie the score.
Boehner got a hole in one
in the clown face just before.
Obama gave his ball a stroke-
it veered wide, an inch or two.
It’s a pity folks are watching
Or he’d lie about that too.
That he should be reduced to this;
Playing at the “Pirate’s cove.
The sequester is a right wing plot
likely dreamed up by Karl Rove.
What I imagine would happen if the president's golf game was affected by the budget sequester
Judypatooote Apr 2014
The creek out to our cottage
was right out our front door...

The boats were docked on down the line
with fishermen galore...

Motor boat, motor boat
putt, putting down the line...

I know you thought you were quiet
but I could hear you just fine...

I'd lay in bed and listen,
to the fishermen in the boat...

They would talk and laugh
and sometimes tell a joke...

I was just a little girl
wishing I was going with them...

But dad was at work, so there was no way
I'd just have to wait for that special day...

So I'd dream of the time
when I could jump in that boat.

with my fishing pole always ready
had a bobber ready to float...

by ~ judy
The smell of the gasoline from the engines of the motor boat was oddly comforting to me...I guess it was the smell and the purring of the putt putt engines...a memory...
Put on your face and see as everything get earased
You see things that nobody see's
But they don't listen to you
your a little thing today
So pleas wake up little thing as you try to sleep
you cant escape the pain that this world brings
Putt on your doll face
You see things that nobody ells see's
No they still wont listen to you as you cry out
So put on your doll face wakeup you cant sleep yet
They think that your perfect
But you see things that nobody ells see's
Thomas W Case Jan 2021
After a tortuous hour of
math (algebra to be exact)
I start dinner; Middle Eastern stew:
Cardamom, Coriander, and turmeric.
Cooking is a little like math, but
much more like art. My mind begins
to ease as Bach pumps out
one of his symphonies from
the CD player. The stew boils, and
I want to go outside and play,
chase windmills. Where's Sancho?
Dulcinea's here, frustrated by my inept
ability in the equation game.
I ******* despise algebra.
Where's the Bluebird, the Sunflower,
Bukowski or Eugene O'Neil?
I want to smell a six-week-old puppy,
taste Van Gogh yellow, **** until
I can't walk, and ease my
way into old age.
Vivaldi plays his victorious song.
And I know I'll conquer the
numbers game, but probably not
before it drives me crazy;
actually, it's a short putt.
Hey everyone, check out my you tube channel where I read this poem and others from my recent book, Seedy Town Blues Collected Poems, available on Amazon.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgXtR-Z6G9s
Brody Thompson Oct 2016
I guess I need to confess that this immaculate mess is mine
I'm blessed with the burden that's so divine
Like growing vines that encase you
Replace who makes you wait two times as long
Rhyme a song, find a **** and hoot it
Life's the ****, so shoot it
Who knew that you would be
So blue doing what you were created for
I hate it more than I love it
Covet not
Pop shove it
Stop taking all the credit
Or I'll edit you out
Embedded in doubt
Have you ever drowned in a drought?
Some people call it the pasties
The way they see me is their own business
I live this particular way
Because it was how I was made
Blame the manufacturer
Mother nature fractured her brain
The rain, it cleanses
Life through new lenses
This world needs a bath
To wash away the senseless
Defenseless against the dark arts
There's hard parts of the head
Starts out red
But it slowly flows from a blood rose to burgundy
Heard it from me
The colour pallet awaiting the paint canvas
**** this train of thought went from Katmandu to Kansas
I cant stand this
How its all jumbled and mumbled together
Whether or not it fits the plot is obsolete
Not so sweet with the transitions as far as the topic goes
It stops it goes
It's hot it's cold
I do not know where these thoughts grow
Though I'm content with whatever the noggin sent
To the mouth hole
Like my vocabulary got a toboggan sled
And rode it to the south pole
Faster than Clark Griswald with his fancy *** sled wax
That tore down the mountain with lightning speed
It's frightening we'd
Do something so unrealistic because we sit
Amidst this oblong box
Listen to these odd, long talks
And say hey, they did it, why cant we
How bad could it be?
National lampoon did it flawlessly.

I thought that he was going to discuss
What the fuss is about
But now, how wide we've strayed
Played his word game
This is an absurd sane
Must be crazy
But it don't phase me
Cause I know one day, you'll have nothing to say
And you'll attempt to paraphrase me
Saves me the head and the heart ache
Taking the time to lay low
In this forsaken day glow
Swim over to Havana
Have a banana with Jose Conseco
Hey go on and on
Like donkey kong
Sing me the donkey song
You know, by blue rodeo?
Oh we go on for days
In this phase of saying whatever comes to mind
Have some of mine
The thought process of this confession
Was nothing but
What?
Merely electricity
Created almost instantly
The consistency as you can see
Is never there but I never care
Ever stare at your own hands when you're not high
I am every single line that my thumb has defined
Deoxyribonucleic acid trip
Hey hey hey that just mean DNA
We can play because of this double helix
I can feel it
So surreal its as though I know myself through code
I could explode and I would be only mathematically scattered
I'm flattered that you might feel bad but you're
Overthinking it
Trust me I know
Because I have the capacity
Not to let me demons show
Its me that goes all this way
Monthly second Sundays
To say whatever the hell I have to
Have a laugh or two
Between these increments of sadness
This attraction to madness
Is tearing me limb from limb
Not being a simpleton
It's not an easy task
Ask me about the weather
And I'll mentally kick your ***
PASS
On to the next subject
Ejected that last *** hat because
He was too plain yogurt
If I could have a super power
It would be a one punch, with no hurt
Just to assert logic and rationality
To take you out of your shoes
And place you in reality
Now that we can free you of your amigo
The ego
Can we go on with this metamorphosis
And realise how **** poor this is
Of course this is not the zenith
To how we live
It's a semi civilized society at best
Dividing and devising
Study for the riot test

Curve your enthusiasm with a lyrical ******
Have em once a day like vitamins
The devil, I'll invite him in
Just to look and see what evil truly wants from me
Haunting me constantly
Cant we see that these demons
Even though they're within us
We cannot let them win us
Thus, Me.
I befriend the deep end
The creatures of the week end
We spend a tremendous part of living
Not forgiving ourselves
For **** we had no control over
I'm ******* over it
No longer sober
For I've felt the weight without a crutch
It's such a heavy head to carry
Variables and hairy situations
Enter the train station
Every single person here needs a brain vacation
Its the moderation that gets me in trouble
Double the dose it goes slower the time
When you're intertwined with cloud nine
I'm proud that I have recognized
What resides inside of me
Leo is the lion
But I have no pride to be
The drunken king of the jungle
Iron fist in a stumble
Mumble something dumb?Full of myself but I can still be humble
Dumbledore's sorting hat would slither me in
To slitheryn
For what consists inside of me
I need something to wither in
Considering the very thing that keeps me here is fear.

So to the wolves, throw me
They'll treat me like Mogli
So rogue, I know there's no home to go to
Though I know where I don't belong
I cannot be wrong
I am crucial to the universe?Believe it till I'm in the hearse
Because the worst is always right there?Don't agree
We don't have a word for good dreams,
Cause all we know are nightmares
And I care about it all
I feel the globe in my dome
Actually the galaxy
Is right inside my iris, see?
He who tries to convince me otherwise
With realise that these teal eyes
Keep me safe inside these surreal lies
Why?
Well to recreate this spoken poem
I think I'm from a broken home.
Not in the aspect that my dad wrecked
What it means to be a father.
I could bring it up, but **** it,
Why should I even bother.
But what I meant to mean is this,
And I ain't trying to diss,
Mom gets involved with a man with money
This life is a joke
And ****, its not funny.
He drinks, he drives, he can't see his greed.
He's the reason Alice Cooper wrote
Only Women Bleed
Needed a way out, maybe an outlet
Out to get out of it, and I'm **** well proud of it
How?
Because I get to portray the way you see me.
I don't manifest the detested specimen I'm in.
In fact, I act according to whatever state your head is in.
I'd rather adapt than have to illustrate where the hate originates.
Open the flood gates and explain why the bud makes me feel great.
I'm not okay, and that's just fine.
I wouldn't ask for another life, I want mine
Cause when you combine
Pain and pleasure
It's something you can't measure
You pass gas and someone acts like you're a national treasure.
Better to be loathed for how you help your head
Than to be loved for every little word you've said.
Instead of getting upset, I just like to get high.
It's more socially appropriate
Opposed to sitting inside to cry.
I'm over it, the sober, it's
No life for me
I'd like to see
The colours that only live inside my fantasized make believe
Why??Because I'm alive, god ******
I can live in moderation
You need to work hard to get that californication
No predestination
I create what I want to know
For it goes to show this
Life is thinking that we know bliss
Robbed of what we long for
As if we don't notice
But it's this ******* that we call self
That calls you a ***** and you don't need no help
Because in the end if you depend upon anyone but you
You're hoping that another soul with get you through
Whatever happens to occur
Sure we all could use assistance
But when it's persistent
Then what
Putt putt putt like the little train
Who couldn't do anything by himself
Who would often complain
Drive everyone insane
Till the coffin's a gain
Hey that aint me.

I'm looking for the middle ground
A happy little place where I can make a little sound
So profoundly wound up
I'd hate to unravel
We all want stability
With the ability to travel
To the far off lands that no man has tampered with
To get the whiff of damp air
That the rains just gave you
It will save you
The grave, dude, is a way that you
Give back to the world
And as your body unfurls,
Your presence does not.
Physically you are distant
But never in thought.
Who you are, and what you do,
Will live on
So live long, as long as you can.
Sell your ****, quit your job and buy yourself a van,
And when you get to the end, lend it to some man
Who truly believes he has nothing more to see.
For this man was you.

This mind set, I've sorry, guessing you've been lured in.
I'll leave you to rest
Of the Blessing and the Burden.
chimaera Oct 2014
the night in turmoil
a bumble jumble fumble
of croaks, hoo hoo, purrs, stridulous chirping

then a sudden cringe, ******!,
shush shush
hush, gurgling creek,
hush, whiffled leaves

clippety-cloppety
clippety-cloppety
clok clok clok

a schwing, zing, zip
and a plunk
and a plonk
in a whoosh
and then a scrunche scrunche
and

clok clok clok
clippety-cloppety
clippety-cloppety

silence burbles

tick tock tick tock

shh, shh,
listen:

a sluggy chugalug
and a fuzz of tiny tunes:
a yelp, a eep

stilness

a purr a buzz
putt putt putt
slowly back in motion
the burbles, whiffs, croaks,
the stridulous bumble jumble
of a crickety night
...and this was really helpful:
http://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/Category:English_onomatopoeias
Anna Lo Dec 2012
stands alone today and tells a story to clouds
(putt putt)
the worst has happened at the days end
and the frozen orange Gallon
like ice has chosen to now become hand
all in all more or less
3.78lbs put in plastic wrap.
stands alone in the dollar market surrounds with fleeting thoughts sometimes forgotten
today at days end lost while
****** sun at times lost in ******* ******* snake movie
pouring into the retina of the brainless child
o mi babbino mi caro,  past is the skating rink of hell but
knock yourselves out in deep perpetual insanity of whats, hows and neverminds.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooosallyc­an be adisappointmentsometimesbutwestillloveherbecausesheis just whatwe callfamilyandfamilyissoimportanttoidentifyoneselfinaworldofchaosc­alledearthoooooooooooooooooooooooooo
computer glitch and error of the metaphysic naiveté of the skating rink of hell near the ******* ******* snake movie in the story of the white trashed oppressively personified virgo at the dollar market holding a gallon of orange juice that costs more than $7.65 because it's apparently organic and thereby magical.
the reason why mr bean has problems

is he is a doofuss, top see the men ditched him because his nye party is

jus vinegar and tree twigs, how weird is that

the reason why the kids teased him at the pool

is because he was such a ******, making it all the way to the top

and then being scared nd climbing down

the reason why his girlfriend ditched him at xmas

is because instead of a ring, he gave her a picture of a man giving a woman a ring

and a hook and mr bean is a ****** because when he was

moving the hole in the wall, he didn’t ****** well check it

another thing that makes mr bean a ****** is the real world

you see at least i pay my way, mr bean is too much of a ****** to pay his way

and another thing that makes mr bean a ****** is at the putt putt golf course

he listened too much to the golf man as he followed the ball around town

i like mr bean teasing the men, but at the hotel there was truth in the matter

that teasers only win the battle, they never win the war because at the hotel

everyone was teasing poor old mr bean

and i liked him teasing the christian man in church, that was fun

mr bean was a ****** there, because he doesn’t look at it as teasing

his character has autism, and autistic people need to be watched

mind you mr bean was a TV character, but still, all guns blazing if we put him in the real world

he does remind me of myself, but i wasn’t that much of a ******

i was just a filthy kid, i am REFORMED OR BETTER TAKE YOUR PICK
Jack Ritter Mar 2018
"And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?"
- W. B. Yeats:  The Second Coming

Dachshund

Bred to burrow after badgers,
what's he doing here?

Terrorizing the underwear
behind my couch.

Is he a true hund,
or just a pan-fried sausage
with a Bluto chest?

I wonder what they called him
back then, in the Black Forest,
when dogs were dogs.

Tracker? Hunter?
Try: Baron Von Putt-Putt Tootsie Roll.

I'm Scot myself.
My people once sacked York.

No, this isn't York.
It's Plano, Texas.

Don't think a Dachshund and a Scot
can't sack Dallas from here.

Until then, we play our little game:
What rough ****** slouches toward my underwear?
Our funny little Frank
The Fire Burns Oct 2016
In a half moon hollow,
down a gravel road,
at the base of a
verdant green mountain.

Turkey call alarm clock,
putt-putt-putt, from the trees
towards the top of the mount;
echoes down the valley.

Caw! caw! the raven calls,
flying high over head;
Hmmmmmmmmmmm,
as the humming bird zooms by.

The steady dribble of water,
piped into a trough;
from a welling spring,
located high up above.

A pair of mule deer,
ease across the dry creek
and road, just down
from where the camper sits.
Camping in ****, NM  in August 2016
ioan pearce Feb 2010
royal rulers mighty roar,jungle dwellers all in awe,mountain,bush, pasture, plain,reigns supreme his domain.but...could this kingdom cat compare,on close cut grasses greens of fair?would he fill ten holes for fun?bag nine birdies, not just one.does he stroke a lengthy club?***** that swing thro greeny shrub,best perfecting all he masters,dimpled ***** inbag with castors.would he ryd-her cup of love? use two hands, just one glove?could he bunk-her in the rough?wedge it, chip it, putt the ****.could he ease the game with foreplay?drive it homeward up the fairway,does he eye the aim while kneeling?as caddy guides his pole to feeling,so who's the top dog ***** cat?won't take long to answer that,would lion do it if he could?i know for sure......tiger wood
hyeri kim Dec 2014
Gangnam pool Salon Systems 010-3923-7007

◈◈◈1 subsystem ◈◈◈ (bukchangdong expression system)
Total 1 hours 10 minutes in the dazzling music
Battle (early, late), so enter twice
Room sokeseoneun Group hug, and he can touch etc.
Hot and soft feel hot to the touch. Jeonhaeohneun body ^^
Gangnam sarongs at a time in the pool with a drink excitement ~


◈◈◈2 subsystem ◈◈◈ (geukgang lover mode @)
Jilpeon the furnace for 1 hour 10 minutes Part 1 The inconvenience syeotjiman slightly south are you?
Putt regret that much short of a definite home run finished in Part 2
Noldeon lady in the room and go hand in hand up the field unforgettable beats the best
Enjoy ^^ Part Time Lover service total 50 minutes without wanting Gangnam pool sarongs best service!
Aryan Sam Nov 2018
Up
Yaar seriously. You have ****** me badly.
Eni buri tara naal fat rahi meri
Me das nai sakda
Daily regrets
Daily rona
Daily ehi kam
** gea
Morning de 4 waje hoye ne
Nd me ehi tehi krwa reha thuhanu soch soch ke
Bhenchod nu ik war bi meri yaad nai andi honi
Te me ethe lea marwa reha apni

Koi na putt, din mere bi aau. Bhawe thode din lagu
Putt jinni fat rahi na meri, tuci samj nai sakde
Menu ena bi lata ki tuci meria eh gallan read bi nai krde
Lod bi ki he
Meri aukat bi ki c u dj kife wich
Saliye kade meri value pai bi c?
Agar pain hundi ta ah din na dekhda me
Me thuhanu bi barabar da kasuurbaar samjda ha is takleef lai
Koi na putt, thoda time de
Dekh bina bole te bina kuj kahe kiwe tadpaun tenu jiwe aj me tadap reha

****** up yaar, i hate it
Francie Lynch Jun 2014
Byron loves to golf, but in the dead of winter, when he has his wood stove radiating heat, he likes to play darts. The board hangs on a door separating the main garage from his store heap of empty beer cans, crushed and bagged. Thousands of them. He also has a ****** stuck on a wall. The **** just flows out to the ground. He always warns us not to dump in his ******. The very thought irks me. Like golf, Byron threatens to “kick my ***” in darts. He has a predilection for my posterior in the most unthreatening way. In fact, he may be homophobic. He throws a dart like an Amazon pygmy. Fatal to success. However, golf is never far from his mind during the raging snows we get. Although I helped with the spelling and small stuff, Byron penned the following. I came up with the title.

Intimations of Fairway Play

I'd rather hit the links today,
Take an eight on five;
Blame the wind or shift of weight,
Than shovel out my drive.

I'd rather search under trees,
Twigs, leafs and water;
And curse the squirrel that thought my shot
Was food for winter fodder.

I'd rather have a downward lie
On pock-marked naked ground;
Than sit and watch Keegan Bradley
Get it up and down.

I'd rather have a green fringe putt
That lines up with goose droppings;
Or see a fine three footer lip
Than hear the snow plough coming.

I'd rather shoot a ninety-nine,
And pay for rounds of ale;
Than sit in front of my wood stove
During snow and sleet and hail.

I'd rather shank or stub my ****,
Yes, get a double bogie;
Or miss a hole-in-one by inches
And put up with Francie's stogie.

Francie can card seventy-two
And make an eagle putt;
It matters little what he does,
I know I'll kick his but.

Yet still I languish near my fire
And watch the Pros play golf;
At Pebble Beach or someplace warm
I wish they'd all *******.
Logan Robertson Apr 2019
Tiger Wood's wins the Masters today
Another green jacket comes his way
Finally, his image stands large at the doorway
For it's been a knock and a hiatus of his cache
As the years after 2008 suffered from his play
No major championships one can say
Only gossip headlines, mugshots, and injuries in gray
Where once a phenom in his twenties on display
Such greatness and legend his star headway
His mid-thirties saw some of his luster fall  in dismay
With mostly self-injury to his ego in disarray
It was hard watching a once proud man's fall and decay
Especially one that held his world at bay
With his swagger, swoosh, and shine turning to clay
And like a good drama of accents and descents convey
With the wait and weight on his shoulders belay
He turned the storybook pages of dismay today
The pressure of his swing, swing, and putt on display
And how he uncorked his demons is a pure bouquet
After 43 years of his years, he took the fairway
Running, running, today after his prey
It was great seeing his game not get away

Logan Robertson

4/14/2019
Along with other patrons at a McDonald's I watched the Master's this morning. I had a Big Breakfast but was in for a bigger surprise. Coffee never tasted so good. So, too, were the tears. It is days like today that you live for, and give thanks to, namely rooting for a hero and a comeback. Thank you, Tiger. To give you a perspective of how big today was-take note that of
Wood's 80 tour wins  71 came prior to 2010. In 2016, 2017 he was out with an injury. In 2013 he did well. Yet there was so much missing from his song, one his life being together (especially his relationship problems with women and caddies), that I was happy to see him sing today.
A Catherine Jul 2013
Yesterday, I plucked up the planet and dropped it into a colander.  I shook it through, taking out all the ships and lifeboats, the yachts and canoes.  Putt-putt boats and blow-up rafts.  Every life vest and floating device was carefully removed.

Today, I cried for twenty-four years.  The oceans began to rise and the coastal towns fell off the shorelines.  Everyone fled the coasts, but it did not matter.  After twenty-four years the world was covered and all things green with life were drowned and flooded.  When my tears slowed, I scooped out each eyeball, wrung them out, and then placed them back into their sockets.

Tomorrow, the water will recede for twenty-four years before I find any solid ground.  When I do, I will crawl out from the sea and let the sand scrape at my body.  The tide will wash over me until I am sprawled out, absorbing the rays on my speck of land in this ocean-world.  

The sun will sink into my skin.  I will dry out.  My brittle remains will crack and flake away when the sea reclaims its only island.
ohNoe Jul 2020
when She's kissing passion into me
  grab squeeze those biscuits

when Her body's pressed so tight along mine
  grab squeeze those biscuits

when She's riding into ecstasy with me
  grab squeeze those biscuits

when She's bending over for whatever reason
  grab squeeze those biscuits

when we're hiking/running
  and She's just in front of me
    grab squeeze those biscuits

when we're standing in line for whatever...
  grab squeeze those biscuits

when She's wading in the waves
  in THAT bathing suit
    grab squeeze those biscuits

when She's lining up a putt in mini golf
  that perfect **** in a mini skirt
    grab squeeze those biscuits

when She's stepping out of the shower
  wrapping Her hair in the swirl of a towel
    grab squeeze those biscuits

when you're spooning naked after the swetest hottest ever lovemakig
  or waking up
  or the middle of night
  or whatever hour she nuzzles your neck
    grab squeeze those biscuits

when you've been married for fifty years
  and you still Love ALL of Her
    and She still digs your ****
      She'll grab squeeze those biscuits
The meaning fo metathesis si easy ot recall
When you give your love a ikss or throw your sno a ball,
Aks fro sugra ni your cup nad dressnig no the greens
Obedience school fro the pup ro you may riks a scene.

Og fro the glod ni all you od nad when you've done your bets
Relax nad know that you will og fra along your quets,
Snik a putt ot get the pra like pors no the V.T.
Write a sotry, count the stras, climb the lod brich tree.
metathesis: transposition of sounds or letters in a word.

Copyright 2000 JB Marshall
Max Petersen Apr 2011
What a surprise
i ****** up again
im causing my own demise
im so self destructive
i cant let myself win
i just putt off
and inevitably **** it
and throw it off.
Whats the point
lets just live it
this life
because theres not much more time
because i know i'm gonna die
the best part is
Ill know exactly when.
Im sorry i disappointed you
so many times
your the only people
i cared about
knowing too much
about my life
topaz oreilly Nov 2012
Threatened curiosity rhymes better than I
A panic attack infused with sinusitis
Willesden digs clang its tentacles
into blobbed concrete.
Cringing as I walked by
Anita scrawled her unsavoury - mercy.
She could not endure a Son of a Publican
on a weekend jolt,
a hand washed duvet potested,
pitch and putt compressed
too many red lines crossed.
So, now I have confessed that he is thine,
And I my self am mortgaged to thy will,
Myself I’ll forfeit, so that other mine
Thou wilt restore to be my comfort still.
But thou wilt not, nor he will not be free,
For thou art covetous, and he is kind,
He learned but surety-like to write for me
Under that bond that him as fist doth bind.
The statute of thy beauty thou wilt take,
Thou usurer, that putt’st forth all to use,
And sue a friend, came debtor for my sake;
So him I lose through my unkind abuse.
    Him have I lost, thou hast both him and me;
    He pays the whole, and yet am I not free.
Phil Lindsey Aug 2015
The foe now lying at your feet
Your goal in sight,
The taste is sweet,
You survived the ****** war
Bury your foe with one stroke more
He will not cry out in pain
He suffers blows, does not complain
But his revenge, his sword’s sharp cut
Goes to your heart – as you miss the putt.
pwl - 8/14/15
shot 93 this morning, watching PGA, had to write about golf. :)
I don't like the title though - any suggestions?
WARNER BAXTER Jan 2014
~
*pitch an putt I never worried about
'cause all my drives were long and stout
now off the tee it doesn't fly so far
and all I can do is hope for par
on my card 3's are 4's and 4's became 5
oh how I long for a 300 yard drive
it's only a game some say unkind
but it grabs at your heart and messes your mind
it's only a game still others proclaim
front nine was fun the back nine shame
so before I tee I ask my Lord
just once put my name atop the leader board
so now it's early to bed so I can dream
of birdies and eagles and a jacket that's green


written by my caddy
Sir Duffy Mulligan
FOUR!
SWB Aug 2011
I've never cared too much for history, found no appreciation
for it's multitude of names we commit to memorization
there's a certain friend of mine, born in 1989-
Sir Maximilian Relaxilian- and he lacked all motivation

Since the origin of time, I have traced his family line
and their genetic disposition towards supreme relaxation
He's the great great great great grandson
of the founder of vacation.
And this founder's son Clyde, well, he invented the slide
Clyde's kid brother Greg helped patent the keg.
And Greg's great grandson Snyder sold the very first recliner.

So whenever Max was challenged, troubled, bothered, or confused,
He'd recite his family tree, and use the very same excuse:
   "Hereditary mutations within each generation!"


     And so he sat around and slept,
     But never cleaned and never swept,
     Never ran, never lept,
     His promises were never kept.


Maximilian never managed once to get up off his ****,
too tuckered out for bowling, just too lazy to putt;
He Never traveled to the sink nor had he once bothered to think,
too coward for a shower, found no reason not to stink.

And then one super lazy afternoon a quarter after two,
Maximilian had a visitor, I promise this is true:
A tiger stood outside the door which he was too lazy to lock
as if he'd try to find the **** beneath the pile of ***** socks.
And then of course, it's no surprise he couldn't hear the kitty knock
and once you hear what happened next I guarantee you will be shocked...

The tiger tickled him
and giggled him
until his ticker stopped.

So next time you think of staying in,
instead of going out-
or complain about the effort
that it takes to leave the couch,
Or refuse to leave the sheets or venture from a cozy pouch...

just remember Maximilian Relaxilian, King of Slouch
and stay out of bed instead,
stretch your legs and use your head
then count your blessings, kiss your mother
motivate one another.
Michael R Burch Mar 2020
The Locker
by Michael R. Burch

All the dull hollow clamor has died
and what was contained,
removed,

reproved
adulation or sentiment,
left with the pungent darkness

as remembered as the sudden light.

Originally published by The Raintown Review

These are poems about sports like baseball, basketball, boxing, football and soccer. Keywords/Tags: Sports, locker, locker room, clamor, adulation, acclaim, applause, sentiment, darkness, light, retirement, athlete, team, trophy, award, acclamation



Ali’s Song
by Michael R. Burch

They say that gold don’t tarnish. It ain’t so.
They say it has a wild, unearthly glow.
A man can be more beautiful, more wild.
I flung their medal to the river, child.
I flung their medal to the river, child.

They hung their coin around my neck; they made
my name a bridle, “called a ***** a *****.”
They say their gold is pure. I say defiled.
I flung their slave’s name to the river, child.
I flung their slave’s name to the river, child.

Ain’t got no quarrel with no Viet Cong
that never called me ******, did me wrong.
A man can’t be lukewarm, ’cause God hates mild.
I flung their notice to the river, child.
I flung their notice to the river, child.

They said, “Now here’s your bullet and your gun,
and there’s your cell: we’re waiting, you choose one.”
At first I groaned aloud, but then I smiled.
I gave their “future” to the river, child.
I gave their “future” to the river, child.

My face reflected up, more bronze than gold,
a coin God stamped in His own image—Bold.
My blood boiled like that river—strange and wild.
I died to hate in that dark river, child.
Come, be reborn in this bright river, child.

Published by Black Medina, Bashgah (Iran, in a Farsi translation), Other Voices International, Thanal Online (India), Freshet, Formal Verse, Borderless Journal, Interracial Love, and in a YouTube video by Lillian Y. Wong

Note: Cassius Clay, who converted to Islam and changed his “slave name” to Muhammad Ali, said that he threw his Olympic boxing gold medal into the Ohio River. When drafted during the Vietnamese War, Ali refused to serve, reputedly saying, “I ain't got no quarrel with those Viet Cong; no Vietnamese ever called me a ******.” I was told through the grapevine that this poem appeared in Farsi in a publication called Bashgah.



Me?
Whee!
(I stole this poem
From Muhammad Ali.)
—Michael R. Burch



hey pete!
by michael r. burch

for Pete Rose

hey pete,
it's baseball season
and the sun ascends the sky,
encouraging a schoolboy’s dreams
of winter whizzing by;
go out, go out and catch it,
put it in a jar,
set it on a shelf
and then
you'll be a Superstar.

Pete Rose was my favorite baseball player as a boy; this poem is not a slam at him, but rather ironic commentary on the term “superstar.”



Baseball's immeasurable spittin’ mixed with occasional hittin’.—Michael R. Burch



Larry Seivers had golden hands
by Michael R. Burch

Larry Seivers had golden hands,
platinum hands,
diamond hands,
hands of jasper, sapphire, chalcedony, emerald, sardonyx, sardius, chrysolite, beryl, topaz, chrysoprase, jacinth and amethyst.

Other receivers were more elusive,
bigger,
faster,
more physical,
flashier ...

but Larry Seivers had hands.



Julius
by Michael R. Burch

Instinct
in an unplanned moment
as you rise
will teach your limbs the art of flight:
the waltz of light
through vaulted skies.

A falcon flies:
its keening cries
as sunlight fails
fall hollow to the earth below,
and you must know
how fierce the light of sunset feels.

You hear
those ringing cries, their echoes clear
though far away, and so you pause
—defying even gravity,
suspended over some vast sea—
then fall ... into applause.



Larry Legend
by Michael R. Burch

He's slow, can't jump,
looks pale and plump.
He talks too much;
he brags, and such.
He's not real nice,
has blood like ice
and will like steel
(and steal he will).
But when the game is on the line,
your team, or mine?



Big Mc Attack
by Michael R. Burch

Johnny Mc
Enroe
is back—
the fierce
attack
of words
and serves,
returns
and taunts.

He flaunts;
he flails,
reviles
and rails.
Sometimes
he wails.
His ego
swells.
He grunts
and groans
and moans
and gee . . .
I think
he wants
to referee!

Johnny Mc
(thank God)
is back—
wisecrack
ing, fiery,
taking flack
(not hesitant
to give it back).

We love
to watch
him glare
and wince,
and since we sense
his dreams
(intense),
we sit
on pins
until
he wins.



For Jack Nicklaus, at the 1987 Open
by Michael R. Burch

When you were young
every putt was makeable
and every dream remarkable;
the stars were unmistakable
you set your sights upon.

Then, in your youth,
time not yet a factor
and age not yet your rector,
you plotted every vector
and victory shone ahead, like truth.

But uncouth youth was fleeting ...
soon losses grew more numerous;
time's skies became more cumulus;
the nerves with age—more tremulous,
as the sun from the sky was setting, retreating.

How have you then, as sunset nears
and the world looks on with unsure eyes,
cast off the crutch of age to rise
and stand as though the butterflies
have no effect, no, nor the cheers?



I wrote this poem after Tom Watson chipped in at the 1982 US Open to defeat Jack Nicklaus. Nicklaus was getting older, but he was still competitive.

There Are Dreams
by Michael R. Burch

for Jack Nicklaus

There are dreams
that you have dreamed
that are etched into your eyes.

There are dreams
that you have dreamed
that resignation can’t disguise.

There are dreams
that you have dreamed . . .
O, I’ve dreamed them, esteemed them.

Like fire,
desire
flares most brightly as it dies.



Jimbo
by Michael R. Burch

for Jimmy Connors

Pounce like a panther,
all sinew and nerve;
attack, arched in anger,
your quarry—the serve.
Imagine a moment
of glory to come
as you lunge for the path
of its flight through the sun.

Are you a Templar
like warriors of old,
forsaking your loved ones,
crusading for gold?
Or could it be
need for fame drives you on?
Do you soak up the cheers
as you dash through the sun?

As you battle those younger,
those stronger, more fleet,
still none can be fiercer,
less yielding, complete.
Oh, what drives you onward,
what makes you compete?

I think not the riches, acclaim, even love . . .
but your heart is incentive enough.



The Great GOAT Debate
by Michael R. Burch

The great GOAT debate
can no longer wait:
we MUST know who’s best, and know NOW!

Is it Jordan, Kareem,
or Hakeem the Dream?
Is it Gretzky, the Rocket, or Howe?

Is it O.J. or Brady,
or are they too shady?
Tom Burleson or Monte Towe?

But now that I’m thinking
and done with my drinking,
before I make friends with a large purple cow ...

It’s the Babe, let’s get serious!
Babe Didrikson Zaharias!
Let the Ultimate GOAT take a bow.

Mildred Ella “Babe” Didrikson Zaharias was a basketball All-American, a baseball and softball star, a professional golfer who accumulated ten major championships, and a track and field legend who won two gold medals and a silver in three different disciplines at the 1932 Olympics while setting four world records in the process. She was also an expert diver, roller-skater, bowler and billiards player. Didrikson won the 1932 AAU track and field team championships while competing as an individual, by winning five of the eight events she entered and finishing second in another. She remains the only track and field athlete, male or female, to have won individual Olympic medals in a running event (hurdles), a throwing event (javelin), and a jumping event (high jump). Despite taking up golf in her mid-twenties and having to wait until age 31 to regain her amateur status, Didrikson won 17 straight women's amateur tournaments, an unequaled feat. Altogether, she won 82 golf tournaments. She made the cut at two men’s PGA golf tournaments, the only woman to do so, and she did it sixty years before any other woman even tried. In 1934 exhibition games, after being taught the curve ball by Dizzy Dean, she pitched one scoreless inning against the Dodgers and two scoreless innings against the Indians. Didrikson still holds the world record for the longest baseball throw by a woman. The world has never seen anyone like her.

“She is beyond all belief until you see her perform ...Then you finally understand that you are looking at the most flawless section of muscle harmony, of complete mental and physical coordination, the world of sport has ever seen.” – Grantland Rice, considered by many to be the greatest sportswriter of all time



Ring-a-Ling Bling
by Michael R. Burch

The ring
thing
is mostly bling.

Determining an individual athlete's greatness by counting championship rings (i.e., team success) makes no sense to me and seems disrespectful to all-time greats like Ernie Banks, Charles Barkley, Elgin Baylor, **** Butkus, Ty Cobb, Michelle Kwan, Karl Malone, Dan Marino, Marta (who may be the greatest female soccer player of all time), Barry Sanders, John Stockton, Fran Tarkenton and Ted Williams. Perhaps the best example is the player most cited for rings these days: Michael Jordan. In reality, Jordan didn't win a ring his first six years and was 0-6 against
the Larry Bird Celtics and lost two more playoff series to the Isiah Thomas Pistons. Were Bird and Thomas the better players, or did they simply have better teams? The answer seems obvious.
Jordan only began to win rings after he was joined by outstanding players like Scottie Pippen, Horace Grant, et al, and even then it took time for that team to jell. Jordan was a transcendentally great player before he won a ring. If he had failed to win rings because he never had good-enough teammates, would that make him a lesser player? Judging individuals by team success or failure makes no sense, unless Jordan was a lesser player for six years while his teams struggled and then he miraculously became the GOAT when more capable players showed up. Ditto for LeBron James. The first thing he does after changing teams is use his influence to get better players to join him. LeBron is not foolish enough to believe rings are won by individuals.



The Ring Thing (is entirely Bling)
by Michael R. Burch

The ring
thing
is entirely bling.

Michael Jordan was zero-for-six
against the Larry Bird Celtics;
moreover he was twice sent home
by Isiah’s Pistons;
his ring case only began to gleam
when he had Horace, Scottie and B.J. on his team.

Thus the ring
thing
is bling.



The Ballad of King Henry the Great
(aka Derrick Henry)
by Michael R. Burch

Long live the King!
Send him victorious,
happy and glorious,
long to reign over us:
Long live the King!

Long live the King!
Send him like Sherman tanks
Mowing down cornerbacks,
Stiff-arming tiny ants:
Long live the King!



No T.O.
by Michael R. Burch

Lines written after the aptly-named Eric Eager said, “A. J. Brown is Terrell Owens.”

I’m young, I’m big-hearted,
but I’m just getting started.

I’m running my own race
at my own **** pace.

T.O. belongs in fabled Canton town,
but I’m A. J. Brown.

The second stanza was actually written by A. J. Brown, a budding poet, and published in the form of a tweet.



Charlie Hustle
by Michael R. Burch

for Pete Rose

Crouch at the plate,
intensity itself.

Follow the flight
of the streak of white
with avid eyes
and a heartfelt urge
to let it fly.

Sweep the short arc,
feel the crack of a clean hit,
pound the earth
toward first.

Edge into the base path,
eyes relentlessly relentless.

Watch his every movement;
feel his every thought;
forget all save his feet;
see him stretch
toward the plate ...
and fly!

Fly along the basepath
churning up the dirt,
desire in your eyes.

Slide around the outstretched glove,
hear the throaty cry,
"He's safe!"
And lie in a puddle of sunlight
soaking up the cheers.

A Texas Leaguer dropping
to the left-field side of center
sends you on your way back home.

Take the turn past third
with fervor in your eyes
and a fever in your step,
the game just strides away ...
take them all and then
slide your patented head-first slide
across the guarded plate.

Pause in the dust of your desires,
loving the feel of the scalding sun
and the roar of the crowd.

Shake your head and tip your cap
toward the clouds.

Slap the dirt
from your grass-stained shirt
and head toward the clubhouse ...
just doing your job,
but loving it
because it is your life.

This was an early attempt at free verse, written in my teens.



The Sliding Rule
by Michael R. Burch

If you’re not quite kosher,
like Leo Durocher;
or if you have a Pinocchio nose,
like Peter Edward Rose;
or if your life turns tragic,
like Ervin Johnson’s magic;
or if your earthly heaven
is stopped, like Howe’s, at seven;
or if you’re a disciplinarian
like Knight, but also a contrarian;
or if like Joe you’re shoeless
because you’re also clueless;
or perhaps like Iron Mike Tyson
you work a little vice in;
or like Daly working the jackpot
you’re less unlucky than merely a crackpot;
or like Ruth you’re better at drinking
than at dieting and thinking;
or perhaps like Andre Agassi’s
your triumphs are really your tragedies . . .
though The Judge might call you a sinner,
society’ll proclaim you a WINNER!



Tremble
by Michael R. Burch

Her predatory eye,
the single feral iris,
scans.

Her raptor beak,
all jagged sharp-edged ******,
juts.

Her hard talon,
clenched in pinched expectation,
waits.

Her clipped wings,
preened against reality,
tremble.

Published by The Lyric, Verses Magazine, Romantics Quarterly, Journeys, The Raintown Review, Poetic Ponderings, Poem Kingdom, The Fabric of a Vision, NPAC—Net Poetry and Art Competition, Poet’s Haven, Listening To The Birth Of Crystals (Anthology), Poetry Renewal, Inspirational Stories, Poetry Life & Times, MahMag (Iranian/Farsi), The Eclectic Muse

Keywords/Tags: Tremble, predator, raptor, hawk, eagle, falcon, talon, beak, wing, preen, preened, preening



Y2k: The Score
by Michael R. Burch

You should have known
when you were giving us wedgies,
pulling down our pants
in front of the cheerleaders,
playing frisbee with our slide rules . . .

that the years are exceedingly cruel.

You should have seen,
dashing across the gridiron
(as the cheerleaders screamed
in a *****-show of ecstasy),
playing the hero, the bull-necked **** . . .

the hands on the face of the unimpressed clock.

Though you were popular,
the backseat Romeo, the star
who drove the flashiest car,
though you lived out our dream
and took the prettiest girls to the dances, the prom . . .

you never had a chance.  Something was wrong.

We missed the big dances and proms
as we hissed and we schemed,
as we wrote and re-wrote our revenge
while you partied like Stonehenge.
Now your business is in debt to the hilt.
It’s too late to cry: Foul! Unsportsmanlike! Tilt!

One statement of ours and yours are all lost!
Your receivables, aging and gathering dust,
will yellow like ***** one soon-coming day.
While you were scoring, you missed this play—

Jocks: Zero. Nerds: Y2k.



Ordinary Love
by Michael R. Burch

Indescribable—our love—and still we say
with eyes averted, turning out the light,
"I love you," in the ordinary way

and tug the coverlet where once we lay,
all suntanned limbs entangled, shivering, white ...
indescribably in love. Or so we say.

Your hair's blonde thicket now is tangle-gray;
you turn your back; you murmur to the night,
"I love you," in the ordinary way.

Beneath the sheets our hands and feet would stray
to warm ourselves. We do not touch despite
a love so indescribable. We say

we're older now, that "love" has had its day.
But that which Love once countenanced, delight,
still makes you indescribable. I say,
"I love you," in the ordinary way.

Winner of the 2001 Algernon Charles Swinburne poetry contest; published by The Lyric, Romantics Quarterly, Mandrake Poetry Review, Carnelian, Poem Kingdom, Net Poetry and Art Competition, Famous Poets and Poems, FreeXpression, PW Review, Poetic Voices, Poetry Renewal and Poetry Life & Times
Brandi Dec 2018
Dad, please show me the finger tracks
The flick of the wrist
To see the flint stone find its place
As it hops across the Bluestone

Dad, please tell me how to master putt-putt
How to not be such a mulligan
Rushing into things unawares

Dad, please tell me - oh I can't say it
How to keep my heart from ever breaking again

Watching me in the rearview mirror
He knows I'm there
Living in rearview

And Dad,
I need you to tell me I can stay there awhile

© 2018
Brandi Keaton

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