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Sabila Siddiqui Feb 2018
Dear technology,
You replaced my emotions with emoticons
Voice with fonts
Love with likes
Compliments with comments.

You make distance seem so close
But you have no sense of touch
For you overrode internet connection over soul connection
You gave me a list of friends, yet I feel so alone.

You made me believe in a world all of your own
Pictures to prove their existence
Status to update me on their life
And a message to make me feel connected.
Harsh Dec 2015
Swipe--Swipe--Swipe--Swipe--
Before bed,
first thing in the morning,
when you randomly wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep,
Swipe--Swipe--Swipe--Swipe--
In the beginning it's almost like a new toy or a car,
the excitement when you first download it,
the careful precision with which your profile is created,
how into it you are all day all night,
Swipe--Swipe--Swipe--Swipe--
Then slowly a pattern emerges.
You get the insanely sporty ones,
running, jumping, swimming, lifting freaking weights,
and you think if I were looking for a personal trainer I would swipe right but no thanks.
Then there are the travelers,
on a world tour since the beginning of time with no permanent address, let alone any potential for a relationship, so you swipe left on instability.
Then there are the 6 packs and no heads,
making you wonder when muscles and treasure trails overrode eyes,
and cringing at the sight of those semi shirt lifted body shots, you swipe left.
Then there are genuinely you're not attracted type,
too much baggage type,
too good looking making you skeptical type,
standing too close to girls type,
reptiles as pets type,
really bad grammar or purging emoticons type,
alcohol is a hobby type,
no ambition or future type,
on all which you keep swiping left.
Every now and then there's the just right type, with the right amount of words and smiles,
sincerely looking for something more than *** or just good at pretending they are,
so you swipe right.
A match...
You never end up talking anyway so swiping on, all day long,
and you realize this is *******!
The only thing that's getting anything is your right index finger,
and there are much better ways in which it too can be put into use.
You realize even after expanding the age limits to highly questionable numbers and including the maximum area in distance,
and proactively lowering your standards,
you still haven't swiped right on Mr. Right.
You realize you aren't looking but rather searching for that one face, that specific personality who already escaped between your fingers like that one cute guy you accidentally swiped left on a super drunk night while eating peanut butter out of the jar,
or that one guy who you thought was perfect so you super liked but never liked you back.
You realize you are searching for a specific person who doesn't have a Tinder profile but lives in the same building as you, who'll never swipe right for you even if he had the chance.
So you unmatch all those stupidly silent, mute, mistakes of matches, reset the preferences to more respectable limits and...
Swipe--Swipe--Swipe--Swipe--
This poem is the sole property of me and cannot be copied or used without permission. [Copyright G.H. Rodrigo 12/12/2015]
Poetic T Jan 2017
As I wiped the blade the congealing efforts of
what had perspired dripped in raindrops of lost essence,
I started to be nostalgic of when it all started and I smiled.
It isn't easy you know doing this hobby
                                        its a full time commitment,
I have responsibilities. And before you ask just because I live
in my moms basement it didn't have any implications to this
and what led to my endeavours of what I do now.

"You cant just go out stabbing people that bath salts territory
for goodness sakes,


Ok when did it start, around fifteen years ago give or take.
To think about it I was quite violated by the sight of blood,
I passed out at school when someone cut there finger. I know
from fainting to where I am today the paradox of it all.
So I was walking home and I thought stupidly to take a short
cut, I know that's just asking for a dilemma of consequences
but I was running late and thought overrode reason.

"Safer than sorry my mother would say,

I should really listen to words of wisdom than to just throw
them aside and regret them later. Well this time was a moment
of ignorance and I delved into my darker side and threw abandonment
to the winds of chance. I saw that idiot and knew without a thought
that his life needed to be forfeit in the eyes of the many.
In haste I went out and without planning I just used a unregistered firearm. These are so easy to find in ponds, lakes, rivers.You just have
to be stupid enough as I was to delve into them with a wet suit.

It was like swimming in the disgrace of humanity and I accidently
swallowed more of humanity than I wish to admit. As I reached
the shore of the golf course I had found a stupid amount of guns....
Do these pools ever get dredged?? how many angry golfers play
on this field?? but I just cleaned a few out not wiping away the prints,
silly little fools leaving there prints on the weapons.

I must admit the first five or six people that were my pleasure
of ending were just **** holes, total and utter ****-tards....
I know you just cant just going around killing totally
worthy munchkins. But it was my weaving of knowledge
into the formula of departing my subjects in a manner so that
a milk carton was the only focus they would get.
Never to show that they were an item of interest but a random appearance of some disillusioned person in a vendetta of misunderstood reasoning's.

But this lost its stimulation of enthralment  pretty quickly
due to the vacant space between us. It wasn't as if they knew
my face, it was just a finger pull and I ended them to hastily,
I even felt somewhat remorseful for them not knowing the
perpetrate of there demise. and a few ran still lingering to this
existence, do you realize the skill set to hit a moving target.
But none got to far, I didn't take it personally, it was a fight
or flight reaction.

But they were always vacant of life when I walked away
from the scene. I was always throwing these weapons
after a few uses, those that had used it before there prints
still viable. So those that had used it were to blame for
these indiscretions that I had partaken in. Karma was about
to visit upon those lost stories that drowned in that pond.

Learning was a curve that was thrown, and one that hit me
square between the eyes. I had slatted the impression that
I was in the right, and even though I wanted to seep the blade
into the flesh of my perspective victim. I had to watch
the implications of what I had preserved  in that moment.
There were struggles and definitions of what was acceptable.

I still had to hold a job, I worked in a hardware store,
"what are the chances, I know. But where you would think
someone that could easily end the breath of another would
stand out only the crazy ones. We the methodical ones were
patient,  too many and whispers starting and I needed silence this
had to be obeyed and enforced by myself. Urges had to vetted
another way and painting was my outlet for these compulsions.

Each one of us had as we called it our own unique ****** kits,
well what did you think we were going to call them hobby boxes.
Me I had a ways to disable my prey, a motion to move them concealed.
I had a people carrier,
                     "I know the humour didn't escape me either,
I had constructed a vessel to keep them static so not to move
and give the game away, kind of like a straight jacket restraint.
For the murmurs I had constructed a gold fish bowl of sorts,
constructed around the neck and then white noise is pumped
in  revoking the screams because of the frequencies of the
human voice.                
                            "science is so cool,

Do you realize it took five years of planning and a college
class in science to do many aspect of this hobby.
But where do I take them, to there own home, always
checking there schedules. Movement = time = opportunity.
And this is how I have worked all  this time, consistency is
what keeps the path clear for other endeavours.
The sense of smell in each home is unique, some people
though no respect of there surroundings and who may visit.

Do realize that some don't voice opinion as they know
if there in this predicament no words are going to change it.
Some struggle, but I learnt to use a paralyzing agent to render
them motionless. Sedated only tears fall from there suspended
features. I never clean up there mess, I'm not a house maid for
goodness sakes all must be as it was. But I clean up my killing
venture so there is no evidence of there parting here.

I have a little spot, we all have our own hiding places,
research is the key, and mine was a secluded place....
I cant explain where, as that would be telling and who
knows who's reading these passages. I must admit though
this is a full time obsession, "norms, that's you people.
Wouldn't realize the stresses that happen upon my psyche.

All I would say is
                 "Don't quite your day job
This isn't really a hobby for most, they don't have the
patience the needing of planning and the waiting of
who shall gift you their last moment then nothingness.
I am wired different to you people. My empathy for
your feelings is non-existent, we are a moment in time
and I plan to silence your hour glass, your grain is about
to fall into oblivions sights and it will swallow you whole.
Omi Nov 2012
P2
It begins in our stomach
A turning,twisting knot
And it makes us fight it
The most hopeless fight ever fought

It rises to our chest
Compressing every breath
Eating away our heart
Making us believe it is death

It chills our clumsy hands
Now pale and clammy with a sweat
Fumbling, fluttering fingers
Triumph and goal never met

It slumps our wayward shoulders
Weak and brittle with the load
Falling for into our center
Our last defenses overrode

It slithers up the throat
Bile threatening the mouth
Lips trembling with fear
Now parting to the south

It finally finds our mind
It is over; we are lost
Desire has taken over
And we must have them, no matter the cost
mushroom faerie Sep 2014
time for a group photo!
short girls in the front.
thats me.
constantly being classified by my body and constantly being included only to be excluded.
I feel like I'm back in my Jewish day school being made fun of because the cost of my mothers chemotherapy overrode my need of the checkered uniform skirt that all the other girls had.
I spent my new years eve in an emergency waiting room watching "I love Lucy" reruns with my babysitter, waiting for the doctor to come out and say that my mom was still alive and doped up on morphine in the back room, watching spongebob and telling me to
"hang in there, "
because i'm a trooper when really I was sitting next to the adult chaperone on every school field trip because no one wanted to sit next to the girl whose mom was dying and her family was too poor to buy her a new checkered uniformed skirt.

I tried to tell a boy one time about what its like when your mom is bald at your bat mitzvah and that the black boy named Stephen in your 5th grade homeroom told you that your mom should die from cancer and his friends laughed while the girl went home and read books because the characters actually listened and never changed no matter how many times the book was opened.

he just said : didn't that happen a long time ago? how does that even matter anymore?

and I agreed because love is begin and love is a spell that makes you say "this is okay" to the situations which are the least of being okay.

Wow: I'm more depressed than I thought I was.

Writers are naturally narcissist. Hear my words: I will talk about my work for hours if you let me.
So maybe I'm done sharing.
Maybe my words are just a desperate cry for help when the only one who can actually help me is myself.
Sometimes I feel like my self confidence is just my self justification for my existence and I'm really just made to die so that other people can read my wet, soggy journal and it could maybe save them like it destroyed me.

My energy is waving and I want it to ceasefire so I can go under the quiet calling of the lake and be still to where no one can hurt me and I'm too ****** to feel the temperature of the water.
I want to be so ****** up that for once in my life I can fall in love with myself instead of the boy with the red cup,
beckoning me to the back of the room

I want to know that my reality is not so different than yours and when I feel like you like me: I know that you do and I don't have to shower-thought-contemplate that.
Love should be like the earth beneath your feet, you never have to check if it is still there because you should already know it is always going to be there fro you.
I'm worried for myself and I'm spinning to that point where I'm sitting on that rock again outside the farm and looking at arts and craft scissors and wanted to craft my way into a heap six feet under.

Wow, I never realized how depressed I was.

I want to break down but I want to stay strong and keep my emotions in the jar that everyone makes fun of me for carrying around because my life is your joke and the punch line just keeps on getting better.
They say when you are in a panicked state of mind you have to center yourself into the room in order to calm down
You were there one night
As my wildest emotions overrode me
You told me to count to 5 and it would all be over
Everything would be okay
1, 2, 3, 4... 5
It passed, those five seconds
They just
Passed
I began to use this method whenever I'd begin to go into an emotional frenzy
1, 2, 3, 4... 5
Things began to pass and I became to realize nothing could be bad forever
Especially after the countdown
Days passed between the two of us and things did not seem the same
As we sat in your car arguing about the little things
You said the words
"it's over, get out of my car"
I sat there
Shocked, panicked, so flooded with fear
So I began to count
1
you yelled at me, "STOP" you said
2
you wouldn't stop screaming "I'm done with this, I can't anymore"
3
you stopped screaming and began to pick up my purse and jacket to hand to me dismissing me from your car
4
you said "this will not pass"
5
it didn't
B Sep 2019
It caught me in its sticky web
It overrode my tongue
I lost control of what i said
And of the things I’d done
Amanda Kay Burke Oct 2020
You have seen me at my worst
When life pulled me down to the lowest place
Yet not matter how far I have fallen
Hesitation never finds your embrace

I have written many poems about
The way you make me feel
But most of them were focused on
Wounds that have since healed

This time I want my words to show
How grateful I am to have you here
I know with my bad attitude
Admiration is not always clear

I said "I hate you" when I was younger
More times than anybody should
I didn't understand your restrictions
My feet never walked where you stood

You knew I didn't really mean it
Love unwavering through my rage
I'm sure you've spoken the same exact words
To your own mother when you were that age

I think you nag because you care
But lack another way to express
What you don't realize is that you would
Get better results if you ******* less

You deserve a daughter who makes you proud
Not one who barely gets by
But at least I am honest about my problems
Instead of feeding you a happy lie

You accept me with my many flaws
Still praise the mess that I became
I am lucky because most people I know
Wouldnt be able to say the same

You have always done the best you can
No matter how great the sacrifice
To see me succeed and fulfill my potential
You would gladly pay any price

Thank you for staying up all night
To make me a costume for school
You put in blood, sweat, spit, and tears
Just so I could feel cool

You would bake me cookies
When we had parties in class
Without seeking validation
You just wanted me to pass

And I remember the time my teacher called
Because I had broken the dress code
You showed up and gave him a piece of your mind
Until his decision was overrode

You've always fought for my best interests
You'll forever have my back
On my side even when I'm in the wrong
Defending qualities I lack

I could never explain how grateful I am
To have a mom as amazing as you
Supportive, protective, and  nurturing
Caring and thoughtful too

I hope one day I can prove myself
Mistakes I promise to ammend
All the effort you put in raising me
Was worth it in the end
I hope you are alive to see the day I turn my life around
Tanya Khatter Mar 2015
Broken Arrow had an aim , Broken Arrow never wanted it to end , Broken Arrow was merely a person with hope that got trodden with time ,
It was suppose to reach its aim , but hardships overrode it. It got broken through life.
Abhishek Sinha Oct 2014
Hours in the rain,
Trying to feign,
Smiles and frowns,
But could never drown, in your pain.
You ceased to be,
And I couldn't foresee,
Things happening around,
Silence was the only sound.

Should I be or not be,
I couldn't set my mind on thee,
Inconclusive was the answer,
All you wanted was to check my grammar,
I saw that smile in your eye,
It matched the purple in the sky.

No, is not the intention,
Neither is yes the solution,
Somewhere in between I hang,
Delusional is the yin and yang,
'I saw a magical creature, mom',
Yelped the kid across town.

I wish I could forge,
The look in your retinal gorge,
Simple exuberance overrode,
The bridge we forgot to erode.
You cannot just overlook,
The hardship we undertook,
In this apocalyptic,
And ever so cryptic,
This absolute reality, so majestic.

And I forget to mention who,
You!
Just you.
else Mar 18
Shall I compare thee to a sunny day?
Our slow, bright morning starts blurring at nine,
Back to those dew-polished grass where we lay,
Your gentle fingers intertwine with mine
But hold on, what do they feel like again?
Were they soft, dry, or calloused, I forgot,
They overrode themselves with muscle pain
And the romance runs thinner than I thought:
I stare at space knowing I can’t be yours,
While you take over the physical me,
The only sense I felt was that of floors,
Blurring the edges of its boundary…

‘Tis too hard, no love weighs more than I recall,
Perhaps I wasn’t meant to write sonnets after all.
I'm back after 4 years of hiatus :P
Chris Thomas Jul 2016
Our bodies overrode
Every last reasonable thought
A ring encircled your finger
But our love could never be bought
I backed you up against the wall
Passion surging as lips collided
I poured my soul into that kiss
The beat of my heart could not be silent
I ascended into the stratosphere
As I descended further into madness
The more my lips tasted your every paintbrush
The more residue adorned my canvas
Months went by in a single blink
Like a million lightning crashes
My hands explored your every inch
Until we were blind from all the flashes
Bitemarks and dripping sweat
Lovesick lust burning through a fever
"I love you," was whispered in your ear
"I love you too," made me a believer
Wrapping your legs tightly around
As I ****** myself inside of you
I never once stopped to consider
The repercussions of our love's tattoo
You shattered me, tattered me
And tore me completely to shreds
But the way I ****** you, and loved you
We should have never left the bed
I loved a girl once
She was everything I ever wished for
She knew how to brighten my days
Knew how to make me smile even when it was hard to beat the frown

I loved a girl once
We took photos and kept them in an album
Each time she was away
I could look at them and imagine she was near

I loved a girl once
She told me she loved me back
Did she?
My jealousy overrode me all the time
My mind was an architect of insecurities
And so each bright day got dark
Like our love flame was out of fuel

I loved a girl once
Yes I loved her
But that love was short lived
She walked away from me and never looked back
For reasons unclear
Only left me with questions
Was it love?
If it was, was it true or fake
Because it withered so fast without the sun even being harsh on it.
Funny is it not
For years I thought I was in true loves embrace
Amazing how my body instead of being warm was always cold
I should have listened better to it
I may have then known that this was not love
Intriguing how my mind overrode my heart for so long.
Though my heart was yelling the whole time NO!
My mind continued to say YES!
Finally my heart and mind spoke
With it, understanding came
This should have never been  
Walking out the door was the most peaceful thing I have yet to do.
Now my being, though still cold, is finally at *peace
I finally realized why it was so easy to leave
Willman Aug 2017
Fat.
That three letter word can ruin someone's day.
That word could have been the last thing that drove someone to end their life.
One word could have made that on person to starve themselves even though they know it does more harm then good.
Just a single word made them finally cave to self harm after years of talking themselves out of doing it.
F
A
T
A word that overrode all the thoughts and feelings that they went through when their uncle killed himself, and all the rational thoughts are going to disappear and lead them to the final BANG of life and the smell of gun powder in the air
Fat. One word that ended a life and that life ended due to people who speak before they think.
Because of people like you.
Tim Deere-Jones Apr 2021
In the wind from the sea
my house was a singing throat last night.
Bass drone in chimney flue and round the gable end
and those vibrating window panes,
thin wandering harmonics
between the doors and frames.

Percussion of unseen things
a-rolling and a-roiling in the world outside.
A troop of intermittent gallopers trampling through the dark  
musketry of rain upon the roof
cracking of wind’s whip.

Waking to the morning, exhausted from the listening
it is as if the wild hunt had past us gone
overrode us as we cowering sought for sleep
laid waste our garden’s order
broken down the daffodils and snowdrops
that we’d cherished as the harbingers of spring.
Kicked flowerpots and water cans around and flattened fences
made the hedges look as if they had been backwards dragged

Carefully I prised my front door open
pushed aside the debris that had been cast upon my threshold
but they had gone and all was calm
one robin in the silver birch sang clear and sweet and unconcerned
a film of salt, dried tears, upon the window’s glass.
Ken Pepiton Dec 2021
The lie that lives
is bound in a book or told, vocalized
-ever hear a calf cry in a milk barn
-make that noise
as tale one may make into a metaverse,
- it lacks a name or that name
- is unspeakable, that is the ploy
- say my name

whither idle word awrit or spat, some say
in the beginning,
first dot to mean e, or some sucha thing
a letter
.
let it be knowing, exponentially
growing, stretching edges
pushing press press
up against gravity
itself the core
of all that holds us, here, earthly
as we seem
we heirs of wind and nada mas,
masters of making

mistakes retaken as chances, work look
second glances,
some thing seems
shiny
see'

it moved it chewed abit of the bud
I grew, in that twisted branch that led
to ba'hai, yes,
hai. right.

Fun though, nobody hurt, you know
when its real,
and you forget to breathe.

- good line
- you're mortal now, doitchaself
- faster
- or slower, lighter
- or darker,
darker, oranging a purple mantle
on three wanderers,

parts of the system we are parts of,
actual parts.
functional, working parts, paid
with vicarious thrills, djewnotice, its
colder now,
and darker, yes, I did, notice, there
remain tribal bonds,
some sealed in blood and love, as the
weavers of wondering tales told in days so
old
'tis a wonder, there' any life in these'tall,

gutteral stops'as commas do signal. stop
,'.; signs letter's signal subtilities subtler
than any beast, a we we imagine

we may realize
eventually eats us alive,

Jolishit, that felt so real/

8 seconds. Minimum, you're 10 minutes short.
Your overrode the stats.
What were the odds?
with Barb Black née Beebee
to help set the ghost
of little ***** Brandt free
(a non German, but germane fellow  
courtesy Craigslist classified
personals of mine invitee
she replied, I took liberty
to Google her first and last name,
and risked calling mentioning,
she qualified as lucky nominee
meaning yours truly hanker
for a barenaked lady
to indulge libidinal ******* spree,
(ahem - no pun intended)
in layman's terms to make whoopie!

Years ago, an outing
with paramour went awry
lower gastrointestinal system
of the down did not comply
dear reader let these lines hopefully edify
and entertain courtesy
garden variety generic guy,
who strives to tickle your fancy
to jollify cause yours truly
tries humor that's no lie
and if receptive

to give feedback please notify
author of these words
who in actuality
counts himself a private-eye.
Picture the opening scene
Cumberland Farms -
in Coatesville, Pennsylvania,
the paramour and I purchase lunch;
she bought the two
Italian hoagies and drinks,
one for me and the other for her.

Upon arriving back
at boudoir place of courtesan,
we inherently, immediately,
got down to monkey business;
each of us carefully unwrapped
our respective submarine;
Between mouthfuls of deli meat and cheese,
(the latter a substance that triggered
nascent irritable bowel syndrome),
I suppressed grimaces of abdominal agony,
which ****** contortions overrode attempts
at non verbal foreplay.

The rapid fire acting power of dairy product
moved bowels of mine faster than
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

Despite frequent record breaking
sprints to the bathroom
nothing would forsake golden opportunity
to indulge philandering bacchanalian adultery.

****** ******* the farthest
thought in my mind,
yet I ignored queasiness,
and feigned interest,
no matter intuition
vis a vis gurgly tummy
signaled warning against
engaging in frolicsome escapade,
nevertheless Casanova wannabe
succumbed to arrange himself
in concert with his mistress
two times the ninth highest prime number.

Woody pecker of mine
(a fine specimen male ***** she
highly touted, praised, and notated
courtesy the woman, whose presence
I honorably graced)
perhaps interpreted and intimated
as a fervent desire to rut
(despite lady of the night
having undergone tubal ligation
years before our initial close encounters

of the illicit kind took place
at Evansburg Park,
where after at least
a decade of being celibate,
I experienced premature *******
and soiled my underwear,
which super seminal glue
seals a stronger bond than
another tried and true
rigged with mortise and tenon.

A mortise and tenon joint connects
two pieces of wood or other material.

Woodworkers around the world used it
for thousands of years
to join pieces of wood,
mainly when the adjoining pieces
connect at right angles.
Mortise and tenon joints count as strong
and stable joints used in many projects.

Now lemme loop back
to aforementioned plight
to sorry state of affairs
that found me plagued
with an overactive
internal **** sphincter (IAS)
and external **** sphincter (EAS);

The internal **** sphincter (IAS)
forms the innermost muscular layer
of the **** canal and is a continuation
of the circular muscle of the ******
and ends with a pronounced rounded edge
1 to 1.5 cm caudal to the dentate line
and slightly cranial to the terminus
of the external **** sphincter (EAS).
Day #7: Vernal to Cortez

The next morning, I was on Rt #40 and headed from Vernal Utah to Dinosaur Colorado. I wished that I had had the time to go into the dinosaur museum again.  When I was last there, over fifteen years ago, they had a fossilized dinosaur, and it was almost half uncovered from the side of the cliff where it was buried.  They had built the museum around this discovery, and its walls connected right to the cliff on both sides of the dig.  I made a bet with myself as I passed by that they had entirely uncovered it by now.  It was hard to believe in this dry arid climate that the greatest creatures to ever walk the earth once roamed here.

This Week Was Not About Museums Or Sideshows, It Was About The ‘Ride’

At Dinosaur, I took Rt. #64 East toward Rangely where I gassed up and connected with Rt. #139. I then entered the great flat regions of Western Colorado where the only towns were Loma and Fruita with Grand Junction sitting just off the interstate twelve miles farther to the East.  

Just before Fruita, I passed the old farming community of Loma Colorado. Loma sat just off interstate Rt.#70 and looked like another one of those towns that time had forgotten.  I stopped to photograph the old two-story Loma School that sat in the weeds 100 yards off the road.  As I approached the front entrance, I could feel the excitement of the students who had attended there reverberate around me. I thought I heard their laughter, as I pushed on the double latch of the large front entry door.  Sadly, it was locked. As I looked in through its glass panels, I thought I saw a figure carrying books and making a left turn into one of the deserted classrooms — or were they deserted.  

I have learned to no longer question what I see but to be thankful for the gift of being able to see at all.  While closed, I was gratified that the county had not torn the old building down and had allowed it to stand. It was a living testament to all that had happened there and to what, in a passing visitors imagination, just might happen again.  I smiled realizing that I would soon be like that old building, a memory, whose retelling would overshadow any new thing that I might become.

There were two deserted schools, that sat dormant, yet vibrant, along the pathway of my discovery this week.  I had put my hands firmly on the front doors of both hoping that they would empty into me all the mystery hidden within their corridors and halls that they had been previously unwilling to share. Forever, they would remain unsettled in my thoughts because of what they once were and even more for the stories they might tell.

At Fruita, I got on the Interstate (Rt #70 East) and missed my exit for Rt.#141 South which would have taken me across the Uncompahgre Plateau.  I went twenty miles too far to the East before turning around and on the reverse trip made the same mistake again.  The exit for Rt.#141 was not marked, so I got off and followed the signs for Rt.#50 and stopped at the first gas station for better directions.  The clerk behind the desk smiled at me as I asked for her help.  She said, “Not so easy to find Rt #141, is it?” Many things in the West were not easy to find, but the ones worth keeping had been worth looking for.

After a series of three right turns, I arrived in the tiny town of Whitewater Colorado and saw the sign for Rt.#141.  I didn’t refuel back at the gas station — I had simply forgotten. The next town on Rt.#141 (Gateway Colorado), was still 43 miles further West.  I knew I could make it with what I had left in my tank but would Gateway have fuel?  If not, I would become the remote victim of an unknown fate caused by an unfortunate memory lapse.  

If the first twenty miles of this trip hadn’t been mired in road construction, the remote beauty of the canyons, and the road they stood as bookends against, were worth any chance that I might run out of gas. The manual said that the Goldwing could go over two hundred miles before running out of gas. Today would test both the veracity of that statement and my belief that the road was always there to save you when you needed it most.  

Road construction in this part of the West meant that two lanes had been reduced to one totally stopping the traffic in one of the lanes. A long line of idling vehicles waited for the pilot car to come from the other direction, turn around, and then take them through the construction zone to where the second lane opened again. Once there, the pilot car positioned itself at the head of the opposing line of stopped vehicles wanting to go the other way. It slowly began the whole process all over again going back in the direction from where it had started.

There’s an old Western joke about the West having four-seasons —Fall, Winter, Spring, and Road Construction. If you’ve traveled west of the Mississippi between Memorial Day and September, you undoubtedly have your own stories to tell about waiting in line.

If you’ve been lucky, you didn’t have to wait more than twenty or thirty minutes for the pilot car to return.  If not lucky, you could’ve waited forty-five minutes or more.  On this day, the thermometer on the bike read 103,’ so I turned off the motor, dropped the kickstand down and got off. I removed my jacket and, within sight of the bike, went for a short walk.

  The Heat Was Coming Off The ‘Road’ In Waves And Made    Standing On Its Surface Both Uncomfortable And Severe

As I anticipated, in exactly twenty minutes the pilot car emerged from around the mountain in front of me. Within three minutes more, it had turned around, positioned itself in front of the line where I was number five and, with the flagman waving back and forth in our direction, had us on our way.  It looked like it was going to be a slow dusty ride through the Grand Mesa National Forest toward Gateway for another ten miles.  

Slow and dusty yes, but it was also gorgeous in a way that only a San Juan Mountain Road knew how to be.  With all the temporary unpleasantness from the heat and the dust, I wouldn’t have changed a thing.  This was what real travel was all about. I had learned its true meaning on the many Wyoming and Montana back roads of my youth — and on a much smaller motorcycle — over thirty years ago.

It’s What You Can’t Control That Allows For The Possibility Of Greatest Change

Casting my fate again to the spirits of the road, I passed the four slower cars in front of me and was again by myself.  The awe-inspiring mountain’s drifted lower into canyons of incredible beauty.  The descent was more than just a change in elevation.  I was being passed off from one of nature’s power sources to the other. As the mountains delivered their tenant son to the canyons in waiting, the road, once again, proved to be smarter than the plans I had made to deal with it.

               The ‘Road’ Had Once Again Proved Smarter …

Typical of many small western towns, the only gas station in Gateway had a sign on the front door that read … ‘Back In 30 Minutes.’ The two pumps did not accept credit cards, so the decision was to either wait for the station manager to return or to continue south toward Nucla, and if I had no luck there then Naturita. “One of them surely had gas” I said to myself, and with still an eighth of a tank left, I decided I would rather take the risk than wait, as daylight was burning.  Betting on the uncertainty of the future was different than dealing with the uncertainty of the here and now.  One was filled with the promise of good intention, while the other only underscored what you had learned to fear.

                                I Decided To Move On

Just outside of Gateway, and like a mirage in the desert, I saw a large resort a half-mile ahead on my right. As I got closer, I realized it was no mirage at all as the sign read ‘Welcome To The Gateway Canyons Resort.’ Nothing could have stood in greater contrast to the things I had seen in the last fifty miles.  This resort looked like it should have been in Palm Springs or Sedona.  It was built totally out of red desert stucco with three upscale restaurants, a health club, and an in-house museum.  

What I cared about most was did they have gas?  Sitting right in front of their General Store were two large concrete islands with pumps on both sides.  It was a welcome sight regardless of price, $4.99 for regular, which was more than a dollar a gallon higher than I had paid anywhere else.

                                  Any Port In A Storm

After filling the Goldwing’s tank, I walked inside the General Store to get something to drink.  The manager was standing by the cash register and talking to a clerk.  She looked at me and smiled as she said: “So where are you headed?”  When I told her the Grand Canyon, and then eventually back to Las Vegas she replied: “Hey, tell all your Motorcycle friends about us, we love to service the Bike trade.”  

I told her I was a writer and would in fact be doing a story about my ride. But based on her overly inflated prices I would have to recommend filling up in either Whitewater or Naturita.  She grimaced slightly and said something about business in this remote region dictating the price.  I returned her smile as I wished her a good day. Joni’s immortal words about “repaving paradise and putting up a parking lot” rang in my ears, as I walked back outside and restarted the bike.

Sometimes We Had To Cross The line To Know What The Line Meant

This place had been recently built by John Hendricks the founder of The Discovery Channel.  He and his family discovered this valley on a vacation trip in 1995.  Instead of becoming part of the surroundings, he decided to turn his vision of the valley into an extension of what he already knew.  It was a shame really because a museum with classic Duesenberg Cars was as out of place in this remote canyon as any notion that you could then merchandise and control it to suit your own ends.

I couldn’t leave fast enough! Without even one look back through my rearview mirrors, I rounded the bend to the right that took me away from this place.  Once out of sight of the resort, I was deep in ****** canyonland again where only the hawk and the coyote affirmed my existence. I wondered … why do we do many of the things that we do? At the same time, I was grateful, as I looked up and offered a silent thank you for the gas.

Asking ‘Why’ Throws My Spirit Into Reverse Gear, And I Know Better …  

Just past Naturita, I made a right turn on Rt.#141 and headed south toward Dove Creek.  It was farther than it appeared on the map, and it was past 7:30 in the evening when I arrived where Rt.#141 dead-ended into Rt.#491.  I took the left turn toward ****** where I continued south toward the 4-Corners town of Cortez Colorado.  This time life balanced. The trip to Cortez from Dove Creek which looked at least as long, or longer, than the one I had just traveled, was only 36 more miles — and I could stop for the night.

I raced toward the 4-Corners as the sun disappeared behind the Canyons Of The Ancients. I averaged over 85 MPH again alone on the road.  My only fear was that a deer or coyote might come out of the shadows, but I traveled secure inside my vision that on two-wheels my life would never end. I knew my life would never end that way, but a serious injury was something to be avoided.  

The trip to Cortez was over in a flash, and in less than twenty minutes I saw billboards and signs that pointed to a life outside of myself lining both sides of the road.  As I pulled into the Budget Inn, the sign that directed you toward Rt. #160 west and the Grand Canyon was right in front of the motel. There were only two other cars sitting in the parking lot with a lone Harley-Davidson Road King parked in front of a room at the extreme far end.

The desk clerk told me that he was originally from Iran but had been raised in the Los Angeles area.  He had a small Chihuahua named Buddy who would perform tricks if offered a reward.  I took a small milk bone out of the box on the counter and asked Buddy if he’d like to go for a ride.  He barked loudly, as he spun and pirouetted in the middle of the lobby. I thought about my own dog Colby, who I missed terribly, waiting faithfully for me on our favorite chair back home. As I walked across the parking lot to my room, Buddy had been a proper and fitting end to a ride that left nothing more to be desired.

I splashed water on my face, left my helmet in the room, and rode back into Cortez. All I wanted now was some good food and a beer.  Lit up in all its glory, the Main Street Brewery sat in the middle of town, and its magnetic charm did everything but physically pull me inside.  It was an easy choice and one of those things that you just know, as I parked the bike against the sidewalk and walked inside.

The ribs and cole-slaw were as delicious as the waitress was delightful. It disturbed me though when I asked her about road conditions on the way to The Canyon, and she gave me that familiar blank stare.  “You know, I’ve lived up and down these San Juan’s all my life, and I’ve still never been down there.”  My heart filled with sadness as I said: “It’s only three hours away and the single greatest sight on earth that you will ever see.”

She looked at me vacuously, as she cleared my table, and promised she’d have to get down there one of these days if time and money ever permitted.  Amazing, I thought to myself! Here I was, a guy from Pennsylvania, who had visited the Canyon over thirty times, and this local person, living less than three hours away had not seen it — not even once. I cried inside myself for what she would probably never know as I got up to leave.

             Crying For What She Would Never Know …

As I turned around to take one last look at the historic bar, I was reminded that some things in life served as stepping-stones, or stairways, to all that was greater. I was in one of those places again tonight. The people who served in roadside towns like this saw the comings and goings, but never the reasons why. They were spared from feeling that outside their immediate preoccupation there could ever be anything more.  I needed to be thankful to them for having provided sustenance and shelter along my travels, but my sadness for the things that they would never see, which were many times just over the next hill, overrode any gratefulness I would feel in my heart.

         The Blessed Among Us Are The Blessed Indeed!
Ruby Hsieh May 2020
The scent of evening
Overrode the scent of light
Vermilion ball

Sank.

— The End —