´

You  came to me
as a vision
as a mirage
as soft shadows
landing low

Warmly loving
the hot bouncy
paws
and their
delicate dance
across Dali's

Tangible
soundless motions
obssesive mushy
desserted sands
of time's

Kaleidoscopic
fractal falling

Swirling
back into
the theatre of dreams

Tuning a
migrating
midnight to
those silent, evanescent
melodies
yearning
craving
to be played
once more
and adored on longplays

Spiraling and spinning
in my memory
like a skilled
reindeer wafting
wet air through fresh
nostrils, a defiant elegance
fluttering around as colourful
wings move the magnificent
leap of a sinew lyinx
to tremble
among spring greenery

Got to develop gentle moves.
Silent. Soundless. Elegant.

Daddy are you listening ?
Theres some things i have to say ,
The things i think and pray about
every single day.

I want you to know i remember ,
So clearly that awful fight ,
You told us you were leaving
And drove off into the night .

At 5 it is confusing
To see all this go down ,
It took some getting used to
Not having you around .

Even when we'd visit you
You were never really there,
Another bottle , another line ,
Its not like you cared.

Isnt it odd that at ten years old i was
Tucking a grown man into bed ?
And isnt sad as your daughter ,
I couldnt trust a word you said ?

So how am i suppose to trust man
Who says that he will stay?
You said the exact same thing
And you still walked away.

Understand your actions ,
Have trickled into my life ...
Youre the one who desserted us,
Yet its your loved ones that pay the price.

The snow makes this humming noise
Can you hear it?
It’s the noise
That people described
When they were huddled
Around the campfires
Telling ghost stories
Back in the day
When the ground was soaking dry
And the tank top filled days
Ricocheted off of the boys
Chasing Bigfoot thought the cornfields.
The reflection of innocence
Left my mind
When reality kissed me
With her cigarette filled breath.
Leaving me
Cold,
Rusty,
Flaking away
From the radiant skin
That brushed off the cornfields.

The snow makes this humming noise
Can you hear it?
It sounds like my friends
Moving away
From the innocence
And transferring
To the school
Of harsh expectations.
They were forced
To take daily vitamins
Consisting of impractical expectations
Left by the people
Who said that they just couldn't do it.
You see,
My friends didn't follow the boy scout honor,
They left traces of themselves
Behind the cracks of my skull.

The snow makes this humming noise
Can you hear it?
Its sounds like the snow
Is giving a close shave
To the power lines
That crackle with apprehension.
I walk about the desserted Ice cream
That has foamed over the cornfields.
My feet seem to stick
To the people who wants me
To be just like my brother,
Whenever I creep
Through the creek of snow,
I get trapped by the vacant wasteland
All I can do is wait
For I am waiting for jack frost
to **** up my last breaths.
Crushing my soul
With the rhythm
of this humming noise
The snow makes.

There's so many different paths I want to run down,
Different places I yearn to see.
I'd like to live somewhere beautiful
Where I can simply be

I fight with myself over the fantasies I keep,
Sometimes I'm sure I'll live somewhere far,
I could have a chicken or two,
My dog could enjoy a huge yard.

Other times I know deep down,
I need convenience and I'd surely fail
Without being somewhere crowded,
Delivery is a privilege.

I don't want the middle between these two places,
Because suburbia was depressing,
Living only two inches away from a bustling family,
I didn't like the times I lived with mine there.

I'd need space undoubtedly.
Then the absurdity starts showing,
I think to myself.. I'll find an abandoned city
Maybe a desserted town like the ones tiktok shows me.

I could pretend I'm in my own story
And the empty streets would be my own
I could wander these houses and see what was left behind...
I think it sounds silly but, it always comes to mind.

If I could live in the house of my dreams
It would be somewhere unimaginable
Underneath the deepest seas.
I'd have glass walls, and a ceiling made of stars

I'd wake up to see jellyfish blooms
And sit in awe, nothing to do
I could swim to the surface somehow
And watch meteors fall

I think what I truly desire
Is somewhere comfortable
Where I can imagine these wishes
Without being bothered by time, or people who don't really care

Or maybe I belong on another planet,
Because I feel alien everywhere.

my back was unpressurized tonight about 3 hours ah, i was about
to type ago. What else, well
just interviewing
myself
about to ask me some questionz. Who is
that person alive somewhere longing to
unshackle themselves / yet keys are within
the thread that it weaves. Yes,
to life, beautifully strengthen one another,
live vicariously and hear it in the thunder.
Bail out of blunderz
ve
all daily wonder of something or another.
Watch
the rain
fall instinctively smoke
rises from desserted dust
laying scorched in the earth
as imaginary beliefs of solutions littering
pollution. Forgiveness the farthest away from our
mind, just strands of dna connected intertwined at
the roots, i am putting on my boot. Think of
correct statements to say that it will alwayz feel, stay
this way. Pause, oxygen circulatez, pattering rain on a roof sounds
like
footsteps marching
unfortunately in battle. The most unjust
cruel
   inhumane
self serving consumer
professional mind controlling false deitiez,
     this war of loss.

By this time 2019 the onslaught had begun..
devastating attack on mankind not carried out by guns..
just a virus, tiny yet deadly ravaging the world..
not an equal monster in decades, Covid-19 it was called.

mysteriously crept into our world, inexplicable origin..
lurking around rails, trails and air just to gain entry..
wrecking down all systems immune, nervous and circulatory..
sniffles life out of victims at the early stages, men was scary.

left us so terrified  in our towns and in our cities..
grounded and brought to a halt economic activities..
built up a partition of no solid material..
amongst us all, rich, poor and even the influential.

Once crowded streets in its wake were lonely and desserted..
nice playground activities and symposiums neglected..
for the dread of the global monsterous virus..
oh! no! never again we hope we beat the virus.

It took from us loved ones both promising and elderly..
frightening mode of operation, collapsing the lungs steadily..
trailing wails world all over from the healthcare facilities..
universal pandemonium, we were overwhelmed seemingly.

Emotionally traumatising was the unpleasant experience..
of watching its victims gasping in the midst of abundance..
I cried like many many others seeing a menace to existence..
and all we did was pray for return of peaceful ambience.

till date still place a limit on human interactions..
medical practitioners working their ***** off..
to get a cure for it although now there's vaccination..
was an era in human history, covid-19 what a distraction!

Time goes on as your memory fades, Alzheimer's eating away at your brain

Stealing your happiness, Whilst leaving you frustrated, angry, in pain

As the days go by names and faces begging to blur

As the weeks weeks pass The faces and names forgotten

Birthdays, anniversaries, family, non existent

The continuing loss consistent

And though deep down I know I still wonder

Do you remember me?

But to ask that question, Do I dare?

Would it be nothing but a blunder

So I wonder in silence, I hope in silence, I leave everything i feel silent

The feeling of wanting to scream and cry, to hug my family and friends

To say something meaningful and deep

To make a fearless decision, Just take a leap

Because life and memories don't last forever

At any moment life can be severed

All this never said out loud

Pretending it doesn't exist makes me feel like I'm stuck in a storm cloud

that's surrounding me, slowly but surely making me unable to breathe

I feel my self gasp,

As I say the words out loud at last

Do you remember me?

I say this to myself

For now the feelings in my heart will remain on a desserted shelf

I have to be strong for the family who has lost so much

Do you remember me?

This would destroy the whole bunch

under the dark clouds
let's wear our matching chucks
and run to nowhere
until the rain downpours
but we're not going to hide in a shed
instead, we'll sing our hearts out
then dance to an unmatching beat
in the middle of a desserted road
twirl me around
then end it with a kiss
because we won't care
we're never too old to play in the rain

breathe
look around
the landscape is barren
no trees nor vegetation
no signs of civilization

desserted
you're alone
you're family and friends are gone
you're enemies have won
tho the war has just begun

run
they're coming
you hear them in the distance
you see it for an instant
but for you is no repentance

stop
it's over
you're mind gets to racing
now you start pacing
for your anxiety is winning

When I was a kid
And the family walls were falling
I remember thinking it would all be okay
If I could just learn to wall kick
Stick the landing, while the world was crumbling,
I look for applause for still standing
But the truth is they don't see you for standing strong
Just enjoy the scene when that strength is gone
Disgree, I'm asking you to prove me wrong.

Show me the story of your high school friend who made it
Not the hundred that stayed in the mould and faded
Show me the car crash that was evaded,
The hero, who's past wasn't completely exploited,
The victim that didn't end up on that stage desserted,
But no, that human nature is too perverted.
Forget the man saved, here's more on the murderer
News casters will give you the gritty details like sheep herders

Maybe your world isn't simple to fix,
Just keep working, this life has no tricks
At the end of the day, you know what makes you tick
But before the world came crashing
I learned to wall kick
So while the struggle is as real
As the wheel you steer,
keep screaming until the deaf even hear

I took a leap of faith and landed on Time's wings.
Among ruffled memories and unplucked regrets.

We flew past the clutter of unsaid words,past a plain of desserted promises and with a bird's eye view over a mine of secrets.

As we accelarated towards the speed of light,I saw looming over the horizon ,a dark cloud and mirrored in it,my demise.

Before I could stutter a plea,death had neared, with its icy breath kissing my bones.

With ounces of energy evaporating out of me,I grasped on to the past and nestled into desperation.

Fluttering winds blew away my fears.
I stared into Oblivion's eye and backed away,tracing my footstep back to the now.

Hey !
what are you laughing at?
Are you laughing at that girl
With freezey hair,
Baggy, over sized clothes?
You're Giggling meanly from behind
Because of those?

Her ragged dress is all you can see,
Her messy hair is all you notice,
Can't u see the pain in her eyes?

No she's not fortunate like you
To get the love of her mother
Or be pampered by her father

You  laugh at her *****,hardened hands?
Yeah those are the same hands
she puts on her lips
And cry every night silently.
As silent as the moon above her head.

Although just 13,
the little girl  is not fortunate like you
To run & complaint to anyone
When she's mercilessly beaten up
By those, supposed to take care of her.

She waits for the nights
To lay awake under the stars
and remember her past
Her father, her mother
Those happy days.

What happened to life?
Why her world turned upside down?
Why is she so helpless and feeble
In this ever known town?

With a dust storm in her heart
She wakes up.
Yet another day to cope.
But she has her will and her strong hope.

You think she's weird,
cz she doesn't gigle in small jokes?
Oh she doesn't find them funny.
They don't amuse her anymore.
What's more amusing than this life?
What's more laughable
than her will of still going on?
Walking miles after miles
With blisters in her feet,
Along the desserted street.
Wearing
An worn out, torn out, old muddy sandle.
Yeah go on. Laugh at that too.

You think she didn't hear what you said?
She might be thick skinned
But sister she's not deaf.
And she knows it's ok to be different.

Struck by untimely age
That old soul, although 13
But feels like she has seen a lot
Lived a hundred lives
And left them behind one by one.

Now she has learnt to let go.
She has taught herself to grow.
She's taught herself to live alone.

Not look for a helping hand
Or reside in a castle of sand.
Though she has none to speak to
About her grims
She writes them down
About All her hopes and all her dreams.

One day she'll
stand by her friend
Who was bullided in school for being a boy and still having long hair.
One day She'll stand up for her friend  against unwanted stare.

She'll know,
No one should be subjected to torment.
Cz She knows it's ok to be different.

So go on.
Laugh and gigle at anyone you want.
Throw your hatred and your tont.
A bullie is all you'll ever see
While looking at the mirror.
And it'll make the poor little girl stronger.
Stronger than you can ever be.

you leave me for
the flavor of the month
abandon a feast
to chase after a crumb
she tasted so sweet
but only for bit
the sugar coating is gone
she's just a bitter *****
you miss the way i slid down your throat
straight to the stomach
each touch so rich
it's impossible not to want it
remembering just how smooth it was
but now you've lost the power
to have your cake and eat it too
go find another to devour

I have loved you since I couldn't even pronounce your name properly
For every breath I have taken on this earth
Since the moment I left the womb
You have been there
I have existed in your existence
Kinship
Blood ties
When someone asked how we were
Our names came together
Like a compliment
As though we were one person
One name with a hyphen
Me before you
Or you before me
But never alone
We belonged together
But now your name has desserted their lips
I come alone
Abandoned
As if you were never here
It feels like you were a ghost
An imaginary friend
Only the pictures prove otherwise
I want to hear the stories
Of how I followed you around
How you always gave in
When I asked you for anything
But you are trapped in memories behind eyes
That play like a movie
Projecting to every shadowed corner of this house
Sometimes I wake up and forget
I imagine I can hear your voice calling me to come to you
Your things are the same
The way you left them
It is us who have changed

I’ll be the first to admit
I didn’t have much almost a year ago,
but I had you and you had me.
We had dug ourselves a hole so ******* deep,
even with a telescope scrounged from the garbage we could not catch any glimpses of the natural life above us.
But I held your hand in the darkness
and gave it reassuring squeezes to let you know we’d climb out eventually,
and if we failed, we’d have eachother in the darkness.
At some point I stopped feeling your hand squeeze back,
and within the darkness I could only conclude you had died.
That I was within a hole, I suppose a grave now,
refusing to abandon a decomposing corpse.
When your lips peeled back it revealed your teeth clenched together,
and I convinced myself it was a final smile, but really, I see it was gritted teeth of discontent and disgust.
You blamed me solely for the grave,
but we dug it together, and it only became a grave because you decided to give up instead of fighting for each day and the possibility it would bring.

Everytime we talk now, you leave me for the night to stew in the sadness
and loneliness, you initially left me to drown in.
But there’s a drought from the skies,
so I fill the hole with my tears,
and the blood gushing out from the wounds you gifted me.
I failed to realize those tender kisses where compressed, jaw locking bites into my flesh,
tearing open whatever jugular you had left with me after going after it.

You tell me about your current predicament since your soul
departed the grave and rejoined the land of the living.
It isn’t as great as you believed it would be, is it?
So why do I still feel obligation and sadness hearing about it?

You left me to fend for myself,
to pick up the pieces of the life
we had together that you shattered in a matter of an hour.
You didn’t feel remorse or responsibility for where and how you desserted me.
I’m just not that type of person.

You set what little I had left on fire.
Whether it was my structure,
my financial security,
my confidence,
and the pieces of myself I wished to give to someone more deserving.
Someone who could be there for me in a way you never wanted to be.
Someone who actually loves me and wants to climb out of holes with me.
And I just can’t now.

I don’t love you anymore.
Atleast, not the way I believed I did.
But why do I still feel protective and responsible
for the one who poured the gasoline
and lit the match,
and didn’t even bother to stay to warm their soul at my pyre?

I must be the biggest ******* idiot on the planet.

Pain some people say im insane
because of how much pain i can take
there is one pain i can't take the pain of the heart the one pain that makes me fall apart who would think that someone used to being left and desserted would still be able to feel the hurting Pain to me is like a game how much can it take Pain it excites me how can that be people ask
because my mind only focusses on one pain and thats my heart
maybe one day it will stop being shattered along with my hope by people i know maybe one day it can let everyone go and just die alone
i suppose that's how it goes  
a positive spin is this i have a strong soul so ill keep fighting till i reach my goal and ill let a woman or a man hold this broken heart of gold time is on my side i hope but man the Pain just gets worse with every person that says those words "I need time, I'm sorry I'm seeing someone, I'm back with my ex sorry you weren't good enough" how can a heart handle the wars when its bleed from all the open sores
I wonder if anyone hears my heart cry in the middle of the night im losing my fight and I'm starting to believe thise people are right

Oh hallow the heavens divine
May my intentions begin to align
To give in and live in realities design
May my fears resign to the origins from which they came
may I be redeemed from the shame
That once followed my spoken name
May I be awoke in grace
And have pride and love for the reflection of my face
May the place where indifference once inhabited be desserted and filled with all that I have taken for granted
I want to be enchanted with the presents that opportunity presence
No sense in waiting for false pretense
No resentment no pain
Just the world which is mine to gain

I feel vacant again, Can’t stop blowing my brains out.
Mt triggers pull the trigger and my 24 years young, old hands tend my wounds.
Despairation hollows out my mind the way hunger knots the stomach.
My war-torn fingers march back through no-mans land, they’re dancing through a mine-field of trauma.
The only dance they’ve ever known.
In this desserted land mirages are deceitful, like hallucinations are liars.
Like ‘swallow this bitter water called ‘coping mechanisms’ doesn’t sound like ‘you’re destroying yourself’

Wonderful made
with a diamond heart
that carries the sword by the sharp
through the bleeding hands
but still carries it through regardless

Overprotective of her cubs
like a Lion protecting its cubs
in the desserted land
where it so dark and dry
with no hope of making it
to broad daylight
Remember those bleeding hands
where she still give the warmest hugs

Miracle worker is who she is
her hands perform miracle
in the midst of what can't be undone
through the evening dawn
where the moon and the stars has become doomed

Energetic will be underestimation
rather define her as an empowerer
who empowers her cubs to believe in the impossible
because through her there is nothing that cannot be done

Natural is who she is
she don't pretend to be stuck on gender equality
but rather portray numerous character
that nature force her to carry on daily basis
to make the running of her household effortlessly
She is a woman