Jul 2 Austin Barker
Janae

they say that love finds a way
but mine hasn't
it's in the complete opposite direction
is my love not included?
is my love the wrong kind?
i try and i try
is that where i went wrong?
so many questions and not enough answers

what does it actually mean?
"love finds a way"
a way where?
a way to what?
how does love find anything?
is that where I'm wrong again?
i have so many questions

how will my love find it's way?
to someone else?
to someone better?
to someone who has love that will find me?
what if that love never finds what it is looking for?
then what?
you find love in yourself?
is that where i'm wrong?
i have no answers

when this love that is somehow a noun,
finds this way of love
what then?
you live happily ever after?
everything goes right from then on?
am i wrong?
i have so many questions and no answers

The thing I've ask for, for so long I've ask for death for me to take my final breathe maybe the world will be better when im laid to rest because life leaves us all hard pressed then there are people like me the overly stressed and constantly depressed everyone leaves behind the person that helped the most that was there when they needed someone the most then they're gone sometimes I'm surprised i made it to the next dawn the people around me don't see that I'm drowning because I always hide it to keep their alarm from sounding and to keep them from surrounding i promised i would never try again at suicide and im still fighting my fight I've earned that right and for those out there just like me find someone to love that promises you theyll never leave they'll just be waiting for you when your ready theyll always be there to hold you steady when the weight if the world gets to damn heavy and it crushes you they'll be the one rushing to you ive ask for death and to be laid to rest but i dont think that would be for the best to have my heart stop inside my chest people depend on me so i believe the world can try an fight me but i have an army behind me if I ever speak that I'm in need now you know part of the darkness inside of me ive bared some of my soul its not white its gray so what do you say

I've
Austin Barker Jun 30

I met this wonderful girl then she got lost but she kept fighting through it dispite the cost she is gorgeous
the way she talks makes the wind go quiet the way she walks everyone looks after her when she goes her words speak her heart she releases her pain in her poems she is wanted by a Shadow she is protected is she beautiful you have know idea how much that falls short to describe her
he world is darkened because of man that has no heart in it she is the girl ive been waiting for fighting for she is worth the pain worth the tears she is wirth giving up this life in the blink of an eye she is strong she is gorgeous she is sexy she is tempting she has a heart of gold an emotions of water she has a will of salt but im willing to hold her through it all

Austin Barker Jun 28

People ask what i see when i look at myself well here it is my answer
I see a man that fits no standards I see a heart with battle scars i see a soul that's gone a little dark i see two beautiful gray/blue eyes that shine with the fire of fight i see hands covered in colluses from years of work i see a tanned body from years of being kissed by the sun i see a mind that's wild and kinky and completely insane i see a little boy at ten crying tears of fear when he tells his mom goodbye i see a boy of thirteen cry his eyes out as he tells his mom goodbye for the last time i see a mind that is piecing itself back together from multiple personality disorder i see a fighter i see a lover i see a lunatic and i see a monster but i see one other i see a Big Brother that will do anything for his sisters and i see a potential father what i see i am finally proud of and i finally understand that what i do isn't who i am that doesn't make me my past is what made me who i am and people along the way that i have loved and lost and the ones that are still with me my family thats who they're and some don't even know the true me because i dont know if they'll stay or run away like everyone else did in the past this who i am noe you know and its your choice to stay or go

Austin Barker Jun 28

Pain some people say im insane
because of how much pain i can take
there is one pain i can't take the pain of the heart the one pain that makes me fall apart who would think that someone used to being left and desserted would still be able to feel the hurting Pain to me is like a game how much can it take Pain it excites me how can that be people ask
because my mind only focusses on one pain and thats my heart
maybe one day it will stop being shattered along with my hope by people i know maybe one day it can let everyone go and just die alone
i suppose that's how it goes  
a positive spin is this i have a strong soul so ill keep fighting till i reach my goal and ill let a woman or a man hold this broken heart of gold time is on my side i hope but man the Pain just gets worse with every person that says those words "I need time, I'm sorry I'm seeing someone, I'm back with my ex sorry you weren't good enough" how can a heart handle the wars when its bleed from all the open sores
I wonder if anyone hears my heart cry in the middle of the night im losing my fight and I'm starting to believe thise people are right

Austin Barker Jun 28

Rejection makes you question what you see in your reflection
it makes you ask what am i missing
rejection makes you create a big scene
rejection rips your heart to shreds
who would have thought someone could bleed so much red
for some rejection happens so often that they can't take it and they bleed
they bleed from the blade slices they think they need
some people reject other just for fun just to see the tears run then there are those that see the tears and recognize the fear in that person and they try to rectify their mistake
but from some its already to late
so think about what rejection does before you make a really big mistake

Austin Barker Jun 21

the heart talks to the mind and the soul
then it makes a decision to make another heart feel whole
then that other heart leaves and the heart falls apart
it wishes it never chose from the start
then it becomes lost because the heart is still in love
it can never seem to get enough
but wait there is another
there is thise hearts that get to be apart of each other
Lost hearts they die an fall apart
i have had a lost heart
and i know how it is when youre falking apart
my heart has watch its lovers turn away
time after time but its fets weaker each day
can someone save this Lost heart

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