Two years ago I was married.
The future seemed hopeful.
We had so little but none of that mattered.
Our unfurnished apartment was a home because we were together.
Now our two story seems empty regardless of our accumulated assets.
I feel alone and worthless.
In a fever dream of pyrotechnicolor
I set fire to my life
Lining up my affects and assets
And igniting them one by one
Today I wake and can’t believe what I’ve done
But there is no wrong in starting over
Even if you start a fire
If you desire rebirth
Place your feet upon the hearth
And everything else you know
Surely the will not to burn
Will keep you from being hot ash in an urn
You are my rock, my solid stone.
You are my shelter, you are my home.
You are my solace, when I am alone.
You are my answer in a world unknown.
No one could ever take your place.
No one but you could ever put this smile upon my face.
Never could you be replaced.
You're being is my pain erased.
Always together, I pledge you forever.
It may have been just a few days,
It may have been a week.
In that short span of time it seemed as if we had everything we ever hoped for.
Mom and Dad.
It was surreal seeing them talk and laugh.
We went to the zoo and the theme park.
The real roller coaster was knowing that Dad would be leaving again.
My brother and I went outside and did a rain dance.
It must have pleased the Gods because the sky burst open with rain.
That day we learned that trains still leave even if it rains.
I learned that people still leave even if you want them to stay.
I remember walking on crunching leaves and the sun shining violently through the trees. The light creating a twinkling in your eyes flickering vibrantly in the confines of my fading memory.
Everything was golden, gloriously golden in that moment.
Now, the decay is setting in on my once ambient vision.
I can still hear us singing, we could be heroes, if just for a day.
Barely have I woken
Barely have we spoken
But this morning
I feel such a shame
and such a burden of the blame
I lash out in anger
Treat you like a stranger
Even though I feel
Very much the same
I dont know why your words feel like danger
And I feel I must attack back
But some mornings it is empathy
And self awareness which I lack
I need to combat this awful feeling
So I may begin revealing
The person who I wish to be
Instead of letting us both
Assure self destruction mutually
I am sorry truly sorry
That at times
I can be
So acutely obtuse and cross
That I let an argument
Be my victory
And take you as a loss
She has eyes like Martian terrain.
Her pupils are black like the vacuum of space.
Little flecks of stars sparkle in them
but they are very much, alive burning like the sun.
Her skin is cratered like the moon, rocky and porous.
Her arms are speckled with freckled constellations.
She is a creation of the universe.