-PROLOG-
                



               A whooshof air playing with a tender long brown hair, a wave of flips of curly hair. AS the sun sets in the mountains of Colorado with a misty glow on the pure crystal snow. As I glaze in the beauty, I turned around in a grunted sigh and walk to my bran new house in the middle of no where. I said walking back to house with my family "why did my **** step-dad have to bring us here in this dump, pssh I hate him so much!!" with my flench curled up and my knuckles turning white, teeth clenching, kicking rocks to take all my anger on. Crossing down by the bank of mystical waterfall that held frozen and was a piece of art to any who hates water still would make it beautiful. Passing by with full rage of anger reaching my sister with a graden rose dress, black sandles to surrounds her newely fresh scab formed on her righ knee, but with a smile thats lights up this dull place. Man that girl can always cheer me up even im ****** at the world i could never be mad at my sister i thought whiled walking slowing down a wave a brushy grass that any person or animal could fall on....before my sister could reach me in a small peice of my eye caught something it was a man in black clothing sticking his hand out saing "rachel." pause "rachel come... come..." and slowly dissapeared. As I stood in shock my body froze in fear it felt a trap of death and slowl everthing went black out all i could hear were faint screams of my sister before it blocked out for good. " Sister!!! Wake up!! MOM!!!! DAD!!!!!!! COME HERE!!!!!" Jennifer said with crystal water tears holding my hand trying to wake me up but failed to. "Honey did you hear something?" my mother tilted her head while she unpacked the car. " What were you saying teresa i could not hearyou i was getting everthing settled in thehouse but thenyou called me so what i-" richered got cut by a bloddy screem in the near distance in the woods. "MOMMY!!!! FATHER!!!!" the both parents look in shock and dropped every thing and dashed out the front lawn. "mommy.....father...where are you..."jenniferjust cried there hopeless while I laid there in silence. "Oh my god Jennifer are you alright what were screaming about" mother said worry in her eye while killing Jeniffer with a big bear hug. " What in gods name made you scream like that" Richered said frowning and getting with a cocky attituded. Jennifer ploted out mother's strong arms and raced down to me where I still laid dead silence. " what the hell, where is she going... holy sh-" my mother was about to scream like akiller was after but she calm her self and went to jennifer's side and was nearly about to cry. " Don't worry teresa she's breathing so thats a good thing lets take her to the doctors before anything else happens and jennifer could you explianed what happened to your big sis please it would help alot." Richered said begging for help. "umm well she was going down this hill then she froze in fear as she saw something bad then the next thing pwoof going down twumbling and she went blank" Jeniffer said looking in her eyes with very much concern.
                     with about a three hour car to doctors the family of four came rushhing for help "excuse me ma'ma can you help me...im in a diffuclt spot please helpmy daughter in law" Richered said with a firery pumped up voice. " Yes sir whats the problem" the young blond teen siad as typing on the computer to comform the document to acces the doctor. " My daughter she fainted and wont wake up and its been over 4 hours can you please help her" Richered said sheepishly as finder his wife and her younger child right behind him and my mom carring me. "Ok sir just put her on hospital bed room 34 please and you may visit her after the docotor comes to see her but for now just wait here in the wiaitng room. about an hour passed the docotor who was taking care of me came in the room saying " Mr. and Mrs. randof may you come with me." he said with a demading tone. "Yes sir may my daughter come to?" mother said trying not to show fear in her voice "of corse" he said while letting the family through the back door then the hallway that leads to my room. " she up but we dont know what happened...so we need to go to the hospital to checked up by more higher professionals." the doctor eyed my in like what in the world happened. There was an akwarad silence until my step dad intruded that peace and manage to say " w-well ok and now Rachel would you care to explian what happed to you" Richered said while to strengthen his tone back. " yes..." I paused to re-gain my memory " So I took a walk and walked back to house but i passed the frozen lake that froms like a waterfallbut its frozen so i saw Jennifer and i was  about t call her name but then i saw a person in a black robe sticking his hand out liketrying to grab me it kept on sayin Rachel..Rachel come come and when i turned completely it was gone completely like if it were a ghost and then i felt a horror shock come over my body and could the world turning black then only hearing Jennifer's faint screams of concern and down I fainted then went to silence...." I finaly said with lifting my head slowly and with a greck bolt in my eyes I looked right behind them there was again. With seeing it again it turn pale with tearns rolling down my eyes like waterfalls and hushed to cold knock out.

sinews held in by rivets rh-rhy-rhythymed apart
frayed like cello bowstrings - the silly string hallways of hearts
a war where the marching drums sound like violins
the weapons wielded merge heartbeats and equestrian -
hook-hairs that snare the steely strings
ones not quite so metallic as we think -
they've frayed like flesh and refrained-
from sn-snaa-snapping -but just barely-
they still trip - trying to make music merrily -
still beat themselves up -with the singsong self-hate they're carring
they prefer to hide in the woods at the moment -
their cries as slight as the winds - perhaps they're out of breath
from trumpeting explanations - or perhaps they wish to rest -
tired of touching lips-
to instruments----------------
- they don't want this symphony to crescendo into treble this time
-  they're starting from the base up -
Happy for now and trying to hold their face up-
they are aware that they could be used
to make garottes  -or grand music -
to suffocate mute musician's who refuse to hear their sound -
or strangle guitar necks as deceptive cadence mimics resonance and resolve-
. . .
.........
there's a duet full of dissonance and you won't-
believe it but by the tear-tearing disbelief
you will timber like a tree -tone in two-
voices arguing inside of you- staccato soliloquies -
punctuated with melodic defeat -
intercede with a sharp or two - cut down to the root, the truth -
result in music i can dance to - symphonies , harmonies, rounds -
we are notes - in twoes and fours - together we are sounds-
adagio acrobatics emanat from where our feet touch the ground
in time, intonation the same as our romantic inclinations -
dances we just both seem to know - impromptu instrumentations-
the interval betwen  these two half notes made whole is zero-
you're a maestro whose got my heart crying in half time
-its the sound of requiem turned serenade - I was Alive on our wedding day -
and so were you - proceeded by a promenade -
of promises -
a recital of something more than just lyrics -
you said I Do to me-
a staff of out of sync harmonics
It's ironic  - I worship with shhhh- under my fingernals
and you - you love the sound - and the smell

Dancing so long that nocturne
turned to noonday sun -
until I , nightingale, and you the gales in night-
are one

she was a very bright girl
4 years old, pigetails laughing, smiling thinking the old kids were really cool.

she was happy
7 years old, one braid in each side always smiling noticing how the big kids put on a new layer of make up at lunch time.

she was smiling
10 years old, her big curly hair hanging loose she lost all her friend but she was a strong girl so she smiled even when they called her ugly or fat.

she was never making eyecontact
12 years old straight hair looking at the ground all the time barely ever talking, ignoring the kids calling her fat, ugly but it still hurt her.

she was never talking, never smiling and never taking out her head phones
14 years old, hair in a pony tail, having to redo her makeup at lunch time cause she cried of everthing while she sat in her locker she could easily fit there since she had been starving herself.

she had scars and cuts on her arms and legs
15 years old, she stopped carring she was wearing short sleeves hair hanging loose again straightened but teased, the kids called her attention ***** and pushed her around like a ball.

it's her birthday
today she would have turned 15 but she's not here anymore, she took a choice and left this world too early she wasn't supposed to be happy... not in this place, but she's somewhere else now somewhere better
everybody is sad that she left this early, but they didn't belive her when she told she wanted to leave...

*(c.m.h)

you float like an enchanted nebula in my mind,
pass like the clouds inside my veins,
are the easiness of breathing in my dreams
you forget me for millions of seconds in the imaginary time
you are more real than reality itself in your spontaneous combustions
so that I destroy you each day inside my bones,
I ignite the narrative of dawn, the blueness of your ribs
I forget about you like I forget crying in the aliveness of lovers
I need to forget you like one forgets faraway explosions, storms and miracles because I love you with all the songs of the wind,
the wind that spreads the seeds further away from each other the same way the flow of mystery so precise is carring us further and further away towards ourselves

I watch the moon with 1 million problems on my mind
I watch the moon and too my problems I'm blind
I watch the moon every single night
I watch the moon because it' was here when she left me
I watch the moon when the worlds on my shoulders and feels to heavy
I watch the moon the whole time we made love
I watched the moon when I got the text saying your carring my child
I watch the moon y'all left my life
I watched the moon when I seen you took both of your life's
I watched the moon when I lost my future child and wife
Now the only reason why I watch the moon is because I lost my mind

enduring the urban winter

daring the day uncovered
            by way of a chaos of crows
                                  pulling on the weather
   breaking from their perches
crooking their feathered hinges
and 'carring' up the first subtle wash of light
     
they lift and clump to make a short migration
            from the city to...? [shrug]
their flight pattern seems more of a 'wit' or a 'prank'
  than a '******'
the sun machines to complete its horizon
              tugged by the last departing birds

returning in the afternoon
with the full light provided
          and messy winds to charge them
like malicious children from the playground gate
       fed and joy fighting at their hierarchy
              whilst in an unbattened flight
                      back into the city

in summer it will be the gulls

Carring and sweet
Homely and outgoing
Radiant smile
Intriguing and perceptive
Strong and loving
Trustworthy to a fault
Incredible and unbelievable
Natural beauty, inside and out
A magnificent soul, and heart to match.

Mesmerizing eyes
Youthful, playfull stares

Loveable
One of a kind
Vibrant personality
Everything I could ever want and more.

I run as much as I could from you, I knew you would come sooner or later you'd look for me , you did.
We try ,tried to stop but clocks kept on  ticking; time couldn't forget or forgive.
I said no. I am not going with you , but we danced... & I ran again but you came after me asking me to stay I kept on walking, pretend I didn't heard then you hold my hand , so I turn back again.
We went to take some fresh air , I needed to think and believe I wouldn't do it again...

In my messy head thoughts fighting my past feelings ,out of nowhere you swept me off my feet, carring me and spinning arround like a time machine. You put me down and said this words:  " I am right here , I came for you , and I am not going anywhere ´cuz here I am"
-I looked down feeling impassive - as if I were in a surreal world.
He took my face and said no tears allowed, tho i wasn't cryng .

We went away and forget the world then we revive dead past feelings and gave our souls some joy.
I was touching you , you said no . "Not like that , don't touch me like  this as if it were the last time because it won't be." I stare in silence and you took my body with love and pain .We are drawn to each other that's what fate was  trying to say.

Rolling one, the room was full with smoke and I saw the galaxy in a motel's roof , you held my hand and hold me tight but I wasn't there it was too late, the moon I couldn´t take .This song was playing in the middle of it  "you are everything I love , you are ,my deepest thought that's what you are , I am who loves you the most that's who I am , who will give his life for you that's who I am , I am here right next to you and i am waiting here until the end you can't imagine how much i've waited for you because you are what I love the most that's what you are"

Soul back into my body , nirvana was that moment I am sure. But I am sorry it was morning so I ran again away for good.

sunshine lingers land
over receding tides
seashells on the sand
carring the ocean within
with a warm gentle touch
there silent whispers unfold
held to my ear I listen
as a beautiful story is told

There are demons among us, angels in disguse..
We dont know the difference, they all came from the sky..
but we all walk on earth, heads up in the clouds...
Would you know his vocie, if he was screaming out loud...
Or do we think he's paper, materialistic dreams...
money making favors, thats just what it seems...
These demon playing angels, catch you with there schemes...
Tell You that happiness, is found in all these things..
Gravitate to the lavish life, cuz that weights stronger....
and let go of the free fall, into a deeper hunger...
So we over eat, indulge, and over treat...
Not carring bout the brother you left hungry on the street..
forget about his need...
He waisted his own life,we live a different type of greed...
Cuz we only care about ourselves...
Responsiblity,hahaha put my kids up on the shelves...
Thats what my father did....
So I'll follow in his foots steps,not the ones mommy lived...
Thats alright we say,thats alight...
A way for you to cope,with the things that wasn't right...
The lavish livng life, the one this money gave...
The one I'll never get, but ill keep tryin to the grave...
Wheres the mind set,where is the heart in that...
Do you ever remember your mission, it wasn't about that...
You were sent to save the world..
all my boys and girls...
But if money is all you breathe, then you'll never believe...
And The whole world is lost in your greed...

Oh, I'm so sorry,
I like giving gifts to you.
I'm so sorry,
that sometimes I drive to fast.
I'm so sorry,
that sometimes your jokes are to harsh.
I'm so sorry,
that I make you mad
by going to concerts.
I'm so sorry
that you don't like my over carring-ness.
I'm so sorry
I love you with all my heart.
I'm so sorry,
I dont wear make-up
I'm so sorry
I am different than you,
I wasn't raised like you,
I wasn't taught like you,
I'm not quick like you,
But if I was you,
I would love me,
Just how I was.
And I would,
Keep my dreams big,
and my worries small.
And sometimes I would even make
important things seem important, and fun.
I wouldn't ruin my good days,
and I would hold you when you cried,
instead of telling you to stop.

And so the creature spoke.
So beautifully clever he was,
So willingly and undocile.
Carring within a death body
and a beating heart.
And so the creature talked.
So pleasent his voice was,
So smooth and vile.
He was aiming so hard,
for the love to have.
And so the creature waited.
Screaming and hating
for his creator, making.
And so, she suddenly raised,
So demonly enlighted
So deliciously enchanted.
And although he wanted her
She will ever hate it.

Trails of blood,
Enclosed containers,
Riots on the street,
Resonating slowly in different cities and countries,
Overt terror,
Rapidly spreading,
Igniting flames on buses and buildings,
Scarring hearts of people,
Massacres in huge numbers.

Terminating innocence and replacing them with ****** flesh,
Orating words so full of pride and hate,
Daggers and guns being used mercilessly,
Assaulting the peace treaty,
Y**et they seem to be happy.

She walked in her world
On a ground of cloth
She felt stable
And was very well off

This girl was curious
And liked to tease out the strings
Not carring that her pulling
Was messing with things

The girl grew older
And pulled out more strings faster
The holes forming in the fabric
Seemed to fly past her

Once she knew what was happening
She felt fear and dread
What once was strong fabric
Was now a spider's web

And though she valued
The knowledge she gained
The new veiw of frail heights
Put her mind under strain

She wondered which was better,
Scratching her head:
To walk on unteased cloth
Or a thoroughly pulled web

I was born to a collection of addicts and criminals!
I can only admit that I have more respect and courtesy then them.
I Promised myself that when I am to be a father I would quite.
My love is my life and she's carring my son.
But I'm on this **** again. What the **** is my problem.
I think I'm done till it's in my hands again.
Feelin like a worthless person, a selfish heathen
When I got **** I don't need speed.
But I can't sleep and I don't even wanna move.
Just watch tv and eat so I say to myself at least I'll accomplish somethin.
**** I'm broke and living outta others homes I don't think I'll ever give my child the proper life or a stable home.
I work my *** off and make good money but I can't keep any of it 4 ****

Hands of love caress with carring certainty.
Eyes of lust linger on languished lips
Hearts of Hearts exist infinitly
Lost, lovers joined at the hips.

Do I feel
My nights afflicted by insomnia
Is it real
amor vincit omnia


July a cold month, in loving embrace
The nights march forward
In a loving rat race
Care for me, never leave me
She says so sweet
Once in hazy humidity
And our souls are complete

No, this is not me
Lost in blonde sheaves
This is her
Fearing I'll leave

The road I yearn for
Set out before me
The out door
Sets me free

Hand me The parting glass
Hand me the the last of the whisky
Cheap one drank cold and fast
One born Larceny

Tethered together
Me and the pavement
No time for forever
No time for enslavement

No time to affectionately embrace
None for love, idyllic, and family
No time for my future to be traced
None for domestic calamity

"Science and art are like arms and heart. So many accidents of meaning, art is in heart, and so is hear, ear, art as a form of heart hearing."
Michael Eigen

I didn't want to open that door
nevertheless life did it for me
residues of this old combustion
pits of rage you're carring
for their perfumed names
humiliation at every corner of the street
suspicion of the sunrise

I remember or maybe I dreamt it
two sons looking for their father
he chose other walls full of zest
holy days were a laughter
indiference for the son rise

how chalenging to be a man hiding vulnerability
there was no one to show you how to
keep the balance of seeing and feeling and forgetting
there was no one to show me my edges
for good Gods to dwell and feast on life unhindered

The last few days
It has been raining
Drops falling from the sky
The grey clouded sky, once blue and warm

The last few days
It has been cold
A harsh wind blowing through the streets
The wind icy and cold, once comfy and carring

The last few days
Have been wet and cold
The last few days
Are typical Dutch days

All these days I know I was a cloud,
Moving with the wind was all I knew.
Been going on with no fellow collisions,
Escaping all the mountains that I confront.
Smiling back while the sun smiles at me,
Despite carring the weight inside me.
I wonder, until when should I keep moving,
For me to become one with the river that's flowing.
I hesitate to move with the wind,
I stop and then the rain falls from me.
All the thoughts that weighed me down,
Flow down just to combine into a water body.
But I'm still left with a part of me,
That made me certain of my eternity.

Of late
I feel
jealous of losing
my girlfriend
a dream
She and new boyfriend
sitting on the park bench
laughing loud...
I carring a rod and
about to hit him
he turned back
I shocked
that's me...

Tears and sobs
Turns into smiles and laughs

Emptiness
Turns into a feeling wanted

Isolation
Turns into carring

Some much change
One way or the other

Love to heartache
Friends to strangers

Alone once more
And not sure what to do

I can message who ever I want
But does the knowledge help

When I don't want anyone
But the one I lost?

THE ROAD IS BROKEN NO TIME TO FIX
IT WAS HI SHE CHOOSE THROUGH THE PICK U SIXX

TUFF CROWN THINKING THERE MUSIC WAS THICK
EVERY INCHPOCKET TOUCH GROOVY WHEN THEY MADE IT RICH

WEALTH F PEACE PASSAGE OF TIME HAS NO COUNTY IM BACK FROM MINE

ALPHA THE OMEGHA THE ONE KNOWING THE ROAD
THE RIDICULED THE SMACKED THE ONES CARRING ALIENATION PRIDE

TIDE CONFIDE SEEK THEN HIDE
WATER THE ROSES THEN USE SHAMES BEAR HIDE