Our bare, brief escape begins at the dance.
Steaming, smoking animals moving chance
that this ***** dancehall can yield loving.
Drug crazed pickers rev up their machined
Six string-ed orchestral Gibson guitars;
Yow! All the hipsters are making the scene
just now arrived in their late models cars.
Adults aping adolescents boldy down
drinks, belch bad beer and sweetly perspire
while you seething, hot and so sensuous
put my hand to your breast showing your fire.
Baby let's dance! Let's have our fun!!
Our brief escape has just begun.

Dear Black Men,
They have been throwing you away like a trash can.
Never to Understand
That you have value, and for your life God has designed a plan.
So Here I am with you, Side by side I place my hands, in your rough, calloused, laboring hands.
Merging together in solidarity just as a musical band.
As you are Always being placed under Servere Scrutiny
At this moment I stand with you declaring that we start speaking the healing language of unity.
Or This will be The End of Our Community.
Before our Village becomes Extinct
within a moments notice like the eyes that blink.
Removing The hate from our heart and brain that have formed into a kink
like the negative thoughts that we think
Overwhelming the mind drowning only to sink.
They are an Important asset to the family  just as the body needs Zinc.
They're An Esstenial Mineral.
Yet you label them as a Criminal, Cynical, Miserable, Pitiful,
A Creature deemed Unforgivable,
But if you look beyond the attributes of the physical
Take a glace At the mental and spiritual temple.
Resting inside is Gods Love that's Unconditional.
Then is when you will see what I see  Indispensable Individuals; Descendents From Israel.
Does the pigment of thier skin disqualifies him as being equal?
Is this Prince of Egypt's Sequel?
Or maybe its the fact that These Men are  Gods Royal people.

And Still you label them a Negros.
But when thier Tribe looks at them we See A heros.
Trying to lead thier people to the mental state of freedom just Moses did In Exodus from Pharoh.
If only it were that simple
To see inside The temple's window
You would see souls so beautiful.
conscious men awoken to what thier mind and innermen has come to know
Or hearts so rare its special.
And Like A super Moon painted on the black sky thier spirits will glow.

They are kings whom are kind and gracious.
Like a lion's Roar thier Words Are Boldy spoken into the atmosphere and Audacious
Their presences is contagious
Their spirit his courageous.

They are men whos wife and children watch intentively and admire.
They are the household provider.
In their minds he sparks a fire
A flame That Inspires.

He's The The soul that lives within.
Their Maghony skin has been dipped into Hersheys Rich Chocolate Melanin
Thier Deep Voice sounds like A roar from Lions Den , Vigorous and Masculine.
They are powerful like strength and of A thousand men.
Thier smile is as bright as the Radient sun warm and Golden.
From what Cloth was these men woven
that such a men of thier statue has not only been called but also chosen.
Theres something they are Beholding
They are just as a campfire in the blackness of the night glowin.

They are men of color
They are the cover for thier lover
They are My brothers from other mothers.

To The Blackwoman they are our
Batmen, Supermen, Ironmen, Tarzan, Patrolmen, repairmen, handymen, guardsmen, Businessmen and Gentlemen.
And We are your support system, your biggest fans.

You all are The craftmanship of The Most High's hand.
Constructed from the dust of the ground on which we stand.
Mixed with breathe of Life created a human being who bare feet ran,
feeling the warmth from the grains of sand, As he Walked among the surface of the land.
Adam, the Earths first black man.

I Wrote this to let you know we value you My Dear Black Man.

I breathe in.
I feel love and tears of joy.
I breathe out.
I cry, I laugh; The world is but a toy.

I breathe in.
I’m curious;
Just a fish looking at the hook.
I breathe out.
I want it all;
I search, I seek, I look.

I breathe in.
The river of woe,
with no warning does flow.
I breathe out.
Dissapointed and confused,
I boldy look for the More.

I breathe in.
Down and up and up and down,
I am still standing.
I breathe out.
Now I know,
that I know nothing.

I breathe in.
I passed the test;
I found love, made it work.
I breathe out.
I’m just glad that there still is road.

I breathe in.
The road does have holes;
That’s how it is, we are just in our roles.
I breathe out.
One day it will be past,
I am true, so it can last.

I breathe in.
I found my soul.
I breathe out.
I find that all we need is just in the plain and small.

I breathe in.
I get my love, I set sail.
I breathe out.
Oh, I have not a single regret.

I breathe in.
The time has passed, only memories are left.
I breathe out.
No more I move, no more I have breath.

Me and Jagged Teeth usually dont take this path, but , it was an unusually hot day.
The shadows from the trees grew thick expelling most of the heat
She always had badluck , tripping on her own shoelaces , getting caught in every mischeveaous
act and even biting her own tongue as she spoke. there was a day unlike this one where she claimed dominion over
the forest we walked, only for  her to fall face flat from her throne , a trunk cleaved by lightning it seems,
and chipping her tooth on a very vicious rock.
forever since that day i've called her Jagged Teeth
"there it is" she spoke pointing towards the middle of the path.
A large filter of light from the sky fell upon the center ,
the sun seemed to have chosen this one spot where it would torture the wood.
"this is where the heart is"
she whispered. "they say if you make a wish here in the sunlight..."
"Who cares!!!" I yelled. It was beutiful enough without all of her fairy tales.
Never had i seen nature at peace with itself in such a way... No sound would echo
through except the chirping from the crickets and the buzzing from the gnats.
They did not swarm here or attack...Nature was at peace with herself.
"You dont belive me?" Jagged remarked
obviously not, i thought to myself . "How would she know"
"I'll show you then"
over where a patch of
flowers were swaying in the breeze she stumbled over a vine,
turning, to me and giggling at herself,
peculiar enough the flowers were taller than us
She moved them aside crawling on the soft
bed laden with petals and worms and other beuteous things.
She swept away some soil and dug her hand underneath  
and up she pulled a small white daisy, roots and all...She looked me in the eye
"Quick!, Before it dies"!!!
She bolts back out of the thicket of flowers i
stayed confused at how she knew so much about this,
from the corner of my eye , where she picked her treasue
a small snakes head rose up from the soil...
"Hurry" she exclaimed  i ran to her. "There was a-"
"SHH!"
Just watch!
slowly she walks to the heart of this  Oasis and holds the flower at eye level. Slowly picking each petal one after the other ...
"so what " I thought but then, the petals flitted in the wind like a tornado was around them and each white petal
burst with color into butterflies one red, one green, one blue, one yellow , one black and one white
They flew around us growing larger and larger until they burst into hundreds,
flew up into the sunlight and exploded into petals each a color of those butterflies
I could only smile. Magic before my eyes and Jagged was the one to show me.
"How did you know of this place, Jagged?"
she skipped towards me and smiled. " I saw it in my dreams." She explained "BUt hurry before the sun goes down!!!!" "Make your wish!!"
Excited i ran towards the flowers taller than my head. Leaping i fell on the bed to my knees and reached deep through
the soil of this hallowed ground. I felt the emptiness
of this space and reached deeper my hand grazed something soft and i grabbed and pulled it out
A low hiss and a stinging sensation was on my hand. "Benjamin!!!" cried Jagged
but before i could turn to her i fell darkness came over me like a thick shadow...
As Benjamin fell Jagged caught him in her arms he convulses and shivers.
"Help!" She Cried and begged and pleaded
"Help, I dont want him to-"
"Die?" muttered a soft deep voice
"N-No...I do'nt...Where are you??"
"Beneath you." It hissed and from below the snake transformed into a figure reminiscent of a human in a dark robe it dressed and spoke softly,confidently and quietly.
"What did you think the price of the young life you took was?"
"Young life?" she queried. "The Daisy...But i didnt know!!"
"NO ONE EVER KNOWS!! They Come and mutilate and ravage this land like savages and expect no retribution!!" He booms causing the infinite chirp of the crickets to cease, the sun to sink lower and the flowers wither deep into their bed.
Jagged Teeth cowered before it crying and sobbing silently , gripping Ben tighter.
"But I'm sorry..."
"Sorry will NOT bring back the life you took selfishly ,Child...Now leave him here, the poison in his veins will soon end him leaving  him to become part of the Oasis..."
"No!!!"she cried
"YES!"Declared the spectre
"Now leave this place, and the LIFE that is the cost..."
"Take me instead!" She begged
I've already done this deed little one. I cannot reverse this..."
"You lie!.." she retorted "If this wood can grant wishes I'm sure you could..."
The shadow leaned towards her Smiling widely, grimacing its teeth blindingly white but eye deep and black.
"You would give your life for his and the little sprite you took?"
She kisses benjamin on the forehead and lays him gently on the bed of the forest.
Standing sloely looking it boldy in the eyes;
"Yes..."
"FINE!" it hissed
Spininning the spectre turns bright white  and consumes Jagged Teeth...
*
"B e n j a m i n..."
I turn to see Jagged standing in the middle of the Oasis.
"J a g g e d!" I yelled runningtowards her.
I see behind her a figure ghastly grinning with darkened features...
I reach out towards  her and so does she.
The ground, thick like mud slowing me with every step. On my arm is a grasp cold and sharp. The figure is clutching
my wrist behind me but i keep running, the closer we get more of the spectres appear...closer and closer...until everything is black. The spectres ooze black liquid and i scratch to reach above them. I see Jaggeds limp hand and before i can clasp it in mine we are swept away by the black mass of the river...
"Jagged Teeth!"
I lurch forward and scream.
The room i awake in is white and a loud beep is blipping in and out. The door slams open
"Ben, Sweety its ok it was just a bad dream!"
"Where is  she mom, Where is Jagged!"
"Honey, Who?" she replied
My heart sinks into my chest and my head into her *****...
-
Behind her she closes the door. She did her best to calm him but he still seemed restless,distant even.
What was this Jagged toothed monster that haunted his dreams?
She motions herself around the corner and she sees through the window where her son is resting. The doctor is standing there looking confused with his charts mumbling about anomalies and other inconsistent data.

"Will he be ok?" asked bens mother
"Yes, But he seems rather Dillusional.."remarks the physician
"Its an act of God that we found him in time, the poison he was subjected to was more than three times the fatal dose...."
Bens mother clasps her purse and reaches into it to pull out a cigarette.
"Thank you doctor..."
She lights her cigarette and inhals the white fumes.
"When can we go home?"
"Well lets run a few more tests, I want to make sure he is ok, Physicallly and Emotionally."
"I understand.." She exhales violently
"Where was he found if you dont mind me asking...?"
"He was outside of the Forest, Hell i didnt know he was the adventuroud type...Hell inever even Knew that place existed until now..."
She drags one last time on her cigarette before ashing it in her hand
"Looks like he's been through hell."

I boldly laugh at darkness
Boldy it laughs at me
In the black of
sparking
silver
moonbeams
I have seen the moth kiss
I have seen it kiss
the naked
bulb

If it rains
Tonight I know you will think-of-me
I used to smile in the dark
When you whispered in the rain
Your eyes were shining
bottle caps
in the passenger seat

the moon
is closed in dark clouds
Soaking feet in our shoes
The rain falls on the roof so loud
I feel it in my head

but you ask to be held


I would smile when you looked and said
"Do you think it's funny how the rain kisses my skin"
and I would answer slowly

and you asked to be held

Put me in a cage,
and I'll fly away
Put me in an aquarium,
and I'll swim out to the seas
Put me in the wilderness,
and I'll find my way back home

I've had dreams
Many never came to reality
I have failed
with the world, have dropped it like a ball,
turned directions until I was dizzy
to try another and another and another
way that never seemed to work

But I cannot give up
and cannot find any more roads
in a cage,
an aquarium,
or the wilderness

God has not forsaken His children
though we may endures such places,
but I venture to say that He gives us
a way out of any snare
that man has designed

I've got a song in my heart
I've got a place to go
no matter how shut off the world can be
God gives me melody beyond measure
Yes, I can go on!
Yet I need not convince anyone
but myself of this truth

Although I nearly lost the will
to experience God's joys at all,
I boldy answer the challenging call,
spanning the skies
that once looked threatening,
swimming the ocean blue
that once engulfed me in fear
traveling through the wilderness
that seemed never ending

Yes, I trekked afoot far and wide
just to hear a pleasant voice again,
and to find mine

If you listen
you can hear what I say
with the stroke of my pen,
although you detect
not a sound

I've got a song in my heart
that will not go away
and keeps me
moving on

Peace on your head,
Brother
I Love you.
We Love you.
PEACE


















YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID.
WITHOUT HIM I WOULD BE DEAD
nah
No im not deaf
Place treble cleff
Im not the best but one day I hope to be the best that I can be. That we can be, be free. NO SEE we are one and of one blood you YOU HERE ME SON said we are one we ONE STAR the son  we need the blood I see the son  BLINDING EYES im fighting lies
inside my mind i hide the blind. Like playing poker but the river is only mine imtryin to find;
A doubtfull shadow in a drought over overexposure in a year boutes
ROUND 1
HERE ME CLEARY  MY SON
ears and eyes can be numb
Steady ******* my thumb
Heres the truck and it runs
Spill my ill from this quill bleed a vision
Instill?
Piledrive at the mill
Robots is Optomis drilled
Pills and pharmacists ****
Im just a kid when it comes to this
But poetry is this is
Hope you dont miss this
TWIST IT UP IF YOU WANT
To do it thru it we **** hate
And Love is my median
No not a comedian
Just meditate
I see a dream and it's color blind
I said the gun is thiers and im right
We SOLD YOU RIGHT!?

IM COLD AS ICE.
but hold it tight.
I speak too boldy right.
Seams white is not the light?
Mold me and soul the frieght
GHOST IS A SOLDIER NIGHT
hahha ^-^
                          **hahha love ya Brother

Boldy,
That bird sings joy
And hammers out his songs
In quiet’s place; brave airs before
Nightfall.

'Here lies that sad girl and her scars'
Those words hovered over my head.
I giggled slightly,
Sick to my stomach.
Lumps upon lumps form in my throat.
As I welcome euphoria, my friend!

'Here lies that sad girl and her scars'
Sick thoughts, don't you think?
Oh! What do you care!
I'm falling in a blink.

At that moment,
I remembered the girl,
With big eyes and concern on her face.


What's that on your arm?

                  mind your ******* business

Oh it's nothing…

Huh?

I was just drawing on my hand with a really sharp (razor) pen and I didn't notice…

Oh wow that's so weird

                                       You have no idea


I wonder if she saw the words on my arm…
Ha! Yes! You guessed it!
As cheesy I can be,
'HELP ME' was carved, quite boldy on my skin.

The girl made me think...
You,
Weird,
Sick,
****.
Why won't you STOP?

So here I lay,
Dipped in ink,
Stripped and bleak.
Worried my shirt might get ruined, ****!

'Here lies that sad girl and her scars'
Watch her as she shivers.
Her friend has gone away.
Who is here to stay?

See her as she walks,
Even The manner in which she talks.
She walks boldy with confidence.
She walks awoken with consciousness.
She walks with her head held high as she looks upon Her Father in the heavenly sky.
As she walks by they get one glance into her eyes.
Something that is so unexplainable that they can't began to Identify.
Something that they cant seem to recognize
Its something thats catches them by surprise.
No man can touch the flourishing fruit her of tree.
Its something in her that even a blind man can see.
How is it that she walks and smiles with such glee?
She walks humbly and gracefully.
She walks shamelessly and Courageously.
For She walks Daily faithfully and gratefully with the Almighty.
It happened the day He waited for her so patiently
She came to him on her bending knee to taste The greatness of thee.
His prescence became so contagious
That In her life she made many of changes.
She sought his face Tenaciously
Now In her heart is his place of residency.
Thats why when she walks its as if shes floating so heavenly.
You are seeing the Glowing of Her fathers Spirit overflowing from her majestically.

A reel removed itself
From the moving pictures
Watching itself
**** and naked

What have I done
With the body that God gave me?
What have I done
With the son that mom made me?

Trailing trite through that summer night
He made his way to a river bend
Taking himself close and ever so tight
He wrote a letter that he never did send

The moonlight hit his body boldy
In the heat of that long summer night
There were passerby's that watched this poor man sizzlin'
Shouting and screaming that he never would have been existing

At long last the mirror of his mind
Evaported into an unknown unseeing universal sign
At long last the sands of past sins
Had been past to accept its final rhyme

Mystery movements memorize motor molecules
Mirroring mechanisms matching men mutually
Member music Maybelline May?
Member music Maybelline May back in May?

She payed with nothing
Yet gave me everything
She payed no not a quarter
But left me
Oh so *******' distorted

Fact is stranger than fiction.
Quentin sits for days trying to think of a plot,
As dazed and twisted as his.
And should the Tiger King take Quentin under his wing,
I am sure that Quentin's mouth will be searching for teeth.
(but then again, don't you think Quentin is a tad bit
old?)
Benevolent monarch, with peasants made of fur.
Boldy he strays upon a kingdom never his.
And the peasants,
They have no choice
Have no voice,
Nothing but the strength to look the Tiger King's
Advisor in the eye
as they say
"Goodbye".

tonight
i think of love as
a quiet cloud of
cigarette smoke sneaks in
through my
bedroom window.

when i say i love you
to my friend
it means my voice on
the other end of the phone
when the shadows from your head
are now dancing on your walls,
and i will talk you through
the revelation that fear and awe
are not far off.
it means i will accept
the weight you throw onto my shoulders, gladly,
when it gets too much to bear.

when i say i love you
to my family
it means mountains
and oceans and
existential planes
cannot separate us.
it means state lines
may exist on maps,
but my love will cross boldy,
any border.
it means you are my home.

when i say i love you to her
it means being buried alive
underneath layers of
frantic heartbeats,
bedsheets,
and a love that transcends love
and becomes one single
shared breath
inhaling late night epiphanies
and coughing out
paper hearts.

i love you in very much
the same way the stars shine for the earth, the way the oceans gently kiss the shore

the way smoke sneaks in through a bedroom window

On my knees, I kneel.
I beg for compassion.
........ Because......
To love is to forgive.
To forgive is to love.
To forgive is divine.
To error is human.

Don't deny the fulfillment of God's law.
love isn't optional but God's command.
And forgiveness is Godly.
Please forgive me, come back home.

Our home has turned into a house.
It's cold, please come back.
Come back and make it warm.
Please come back to restore this home.
Forgiveness is the final form of love.

Forgiving won't change the past.
But can change our future.
Please forgive me, take my hand, let's boldy face the future till death do us part.

After all, in the words of Bishop T. D. Jakes: "love is union of two great forgivers not lovers"

All those subtle acts
Random as they might be
Carefully thought out
Remember DO's and DONT's
All the while portraying
With rainbow flags
Neon strobes
Megaphone so loud
You don't hear it
You literally see it
The feelings I have for you
Unreciprocated
Never demanded payback
Even when I tell myself
Just forget it all
Everything that has YOU
Graffiti carved into it
You manage to stay
Like an obedient dog
To a foreign owner
My commands and desires
Have no interest in listening
I watch you smile
Hold back tears
Deny depression
Hope and pray
For the exact outcome
I treasure in dreams
Only difference is
I'm not in yours
Notoriously I'll settle
Eventually in that specific
Happy little home
You made for me
In your life
As a dear friend
With all intentions
Of placing me on a shelf
Forgetting I exists
Similar to children's dolls
If I were to become inanimate
I'd surely collect dust
All effort to keep me
In the forefront of temporal lobes
You wouldn't even use
If I didn't chisel a smile
On your statue expression
Keen on not letting the world see
That very human little girl
Who only wants what she wants
Love and affection
Attention and devotion
Not placed on a pedestal
Merely elegantly placed
To surely be noticed first
If only you knew
What I keep hidden from you
Maybe you do
Then I'm just a fool
Either way it goes it seems
I don't have stupid
On my forehead
But undoubtedly it's stamped
Ever so boldy
Across my ***
*****
For patiently waiting
In a line to a buffet
Closed down for so long
Dying of starvation
Knowing no other place
Will be as enjoyable
As the one I dined at
That one time
So long ago
If you knew
If you really knew
That I don't just love you
My heart idolizes you
You captivated me
Far beyond comprehension
That it irates me
I can't figure out
Exactly why I'm stuck
Feeling this way
You're my sun
Keeping my earth in orbit
Till your light switch
Starts being played with
Disconnecting me from you
Leaving me awaiting
A black hole
You pull me away from
Just as I'm about to dive in
If I could erase you
From my heart I would
Just so you could chase
All the happiness
You may or may not find
While I chased nothing
Expecting nothing to come
From every little bit of something
Knowing, if you knew
How I really felt
You'd be lost right with me
Sipping depression
On anxiety front property
Stranded on an overpopulated island
To loneliness instead
Where unmet hopes
Grow like weeds
Often used as kindling
For a fire to get through the day
So tell me now
Do you really want to know me
Black box warning label
How I feel comes as a side effect
I guarantee you don't
I'd advise not
Then you'll have to face
How you really feel
Trying to juggle
What you want
With what you need
And what you have
So whatever you do
I ask at least
Turn the magnet off
That way rust can finally
Consume my iron heart
Unbending in it's unwavering decision
To love you and only you
With little to no interest
In potential relationships
Or ****** fulfilment
All I need is your smile
And I have everything
So if you didn't
Maybe you do now
Maybe you won't ever
Depending on if I ever
Convince myself to try
Attempting for you to know
So I'll know
What I need to know
To just close this chapter
I've been rereading
Since the day I met you

here, I can wash away
my pain, my fear
they were never meant to stay

I speak to the universe
in thanks, but hardly pray
here, I can whisper boldy
and write what I dear not say

Feb 7, 1975*

Yes the room is still in order with the windows dressed in lace
And the bed is in the corner but it’s cold and gone to waste
The stereo’s playing music but the words are in bad taste
And everywhere I care to look your love has left its trace
From poetry and story books to lines upon my face
Its memory builds from empty air and breeds in every space

The room now seems so empty or has it always been this way?
At the time it always seems so real but in the end it's hard to say
Your tears left on the pillow have dried and left a stain
As if the bed is saying where you will not lay again

Your picture has been broken by some fool in his rage
The glass is cracked and shattered but the picture's still the same
It lays there now so boldy with a smile still on its face
Staring up so openly that I can't turn away

The windows too are waiting for you to gently close the drapes
And the dust has falling everywhere like a dry unyielding rain
And in sadness now I must leave this room where sorrows has its reign
And move into another world where death has no domain

James H. Webb

Our flag waves boldy from day to day. A sign of freedom that hasn't been taken away.
It flies high to remind us of sacrifice, unity and pride. Its a symbol we have to remember those who still fight as well as those who died.
Our country is not perfect and it never will be. But the American flag will always be a sight I'm proud to see.

september came and went
and the dew fall
steady fell to the
wilted blades of
grass - to mimic
my soul sinking
under the
season's change

i give praise to
the weather
as it so confidently
shift-shapes - boldy
and on time - as
i whisper jealous
praise toward
its consistency

while i know it
is reliable and approaching
i still wish the planet
would coddle me
and defy its
punctual drift
to make me feel like
i am caught up with
where i desired to be by now

maybe if it did i would
feel less guilty for not moving
forward with it

but

september came and went
and while my body is still
in season my heart is left
in the warmth of june

my fingers are
still absorbing the
heat from the sun
as it solemnly
waves goodbye
and fearlessly falls
away - i tell september
not to wait for me this time

ill catch up next year

None, So Boldy Beautiful As The Flowering of Ideas
Several Miles From The Coast Of Home I Wildly Roam
Showering the Epitome of Lonliness In Picturesque Photography
Can The Endless Rivers End?
Oh, Let Them End For Me.

Forebearing The Path I Walk Is Littered With Consequences
Should I Take a Little Longer To Stare Out At The Sea?
Someone Save The Rope To Pull  A Heavy Weight Behind
I Catch A Glimmer In The Distance
Abstract Personnification Of What Life Means To Me

Another creepy man
defending another
projecting their narratives
to erase the other
Especially if the other
is coming from a woman's lips
How dare you speak boldy!
someone shut her up with a kiss!
How dare you speak shamelessly
about the men who made you feel unsafe
How dare you turn a scary thing
into something with a funny face
I don't need to prove to you or any man
that where I belong is my current space.
And I will continue to take it up!
If you're thirsty, grab a sippy cup
grow the **** up

IF YOUD STOP THINKING ABOUT THE OTHER ONE AND FOCUS ON LETTING THE ONE YOU ARE IN, IN THE NOW TAKE ITS PLACE ITS PLACE AND COMPLETE ITS UNKNOWN OR UNCOMFORTABLE PURPOSE IN YOU, YOUD UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT THEY BOTH ARE. JUST BECAUSE IT IS NEGATIVE OR A BAD EXPERIENECE DOES NOT MAKE IT ITS DUTY IN YOUR LIFE ANY LESS IMPORTANT, OR A WASTE OF TIME. I BELIEVE WE GROW THE MOST AND RICHEST FROM THE MOMENTS WE DREAD AND DENY AND PRETEND THEY ARENT THERE. SUPRESS, DRINK…SMOKE…IGNORE THE FEELING…DOES NOT DILUTE IT, IT JUST MAKES YOU LESS AWARE OF THE CHANGE THAT’S HAPPENING WITHIN YOU, WHICH IS SAD IN A WAY BECAUSE YOU KIND OF MISS OUT ON YOURSELF. THOSE ARE SPECIAL MOMENTS, THE HEAVY DARK AND DEPRESSING MOMENTS ARE ONLY YOURS, WE EXPRESS AND UNDERSTAND IT AS LONELINESS, “NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT IM GOING THROUGH” WE CRY..JUST THE WAY WE TRY STAY POSITIVE WHEN FEELING NEGATIVE , SO SHOULD WE GIVE THE NEGATIVE A CHANCE SO WE FIND THE POSITIVE….SO WE ARE PREPARED FOR THE SUCCESS COMING…ITS YOUR JOURNEY, NO ONE ELSES, WORK ON ENJOYING THE WALK ALONE. THE COMPANY YOU MEET IN YOURSELF COULD BE THE BEST YOU’VE EVER EXPERIENCED…YOU SHOULD KNOW PAIN. IM STILL TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT MYSELF, WHAT I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED IS EMBRACING IT, ACCEPTING IT AND ALLOWING MYSELF TO FEEL. THAT’S WHY I WRITE AND SING AND  SMOKE BEAUTIFUL JOINTS. THE SEEDS ARE SEEN BY MY BLOOD SHOT RED, SWOLLEN, BLURY EYES….SPECITALS, LOL..AND ROLLED SO GENTLY AND LADY LIKE BY MY SHAKEY SKINNY FINGERED HANDS…THOUGH IN PAIN I CAN WRITE, SING…THINK, DREAM…I AM NOT AFRAID OF PAIN, THIS FEELING COMES RARELY…MOST OF THE TIME, I AVOID IT OR TRY KEEP MYSELF AWAY FROM IT EVEN THOUGH I DON’T KNOW HOW IT WILL COME, WHEN WILL IT COME AND WHAT IT MIGHT MAKE ME FEEL INCASE IT EVER DOES…LOL! CONTROLLING WHAT YOU CANNOT ….A MOMENT THAT YOU CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IS ONE YOU TRY PREPARE FOR THE MOST BUT WHY THOUGH?
I CAN BOLDY ACCEPT THAT IT IS COMING, I UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. I REFUSE TO WAIT OR PREPARE FOR IT BECAUSE ILL NEVER BE SAVED FROM IT BY DOING SO, MY PREPARATIONS ARE NOTHING BUT AN EMPTY USELESS, TIME GONE….WASTED. I CHOOSE TO DO OTHER THINGS SO I HAVE SPACE TO LET THE PAINFULL MOMENTS IN LIFE COME THROUGH AND NATURALLY TAKE COURSE LIKE EVERY OTHER EXPERIENCE IN MY LIFE.

I watch the mallard ducks, tundra swan, and other waterfowl swim in circles, close to the spring-fed river where the ice, which has steadily swallowed the entirety of the lake, hasn't yet touched. The birds, presumably, are dipping and diving for food before the last moments of daylight slip away. Evening is rolling in and the sun glints across the mountains in the distance, stirring a sense of presence from deep within me. I catch my breath and watch the trail it leaves in the frigid air. It's been awhile since I've written anything. Staring upon blank pages wondering why what was once so easy has become an insurmountable task. I have come to see how writing is an act of love and to be honest I've been out of love with parts of the world. Avoiding my own feelings of discomfort and dismay. Time spent driving through towns which edge highway after highway. Who are the people who live here, what are their stories? Thoughts ramble and race from within me. My curiosity itches. My heart feels a longing sense of compassion for these broken towns. For the stories which have ended up unfinished, discarded like novels lacking the soul moving momentum to make it beyond the gas station book aisle. In the orange light I see billows of smoke rising, hollow faces trudging to the outskirts of town. I see a man crumpled over a grocery cart of bottles to the side of the highway. He is on a sort of mission, where that is to, I wonder. Perhaps another unfinished novel. I think about him and his life story, about the generations of him. I wonder how his hands look or how his feet feel walking day after day bent forward like that. I ache trying to put myself in his shoes.
I have been avoiding my feelings, I have been wanting to paint pictures that cover it all up and put roses boldy over the hurt. I want to accept that this is just part of life. Ever so often though my feelings seep in too deep and I can no longer withhold the barriers to my own truth. I imagine the children of these broken towns and I wonder where their dreams go. Zipping past a world of T.V's and fast food diets, cigarettes and flashing motels. Sometimes I can not turn off the faucet of my emotions and so with a sinking heart I watch the smoke of industry billow.
My mind creates stories of the place this used to be. Maybe it was once like the lake I sit at now, where aspen and willow softly dance together, where the thrush and fowl chirp with hope of a coming springtime. Ponderosa pine stands tall and mighty, and at her base the tracks of fox, deer, and rabbit may be found.
I marvel at the utter magnificence of creation, the perfection of the pink alpine sunset softly wrapping around me, the silence of winter where deep below the surface life secretly brews.
I do not know what to make of these stark differences in creation but I am grateful for the poetry woven into it all, even the poetry in the pain.
Passing through yet another bleak roadside attraction in the long winding night of echoes. I can't help but allow my mind to race and ramble itself upward and away, just like the billowing factory smoke, steadily rising into the crisp and starry night sky.