This mess of thoughts
too many to bare
Don't even look at me, if you're gonna stare!
See what I'm doing right for a change
I wish...
Told my mom its been like 10 years
Please let me grow
have faith, not fear
Sometimes I cry because I am judged SOOOO much
Get Up, wipe away your tears!
You started this Kristy, noone else to blame
This endless cycle that nobody can tame
not even meditation, medication
I know that's not right
2 appointments today, lets get this **** right!
Mom said start making a list
even my lists are manic or I lose them...
Wish me luck for I'm on the edge
If I can step back, I might get to LIVE

Kristy Robertson
6/12/2020

So, I met a cool bartender, her name is Megan
She's good people, even when I'm beggin
For a free shot, a free beer, her phone number...
She won't give it to me and that's a ******
She looks kinda like Pink but even more HOTTT
And because of her, this bar is my new favorite spot!

Megan always gives me attitude, but it's just her way...
Of saying keep dreaming girl, "I'm not gay!"
I do think she would make a real good friend,
and someone that I would stick by til the end

Megan did almost warm me about this slutty girl
When I look at Sara now it makes me want to hurl
She went home with 4 people in a week, not including me
(Megan said she almost warned me, but didn't think it was her place to say)
I guess I can see why, this girl claimed she wasn't even gay!
I just hope I didn't catch something from this *****
If I did, it's gonna be on , like a light switch!

I told Megan that is so not my style
I don't know why I am going so wild
Sara kept touching me and I told her to stay away,
So Megan helped get her off me...
And I need to tell her thanks for that, if I may!
I know I say this every other day,
I guess it's just e coping; it's just my way
But I definitely learned this time!
and now I think I'm done with this little rhyme

I see your true colors pouring down
I seeked answers, and the worst I found
I’m running fast, but my feet are on the ground
Don’t you dare try to make me look like a clown
I know your game and I’m tired of it
And I won’t get over it in a bit,
nope not ever
You got the wrong ******* this one, this time
Different time, different mind
It’s not that hard, just be kind
And this is the reason I have to be done
It’s hard, but I know it’s what I need to do
This is Goodbye forever, this time
ALL IT TOOK WAS A HURRICANE

She says I’m just a distraction (referring to herself)
This is simply not true
If I ever had you in my life I’d make **** sure to never lose you!
I’d do anything in my power to make all of your dreams come true!

It makes me happy to think of breathing your air
And it kills me that someone else gets to, just seems unfair!
We argue because passion is soooo strong
When we are not seeing eye to eye, we both say we don’t care..
We distance ourselves when it becomes too much to bare!

Fatal Attraction... Some Say

I dream of feeling your embrace after a long day
I’d truly sit and listen to every word you had to say!
I just want to hear about your day!
We have gone years without as much as a greeting
But when we do meet, my heart can’t stop beating
Out of my chest... so many thoughts..
Now I’m a MESS
What are you thinking? No clue...
Do I have to guess???

Fatal Attraction ... some say

Doesn’t really matter how it started
I’m sure we’re both stronger for it now,
at this Point!
You say it’s hard to build something that starts out like that
0 to 60 in 2 seconds flat!
You say you fee like you just walked out of the twilight zone
What does that even mean? Is your mind blown?! 🤯

I’ve never loved anyone how I loved you!
You already used to help when I was feeling blue
Just talking to you instantly puts me in a better mood
And when I can’t I feel like I’m about to come unglued

Fatal Attraction... Some Say

How many times do we try to walk away?!
But in the end we will never stray

It doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks
In life, people judge no matter what
Like you are the patient and they are your shrink

that REALLY stinks!!! 😷

But sometimes I think “they” are ALL wrong?!
We would build together, our bond is soooo  strong 💪

Be honest with yourself (for a change)
Please come back to me and stay
It’s always been you!

My one ☝️ true love 💕
You love me and I love you more!
Why don’t you think we deserve each other... we would NEVER get bored

Fatal Attraction, some say...

She’s my light, my sun ☀️, my moon 🌚
Makes me want to shine bright 💡

But she’s happy being “content”
I was too, until we met
Or hung out I should say
Before that one night I didn’t even know your name

Fatal Attraction? ...
No, SOULMATE

Please give me a chance,
Let’s have our 1st date!!!

Love is a strong emotion, so is hate!
That’s why it can be hard to find in between

I want to find “in between” with you
Let’s get together, make some food!

Walk, talk, be goofy and spontaneous like us!
When we were together it was toxic
But it’s been a LONG time and I think we have both grown

Let’s leave the past in the past
Start new and see ...
What our friendship could really be!!!

My best friends name is Lindsay
We like to go and dance
I specialize in the drunken techno prance
Dancing to la la la la la/ la la la la la/ la de da da da
A random guys says and I quote, "Shake what you mamma give ya!"
That's so funny ****...
And makes you want to do anything but sit!
We got to go in VIP- up above
DJ Caffeine was up there and the captain of love
He lives to say "make some noise motha *****'s" A LOT
He can't think of anything else to say when put on the spot
Loverboy is a very ugly guy
When you look at him it makes you want to cry!
The girls in the thong contest were *****,
but they bared all on stage, which took some guts
The place was surrounded with Russians and Hicks,
But I did learn some new glow stick tricks!
Lindsay had three...and was almost gone...
Like a switch it turned dance mode on!
The drink of choice was *** On The Beach
But that ugly guy was such a leech
That guy was such a bisnatch
That was all up in my motha f'n bis-nass
We owned the stage for half the show
surrounded by objects that glow
"Mind distortion was the name of the thing,
And when we left Lindsay got asked to be a model for a magazine!
She said all she wants to do is sleep
Cuz the guy kinda looked like a creep
So we went back to Jamie's apartment and slept on the floor
up eight hours later and out the door
We decided to go shopping,
But once we started we felt like dropping
Me,Merri Lindsay and Jimb went to a party when we got home
I got really drunk, and really ******
I got to talk to a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while;
I was so happy all I did was SMILE
Lindsay was sad, so I hugged her a lot
It seemed like the right thing to do at that stroke of the clock!
Jesse's dad came out in his whity tighties and said "f'n leave!"
That was the funniest moment of the night, I do believe!
Tim had a party too, but nobody went
By the time we left Lowell, we were all spent
So our weekend turned out to be really fun
And now I think this poem is done!

I've been running so fast, and I need to slow down
Before my whole word comes crashing down!

I've already hit the ground, but I got back up
And I'm ready to go another round!

Found out today it's a miracle I'm here
Now everthing that was blurry, seems so clear!

I couldn't have asked for better family and friends,
And I can't believe I wanted to call it the END!

4/26/10

Its nice 2 have someone to care.
You don't just find that anywhere.
You are so kind and sweet,
God meant 4 us 2 meet,
at this moment and time,
and 4 us 2 share our little rhymes.
We will see each other again and when we don't you will always be my friend.
I feel your soul when you speak,
don't hesitate to call if you are feeling weak.
I will be there for you,
for you are one of the many few,
who accepted me for me and
who understands how people really need to be.

Went to Carbondale to save my friend,
That was the night my life almost came to an end!

Pretty sure my kids saved my life, thank God they were there,
Pulled up to the wrong trailer and almost got shot, now that wasn't fair!

The ***** said get of my f...ing property and I asked if she knew where Kane stayed.
***** said no, so I called him and prayed!

Thank God he answered the phone, that probably helped too
When I got there Lizzy was passed out drunk and that kinda blew!

I realize it was the middle of the night,
But I had to save Lizzy, just knew it was right!

She was out and my kids wide awake,
The next day was fun, we went to the lake!

Southern Illinois is a beautiful place,
But everyone there is crazy and I knew I needed to return to my home base!

Brayden played the bongos and Karissa the tamborine,
Lizzy was so impressed, she gave them a large cuisine!

Brayden was such a mess,
I wondered why I even got him dressed!

We went to the castle park, that was cool though,
Both of my kids were just like "Woah!"

It was good to get back,
And out of that ghetto shack!

I like taking them on adventures,
And I hope they will always remember!

I can't explain where we are
But I could see this going far

I can't explain how we got here
But I know it wasn't just the BEER

It SHOULD feel wrong, but it feels soooo RIGHT
And giving it up would be a LOST flight

I think I would find my way back
Because being with you would be something I lacked

Now that I KNOW, I can't pull myself away
And if you want me, I am here to stay

Just know that I care
and want to SNUGGLE like a teddy bear

Not that they snuggle, but they FEEL nice
So do YOU, that's why I am not taking anyone's advice

When I'm "with you", it's a feeling I can't explain
And when you're not with ME, I feel PAIN!

So lets embrace this for what it is
And not worry about THEM, cuz it's none of their biz

YOU are more than just my friend,
And I never want what WE have to end!

I'm sorry that I messed things up
I'm sorry for whatever I did
I'm sorry I couldn't let go...
I acted like a helpless little kid

I'm sorry that I tried so hard,
Instead of giving you space
I'm sorry I told people I hated you,
But couldn't say it to your face

I'm sorry that I couldn't hate you,
And I'm sorry for everything I put you thru

I learned my lesson now...
After pushing most of my friends away.
I should have listed to their advice,
Even thought I didn't like what they had to say

The weird part is, I didn't get over your disappearance from my life until I stopped trying,
But to be honest with you there are still nights I find myself crying.

That's one thing you could always make me do,
That's why I know you are one of the special few.
For that reason, I can never,
Will NEVER, forget YOU!

How do you sum up a summer of fun?!
We lost a few brain cells and got a bit dumb
Taking the impala on a late night creep ride
Pull up to the stoplights and, "OH ****", it died!
We discovered a bridge, and a few unknown roads
We met a few people, some came and some went,
Some because scandalous, and others, we got spent
What's with the hot fro boys, this I don't know...
We both had our thing, but they just had to go.
Hemp was the junk; we learned the tricks of the trade,
strangers, teachers, friends, everyone got one made.
How cool are we, we had Party hats?!
We ate at Tiki a lot, and went to Chicago to dance.
What can I say, you got me to drink.
I had a good time, but was dysfunctional... I think.
From "*** with Sally" to the lifeguard chair
Where did we come up with this ****, it just isn't fair
How many times did we play euchre?  Too many 2 count
I just gave Kristy all 4 bowers, hope no one finds out!
How awesome are you, to have a barn party birthday 4 me?!
It was a good time, I could barely see.
We listened to Tom Petty, about a million times.
We also got down to the "u know u ghetto" rhymes.
It seems sad that summer ended so fast.
But don't worry my friend,
By the time you finally get this poem, summer will be back!!!

Karissa and Kristy's Fishing Adventure

Bought a princess fishing pole in the Indiana Dunes
Which Karissa had yet to use...

Drove to the Illinois Valley with a plan
Stopped at the farm and saw the fam!

Headed to Lowell, River was closed
We went anyway, nobody knows!!

Nothing was biting, but Karissa caught a leaf!
She thought that was pretty funny, I do beleave...

From there we jumped in the car and headed to deer park
We went to the river area, got lost and almost ended up in the dark!

Don't get me wrong at first we did pretty great...
Walked a while, found the river and caught 8

Just kidding, it was only one
Those fish were too smart, but it was still fun!

They managed to eat the worm and stay away from the hook,
So we decided to try once more and that's all it took!

The fish caught the hook in the eye and I couldn't set it free
So I decided to take it with me!

We started walking and saw some stairs
Thought it was a short cut, but ended up a nightmare

Got lost in the woods for 3 hours with no clue what to do
Karissa was brave, but had her moments... I'm sure I did too!

At one point we went off path and tried to walk to the light
But kept getting poked by “pokeys” and it was too much of a fight

Kev and dad were looking for us
My mom was so worried, she put up a big fuss

She was 10 miles away from calling the State Police
And ditched her ride to the play we were supposed to go to with my neice

We saw lots of running deer
And Karissa tried her best to show no fear

We found a trail that was kinda actually marked
And were more confident that we would make it out by dark

Followed the orange poles and eventually came out
We were on the other side of the park, without a doubt!

Kev came and gave us a ride to the car
Made fun of our fish that was in the worm jar

He said, “Hey Krit, the friggin worm is bigger than the fish!”
and asked if it was worth it?

It was a good day and I have no regrets
Even though we got lost and I broke my camera, it was one of the best!

I LOVE spending time with family and friends,
and always will until the end!

By Kristy Robertson

(Guessing Summer of 2009 or 2010)

I’m stuck in my dungeon,
trapped with no way out.
Nothing to do but eat, sleep and think
I messed up,
But nobody deserves this.
No phone, no car...
Little contact with friends.
Lindsay can’t come to St. Louis.
I can’t go to Buffet
I can’t wait to go back to school!

I’m drowning in my self pity.
It’s a downright shame.
Where do I go?
Who do I blame?
Myself, but not completely!
I’m banging on the door,
Trying to pound my way out
But there is no answer,
Just ignorance and pride,
On the other side!

Do I stay or do I go?
Do I stick around or do I flee?
Do I think of them or if me?
That is the unanswered question
I might know the answer; I don’t recall...
They make themselves feel BIG by making me feel small.
Who needs counseling again?
That just isn’t healthy!
Man, how I wish I was wealthy!
Then there would be no questions on what to do!

That’s what makes me happy, them.
No place to go,
I wish it wasn’t so.
I’m stuck and imprisoned,
A prisoner in my own home, with no key.
Rock bottom is what I just hit
It’s a new destination,
A new and different place,
And I just can’t escape.

Transparency... yes, no, maybe
Like an open book
Yes, that's me!
Love me or hate me
wish everyone would just say what they mean
Hard to keep faith, when the truth can't be forseen
From now on I'm going to say it like it is,
Or not say it at all, "It is what it is?!"
Only say if it will help??
Otherwise, it's not good for your health
by health I mean sanity
There is such a thing as brutal honesty

Sometimes the truth hurts but lies can consume you
Your heart, your mind, your soul
Stay honest to yourself and your heart will be full
you will not feel as if things are out of control

Sometimes the consequences can't be seen
But it's hard when you really want to say something
and holding it in doesn't feel right
Sometimes it's simply not worth the fight

Perception, it's a funny thing
some say honest, some say mean
I say be true to your heart and the rest will fall into place
Sometimes it's the "long game", slow down, it's not a race


Kristy Robertson

Steve
April 29, 1967-October 7, 2018
Miss You Buddy

No sunset in this park today.
But of course not, for today is your birthday.
Everywhere I look, all I see is grey!

The Angels are weeping so we don’t have to; that’s not what you would want.
You would want us to share our memories and trust me I have 4 pages front and back,
AT LEAST!

You were taken too soon, no time to adapt
So unexpected and you were the happiest I’d seen you
With Ivan home and Emil good, and Jackson to fill the dull moments
“Action Jackson”, that’s what you called him
And so did my Papa Dale

You loved that he loved music,
You wanted to teach him to play catch.
You were making progress, taking steps

I miss your loyal, honest and witty ***
Oh,and I started studying numerology!
You’ll never guess your number!
#1
But I’m sure that comes as no surprise
You would have loved it!!!

Hope you are up there watching baseball, drinking beer, listening to music,
and telling stories about your family
with your old military pals!
I miss you dear friend
I miss your home, it was my 2nd
No judgement ever
We all had our ****,
Different days, different times
But we rallied together to help, and have a good time
You and I never fought except maybe for a second
We playfully fought about baseball
You were a die hard Cubs fan,
and I was team Cards!

You were getting back on track,
on your way to work
No way is that fair
I miss you dear friend
Your stories, your humor
You making fun of Blair slickly,
us laughing til we cried
I miss your heart, you’re real, you’re true
FAMILY WAS EVERYTHING
and the rest, music, military, beer,
baseball, laughing, and Laura
You were a simple man
You knew exactly who you were at all times
That I always admired
You thought you knew it all; you probably did!
I miss kicking back people watching on the front porch or music in the garage!

Miss your stories, your humor, your strong will
And that 2nd place I thought of as home.

Loved your dad when he was here and loved both Emil and Ivan instantly upon meeting
I hope your kids know if they need anything, to call
You stepped up for Jackson,
That really says it all!

I miss you buddy, til next time...
I raise this beer

So the other night was one of the hardest of my life
We told Karissa I would no longer be daddy's wife

She learned he is moving out and will have a new home
She cried and said she wanted to live with us both until she was grown

All three of us were crying,
And on the inside I know Jeff and Karissa were dying

He was crying so hard he couldn't even talk,
She had a lot of questions I had to answer, and surprisingly acted in shock...

She cried and said she wasn't gonna let go of him, so he couldn't go
That was really ******* me and Jeff too, this I know!

Then he tucked her in bed and she said she'd be mad if he wasn't home in the morning
But he left anyway, didn't listen to her warning

Then I heard some sniffling and thought he was still downstairs
At this point, I knew it didn't have anything to do with the affair

I figured out it was Karissa crying in her bed
So I let her sleep with me and talked to her and rubbed her head

She seems to be taking it a little better now
She knows we both love her and always will; this we vow

I'm gonna try my best to be his friend
And work through everything that we need to mend

It will make things a lot easier for everyone involved
Especially if all of our issues get resolved

I'm gonna try my best to stay his friend
And work through everything we need to mend

Kristy Robertson
5/14/2010

Karma is one of my best friends now
I got it tattooed on my ankle and was like OW...

But Karma is a cool word, and as far as people go, one of the BEST!
She would pass Life if it was a TEST!

It amazes me that other people can't see this...

I guess it took me a while to give her a chance too
A "mutual friend" tried to tell me, but for some reason I didn't think it was true

The cool thing about her is she doesn't judge anyone;
she sees the good in others and does not run!

Which is amazing because everyone tried to JUDGE her
She's one of the best people I've even met and if you met her, you would conquer!!!

By Kristy R
8-1-10

I am actually LIVID right now
She didn't want to be friends,
She didn't want to date again!

She wanted me to be the OTHER woman

What the **** is wrong with me?
I wanted to hang out as friends,
but kinda throws that off when you get sent a ****

Congratulations, you lost weight
that never mattered to me then,
so why would you be convinced it would make a difference either way now?!

That's just rude
seriously

"Kristy, this didn't happen until after we made plans"
Well, I guarantee you I was not that important in the first place,
then or now
you stupid, psychotic, abusive *****

Be Real, Can you? Do you know how?  Lose my #

BYE

Not a poem

◦ One of my exes wants to hang out tomorrow and I’m torn because I would love to hang out as friends but I’m afraid she wants more. We were in a toxic relationship several years ago and she was physically abusive and if I’m being honest I was probably verbally abusive at times. Ok, definitely. We both seem the same, but different. She says karma is a ***** because she just got out of a very abusive relationship and she has scars to prove it. Then she said, oh yeah how’s your friend KARMA doing? Karma is a *****, and also my best friend! If you **** w me she will knock you on your ***!
Looking for advice here. Is that allowed? I’m not sure, I’m new!

At first I thought you broke me
it took me a long time to see that you actually made me STRONGER 💪

I had to go without something I wanted so badly
That something, someone was you

I can be a spoiled brat at times;
ok, usually!
Because I am used to getting my way

I always go back to this
“There is a thin line between love and hate and I cannot find in between cuz I’ve been with witches and I’ve been w the queen!” (Someone please tell me what song that is from!)

You’re my Queen 👸
Guess you always will be

I don’t know what it is with you, but I will be a grown up for a change and accept that you don’t like me like that.
Hell, you don’t like me enough to try to be my friend.
So for me today this is the end! I need to stay away; I’m tired of the games

RIP MY QUEEN
until next chapter

Could be today, next week or 10 more years, who knows?! Not I said the mind!


You’re right “in between” would probably  end up in between the sheets.  
Im gonna go another direction, be smart for a change!

Stinky, smelly pigs
Yet love-able and nice
Whether it be a piglet, bor or sow
They eat a lot of chow
I like pigs because they are cool
Anyone that doesn’t like them is a fool
Pigs have feelings too,
As well as me and you!

Bipolar Mind-

Your highs are high,
your lows are lower
At least it feels that way!

One day you're up,
the next you're down
It feels like a roller-coaster!

You think too much,
some say overthink
The wheels don't stop turning
Everyone watches your every move,
The judgement is concerning!

Your loose your filter, speak your mind.
You seek the truth and it you shall find!

She makes me happy
She makes me cry
Sometimes she makes me feel like I should die,
Other times I’m worth more than a million

She’s flirty
She’s moody
But God Is she fun!

Being around her brings out the sun ☀️

I just want to go on an adventure
6 ft apart, fine w me
Gotta be smart
Cuz if anything happens she will dart
I want her in my life so bad
As a friend? Like real one.
Do I know how? Should I even try?