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Aug 23 · 21
I told you not to
Cathy Aug 23
“Don’t put it up inside the house..
It’s bad luck”
He looks at me, his thumb on the button
Then bam it’s up, it’s out in all its glory
You can probably guess the story
I get mad, “I told you not to..
And you did!”
He looks at me, not understanding
Why it’s so important anyway
I bite my tongue in an effort not to say
All those irrational fears
But they’re there
In my head, as he raises his voice
To scold me for raising mine
I apologize and say it’s fine
He says he just wanted to see what
It looked like
As I ponder endless consequences
As inevitable as the tide
For opening an umbrella inside.
Jul 6 · 32
Train the brain
Cathy Jul 6
We’ve stopped paying attention
And how hard it is to train the brain
To do something that it hasn’t for years
To listen, it’s always a strain
To switch off the music on repeat
To tune out the vehicular drone
To walk slowly on our own two feet
And switch off the ubiquitous phone
We’ve stopped hearing the song of life
The scratchings and pitter patter
Of feet that are not our own
As if ours are the only ones that matter
Apr 22 · 34
A less beautiful world
Cathy Apr 22
It’s a less beautiful world without you
Sure, the landscape seems the same
And the sky looks just as blue
But there’s a lack of comfort from the sun
As shadows lengthen too

The world still turns through every test
But how can it ever be the same
From sun rise east to sun set west
All joy slipped through our fingers
When we laid you to rest
Apr 2 · 215
A price paid
Cathy Apr 2
You have the power
You do it because you can
To grow more money
Through exploitation
The price is paid
By another
The cost is something
They can’t recover
I know it doesn’t
Matter to you
That I’m here
Begging too
You’ve heard it before
And it falls
On deaf ears
Like the bird calls
Another cut
Is made
And more lives
Are taken in trade
For the ancients
There’s no coming back
As they are laid
Stack by stack
And carted off
Down the blasted road
They should stand tall
Not be dead and towed
Once they’re gone
And none are left
Will you too then
Stand bereft?
You’ll have to find
A new way to make a living
Knowing from history
That you learned nothing
You can’t undo
This kind of mistake
But what do you care?
You take take take
I did so want to reach out
To those giants and see
Unbroken uncut untouched
Forests with tree after tree after tree
Mar 24 · 27
My boy
Cathy Mar 24
My boy has gone
My wonderful beautiful boy
He was my world,
My life, my everything, my joy
The house is empty now
An all encompassing emptiness
It swallows what is left
And leaves a crushing loneliness
It grabs me round the neck
And chokes the sobs out strangling
I’m so tired and worn out
I can’t talk or think of anything
But my boy is gone
Feb 6 · 30
Disappointment
Cathy Feb 6
An absence
Of what was going to be
Now gone with barely a trace
You can see it
It looks like the tears on her face
You can hear it
It sounds like the break in her voice
But you can’t touch it
It’s hers to nurse or ignore, her choice
You can feel it
But it’s too late to fix now, it’s there
What’s done is done
Maybe it will fade in time, with care
Perhaps it will flare to anger
Watch the repercussions grow
Can anything soften that hurt?
Only she can know.
Jan 28 · 25
Not goodbye
Cathy Jan 28
Something I’m not going to say
Is goodbye
It doesn’t come easy for me
That’s why
I wear a smile like a little
White lie
And pretend it isn’t really
Goodbye
Cathy Jan 11
I saw ten magpies
Chatting in a tree
I whispered hello
As they sized up me
Was it ten sorrows
That they gave away?
Or maybe five joys
To brighten my day
I’m superstitious
It has to be said
If I was not so
I’m sure I’d be dead
Who knows what bad luck
Is lurking out there
Ready to smite those
Who do not take care
Never walk under
A ladder of course
Wear charms to deflect
Bad energy source
And try to avoid
The number thirteen
Of course forty four
Should never be seen
So greetings magpies!
You have a great day!
And I’ll go safely
Right out of harm’s way.
Just for fun
Jan 9 · 17
I forget
Cathy Jan 9
When I thought I would remember, and then I did forget
I’m left with some frustration, and not a small regret
I wish that I were sharper, like I used to be
As others start to notice and get annoyed with me
Is this the start of more? An even worse decline?
I so hoped I would be alright, that still I would be fine
And then I start to wonder what else did I forget?
But what I don’t know cannot hurt, I guess I’m alright yet
Cathy Nov 2020
Like a runner in a relay race
Passing the baton on
Then it comes round again
And I’m not the only one
Feeling the sprint get harder
The distance longer round the track
Some runners stumble and fall
But we don’t have time to look back
More batons now add to the load
It’s hard not to let a few drop
But the pace is relentless
There’s nowhere to stop
The spectators of this sport are watchful
Especially those in the VIP box
Be careful that you never slip up
Or you’ll find yourself pelted with rocks
We each wish it could all be over
We’re thinking enough is enough
But they say the tough get going
When the going gets tough
We want to support each other
As we know what we’re going through
But we barely have time to say ‘thanks’
Or ‘we need and value you’
As more fall by the wayside
We struggle on under the strain
Collecting our burdens like trophies
Ignoring all our own pain
We’re in this because we are selfless
Driven to help those in need
But best not examine too closely
Our faces as there you will read
Behind the smile there’s a sadness
With exhaustion exacting its dues
Because the game never changes
And this was yesterday’s news
This is nursing
Sep 2020 · 60
The same sky
Cathy Sep 2020
We are all under the same sky
And the sun sets as surely
On bad days as on good
And will rise again timely
On tomorrow’s troubles
And light up its joys
However much we try
With procrastinating ploys
To waste away our time
Think of those gone from us
Who wanted just one more day
And night under the same stars
Perhaps their time was short
To dream and look to the sky
So live well and take your chance
Because you can, that’s why
May 2020 · 61
Another world
Cathy May 2020
As the sun rose a welcome ray
Holding us in its embrace
Was that your spirit come to say
I’ll hold you up and leave a trace
Of goodness in this world?
As the birds sang their hearts out
With the joys of a new day
Was that your spirit come to shout
I’m free, I’m flying, I’m on my way
I’m leaving this world?
As the breeze stirred with sweetness
As we breathed in its scent
Was that your keenness
The last of your energy spent
To reach another world?
May 2020 · 121
After all that
Cathy May 2020
After you see the look
Of pain and fear in his eye
After you feel the chances
Slipping on by
After you bear witness
To the screaming shaking pain
After the wave of anger
Washes you with blame
After you feel hope slipping
From your very hands
After you soothe and comfort
And hope he understands
After the grief of what can’t be
Of not accepting where you’re at
Good luck finding sweet dreams
After all that
Apr 2020 · 130
The other night
Cathy Apr 2020
I’m standing in the spotlight of the gas station
Waiting for the tank to fill
Doing the mundane and ordinary
Glad that I’m not ill
I look up at the inky blackness
So dark against the glare
The wind stirs and snowflakes drift
Towards me standing there
Illuminated....      
                         ......sparkling
Floating...........
                          Ethereal.......
I’m not a fan of winter
My fingers frozen to the bone
I’d rather have a summer day
And make the beach my home
But the beauty in small things
Lifts my heart from doom
Each tiny speck of crystal white
Brightening the gloom
Perhaps they are a blessing
Saying I’ll be alright
Perhaps they are a promise
That I’ll have a better night
Maybe they’re a sign
From one who passed as I held her
A thank you and goodbye
A pause to reflect and remember
Apr 2020 · 102
A Choice
Cathy Apr 2020
I knew I had a choice in that moment
To either say something or not
I knew it might be my only chance
That I may never have another shot
But I blew it
I couldn’t say a thing
I was afraid of your reaction
And of theirs and that sting
Of your look, hurt yet defiant
And unwilling to admit your part
I know I want to fix it
But don’t know where to start
I know that could have been the moment
I know that could have been key
But I couldn’t walk up to you
With everyone watching me
I’m left with a bad feeling
I guess that’s mine to keep
To dwell on in my own time
And keep me from my sleep
I hope that we can move on
In our separate ways
And remember those times
When we had better days
Mar 2020 · 71
When the cupboard is bare
Cathy Mar 2020
He stands there alone studying his list
The warmth making his glasses mist
He squints at the words scribbled down
He didn’t want to go to town
He just needs a few essential things
Stuff his friend usually brings
But now he’s isolated
Alone, desperate, ill-fated
The shelves are ransacked bare
There’s nothing there
He shuffles on his feet
And wonders what he’ll have to eat
He feels an ache in every bone
Contemplates the long walk home
Energy and hope are wearing thin
For old folk just like him
He’s had some troubles in his time
Now let’s make them yours and mine
I saw a sad photo in a UK news site, an elderly man trying to get his groceries and the shelves are stripped from panic buying, please look out for each other x
Mar 2020 · 297
Isolation
Cathy Mar 2020
Isolation
Self isolation
From the virus
From social contact
From education
From earning a living
From access to food
From life

Welcome
Your new friends
Rub shoulders with anxiety
Meet confusion
Find loneliness
Wake up to depression
Try not to sit close to panic
Reach an understanding with grief
Mar 2020 · 62
Temporary
Cathy Mar 2020
The effects will be temporary
That’s what the official said
But there’s nothing temporary
About being dead
A blip in the economy
Quell the panic buying
Keep supplies coming
The market isn’t dying
If you wanted toilet paper
In your weekly shop
Then you’re out of luck
Those hoarders never stop
But you don’t need to worry
The effects are temporary
We are sure to beat
Our latest adversary
Just be sure to wash your hands
The masks won’t help you much
Keep coughs and sneezes to yourself
And be careful what you touch
But it’s all temporary
Watch us now beat this
Remember no more shaking hands
And certainly don’t kiss
You might find you have to
Self isolate at home
Just for fourteen days
But try not to moan
‘Cause it’s only temporary
That’s what the official said
For most of us anyway
Unless you end up dead
Coronavirus advice
Mar 2020 · 58
The burn
Cathy Mar 2020
I’m so tired of this now
Lost as to where to turn
I’ve tried everything
And still I feel the burn
Of this pain
Again
And again
And again
Living with chronic pain
Mar 2020 · 161
Role model
Cathy Mar 2020
You think shouting in my face makes you better?
A better leader?
A better example?
A role model?
You think jabbing that finger at me makes your point?
That you’re right?
That I’m wrong?
You see me now?
Watch me walk away
I’m stronger anyway
And it’s your loss at the end of the day
Mar 2020 · 93
Gone too soon
Cathy Mar 2020
Gone too soon
My heart hurts
Like there isn’t room
For all the love inside
Until it breaks in two
Won’t you take me with you?
Feb 2020 · 134
The flip side
Cathy Feb 2020
Nothing but bad news anyway
What will people die of today?
Buried in rubble after an earthquake?
Thrown from a car driven by a drunk?
Or cut up and thrown in the river
Or lost in the snow storm to shiver
And never find a way home
But die alone
Or be trapped in a city of millions
As a virus multiplies by billions
Infecting
Incubating
Mutating
Killing
Nothing but bad news anyway
And it’s set to get worse they say

Oh won’t you stop dwelling on the misery
And look on the bright side?
That guy was convicted of his crime
Yeah but his daughter died
That baby was found and cared for
Yeah but first he was abandoned
Those kittens were rescued from the ice
But they suffered before they were found
That child was pulled out alive
Yeah but her parents lay buried
The virus is only killing a small percentage
Yeah but we need to be worried
Yeah there are positives
But come on, you can’t hide
From reality, perpetual misery
Is the flip side of the bright side
Sorry I’m a pessimist
Feb 2020 · 114
A darker sky
Cathy Feb 2020
Oh let us have a darker sky
Give us a chance to look up high
And see the diamonds sparkle there
In Mother Nature’s beauty share
So many hidden in the night
So often drowning in the light
A precious gift for you to find
To contemplate, expand your mind
I have the chance, wrapped up in dark
Out in the woods, out in the park
Find joy at what the eye now sees
The stage is framed between the leaves
But there, one star, it sets a course
Driven by unnatural force
A satellite across the scene
Of beauty up there still serene
But then a second, third and fourth
Heading South, East, West or North
So many more since I was young
And now I feel the bell has rung
A tolling to lament the past
Once innocent, that didn’t last
Give it another twenty years
And then I wonder if my fears
Of seeing hundreds file on by
Will come to pass, I wonder why
I value specks of nature’s light
Not any formed by human might
By people there are wonders made
Some that last and some that fade
But just for once I’d like a place
A truly untouched open space
For once let interference cease
And solace there will be in peace
Feb 2020 · 213
This fight
Cathy Feb 2020
This is temporary right?
This isn’t forever
This fight?
I feel like I’m at war
With myself
With no cure
No end in sight
Sure there’s a tunnel
But no light
Feb 2020 · 142
Let me live
Cathy Feb 2020
How to come back from loss
How to revive a heart
How to soothe the grief
How to make a start
How to mend the trust
How to block the fears
How to spark the smile
How to mop the tears
How to heal the hurt
How to say I’m safe
How to speak your name
How to find some faith
How to let go hate
How to then forgive
How to love again
How to let me live
Feb 2020 · 123
I should have
Cathy Feb 2020
Well here’s the thing I want to say
I should have said it anyway
Before there was ever a chance
Before a change of circumstance
Before the risk was there of you
Forgetting me, I love you
Feb 2020 · 514
A lonely place
Cathy Feb 2020
You’ve found yourself in a lonely place
With nothing left to lose but face
That you try to save but fail
To see the never ending trail
Of destruction from your hate
At an exponential rate
Trust has fallen, love is lost
You didn’t think what it would cost
You at the start when you began
And now I wonder if you can
Ever find a way to heal
The hurt that all but you can feel
Feb 2020 · 664
Hush
Cathy Feb 2020
Hush we’re not talking about it
We have nothing to say
No we have nothing to share now
Nothing can help anyway
We buried it deep you can’t find it
And we won’t let anything slip
I can’t even try to explain how
But I’ll try to give you a tip
Just walk away, what you don’t know
Can’t hurt you or anyone here
We smothered emotion completely
So now there is nothing to fear.
Feb 2020 · 146
Ambush
Cathy Feb 2020
Do you get ambushed by the “if onlys”?
I bet you do
Just when you think you’re ok
They sneak up on you
Feb 2020 · 94
Social media self harm
Cathy Feb 2020
Petty jealousies
Private miseries
Disappointment
And pain
Surly bitchiness
Moody temperedness
Abandonment
Again
Losses sickening
Anxious quickening
Sweet temperament
In vain
Endemic meanness
Battling endless
A tournament
Insane
**** sticking so well
On walls of my cell
Negative bent
I wane
Positivity
Wholly lost to me
What if I spent
This vein?
Feb 2020 · 138
Sick of it
Cathy Feb 2020
I can tell you’re sick of it
I am too
I couldn’t describe how much
Even if I wanted to
I haven’t any energy
Left anymore
I’m starting to wonder
What the struggle is for
Why do I persist
In trying to get things done
I should go and hide
From everyone
Then I wouldn’t
Need the help from you
With tasks and doors
As I struggle through
I can see my pain
Reflected in your face
I know you think
It’s out of place
That it should be gone
Long ago
Oh if only
That were so
Feb 2020 · 228
Comfort care
Cathy Feb 2020
I wish you every comfort
As you settle now to sleep
You can do it all your own way
There’s no timetable to keep
I know that you can hear me
But can’t express your need
But you don’t need to worry
Every tiny sign I’ll heed
Any possible discomfort
I will soothe away
All love respect and care
That it’s possible to pay
Is yours for now and always
As it comes upon your time
And the privilege of caring
Is forever mine
Feb 2020 · 83
Wake up and dream
Cathy Feb 2020
Try something different
Tap your feet to another beat
Cross over and walk the other side of the street
Awaken change
At the dawn of something new
Reflect on everything you thought you knew
Don’t you worry
About where this road leads
Don’t you want the dreams it feeds?
Feb 2020 · 255
In darkness
Cathy Feb 2020
Only in true darkness
Can stars really shine
They await the setting stage
Patiently through time
They watch the plays
Of all our days
Showy and shallow and shrill
While peace is theirs
And now it’s mine
And I am with you still
Feb 2020 · 230
It’s time
Cathy Feb 2020
If you have time
Well that is fine
But if you don’t
Then it won’t
Stretch to accommodate
While you procrastinate
So do it now
Work out how
Tell them what they mean
To you, hard as it may seem
If you, love them let them know
Before it’s time to go
Feb 2020 · 143
Winter chill
Cathy Feb 2020
The wind howls and whips
Blowing snow as it rips
Away heat and living things
Huddle in the chill it brings
White whirling in the air
Mother nature doesn’t care
That protection’s wearing thin
Her icy fingers burning skin
The need to hide and survive
Drives all creatures still alive
As the weakest fade and fall
Now the strongest beat them all
Welcome to the Canadian winter

— The End —