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Aug 10 · 489
500
will19008 Aug 10
500
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Seems like HP is writing poetry back to me today.  I've received this one several times this morning!
Aug 3 · 82
notes on warmth
will19008 Aug 3
warmth: a non-verbal communication skill

a way of communicating to another person
how much you like, love, respect them

it can also be expressed verbally

these must match--verbal communication
must be supported by your non-verbal
communication
Notes on warmth from EDE 352, Self/Group Processes, Spring 1980
will19008 Aug 1
I had the opportunity to hear and see myself
on video tape in my acting class, which was
quite a humbling experience

People say that you're always more critical
of yourself than others are, but I found my
voice annoying

It could have been because I was acting
(I'm not very good)

Nonetheless I've been very conscious
of my voice, so I haven't been anxious
to talk very often lately
More notes from EDE 352, Self/Group Processes, taught by my mentor, Dr Charlotte King, Spring 1980.  I remember the pain of this... Silly, isn't it?  But it still makes me cringe...
will19008 Aug 1
Definitely a trouble spot
I don't usually mind sharing myself
     with others, but it is mostly in a
     superficial way

I can't say I've tried all that hard
     to improve my ability at it

I think most of my problem is
     lack of trust in most people
     I communicate with

Self-disclosure isn't easy, even
     with people I trust, but it's not
     quite as bad

Needless to say, there's a lot of room
    for improvement
Written in my EDE 352 Self/Group Processes notebook, Spring 1980; although it was 'needless to say,' I said it anyway...
will19008 Aug 1
Assertiveness: standing up
for your own rights;
Don't infringe upon or ignore
anyone else's rights, though

It is not aggressiveness

Start with an "I" statement;
It should be descriptive, not
evaluative or condemnatory
More notes from EDE 352, Self/Group Processes, Spring 1980; apparently it was at this point in time when "aggression" became "aggressiveness"...
will19008 Jul 28
she'll carry morning’s fading enemies:
a spiritual ruin and swallowed despair

blinding violent piercing stolen sea fires
one's vain movements—sacred, soothing

tortured poets watch cancer drifting past
gently stalking the pink dog kiss of roses

radio band remorse is hiding stale lessons
gathering inside softly-colored Jesus static
What does a poet do when she hasn't written poems for years and can't feel poetry anymore?
will19008 Jul 28
I can’t promise you anything better
No, my concern toward old roles,
negative behaviors, is now leaving
My positive emotions are merging,
striving, changing—an act of will
I've withdrawn at last
                                                     Truly complete
             Deserving, needing just one unbroken
          person—one realizing hostile situations
               and journals with different messages
          How sorry to know that everything had
     relied on all of my acute unhappy changes
      Now, engage anything, but need nothing!
Broken relationships can engender real, positive change, despite the pain...
Jul 27 · 101
defuse the anger
will19008 Jul 27
If you feel you are in any way at fault,
admit it.
will19008 Jul 27
Name the feeling
but first you must recognize it
for what it is, and
realize what it is

Do it fairly specifically

Even when you use
a concrete term to describe
your feeling (ex. anger)
there is a gamut, or range:
annoyed
or raging mad?

This should be identified
clearly
My notes for an assignment given in EDE352, Self/Group Processes, Spring 1980, by my mentor, Dr Charlotte King.  I learned so much from her...
Jul 27 · 64
notes on children
will19008 Jul 27
interact verbally
conceive ideas together
learn to work in a group setting
learn to verbalize their own ideas
respect the contributions of others
discover creative relationships
among ideas
Written in my EDE352 notebook, Spring 1980, as I prepared myself for becoming a teacher.
will19008 Jul 27
I
die
life
health
perfect
yields
be
of
certain
wholly
are
never
s­hould, should
things
seldom
diminishing
slippery
bothered
memory, memorable
committed, committed
necessary
reckoning
betaken
hopes
into
My
We, we
when
It, it, it
which
therefore
sun
the, the
a, a
on
not
if
other
anger
holding
expecting
waiting
disgusted
drink­ing
writing
buried
graveyard
fear
anxiety
stress
chaotic
poison, poisoning
worth, worth
seems
your
as, as, as
and, and, and, and
have, have, has
that, that
to, to, to, to, to
like, like
is, is, is, is, is, is, is
nothing, Nothing, Nothing
bloom, bloomed
roses
with
person
become
yourself
you
promise
"The technique is spatchcocking and it looks as theatrical as it sounds.
You cut out the backbone and open the bird flat, like a book"
Jul 27 · 26
my heart’s comfort
will19008 Jul 27
my heart’s comfort has not been recaptured
but not dead to feelings anymore, I’m waiting

always seeking fleeting holes in hard places
and sleeping without much space to dream

I have suppressed; sometimes I have wept
because I’m never too comfortable to forget
Words about memory and missing someone...
Jul 25 · 33
intimate
will19008 Jul 25
my spirit feels the power of wings
born as I shed the full cloak of my birth
humming a quiet little verse to myself—
come!—comfort me among these flowers

soft desires freed in this, our bed of grass
I scent of the warm rising dough of your skin
I sense the sun heating the dew and wonder
when will this lover wet my skin with tears?
Remembering first love, that intoxicating mixture of hope and fear...
Jul 24 · 70
trust and love indeed
will19008 Jul 24
true friends trust and love indeed
while lovers think too much and bleed
their love ends in a graceless Hell
spoiled by thinking none too well
Fooling around with the idea that love ends when it begins to be governed by the head, rather than the heart, I wrote this corny little poem.  I'm not sure that I like it, but I guess I do.
Jul 22 · 32
listen, old friend
will19008 Jul 22
rarely ever straying, mired in those mourning hours
trying to recover tired shadows of how it once began
counting all of those buried nights in a flat red voice

our distances are littered with blood and bone, dear
still you, by pieces and joints, strive to mend this battered love
listen, old friend, to the graying silt of bloodless waters

heat, lips, hands all once breathed, emerging slowly
no wiser now, you blindly dredge the impermeable darkness
for promptly repeated pasts, not unspoiled beginnings
will19008 Jul 20
not wholly betaken
as a person, disgusted
forever expecting
and drinking the poison

not wholly betaken
a dead-perfect graveyard
of memory, of sun
and of promises soiled

nothing was waiting
no, nothing was worth it
nothing, no
nothing
—no other things

yet no other person
could ever have been
so wholly betaken
or so it seems

no, no, no—no!
not so wholly betaken, no
never, not ever
so wholly betaken as I
Sometimes when love has gone there is that overwhelming feeling of such colossal stupidity...
Jul 20 · 85
Sweet Change
will19008 Jul 20
We trace the burden of the heart, you and I
And suffer the cold darkness together
A weary gray moon labors across the night
As we worship the seasons of our love

Time must hold its cold pen apart from regret
For a dream to write a better image
Take this sweet change and show the stars
Let your gentle dust touch my sleep
Jul 19 · 81
twilight angel
will19008 Jul 19
engulfed in curious urgency
legs parted and lips needful
yearning tongues
and sweetly innocent silk

wrapped in precious essence
burning veins, crimson mysteries
and shattering ripples—
an unheard chorus
of flesh
will19008 Jul 19
You carry a hungry heart
outside without help
Divine, burning windows
behind locks, beside sad smiles
that devour the fine light air
They’re perfect warmth

Oh, rise breeze, cry forever
Whisper soft, hopeful comfort
Open that same courageous list
of autumn-worn memories
Mine flex—break!—under lost words
into bitterly different sounds

Soar inside the space there
Pass the sleepy crimson trees
insatiable delight, flying wonders
beautiful labors, racing the midnight
yet shaping only sore dawns because
I overlooked my lasting desire

Draw new recovery with me
in other ripe and formal strokes
Golden water tumbling down
lifting bubbles, trying to comment
whenever that same message listens
and always winks this time of year

Yesterday’s door, so up-to-date
Why chance a giggle, merely
to forget, a chance to lean on that glass
and borrow those three paper lines—
straight from where we’d dropped off—
as if their call might later amaze us
Jul 19 · 33
these rusted dreams
will19008 Jul 19
The pages fade, they’re getting worn
yellowed papers creased and torn
Yet they still can take me to a world
I now can only dream of

Once I saw a future in your eyes
and I saw in it both you and me
Now there’s nothing left to see
simply things I can only dream of

You’ve always shown yourself to me
then turned and shown me to myself
But I’m not the man I tried to be
just a man I must have dreamed of

So now I find I’m looking past
the broken mirror in your hands
Are you not the girl I knew at all?
Did I really only dream you?

I pray that you’ll hold fast to dreams
even when pleasure’s mixed with pain
Please don’t ever let them get away
becoming something that you'll say
        you'd never dreamed of
I have never ever been satisfied with this, but years of tweaking (but mostly just disappointment) has never made it something I'm proud of.  Here it is, though, warts and all...
Jul 18 · 114
mock the jealous night
will19008 Jul 18
mock the jealous night
and show me new joys
bind this truth together with me
you know faith far better, my sweet love,
than I, this blessed slave possessed

so calm my fiery heart
and feed my lips your scent
while the evening plays its tepid song—
hold me trembling against this ancient darkness
even as you devise your inexorable pursuit
Jul 18 · 33
unweighted volumes
will19008 Jul 18
i.  
events do listen
but distrust your best work
different sounds, hostilely expressed

striving for bottomless love
amid falling consequences
sensually discontented


ii.  
that critical leap
alive, whirling, voracious
promising new room to grow

engaging interactions
amid blinding love
hunger enmeshed


iii.  
complex opportunities to
examine sourly the mirror-ice:
corrosive, acute and deteriorating

completely sheltered still
by murmuring landscapes at night
perceiving conflict reborn
will19008 Jul 17
It seems to me we lived a dream
and like any dream, I feared we would awake
I wonder if we ever would have learned to love
if only we’d known what we had at stake

It seems to me we had it all
and foolishly we just let it slip away
but there’s never any guarantee that love,
when it appears, is ever really here to stay

     Sometimes I hear you in the distance crying
     —howling and calling out my name
     and with such a raging storm upon your lips
     I wonder if they’re tears
     or is it rain?

     Lord, let it wash away these memories
     no matter if they’re tears
     or if it’s rain


It seems to me I always find
your beauty rests securely in my mind
and the love we shared still clings to me
memories we tried to leave behind

It seems to me that we might find
our paths may cross somewhere down the line
When your eyes meet mine will I still see
feelings that still linger after all this time?

     Sometimes I hear you in the distance crying
     —howling and calling out my name
     and with such a raging storm upon your lips
     I wonder if they’re tears
     or is it rain?

     Lord, let it wash away these memories
     no matter if they’re tears
     or if it’s rain
An original song, about 20 years of age, that always seemed too long to me and too adolescent.  I was no heartbroken kid, though...
Jul 17 · 105
This Full Moon
will19008 Jul 17
This full moon
rising high above these waters tonight
gleaming like a razor at its edge
Where have I seen this moon before?

This full moon
terrifying in the evening sky tonight
a silver wraith, a siren’s song
Where have I seen this moon before?

Clouds drift by but can’t obscure its light
It brings me comfort through this cold and lonely night

This full moon
I’ve seen it burning in the depths of your eyes
the glow that draws me near you like a moth
drawn from darkness to the flame

This full moon
rising high above these waters tonight
shining like that moon within your eyes
and I gently call your name
Twenty-five years have passed and still I see through the clouds of my breath the dark shapes of the blue herons fishing in the shimmering shallow waters of Mona Lake...
Jul 17 · 67
тоска
will19008 Jul 17
When one's life begins to sour
how is it not the nature of humans
to at least consider the secret
flavor of death?
Jul 17 · 72
luggage
will19008 Jul 17
she suddenly died last night
her clothes are still there
her purse
her toiletries
all her things left upstairs
those the things that make a home
fixed in my memory

she suddenly died last night
nothing reminds me more
our dreams
our experiences
all those unsettled times
maybe she should have left a note
or one more memory
Jul 17 · 48
100 [proof] Blessings
will19008 Jul 17
tapping foolishly stiff drinks
at his occasional solitary parties,
buzzing bliss and hazy slumber hide
amid open-minded laughs, rhymes
and fully overwhelmed sensations

now a useless invisible creature
wasting wisdom to the ****** core
his blurred remaining human pride
heartlessly bruises his memories,
and roams the depths of his pain
Considering the propensity of some people in pain to discover solace [and amnesia] inside of a bottle.
Jul 15 · 245
of limited status
will19008 Jul 15
Tuesday wanders
misunderstood
its only tangible virtue:
It isn’t Monday
will19008 Jul 15
fantasies and the heavens
gathered in fragile moonlight
promises brightly eager
embraced beautifully
with trembling softness

now our starving swings
creak in complicated harmonies
of misunderstood goodbyes
no final tenderness
only a teacher’s regret
To me, nothing is more plaintive than the breeze making the chains on empty swings play their discordant and melancholy tunes in the night air.
Jul 14 · 64
a foul haven fled
will19008 Jul 14
the foggy old *******
with all his naughty noises
and unfinished alley nectar
that relentless cement grind
drifting garbage
aromas pulsing
stench ablaze
****** poisoned crumpled clenched
choked scratched crashed splashed
a parting heartbeat
angelic sweating
all illness forgiven
unconditionally
and finally silence emerges
Thinking about the unfortunate homeless, the mentally ill with nowhere to turn, the veterans on the streets unable to re-adjust... and thinking about how many people in our society--and our government--don't want to see or hear them.
Jul 14 · 240
approaching sanctuary
will19008 Jul 14
these perpetual winters end
in stark February glimmers
bringing incomplete spring gardens
moss, violets and waterfall spray
bathed in deafening indifference to me
here I find a calming refuge
Lord, grant me tender isolation
Jul 13 · 130
water woman
will19008 Jul 13
you know that I’m badly drawn
using words and lingerie for clothes
I'm shrapnel herself
a sharing other
a changing rapunzel
untwisting anything I use
stream me through empty people
by tenfold—and all ablaze back to you
will19008 Jul 13
my faked dreams
shattered
my stupid mind monsters
woefully
bellow

the nasty bleeding
half-written
bloodstained ******* lines
unfinished
verses

ear-piercing weeping
mournful
failed prose scribbled
pathetically
broken

to touch people’s hearts
wishing—
tears wait in shadows
stories still
unspoken
Thank you, Fawn.
Jul 12 · 218
and still we touch
will19008 Jul 12
and still we touch
like a sensual guess
surprisingly harmful fingers
far too heavy a closeness
anxieties unspoken

uncomfortable night out
street signs and cold burns
a drunk riddled with
people’s cigarettes
and unknown prayers

chemicals and friends
now objectively drinking
our wet suicidal research
every cold sparkling dash
made someone squish

intimacy, desensitized
remembering closeness
we shrug, nickname photos
lonely breaths interacting
no longer dreaming
In consideration of those times when the relationship is over, but the evenings and nights together still go on...
Jul 12 · 48
cut yourself free
will19008 Jul 12
cut yourself free
it would behoove you completely
it would allow you better than
this rather difficult life

cut yourself free
for you haven’t ever controlled
your bitter frozen little world—
someone prevents you

cut yourself free
Jul 11 · 406
tears wait in shadows
will19008 Jul 11
the nasty bleeding
half-written
bloodstained ******* lines
unfinished
verses

ear-piercing weeping
mournful
failed prose scribbled
pathetically
broken

to touch people’s hearts
wishing—
tears wait in shadows
stories still
unspoken
It's never easy to span the many distances among heart and head and language and the keyboard of my laptop.  Perhaps I should go back to paper and pencil...

I just removed the original first verse:

my fake dreams
shattered
my stupid mind monsters
woefully
bellow

I think it didn't need it.  Did it?
will19008 Jul 11
sun and demons pour into morning
as I exhale the embers of slumber
my heart's rusted boundaries
trembling, eagerly whispering,
confessing once again a sharp thirst
for the ***** taste of violence

buildings, sidewalks
kitchens, gardens
cigarettes and souls
glorious rage and innocent flesh;
this scarred logic of mine simply
wants to lash out, to harm
and it stinks of insanity

toast and a crisp suit: my disguise
imaginary fantasies, secret and angry
form in this melancholy, useless routine
something is missing— constantly —
but tomorrow may deal me
a more hopeful hand
Written for those I know whose anger about something--anything--is always held in.  They go home and kick the dog, metaphorically speaking, but it slowly wears them away...
Jul 7 · 27
shivering events
will19008 Jul 7
beneath forbidden facades
delicate and truly complex
everyone spills raindrops
spirit hands fade, bursting
into sticky pillow heaven
Jul 6 · 40
Untitled (Structure)
will19008 Jul 6
syntactic
clues help
distinguish among
words and how
words work or
pattern in
sentences
Jul 6 · 54
Untitled (Ideas)
will19008 Jul 6
ideas,
relevant or not:
record them
Written for Self/Group Processes class, circa April, 1980.
Jul 6 · 92
September ago
will19008 Jul 6
hoarding paper coffee
slips and dusty trust

tangled affection in
foolish bluish knots

hungry wandering and
pale-cut bittersweet tea

shadow mazes, vines and
winter's milk weeds
will19008 Jul 6
dangerous longing forgotten
a solitary vulnerable blur waits
gazing in miserable drunken sunlight
totally forgiving television for
its absolute ignorance

our weeping battles witnessed
bursting disappointment released
and the blackness of a pavement meal;
highway edges remain, revealing
mother's particular trigger

dim melodies surrounding sighs
****** afternoons catching clouds
police greet the scene with delight
sitting mum; here's the hollow
definition of goodbye
will19008 Jul 1
a tough emptiness
reflecting yesterday
and a bedroom display

fallen rhymes,
fashions drenched
in a shock season

trapped and choking
bright pop feathers
shattered *******

biting sister voices
of candy compassion
and loving destruction

surrounding skin with
exact negative cuts
and positive kills

destroying warm daddy,
yearning for mommy
privately bruised

jaws smiling forgiveness
spreading ****** tales of
powerful mama emotion
will19008 Jul 1
difficult letters remain
a packed drawer overflowing
not with photography, but
kept in place by written
words, keen right through your chest;
oh, once we exchanged enjoyment
but now these treasures twist our hearts
like the blessed will of God
What does one do with old love letters too wonderful to discard but too painful to keep...?
will19008 Jul 1
you exist as my essential delight
our desires felt according your instinct
already just inside

every favorite imprisoned minute
became free momentous lost hours alone
within our moans

our bodies exchanging naked positions
what speed! you, freely obey my coming
that pleasurable feel

awakened bodies, insomniac, seize dawn
together, seduction deep in the long morning
our duvets intertwining
in sweaty satisfaction
will19008 Jun 30
enmeshed growth, mirrored love
bottomless new negative behaviors
old sourly hostile interactions
that one happily relies upon:
the consequence of our icy distrust

truly sorry about being in conflict
complex situations deteriorate still
discontented and sheltered by nothing
my will corrosive, my promise blinding
acute hunger for love sensually expressed
Jun 30 · 68
just a little further
will19008 Jun 30
an eagle flying
weaving circles in the sky
birds in the trees
begin to whisper words of spring
highway signs
broken white and yellow lines
as I drive, I start to realize
how close I am to
seeing you again

winter’s gone
the snow and ice have melted now
I left my world
beside you in the fall
but now the sky is clear
and I can feel you drawing near
and those long, cold
empty winter days
have finally gone

greening grass
standing cattle on the hillsides
sunshine through old
busted slats of weathered gray
and as I pass by
I imagine the look I’ll see in your eyes
a look that says the
dark days are gone and
all the clouds have
blown away

turnpike tolls
and passing lanes
stand between me
and a warmer time
melting snows and
the birds return again
just a little further
down this highway line
Or is it "farther"...?  Either way, this is the only song lyric I ever wrote while driving a car.  What a beautiful early spring day to cross the mountains in Pennsylvania!
Jun 29 · 791
vacation
will19008 Jun 29
forgotten longing
deep custard days gone by
my morning trip: the pool, always
then, to stay swimming in the ocean
favorite lifeguards who never stared me back
boardwalk seagulls, seafood season
shops with time like windy cobwebs
the hotel, our melancholy Ferris smell
that last painful sunburn pizza and
sadder September funnel cakes

vacation

where I now walk alone
crying for dreams past
not just things
For Jennifer "down the shore"...
Jun 29 · 42
reckoning
will19008 Jun 29
fear and rearranged writing
committed, disgusting drinking
holding, expecting, waiting
reckoning nothing but
anger and poisonous hopes
Jun 29 · 52
800 Miles Away
will19008 Jun 29
snowflakes spin in the frozen air
the winter sky stays ashen gray
footprints quickly fill with snow
I can almost hear the gentle sound
of your music box beginning to play
sleet clicks and shatters on the windowpane
and you're eight-hundred miles away

do you know how I long to hold you
to have your kisses warm the night
and your stunning laughter fill my day
no matter how I try, it's hard to know
it's an awfully heavy load because
you're eight-hundred miles away

time and distance might conspire
to steal your love away
time is something I just can't fight
nor the fact that you're so far away
when the night wind sighs and there's no one there
it never helps for me to know
that you're eight-hundred miles away
Time passes (25 years!), people move, distances change... It's now 940 miles according to Google Maps.  It would still be nice to see her...
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