i.  
events do listen
but distrust your best work
different sounds, hostilely expressed

striving for bottomless love
amid falling consequences
sensually discontented


ii.  
that critical leap
alive, whirling, voracious
promising new room to grow

engaging interactions
amid blinding love
hunger enmeshed


iii.  
complex opportunities to
examine sourly the mirror-ice:
corrosive, acute and deteriorating

completely sheltered still
by murmuring landscapes at night
perceiving conflict reborn

It seems to me we lived a dream
and like any dream, I feared we would awake
I wonder if we ever would have learned to love
if only we’d known just what we had at stake

It seems to me we had it all
and foolishly we let it slip away
but there’s never any guarantee that love,
when it appears, is ever really here to stay

     Sometimes I hear you in the distance crying
     —howling and calling out my name
     and with such a raging storm upon your lips
     I wonder if they’re tears
     or is it rain?

     Lord, let it wash away these memories
     no matter if they’re tears
     or if it’s rain

It seems to me I always find
your beauty rests securely in my mind
and the love we shared still clings to me
and memories we tried to leave behind

It seems to me that we might find
our paths may cross somewhere down the line
When your eyes meet mine will I still see
feelings that still linger after all this time?

     Sometimes I hear you in the distance crying
     —howling and calling out my name
     and with such a raging storm upon your lips
     I wonder if they’re tears
     or is it rain?

     Lord, let it wash away these memories
     no matter if they’re tears
     or if it’s rain

This full moon
rising high above these waters tonight
gleaming like a razor at its edge
Where have I seen this moon before?

This full moon
terrifying in the evening sky tonight
a silver wraith, a siren’s song
Where have I seen this moon before?

Clouds drift by but can’t obscure its light
It brings me comfort through this cold and lonely night

This full moon
I’ve seen it burning in the depths of your eyes
the glow that draws me near you like a moth
drawn from darkness to the flame

This full moon
rising high above these waters tonight
shining like that moon within your eyes
and I gently call your name

she suddenly died last night
her clothes are still there
her purse
her toiletries
all her things left upstairs
those the things that make a home
fixed in my memory

she suddenly died last night
nothing reminds me more
our dreams
our experiences
all those unsettled times
maybe she should have left a note
or one more memory

Tuesday wanders
misunderstood
its only tangible virtue:
It isn’t Monday

fantasies and the heavens
gathered in fragile moonlight
promises brightly eager
embraced beautifully
with trembling softness

now our starving swings
creak in complicated harmonies
of misunderstood goodbyes
no final tenderness
only a teacher’s regret

the foggy old *******
with all his naughty noises
and unfinished alley nectar
that relentless cement grind
drifting garbage
aromas pulsing
stench ablaze
****** poisoned crumpled clenched
choked scratched crashed splashed
a parting heartbeat
angelic sweating
all illness forgiven
unconditionally
and finally silence emerges

these perpetual winters end
in stark February glimmers
bringing incomplete spring gardens
moss, violets and waterfall spray
bathed in deafening indifference to me
here I find a calming refuge
Lord, grant me tender isolation

my faked dreams
shattered
my stupid mind monsters
woefully
bellow

the nasty bleeding
half-written
bloodstained ******* lines
unfinished
verses

ear-piercing weeping
mournful
failed prose scribbled
pathetically
broken

to touch people’s hearts
wishing—
tears wait in shadows
stories still
unspoken

and still we touch
like a sensual guess
surprisingly harmful fingers
far too heavy a closeness
anxieties unspoken

uncomfortable night out
street signs and cold burns
a drunk riddled with
people’s cigarettes
and unknown prayers

chemicals and friends
now objectively drinking
our wet suicidal research
every cold sparkling dash
made someone squish

intimacy, desensitized
remembering closeness
we shrug, nickname photos
lonely breaths interacting
no longer dreaming

cut yourself free
it would behoove you completely
it would allow you better than
this rather difficult life

cut yourself free
for you haven’t ever controlled
your bitter frozen little world—
something prevents you

cut yourself free

the nasty bleeding
half-written
bloodstained ******* lines
unfinished
verses

ear-piercing weeping
mournful
failed prose scribbled
pathetically
broken

to touch people’s hearts
wishing—
tears wait in shadows
stories still
unspoken

sun and demons pour into morning
as I exhale the embers of slumber
my heart's rusted boundaries
trembling, eagerly whispering,
confessing once again a sharp thirst
for the ***** taste of violence

buildings, sidewalks
kitchens, gardens
cigarettes and souls
glorious rage and innocent flesh;
this scarred logic of mine simply
wants to lash out, to harm
and it stinks of insanity

toast and a crisp suit: my disguise
imaginary fantasies, secret and angry
form in this melancholy, useless routine
something is missing— constantly —
but tomorrow may deal me
a more hopeful hand

ideas,
relevant or not:
record them

hoarding paper coffee
cups and dusty trust

tangled affection in
foolish bluish knots

hungry wandering and
pale-cut bittersweet tea

shadow mazes, vines and
winter's milky weeds

dangerous longing forgotten
a solitary vulnerable blur waits
gazing in miserable drunken sunlight
totally forgiving television for
its absolute ignorance

our weeping battles witnessed
bursting disappointment released
amid the blackness of a pavement meal;
highway edges remain, revealing
mother's particular trigger

dim melodies surrounding sighs
****** afternoons catching clouds
police greet the scene with delight
sitting mum; here's the hollow
definition of goodbye

a tough emptiness
reflecting yesterday
and a bedroom display

fallen rhymes,
fashions drenched
in a shock season

trapped and choking
bright pop feathers
shattered *******

biting sister voices
of candy compassion
and loving destruction

surrounding skin with
exact negative cuts
and positive kills

destroying warm daddy,
yearning for mommy
privately bruised

jaws smiling forgiveness
spreading ****** tales of
powerful emotion

difficult letters remain
a packed drawer overflowing
not with photography, but
kept in place by written
words, keen right through your chest;
oh, once we exchanged enjoyment
but now these treasures twist our hearts
like the blessed will of God

you exist as my essential delight
our desires felt according to our instinct
already just inside

every favorite imprisoned minute
became free momentous lost hours alone
within our moans

our bodies exchanging naked positions
what speed!  you, freely obey my coming
that pleasurable feel

awakened bodies, insomniac, seizing dawn
together, seduction deep in the long morning
our duvets intertwining
in sweaty satisfaction

an eagle flying
weaving circles in the sky
birds in the trees
begin to whisper words of spring
highway signs
broken white and yellow lines
as I drive, I start to realize
how close I am to
seeing you again

winter’s gone
the snow and ice have melted now
I left my world
beside you in the fall
but now the sky is clear
and I can feel you drawing near
and those long, cold
empty winter days
have finally gone

greening grass
standing cattle on the hillsides
sunshine through old
busted slats of weathered gray
and as I pass by
I imagine the look I’ll see in your eyes
a look that says the
dark days are gone and
all the clouds have
blown away

turnpike tolls
and passing lanes
stand between me
and a warmer time
melting snows and
the birds return again
just a little further
down this highway line

forgotten longing
deep custard days gone by
my morning trip: the pool, always
then, to stay swimming in the ocean
favorite lifeguards who never stared me back
boardwalk seagulls, seafood season
shops with time like windy cobwebs
the hotel, our melancholy Ferris smell
that last painful sunburn pizza and
sadder September funnel cakes

vacation

where I now walk alone
crying for dreams past
not just things

fear and rearranged writing
committed disgusting drinking
holding, expecting, waiting
reckoning nothing but
anger and poisonous hopes

snowflakes spin in the frozen air
the winter sky turns ashen gray
footprints quickly fill with snow
I can almost hear the gentle sound
of your music box beginning to play
sleet clicks and shatters on the windowpane
     and you're eight-hundred miles away

do you know how I long to hold you
to have your kisses warm the night
and your stunning laughter fill my day
no matter how I try, it's hard to know
yeah, it's an awfully heavy load because
     you're eight-hundred miles away

time and distance might conspire
to steal your love away
time is something I just can't fight
nor the fact that you're so far away
when the night wind sighs and there's no one there
it never helps for me to know
     that you're eight-hundred miles away

How do you know what to do
When you have no idea
No idea
No idea
What to be…?

How do you know how to feel
When you have no idea
How to feel
What to say
Or just exactly what to do…?

How do you know how to live
When you have no idea
No idea
No idea
What tomorrow wants…?

How do you know what to think
Or how to live
And no idea
What to do
Or what to be
Or how to feel…?

Right now
I have no idea
No idea
Simply no idea…

I feel all right, and yet I feel all wrong
you look away, you say what you can
you’ve looked into my soul
now can you look into my eyes
and tell me what’s wrong with me
the way I am

a face from the past, always looking ahead
a different girl with a different name
you took hold of my hand
you can feel my hands
and have you also found a way
to feel my shame?

you’ve made me laugh, you’ve made me cry
you’ve shown me myself and a brand new start
you’ve carved your name
across my life, but why does it feel
as if you left the knife
here in my heart?

so just tell me to come to you, or stay away
I can’t seem to work this one out alone
we could be together if it’s what you want
if it’s what you need
still, I think I can make it from here
on my own

but if it’s my choice, I’ll see you again
hundreds of miles couldn’t stand in my way
but first tell me what’s wrong with me
the way I am
though they may be words I hoped to
never hear you say

don’t hide from love — go outside and touch its face
don’t lock yourself — inside this raw and heartless place
and when you’ve healed — and all our blood has washed away
take your broken dreams outside — into the light of day

you love the light — yet darkness choked your soul
don’t dread the night — go walk your grievous, lonesome road
and when you’ve healed — and the scars all fade away
walk outside and feel — sunlight comforting your face

you’ll find someone — who’ll share your point of view
then you’ll walk far — along the lanes that we once knew
and when you’ve healed — the vicious pain kept finally at bay
you’ll feel our time dissolve — into the light of day

I’m still the man that I was
and I meant all the things
you heard me say

nothing’s changed
I’m no different now than I was
the moment before
you turned away

It feels as if the last words
I heard you say
were “Keep holding on to me
Don’t let go"
and I won’t, but I also know
that it keeps getting harder all the time
        it keeps getting harder all the time

I guess there are still some things
you just don’t understand
about me and where I’ve been
and who I am
You thought I was a simple man to understand
but now it’s getting harder all the time
       it keeps getting harder all the time

It must be hard to read me when
you can’t look into my eyes
across the miles on a
telephone line
and I know you never mean to be unkind
but it keeps getting harder all the time
       it keeps getting harder all the time

I sit to write of emotions that
are not easily defined
about feelings I might try to hide
but can never manage to
I can only say I long to be with you
but it keeps getting harder all the time
       it keeps getting harder all the time

Tired clichés, filed away
Somebody saying, “I’m here for you”
In so many ways
that particular phrase is something
I’ve found has never really been true

You made it clear that you’d actually be here
if I ever decided to call for you
But drawing you near
would be my greatest fear for
I’d have a problem just asking you

To be devastatingly honest, I really don’t know
        if I’d ever be able to say
       “I need you here…  Please come”
That’s me, though, it’s not you…
        It’s me
        It’s not you

Inside me I know that you won’t let me go
reassuring and frightening simultaneously
But in spite of my glow
there’s still trouble below because
Help is a four-letter word to me
        Help is a four-letter word

What are you trying to tell me?
     Can’t you hear what I’m trying to say?
Do you sometimes wonder if we know?
I’ve learned that some of our questions
           unspoken or not
           may never have really been heard
           never really have been heard

They may seem lost
     They may yet be found
behind your soul’s locked doors
Sometimes they return when
           you and I least expect them
           in some written or spoken word
           in a written or a spoken word

Someday I may awaken
     to find you’ve up and gone
and I’ll probably claim to not know why
But you’ll have explained it all to me
           perhaps not in so many words
           and I just won’t have wanted to hear
           No, I wouldn’t want to hear

I want to understand
     the meaning of all of those things
you’re so desperately trying to tell
And I’m learning to listen, though
           with my heart and with my soul
           for what I never hear with my ears
           I’ll never hear them with my ears

There’s a certain level of comfort
     and always a measure of surprise
to be found amid our verses and our lines
And from within your silent armor
           behind the truth, within the lies
           I know it will all be there for us
           in your own time

     I know it will all be there for us
           in your own time

You’ve given so much throughout your life
and been content to live on dreams
Sometimes they’re all you’ve held
     alone as yours
And although that may be the way
     it’s always been
It’s not hard for me to find the words to explain
     You deserve so much more

I’ve seen you staring past me
with a distance in your eyes
I’ve felt the burden of guilt you carried
     through the years
I’ve felt the warmth of your hands
     beneath the autumn sky
but you said you’d rather put me in your past
     than to stand and hold me here

Did you see yourself as I do
as you fell into my arms?
Could you see yourself reflected
     in my eyes?
Didn’t your lips touching mine help to
     tell you who you are?
Did you learn anything about yourself that way
     lying in the grass beneath the stars?

        Well, I hope things can be different
        and that a change will come for you
        to wash away all the pain you feel
        from your self-inflicted wounds

A country girl who likes to dream
and in her mind she’s going places
     she’s never been
and where it looks to me that she may
     never get the chance to be

A country girl who likes simple things
she’s trapped inside of a circle called
     a wedding ring
and so she reaches out to me
     if only in her fantasies

A country girl who just wants some security
that she knows she could never
     have with me
but still she reaches out to me
     if only in her fantasies

Because she’s the one that her family counts on
     She’s the one that everyone likes
And she must always remember who she is
     even when she’s dreaming of
     me at night

She could never tell anyone
that in the hours before the sunrise
     she dreamed of
     me at night

A country girl who’s waiting for the day
when she can finally spend some
     time with me
And although it may never be that way
I know she’ll be reaching
     out to me
If only for the moment and
     if only in her fantasies

Be like me and then I’ll be like you
You could do all the things that I do
Who gives a **** what you could be
when I’m giving you a chance to be like me?
A chance to be like me!

So, come on get in this cage, little girl
Come on get in this cage, little girl
Be more like me…
It’s all the rage

Her echoing screams don’t convince her
until she feels her fists and forearms splinter
Oh, she’ll soon give up all the struggle
when she finally realizes being like me
is so much less trouble
so much less trouble

So, stop pounding on that cage, little girl
Stop pounding on that cage, little girl
Be more like me…
It’s all the rage

Ha! Bite you lip until it bleeds
Scratch until your nails break
My whispers are as soft and moist
as a pillow on your face
Stop that muffled wailing
so I can tell you who you are
Yes, you can finally fit in, girl
when you’re gone without a trace
Be more like me…
I’ll set you free

You face and body look so thin
I don’t really want to lock you in
You’d be so refreshed, you’d feel so new
if you would just stop being so much like you
so very much like you

So, swallow all that rage, little girl
Stop rattling your cage, little girl
There’s no more battle to be waged, little girl
You’re just going through a stage, little girl
You really should act your age, little girl
Now be quiet in that cage, little girl
Be more like me…
It’s all the rage
oh, yes, it’s all the rage!

lost ardor, long hidden beneath these initial wastes
pinpointing the mines and matters, estimations and worth
your excavation operating on the surface of my bereavement
without any evaluation of its dolorous costs or the extent
of these ductile veins, rivers through our subterranean natures
your shadow requirements, eroded and befouled

now, neither my eyes nor I much love your dark
epicardial secrets, projecting deposits of debris, the chloride fragrance
of our secrets, hidden fires underground; your love, all and away
digging, mining proposed new lovers out of us both; gravels and
pain and gas; ferrous exploration; uranium reclamation anew via
caustic layers of ore and deposits of once-flowing love

alloys of dead flowers and waste form my rocks
seething into scabrous life like bantling cacti after a lover has risen
such risks always require a proportion of love be livid, recoverable;
threads of passion dissolved in the complexities of the body
grains of unconsolidated minerals evoking love and potash
yes, secret metallurgists like you pose acidic dangers
to my soft endocardial things

incense, fidelity and friendship
energy burnt to keep evil at bay
cleansing unwanted illness away
spells for ritual baths, hospitals
houses and graves

sacred memory, luck of the eye
oft hung to purify jealousy and love,
protecting the water of cradles and
unwanted infants, blessing your
dreams and nightmares

face and hands of an angel
surrounded in black
beneath your umbrella burns
a cigarette ash
the roadies all working, rain
flows cross the stage
in the twilight of the mountains
are you showing your age?

Big Star, do you
do you remember the times
when you did your own sound checks
and you didn't mind
tuning your Martin and
testing the mike
and you almost felt like
a big star

a lone girl in the rainfall
at the foot of the stage
in her eyes burns the fire
you once had at her age
she opened her act long
before all the stars
and she stares up and dreams
that she might go just as far

so, Little Star, don't you let
that fire go out
keep writing and playing and
traveling about
there was a time when that Big Star
once stood in your shoes
and remembers the years she spent
paying her dues

and, Big Star, please glance past
the glare of the lights
you might see someone who
someday just might
be standing in her own Big Star shoes—
an overnight sensation
many years in the making
riding the buses and
enduring the same frustration as you—
all to become a big star
just like you

I'll never lose the gift you gave to me
a life that makes living worthwhile
and though it hurts me to know
I somehow let you down
the memory of you still makes me smile
Oh, it hurts—
but I manage a smile

Unfolding your letters to silently read
of the easy and hard times we knew
sometimes they can make me
believe that I could cry
although that's something I no longer do
Oh, it hurts—
but I can't cry for you

At night here by the lake
you know I find my peace
on this bench by the water's dark edge
and lately I've had time
to finally realize
that losing a lover never hurt
like losing a friend

do not disturb my wishing anymore
my situation, body and time
will shape my own bed
accentuating rapture—
mutual pleasure ours
unimaginable sleep
without pillows—
I’m vulnerable
far too vulnerable
and you’re someone
I wish I’d never dreamt

evenings flicker, stairs empty
a fresh letter near a telephone
these days
I always write
down my changes

winter dawn, another cloudy year
fast clock and a cool train
our mouths will fly open in
honest laughter
****** before the frozen rain

purple afternoons, wanting light
tenderly crackle against trust
only loneliness now
and mine is the weighty wait

a sharp reunion near bedside paint
secretly bite and later lick
vivid, liquid sounds
reaching this:
burning limbs that shatter the night

feathers touch, join, as if by letter
your early star
it looks angry as we eye
broken windows beyond the candles

stretching alive, tender insides
our screaming complete in the glow
crisp battles fought
to take her back—
back from a misunderstanding

water runs like red wine spilled
watch the sparkle
the wet grass darkens
anger smooths, drops  
and the exhausted birds crash

our music carries frenzied doubts
that we both still hold aloft
Oh, I am another me!
this night won't last but
tomorrow might

yesterday’s hungry smiles
carry divine ripened comfort
perfect lines—always—perfect
where those familiar sounds
merely whisper

draw locks onto memories
embrace soft autumn-worn help
racing then beside bruise-sore dawns
seen in everlasting looking-glasses
a chance to cry

the same daydreams pass
and sleepy overlooked hearts
ebb among overly scabrous breezes
borrowed labors lost
bitterly calling

unlit golden trees
rent, fallen away from warmth
shaped by these crimson hungers
lifting our fine new hearts
and rising desires

I can still feel your fists on me
beating me, pounding on my chest
screaming until you collapse into my arms
and the violence
dissolves into tears

I can still feel those tears on me
wetting me, falling to my skin
crying until, at last through swollen eyes,
you can see I know the
pain of all your fears

I can still feel your lips on me
tenderly, your touch upon my skin
warming me like the sun heats the rocks
dancing as I feel
your soft caress

a touch of your passion
what I seem to require
a touch of your passion
the intensity of love
that evokes
my desire