dear heart of mine;
What you desire is something I cannot give,
since her words, her gaze
must never be mine.

To want for nights in her arms
softly composing verse
is futile.
And to wish for her lips
to seek out yours in the dark
is foolish,
beyond hope,
beyond reason.

She cannot be yours.
-will not.
Must not.

Because on a feeble ledge you wait:
her as your counter.
A single step
and surely you will let her fall.
Speak of your affection only to tear apart
the careful stitching of time and fate
that brought you here in the first place.

Be careful foolish heart
not to undo such bonds
for you are not as heroic as you presume.
You would perish
if you were to walk alone again.

Para mí el futuro es una página en blanco
y yo agarro el bolígrafo.
No es seguro donde vaya o qué vea
y no se quíen encuentre en mi viaje.
Pero caminaré y esperaré
-al bosque donde soñaré.

Tal vez cambiaré mucho
y no reconoceré la persona en el espejo.
Puede ser que ore por días y años
y al final reciba la lluvia.
Me imagino que muchas cosas podrán pasar:
buena suerte, congoja, victoria y derrota temporal
Pero el futuro es mío
y es mío para crear.

To all the ones I've loved before:
Your lives were as road signs
swimming into view for but a moment.
-I have yet
to lose a love
to distance or quarrel.
And not once
have I misplaced my heart.

God forbid that one day I wake
to find that I have begun to un-love.
Selfishness, lust, vengance,
these I have not known
Only the sweetness of your eyes
your face
your nearness.

I have yet to lose my love
to any other
but to time.

To all the ones I've loved before:
Your lives were far too short
-and while you've crashed through my door
-though you were but a small part of my life...
I am glad, for a time
I was your whole world.

You once told me
that Monday was Thursday,
Tuesday was Friday
and Wednesday...
-well Wednesday was Wednesday
and I believed it to be true

You were the force
that pulled the sun across my sky
and brought rain,
miraculously placing laughter
on my parched lips.
You wrote the maps
and formed minutes into hours
-letters into words
And when you smiled,
I believed it was just for me.

Your wish was my command
and my truth was your word.
I happily danced
when you pulled on my strings.

You vanished in a storm
and the blur of October, November,
February
Here one moment, gone the next
-with no goodbye,
apology or promise-prophecy.

But my world kept flowing
and the sun traced its arc
across my sky without your help.
My chest rose and fell
and Monday was Monday again
-the rain poured of its own accord
and my cracked lips found song.

Perhaps you have returned
from time to time
to your empty temple
-found it void of worship
and the voids filled once more.
Perhaps the legends are true
and you have become
deaf and blind
-unable to find your way back to me.

I should like the rumours
to be true
because my world turns
just fine without you.

I watch as you stir
beneath the covers - they are not silk
like you deserve,
yet you wake stretching
and smiling a crooked smile.
And like the deity you are,
you clamour through the kitchen
for a cup of tea
and sit atop a desk
where you speak with the sun
through glances alone.

I like to believe that you are
looking for something
in that red glare of morning
-hope, perhaps love.
And yet, I love you so:
I love the way you unfurl
the pages of a book
like moth's wings
-I love that you know
where all the lost things go
and your habit of brewing a second cup
for breakfast when you laugh
around bites of buttered toast.

I love you most in those moments
when you seem
to hold all of time in your hands.
Before the day begins,
when you are most yourself
-and at your most wonderful.

You are without excuse
-and so am I.
The pinpricks above my fertile veins
are finally starting to heal.
You wanted something of value
and I offered myself willingly.

You lent me your Icarus-wings
and I flew too high
-too far.
I believed that I could soar,
but your wings melted,
seared into my skin
and wax-dripping,
I fell through your fingers.

Your fingers,
so willing to touch, take
-they were never stretched,
never waiting, never there
And my arms, my chest
my throat, bared and battle scared.

I traced their lines
in the mirror this morning,
and felt the frightful push
of a final scream,
still trapped in my lungs.
My heart doesn’t beat
-it hammers in my chest,
surrounded by arteries
cold and void.
I never did stop falling.

And I fear the ocean,
fast approaching, vast and dark.
Will it shatter me like glass,
or swallow me with that final
scream clenched between my teeth?

I choke on it,
bite it back
-if I choose this one thing,
all else is lost.
If I break my silence
your face will be blurred
from my memory
-rendered red and screaming
as the day you emerged
into this world.

Sun-kissed red
you watched this myth unfold.
You beheld the work of your hands,
the final Icarus-fall,
the plunge toward a hungry ocean.

A cry of rage-fear-freedom
met your ear and birthed tears.
You mourned my death
at my rebirth.
And I found myself in the waves
freed at last,
my self-imposed slavery to gravity
at its end.

Envy blinded and deafened
by rage, you cannot know
the life I have found
when your grasp slipped
on the tether of my soul.