inexplicably beautiful
my favorite human
my best friend
it's been a while
you're still walking through hell trying to find yourself
fighting everyday
searching for something to fill the void
you are not you're struggles, you're bigger

never leaving
a pinky promise

People red eyed and teary
Depression flooding the hallways like a thick fog after a storm
As people walk in the school pushing their emotions under the rug
For they don't understand the right to grieve a loss
No shame should be involved
It is a healing process

we were the only two that breathes oxygen from the air that I screamed in.
the only two who felt each others touch.
we were the only two who shared that time and space.

no matter what, we are connected.
we are connected and I don't know how to free myself.
a hell that seemed like a reality

a darling made of plastic
thought you had my heart clutched
knowing you'd go when the old jubilee croaked
your sweet heavy eyes settled into the darkness without a chirp
i'd found something reliable that had a brand new heart
it came in the form of a soft angel

I’m trying to survive on this earth
In which we were all born

I tried giving them warnings
Signs
Anything
Nothing I said changed it
It’s all their fault

See girl, your soul is mighty and pure,
Filled with comforts so serene-
And your mind is made up of fortresses,
Stronger than any part of me-
I’ll never give up if it means bringing you home,
To the comforts you once knew-
The safety of your own body and mind,
Every beautiful part of you.

you were supposed to be here
death gasped you faster than I ever could
I regret the moment thinking it would be longer
It's not fair for someone's future to be taken away so quickly
You deserved the sun and the moon
But instead you were given to the stars
I miss you Gracie Mae...

Behind the eyes and into the mind
A world from beyond
Was always there, but rough to find

Behind the crystal blue diamonds it calls me
A beckon from beneath the surface
Your ideas inside growing fast; a tree

You speak of nothing with sense or
Of worth,
Just death

As thoughts come and go rapidly
I wonder if you'll make it through
Or if you take my hand
And ill pull you through

I fear my wrong thoughts will define me
I've been looking for years just to find me

my
inner moon rises
it's spackled lights
like penetrating eyes
wrapping me in its
blanket of
stars

When she wakes from the daydream
The thoughts she had from before
Buried in the soil
For the daydreams had buried them

Now she walks freely
Forgetting the hurtful thoughts
Now covered with blissful wonder

terror
seeing the images replaying in my mind

as I run from something in slow motion
something I do not remember
as I can’t escape the grasp
of someone I do not recognize

I’m trapped in my own mind

I see all these humans
Breathing, smiling, blinking
Wondering what they are actually thinking
When below in their minds
Clutching onto vines
To try and stay ontop of this giant cliff
They call their lives

As they walk through these halls
Saying words they never can recall
Cause if they did they would just hurt themselves
Trip and fall
I peak my head into the room to see scratches and holes all over the place
And I think to myself does the inside of your head look like these walls?

they say patience is a virtue
the waiting hour
one question remains
how can I be patient when all I want is you?

too ashamed to be straight up
we disguise
to cover the guilt
we say "Red" to show how our inner emotions effect our outward ones
Red
our friends & families won't get it
code word "Red"
pushing through the anxiety of which we call "White"
because if you're not careful, it may cause "Red"

That girl sitting there
Such a beautiful tragedy
Her body her grave
Her mind a travesty

the victims of name calling
all walk drearily alone
the victims of broken privacy
keep moving onward
noticed but not appreciated for the truth
they push forward because
no other option

she
a human
with human thoughts
knows happiness isn’t a forever feeling
wondering
investigating the hurt
and with it
change; her future

I sought a small space called quiet
and silence found me
wrapped me up with comfort
held me gently with the strength of a mountain
healed me all the way through
loved me as a child
rejoiced and danced
and carried me into eternity

as she sits
her thoughts exploding
one
after
another
some + others -
she thinks:
maybe if I dig deeper people won't question, "are you ok?"

Tip toeing in puddles up the rough roadside.
A gentle kiss of raindrops trickled down her rosy cheeks in the early dawn.
Drowning all vegetation around her as a bus arrived.

innocent
awkward
lonely
fearful
a girl who knew no one including herself
became omitted to her life before
hopeful
joyful
motivated
humorous
a girl who learned a lot her first year in high school

High school contains
The beauty of growth
Curiosity
Develops your personality
The fact of humor
You discover within your companions
Taught that your motivation is:
Passion or sluggishness
To the harmony and hatred of high school
Determining your future

The summer of 2018
The extreme of the sun burning my skin
The bright colored world starting with a blue sky
The sweat dripping during camp
The competition flowing at our games
The laughs echoing harmony in the basement
The water splashing at the pool
The blasting tunes from the car radio
The whispers of silence in my ear while tears dripped down my face
The nights tasting of fresh air
The memories created during the inbetween

desperation
to finish
for independence
for the hatred to disappear
to move away from what is familiar
to run away with my love
to drop the mental pressure that this year brings
all the hopes awaiting
one step closer to future

Of all the should’s she was told
The countless “needs” needed
She chose romance instead
She stressed over countless threats of failure
She shed far too many tears
Experienced far too many breakdowns
And here she is
Finishing junior year

the cheer of friends reuniting
reverberated the cluttered commons
un-readily she began this year
wishing to be done from the start
until she met her best friend
being just an unmotivated teenager
a new source of encouragement
a source of trust
gave her the motivation
now having survived
50% of high school

Her wounds are like a canyon
But her love is like an ocean
Filling it up

Her rage is like a fire
But her power is like a hurricane
Blowing it away

Her filth like the strength a mountain
But her grace is like fresh snow
Falling over it

I like you
every time you walk away
I glance

you don’t realize me
so I only see you from far away

I want to talk to you
so very much
but I have no courage
you're unreachable
in my mind

why is it only me that feels this way
or do you feel the same too?

an unspoken
want; hunger
hope in your heart
that we call a wish

the feeling of your stomach flipping as you ride down the steep hill of a roller coaster, or when you take off in an airplane.
that's the feeling I get when you're around me.
your smile is sweet and extremely contagious.
I get the chills every time you look into my eyes.
you're a beautiful human being.

only I haven't met you yet.
you're just my hope.
my future.
my unknown.
the part of my life I cannot wait for.
where I can wake up and say "mornin" to my best friend.

unexpectedly sweet
the love seeped through your lips
transferring to mine
I felt the room fade
my infinite love for you was refreshed
intrinsically beautiful inside and out
never change my daisy darling