The moon's whispers reach my heart's ears and I believe in God.
It is "blind faith",
but faith nonetheless.
I sense you moving closer, but I do not want this.
Too close, too near, for comfort, with fear.
I am fearful.
Worried eyes and misplaced feet gather around me.
Then I wake up.
No one is here.
Even the moon has left me.
My eyes tear up and I pray.
I get no response.
I am blind, but not deaf.
What's going on?
Have they been right about you all along?
No, not necessarily.
I am tired, so tired.
I must rest.
Tell me the rest.
Tell me anything.
Talk to me.
I am not deaf.
I can hear you talking to everyone else,
in the background of my life,
but you do not talk to me.
I am alone.
A lonely wolf.
I am a man.
The alpha of a one-man wolf pack.
I do not pack,
I do not bind,
I do not pass,
I do not find,
joy in living anymore.
Life is no longer an adventure,
for me.
I wish to quit these explorations and begin a new kind of journey.
A transition.
I need to stop expressing myself with such emotions.
I must dismiss my feelings.
Push them down, down, down.
I'm falling down, down, down.
I am awake.
I do not wish to sleep.
I wish to intoxicate myself.
Poison my blood stream.
Poison my soul.
I miss that intimacy.
I crave that intimacy now, but I do not crave her touch.
I may crave her lips, but I crave his too.
I just crave touch.
I crave attention.
How come no one ever pays attention,
to me?
I am not surprised, taken-aback or speechless...
Just voiceless, apparently.
Oh, and blind.
Thank you for the disrespect,
thank you for the neglect,
thank you mum and dad for letting me know what to expect...
Nothing.
No one.
I am so lonely.
Blind and lonely.
"You will be happy soon," I tell myself,
in an attempt at reassurance,
but when He gives me the power to see...
The miracle of the restoration of vision...
The oppressors will still not obtain the power to listen.
So, I will never be heard.
I slept so well after finally writing this down haha