brisk. jagged. grainy.
your words dance
across my innocence.
"im sorry,"
mumbled. whispered.
poisoned.
cynical are those words
aiming to ****,
forcing to struggle,
eternally scarring.
once, i believed you.
thought it was real,
and you actually cared;
that's when your intentions
became art.
my body the canvas,
your words the brush.
my emotions the paint,
your mind the audience.

i'm sorry.
i'm sorry that i fell for you,
and you fell for me.
i'm sorry i try to be
someone i'm
not,
just so you won't
worry.
i'm sorry i don't
fit into your cookie cutter
format, even though
i'm dying to.
i'm sorry i don't see
myself the way you
say you do and
i'm sorry that i
will never love
myself
the way you say you
love me i'm sorry.

it's 10:37 pm
and i find my self
apologizing
for something I hated
you for an hour ago.
I'm apologizing
for you. yet you
think you did no harm.

it was 8:09 pm
and I was fuming, angry
and would never forgive you.
I was on edge of hating
you and never forgiving you
ever. I was yelling and crying
and you had no clue.

it was 6:12 pm
when you called us off. saying
we were never a thing and
would never be in the future.
it hurt in waves, drowning in pain
after each rush. I fell for someone
as self centered as you.
I hated you.

it was 11:11 am
and I was no longer
wishing for you because I finally
got you. you whispered things
I only dreamed of hearing. I
thought I was falling for you.

auburn days roll by
like the end of a lit
cigarette, with a
puff of smoke
and emotionless
lipstick stains.
seasons pass
like the whiskey
bottle is drained
to an end to
drown those
emotionless
lipstick stains.
tears tick by
like the bottle
of pills that
cover the crisp
bathroom floor
escaping the pain
of emotionless
lipstick stains.
life comes to a halt
like the budding
drops of crimson
blood that paint
my favorite
bracelet running
away from the
emotionless
lipstick stains.

it's a compulsion
everything inside
is crumpling
    falling apart
         caving in
            for
                g
              e
           tt
         i
       n
    g
what it felt like
to continue.
it's a trigger
where it can't be
fixed or fought,
it just has to happen
and then you
cope
and
try
to push past it
and pretend like
at any moment
you won't  
collapse
in the hurricane
of emotions that
hurl through your body
and pulse through
your veins.

silence;
what we yearn for.
yet what is
silence.
simply there is
no
such thing as
silence.
we have never
heard
felt
lingered
experienced
silence.
how could we know.
the answer of
silence.
what we yearn for.

my wrist yearns to cry
my soul wills to break
my heart throbs to seize
spiraling into an inescapable
depth
darkness
death
paralyzing me
not in fear
but in reality
for this is what I want.
engulfed in silence
my wrist cries
my soul breaks
my heart seizes