"I already matter,
I already matter"
What she whispered to me
Low frequency,
And,
Gently removing the zip ties of my youth,
Sang Rocket Man just under her breath
To no-one in particular.

"I already matter"
That slap-in-the-face truth
Words impossible to unpick from my teeth.
But right there,
She just breathed into being
A delectable bite-sized epiphany
For only my ears.

"I already matter"
A song of logic with such obviousness
The gods synchronized their eye-rolls
In response
Yet somehow we ****** up the lyrics
-they're passed down, that's why-
From wars, and hate and Ashmedai.

"I already matter,
I already matter"
She's here again...
And I think it's going to be a long long time
Till touchdown brings me 'round again to find...

Why say goodbye when my purpose was nothing abound?
Just a reminder that someone held you as valuable sound?
It was all my choice, and curiosity is such a painful flirt.
It’s easier to forget what you’ve lost than remember what you’ve found.
I know my heart like a fugitive reveals the shadow of a bloodhound.
So don’t act like I never listened while I have only been around.
I’m just a puzzle piece of a photo that only made you hurt.
Drop the framed history on the hardest part of the ground.

To give the key to someone
Who wouldn’t hold the door
If you wanted your closure
You could have said so much more
I know my worth
That’s why it hurt
I am not a golden coat and broken core

ready steady
hit the clutch
i’ve got your greed
you’ve got my guts

ready steady
please me dim
please you sober
displeased again

ready steady
back and forth
know thyself
more than thy worth

ready steady
hit and touch
bruised and blue-lipped
unlove too much.

To burn like an ember is of no
worth till one doesn't glow like an
ember.

thin strings made of the self
there is a desperate need for a knot
she feels worthless and empty
wanting to fade into the clouds above

I am from my birth pillow.
I am from loneliness, sadness...
spaciness...
...I was always looking for something.

I am from dandelions and tall, tall grass.
The breeze sifted through the yard, and the
blades swayed in perfect synchrony.

I am from Christmas Eve at Grandpa's
house, and the low status gifts.  From
****** communication.  From stones, and Nelsons.

I am from living in fear,
and abandonment.  From,"You're like him."
And luckily from, "You weren't MEANT to fit in."

I am from the cross and communion, and then
realizing I cannot see his face in nature's mirror.
With my own reflection being distorted by the glass.

I am from Illinois, and Scandinavian blood...
From potato soup and at times, nothing.
I am from her absence, and how fast she left.

I am from burnt up, few remaining, and rare pictures.
I am from toys I once collected, now melted.  The pillow
I had now gone.

I am from the feeling I had a consumerists mark
on the world, but my impression is more.  More than
toys or things, I have who I am.  My memories.

I have my worth.

Dear 16 year old me,
                                     Life is worth living.
Two years from now you end up moving three hours away and meeting two of your best friends in the entire world.
You write a book.
Sell your art like you've wanted to since you were nine.
Express who you really are.
Get the confidence to finally get the help you need.
Fall deeply in love while simultaneously experiencing heartbreak.
There will be trials that will seem like you'll never overcome but trust me, you will and you'll come out even stronger than before.
Life is worth living.
I know you're contemplating on ending it but please believe me when I say life gets better.
Not easier, but better.
I love you and our life
                                          From,
            ­                                         20 year old me