Every night  
before I sleep
I close my eyes
and begin to weep

I lay there watching
the curtains sway
In a room
I painted black and grey

Will the morning
ever come
why do I hope
to see the sun
when tomorrow
I’ll be going mad
hopelessly
feeling numb

what hurts isn't the wanting to leave, it's the wanting to stay

Go crazier and crazier the longer you stay
Cry all night
Sleep half the day
You remain by side throughout the upheaval
You are capable of delivering me from evil
Something is not right between us
Cannot place my finger
On the imperfection
The air of frustration lingers
So I am caught in between your feelings and my own
Thoughts collide within
Creating cyclone
Moving in mind with force
Trail of mayhem in it's wake
Causing already hurting head to violently throb and ache
As I ponder what to do time tumbles out of my hands
My reflexes are too slow to catch before it lands
Clock is never on my side whether I turn left or right
No matter which way I examine
Predicament not black and white
Waiting for next error so I have a good excuse
The longer it takes the more I ask myself
"What is the use?"
You deserve to be with somebody equally devoted
Why the truth I'm telling you is not sugar-coated
I wish you would come to this conclusion without my aid
You are simply too optimistic I'm afraid
I hate doing this to you but I feel it is more fair
Being straightforward with you than to leave you unaware
Your heart may feel broken
It will only be for awhile
Promise that without me you'll again learn how to smile

Being unhappy

seeks company, it thrives on --


many witnesses.

please note: t/w: violence

-

dear mister life-changer
how have you been?
i know you never answer
but i wanted to try again

introducing myself for the fourth time
i'm a small girl with big dreams
my dad walked out when i was real young
my mum hopes i'll have an easier living

i'm in kensington, philly
it's not a nice place to grow up
with drugs, gangs, and guns
my older brother once even got mugged

i'm writing from my little closet
my mum said it's for me to be safe
but i hate being alone in this place
it's such a small, empty space

a couple of gunshots outside
it's like this every other night
brother's not home right now
but i sure hope that he's alright

there's a clicking noise
it doesn't sound very nice
i hear footsteps down the hall
they're not mum's, they're too light

mister life-changer, i think that might be my brother
he told me you could make things right
but why don't you ever write back to me?
why don't you ever reply?

i want to tell you my dreams
i heard you can make them come true
just give me one chance, sir
it's worth it, i'll show you

i dream of a big wide world
where i can walk outside and not be afraid
a world big enough for every little brown girl
to skip down sidewalks and enjoy the day

i hope to move to the suburbs
buy a big house for mum one day
buy her leather bags and pretty dresses
and not a single cent she'll have to pay

-

dear mister life-changer
i'm sorry there's blood on this paper
mum's bleeding out in the kitchen
someone shot her at the counter

mister life-changer
they told me to wait
i called the life-savers
they said, just wait

i don't know what to do
so now i'm back to writing to you
will you ever make a change?
will you tell me to wait, t—

Words,
They could never hurt,
They could never cut,
They could never make you bleed,
Physically.

Words,
A manifestation of self-hate,
Written in bold,
Anorexia, Bulimia, Depression,
I was sold.

Words,
The last,
Written on a bloodstained note,
"I can't stay afloat"