My thoughts are dazed…
Claustrophobic and hazed.
I’m exhausted and unamazed,
Fatigueness of some kind, low from the natural high.
Thoughts in my mind are delusive and unkind.
Dizzy and feeling quite fizzy
Not in the mood for studying, excitement, and fun.
Sitting by my lonesome self just writing what I can process.
Head feels heavy, got me feeling a bit queasy
Uneasy
Zoned out and lost in my thoughts
Sun is out and the wind is harsh…
It’s skin prickling and dissatisfying.
My exhaustion is sickening.
Absolute death and no reason
No fret
But anguished in my enclosed mind
But no threat…

System overkill
Discredit and disregard
Explain but disagree and make it hard
Exhalation and permutation
Loss of existence and clouded perception

Obsessive minds and sniffed up lines
Excessive amounts and numbers you cannot even count.
Broken, ripped, torn, and outwardly worn.
A lost ghoul, selfish, and for more you mourn.
Poor and dead, not yourself, completely blacked out and unconscious in bed.

Overdosed on the ******’ pills, suicide attempts never work…
Let the meds pour…
Gone, so gone…
Just let the meds pour...

Tell me why I see him, why I dream of him and wake up longing. Analyze why I can feel him in my unconscious and not cringe, why he doesn't provoke my paralysis or night terrors. That's why I'm here anyways, I need to be fixed. My brain must be broken, cracked down the middle like glass splinters that allow him to seep into my sleep like a lullaby. Get rid of him as I have done in my waking state. I no longer want to dream fondly of his mother or drive down the royal road in his car. Interpret why I take rest to the memories of us laughing and drink him like wine until claimed by sheets. That's your job. Hypnotize me, convince me he never existed, or to forget the way his face looks at least: remind me why he made me scream and cry when he never get his way or how empty I would feel when he talked about the things he loved and I was never one. Show me how to cope, teach me to control my unconscious so I can choose to not see him, so I can turn my back on him before he does me. Exterminate him from my mind, tell me I am crazy, prescribe me pills or send me away, shock me with as many bolts as it takes until the bruises on my leg stop reminding me of his hands, until I forget who he is awake and asleep, lobotomize me if you must because it hurts! It really ******* hurts. Tell me why I was given a heart if it was to be broken, a life if it was to be wasted, a body if it was to never be loved. But that's not your job. So please, just help me sleep.

SHADOWS.
Sunset shadows creep across the wall,
Memories flit through the mind
Coagulating into an unlit pool
Where dissembling thoughts unwind.
Then all is utter darkness,
Opaque, a descent into barely contained distress.

Thoughts lay dormant
An incantation in a poisoned sacrament
Waiting for the moon to wane, sun to rise,
Excoriated by refreshed light  
Burning into the mind’s dull eyes
Destroying the mind’s dull sight.

The sun exposes every cranny
Evolution of moss and vine,
Lucidity shuffled aside to free
What lies behind the surface shine.
Once exposed, what can we know?
We cannot illumine the mind’s cavernous flow.

An untended wall will last fifty years
And then break apart and fall.
Destroyed by fears
That over time weaken and spoil.
Within each of us there is a roughly built division
Turning our forms into dust, blown into the sky, by demons driven.

Where do you take me, night creature?
What alterations do you stitch
and weave into my conscience
when I teeter along your tightrope?
By day, I am but a slip away
from your labyrinth of fable and yarn.
By night, I navigate the pathways
of your alternate universe.
I breath deep and wait
to know your interpretation
of the fine print omitted in daylight.
Where do you take me,  sleep?

i let people walk all over me
like the red carpet except
i’m not nearly as beautiful
or highly regarded.

falling down, i put on high
heels with you in mind, to look
more attractive, to appear taller;
i twist my ankle but you don’t
care about how painful it is when
i try to look good for you.

at night, i slip into
a lonely unconsciousness,
while you slip into
another girl’s bed.

I woke up a villian from my worst nightmare
Too scared to defend those that really matter
Seeing the heroes of the story
And watching all their dreams shatter
Weaponless against the clock
That just keeps ticking
If time is all that really matters
Then why am I still breathing?
I can't control the emotionless toll it takes on my mind
I'll never be brave enough to try and turn back time
It ticks a little faster whenever I'm running late
And slows down completely when I try to test fate
On a date with the mastermind behind all my evil plans
He's death incarnate but still proud of my artistic scams
And yet I find myself feeling ashamed of who I am