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John Benjamin Nov 2018
She said hold the weight upon your back
Count the films, let them stack
Find the layers that you lack
And add them up
Wear your stigmata like your scars
Embrace the strange and bizarre
The things that make you who you are
Not what you were

Forgot the things in that car you wrecked
Bleed new blood, paint it black

Play the saddest chords you know
Play them soft and play them slow
Sing your melodies in your lowest tone
Forget what they mean
Take your drink and take your drugs
Remember how it feels to fall in love
Let the notion wash away in the flood
Each coming spring

Build a raft of tinsel and tar
Flow into that cold sullen reservoir

These colors are nice and the rain is warm
But winter is coming along with the storms
John Benjamin Oct 2018
I never wanted anything
   that would make these notions stay
And I never wanted anything
    No, that only causes useless fraying.
I never wanted anything
   that would make these things go away.
And I never knew I could bring
   all this pain and suffering.

Love only separates;
Love only makes me hate you more.
John Benjamin Oct 2018
Words no longer flow from my head;
     only unrecognizable patterns
and words I think I may have once said.
John Benjamin Aug 2018
Last night I dreamed I was within a pinwheel or some kind of terror
and you were the one to choose my fate.
You chose the number I was most afraid of but held my hand through the doorway.
You only looked back to smile and I only held your hand to drag you down.
It was a daft dream.
But I dream daft things.
John Benjamin Aug 2018
I feel like I could love; it feels like I do.
But I feel I am playing some role in this life
The role of "What if?" and "I'll be here."
and "She may love me, too."

I feel like I could love; I don't know if I do.
Maybe I've just confused love
with a different emotion. Maybe two.
That could be true.

I feel like I'm in love; but I don't know. With whom?
Maybe with just some words or fantasy
or emotional fever dream
Where we are dancing, somewhat inimatly,
Hands tied, swaying a candles gleam
In some dreamy ballroom.

I must be in love; I feel I love you.
What other force could make me say this to you?
What kind of dream could be composed of only you?
And be it just some dream, at least it's with you.
John Benjamin Jun 2018
Come consider down by the river.
Shiver; drink my liquor, Indian giver.
Then, little by little, come to the middle
Where ripples trickle and dwindle, through the hospital.

You, my daughter; wade through the water.
This father falters and todders. "It can't be. No, not her."
Face meets floor, washed to the shore.
For four hours more, daddy mourns his *****.

So gun shy. Drink your gin and rye.
Sigh, dry those humid eyes. Lie under Dubai's sky
And go consider, down by the river;
Shiver, drink her liquor, you Indian giver.
Then little by little, come to the middle.
Ripples trickle and dwindle, through the hospital.
Again consider, above the river.
Shiver, drink her liquor;
now she won't even care at all.
John Benjamin Jun 2018
You call me up in the middle of the night.
    What is it now, what’s the problem this time?
The same **** thing.; too much on your mind
    But you have too few words to explain it.
So spout me all the parables.
   Speak all the metaphors and analogies
My dear, oh my, that sounds so terrible,
   and Im afraid it’s too much for just apologies

Well, maybe you wouldn’t be filled with such regrets
   if you had the foresight to not do what you haven’t done yet.
But you’re a child eating paint chips filled with lead
   while you’re parents watch and chain-smoke cigarettes
So I guess you’re just a product of the times;
   thinking everything is greener on the other side
Well oh my dear, oh my,
   I think it might be best to just apologize

So what if you ****** in the back of a car,
     or injected needles filled with beautiful black tar.
And so what, you self-inflicted these scars,
   it’s only skin, and only matters if you cut too far.
So what if you steal and you lie;
   it only gets you closer to another high.
So what if you are fading from life?
   I think the best thing to do is apologize
Just apologize.
    Apologize don’t mean anything,
Just apologize.
    Apologies mean nothing.
Just apologize.
    It means nothing.
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