I'm lying on my bed and Green Day is singing,
I'm drinking my tea and sometimes i'm thinking.
Dreaming about the time when we'll be together,
If you left me alone tell me i'll go to where?

My cat is sleeping early today as always,
I've tried to walk to you with the all ways.
But you burned down every bridge between us,
You gone away and now i'm totally in muss.

“Run,
Go away,
If you run you won’t be like them,”
My anxiety says,
“You won’t be stuck,”
It repeats over and over.

What it forgot to mention,
What my heart says,
“If you run you’ll never rest,
Never get to try to be happy,”

When I go to sleep,
I wake up in the middle of the night,
Stuck in my spot as my muscles tense,
Visions of what might happen blur past,
Stamping my brain,
Again and again,
Until what feels like hours on end,
I can move again,

I wake up,
I tell my heart
“I’ll follow you today,”
I’m scared to,
Petrified,
But I’ll try.

My anxiety bubbles over,
Seeing me succeed week in and out,
It rages,
It brings a friend to this fight,
A friend called depression,

As I try,
As begin to fight,
My heart follows,
But it is scared too,
We both hide instead,
I’ve lost.

Anxiety holds my lungs captive,
Pushing them as if they were in a 5K,
I breathe fast,
My brain is visited by anxiety’s party,

“Your past should show you to run,”
“You’ll end up like them,”
“Run while you can,”
“You’ll be stuck,”
“You’re ignoring all the signs,”

Tears spill down my face as I believe them,
Suddenly my lungs go faster,
And I realize I am running,
Running from my own  happiness,
Away from my stability,
Away from everything,
All I do is run.

Just like my dad,
You think with all the running his heart would be healthier,
I thought that, too.

I was wrong,
It made his heart weak,
It shied away much too often,
It killed him in the end.

Will that be me too?

A smile,
A breath,
A new chance,
Something to try,
A reason to try,
There are many,
They might seem stupid,
They might seem small,
They may not seem to be worth it,
Know that they are worth it.

A fight,
Inside a mind,
A never-ending battle cry,
It rings inside a head,
Sometimes soft,
Sometimes loud,
But it’s always filled with dread,
Dread to keep fighting,
Dread to accept the reasons,
The reasons to try.

If you never try,
You may never lose,
But you’ll also never win.

Can there be no balance between what a person can do and what they hypothetically need to do?
Can we not let our children decide for themselves what their futures hold?
Can everyone please respect one another and their decisions?
Can we not remove ourselves from our immense egos and just take it all in for what it is?
Is it impossible for us to feel love for other people due to the blatant fact that they too are human beings who have been hurt, who have loved, who feel and care and try and fail and do all of the things that are so **** human?
We are all we have,
so we better learn to love each other.

she tried so hard to fight loneliness
she dedicated her life to finding companionship
and when she had no more life to give, they rewarded her dedication with a casket fit for one