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Jan 20
Go away,
If you run you won’t be like them,”
My anxiety says,
“You won’t be stuck,”
It repeats over and over.

What it forgot to mention,
What my heart says,
“If you run you’ll never rest,
Never get to try to be happy,”

When I go to sleep,
I wake up in the middle of the night,
Stuck in my spot as my muscles tense,
Visions of what might happen blur past,
Stamping my brain,
Again and again,
Until what feels like hours on end,
I can move again,

I wake up,
I tell my heart
“I’ll follow you today,”
I’m scared to,
But I’ll try.

My anxiety bubbles over,
Seeing me succeed week in and out,
It rages,
It brings a friend to this fight,
A friend called depression,

As I try,
As begin to fight,
My heart follows,
But it is scared too,
We both hide instead,
I’ve lost.

Anxiety holds my lungs captive,
Pushing them as if they were in a 5K,
I breathe fast,
My brain is visited by anxiety’s party,

“Your past should show you to run,”
“You’ll end up like them,”
“Run while you can,”
“You’ll be stuck,”
“You’re ignoring all the signs,”

Tears spill down my face as I believe them,
Suddenly my lungs go faster,
And I realize I am running,
Running from my own  happiness,
Away from my stability,
Away from everything,
All I do is run.

Just like my dad,
You think with all the running his heart would be healthier,
I thought that, too.

I was wrong,
It made his heart weak,
It shied away much too often,
It killed him in the end.

Will that be me too?
Written by
TD  16/F
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